The Bowlympics MMXVI

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Welcome to the inaugural Bowlympics! Let the games begin…

To tie in with the Olympic Games currently being held in Rio de Janeiro, we’ve decided to hold our own little competition. Now I know what you’re thinking, the Olympics have essentially become a massive joke, a bloated vehicle for advertising that corruption and cheating have rendered all but pointless. Well fret not, this competition will maintain that same impeccable standard. Throughout the games, we will be taking an individual sport/event and nominating 5 songs that could be tied into that particular discipline from 5 competing nations known for their prowess in that field (including one dark horse). Then we all listen to the songs, and decide which track best represents that event.

Today, as you may have guessed from the header image, we open the Bowlympics with swimming. Competing in this event we have Japan, the USA, Australia, and the Netherlands, along with Canada as the dark horse nation.

Representing Japan are the 4 mental ladies hellbent on grind from Tokyo known as Flagitious Idiosyncrasy in Dilapidation and their track “Finite Dark Water” from their eponymous 2008 release. Insider info is that their coach Leif Bearikson has spared no expense during training, forcing the team to swim laps in a makeshift pool filled with cheap IPA, marshalling them while he strokes his moustache in between gulps from the overflow channel.


Next up, representing the USA are Minnesota’s majestic medieval minstrels Obsequiae with their track “Pools Of A Vernal Paradise” from their highly acclaimed 2015 album Aria of Vernal Tombs.


Hitting the pool for Australia we have Inverloch. The daunting doom outfit from Melbourne dropped their deadly album Distance|Collapsed in March this year. From it, we’ve chosen the second track – “From the Eventide Pool”.


Competing for the Netherlands today are the veterans Asphyx with their 1992 track “Streams of Ancient Wisdom” from the classic Last One On Earth album. Recent news of a new album heralds that they have no desire to make this their final games.


Today’s dark horse team hail from Canada and offer a modern take on some good old fashioned heavy metal. Nova Scotia’s Black Moor have been competing since 2006 under the guidance of traditional taskmaster Boss The Ross. Their title track from the 2012 album Lethal Waters may not be as familiar as the competition, but they may just surprise the field and take home a medal just the same.


So which nation’s song deserves to take out the gold in the pool?


(Image via, via, via)

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