The Best Power Metal Song Of 2016 Is From The WWE

GLORIOUS! VICTORIOUS!

Over the past thirty-odd years, the theme songs and entrance music for professional wrestlers have found their way into pop culture acceptance. Whether it was The Fabulous Freebirds “Bad Street USA” Hulk Hogan’s “Real American” by Rick Derringer or John Cena’s meme-tastic “The Time Is Now” wrestler themes manage to stick in your brain long after many have stopped watching wrestling. Hell, people still reference Pomp And Circumstance as “the Macho Man song”.

For the better part of the 2000s, WWE shifted away from home-grown themes and began using songs from legitimate bands. Gone were the lyrics and feelings geared towards to specific wrestlers, replaced instead by whatever deal was struck between the WWE and record labels. Even “Stone Cold” Steve Austin’s theme got a remake via Disturbed for some reason. Hard rock and metal were the go-to styles for most wrestlers. Some times it worked out like when Killswitch Engage‘s “This Fire Burns” was used by CM Punk. Other times it was boring hot garbage.

Within the past few years, though, WWE has gone back to the creativity well and started to create original themes once again. The songs are original, catchy, distinctive, and set the tone for the type of wrestler you are about to see. Just listen to Shinsuke Nakamura‘s theme for an example. Damn, that’s a good song. Or how about Bayley’s theme? That’s just a lot of fun. Neither, though, achieve the greatness that is the theme “Glorious Retribution” for NXT (WWE’s developmental league) wrestler Bobby Roode:

That theme is like a mixture of Queen and acceptable fantasy. It is a song for defeating enemies and ascending the throne, without all the commitment to Tolkien folkore or greasy loincloths. Roode (no relation to WWE great “Ravishing” Rick Rude) has been wrestling for years now, mostly in rival federation TNA and Global Force Wrestling. His entrance into NXT was met with much excitement and fans have taken to his epic theme music. It helps that his entrance is appropriately just as fantastic as the song:

With all apologies to Twilight Force, Hammerfall, Sabaton, and the rest of the power metal albums that were released this year, the best power metal song of 2016 did not come from a power metal band. It came from World Wrestling Entertainment. That’s right, the home of bodyslams, powe rbombs, and unsubstantiated claims of necrophilia. Specifically, it came from Mike Lauri and John Alicastro, collectively known as CFO$. Just look at those two guys. No flowing long hair. They’re not clutching battle axes or lovingly staring into the eyes of a sexy dragon. They’re just two dudes with a lot of recording skills and a knack for cranking out tunes. Here’s how the song was made:

Does that make them posers or does that make all the other adults who prance around in silly outfits posers? Hard to say, but even our own authorities on poserdom, Randall Thor, has said that he enjoys this song. If it’s good enough for him, it’s good enough for the rest of the power metal world. Raise your swords up high as you suplex your enemies into oblivion. May your days as glorious and victorious as CFO$ and Bobby Roode.

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Published on: November 16, 2016

Filled Under: Metal, Nerd Shit

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