The Best Band in Minnesota is Noble Beast

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Ahhhh Minnesota, the place from which I receive all of my paychecks. The home of some delicious beer that describes my general temperament. The battlefield on which Fulci levels of blood were shed, and many Tolkien-esque characters sent to their eternal slumber, to bring you this band. Ladies and gentlemen, I present the best band in Minnesota: Noble Beast.

Now Noble Beast are no strangers to this here Toilet, but they were to this particular writer. I am not our resident Masterlord or his brother in flowing locks, Randall Thor, so power metal is pretty far outside of my wheelhouse, musically. I like my music dark, violent, sludgy and heavy. Perhaps a little blackened. That being said: Oh Lord, this is THE GOOD SHIT.

While power metal for most us means putting on your finest mail coif and dragon riding pants and charging into all the battles, Noble Beast brings more to the table (though you still get to wear your mail coif and dragon pants). The music formula boils down to sweet thrash riffs + the catchiest choruses = success! As someone who hates math, I must admit that that is a formula I can back 100%. And if you doubt this band brings the riffs, just wait until the middle of “Iron Clad Angels” and then quietly slink back into your corner filled with stupid people. And try not to sing along to songs like “Behold the Face of Your Enemy” or the super infectious “On Wings of Steel.”

Now if the words of one non-power metal nerd being converted aren’t enough, I’m going to go ahead and cheat to persuade you by directing you to our panel of 100% NUDE XXX SHOWS ALL NIGHT judges.

Jack Bauer: Imagine some sort of super epic situation. Chaos on all sides, perhaps a dragon breathing fire, posers everywhere getting slain, Five Finger Death Punch breaking up because they realized how much they suck, Tool releasing a new album (hahahaha). Now I want you to, without focusing on how ridiculously improbable such a situation is, think to yourself what the soundtrack to said epic situation would be. Did you think of Noble Beast? No? Well then congratulations! I’m impressed by HOW WRONG YOU ARE. Noble Beast write super epic riffs with a guitar tone that I absolutely adore and vocals that make me realize just how much I suck at singing. Noble Beast are power metal without all that excess cheese and it is glorious. Bottom line, real men listen to Noble Beast!

Simon Phoenix: So Noble Beast won best band in Minnesota? I’m not surprised at all cause they’re great. Yeah that’s right, when it has some gruff and riffs to it, this criminal mastermind enjoys occasionally swapping out the shotgun and thrash for an axe or a big ass hammer to kill dragons and shit to some power metal. And Noble Beast play some badass power metal that draws influence from all the greats like Blind Guardian, Nocturnal Rites, Falconer, and so forth, concocting a majestic sound to call their own. The latter band especially with vocalist Rob Jalonen belting out his epic words in a much lower but no less powerful register than is usual for the genre, giving a unique charisma and let’s be real, BALLS to the music of his fellow audio adventurers. There are also some speed and trad metal elements in there to give the proceedings even more power. Listen to dem tremolo riffs and blasts leading into those meaty thrash riffs at the beginning of Disintegrating Force and tell me that good power metal is for sissies, I fucking dare you. Simon says get this album, go forth, and slay.

Randall Thor: Noble Beast is the band you didn’t know you need. At first you’re like ‘I don’t know these guys, why should I listen?’ Then you listen and you realize you’ve been needing this album your entire life and you didn’t even know it.

So what are you waiting for, Warrior? RIDE FORTH INTO GLORY!


HONORABLE MENTIONS

Rifle Diet (Minneapolis) – Furious, unrelenting crust.
Vulgaari (Minneapolis) – Weird, gloomy, unnerving, and utterly captivating.

The Toilet ov Hell is on an absurd quest to find the best unsigned band in each state of this glorious union. The purpose? To shine the spotlight on bands that deserve more exposure. Also, we’re going to determine once and for all the greatest state in the nation. Each state winner is decided by a collection of 25 judges. After we’ve announced the winner of each state, we’re gonna throw them all in a winner-take-all bracket and leave the votes up to you. Who will be the best unsigned band in the United States? Which state is superior? We can’t wait to find out.

Previous winners:

Alabama — Phylum
Alaska — Terraform
Arizona – Take Over And Destroy
Arkansas – Torii
California – Destroy Judas
Colorado – The Sleer
Connecticut – Autumn’s Eyes
Delaware – Sloss
Florida – Capracide
Georgia – Lost Hours
Hawaii – Darkest Path
Idaho – Rotten Hand
Illinois – Deus Ex
Indiana – Thorr-Axe
Kansas – Bummer
Kentucky – Ad Infinitum
Louisiana – Withering Light
Maine – Sylvia
Maryland – Bereave
Massachusetts – Scaphism
Michigan – Blackgate

(Photo VIA)

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  • The intro reminded me of these guys.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPh8EWRloTE

    GL

  • Voting on this one very nearly ruined friendships.

    • YourLogicIsFlushed

      Because everyone was so jacked up on how awesome NB was that we had a voter sword fight right?

    • If anyone wants to kill Joe without being prosecuted, just make sure Noble Beast wins this whole thing.

      • How can they not? I didn’t even know they were unsigned until last week. Black Fast has no chance

        • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

          Blck Fast is in this competition?

          • Nah. They got signed right before they woulda won Missouri.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Oh yeah, I think I may have heard this back at that article.

          • Oops my bad, had just woke up when I posted that. They got signed, so no they are not. How is noble beast not signed?

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            There are unbelievable numbers of great unsigned bands compared to unbelievable numbers of bad signed bands.

          • Guacamole Jim

            That depends on the state… but mostly, yes.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            I meant WW

          • Too true man.

      • Tyree

        I’d like to kill somebody.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNROcNAiTVI

      • The Bestest Tapir

        Without being prosecuted? Count me out then.

        • PROSECUTIONFORMURDER PROSECUTIONFORMURDER PROSECUTIONFORMURDER PROSECUTIONFORMURDER
          GL

          • The Bestest Tapir

            You willy wang!

    • people are friends in here?

      • We are all friends right up until you go to talk to a “real life” friend about one of your “toilet friends” then, you think twice about bringing it up.

        This happens to me all the time.

        GL

        • EsusMoose

          You could just say to people you talk to on the toilet. It makes it sounds like you’re an avid bathroom talker, one of the worst types of people in existence besides posers and seahawk fans.

  • RustyShackleford

    Got their album on my ipod. Will jam while walking to class through approximately 8 inches of snow. HELL YEAH! yep.

  • Tyree

    Rifle Diet and Vulgaari are both really fucking great. Dayum, Dayum, Dayum!

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Cold weather breeds good metal. It’s science.

  • tertius_decimus

    From the very first guitar note I’ve started prepping to SLAY MIGHTY DRAGONS WITH AN ANCIENT SWORD OF DESTINY GIVEN BY GLORIOUS ANCESTORS TO THY WARRIOR! HAIL TO THE WEAPON!

  • Tyree
    • DDubya.
      • Tyree

        I fell off my horsey.

        • DDubya.

          You’ll never ride again if you don’t get back on that horse right now.

          • Tyree

            I’m alright with that.

          • DDubya.

            Saddle up, buttercup.

          • Tyree

            I just want to lie here on the wet ground and submerge into filth.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_YuxkrjhCA

          • DDubya.

            You’re basically a Crannogman, dude. Where’s your frog spear?

          • Tyree

            I fell too deep. I imploded in the Abyss.

            http://i.imgur.com/xK9pCBB.gif

          • DDubya.

            I don’t think it’s from that, but it really reminds me of the Empty Spaces segment from the Wall.

          • Tyree

            Ah, it’s not though. It’s from Under the Skin.

          • DDubya.

            Was that the weird movie with Scarlett Johansson you were mentioning a while back?

          • Tyree

            YUP! I loved it. Still my favorite from last year.

    • The Bestest Tapir

      Mamiffer did a solid collab with Circle.
      https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=19MNm1tZtW4

      • Tyree

        Nice, I’ll have to check this out. I recently got into Mamiffer, so I’m still checking out their catalog. Thanks!

  • Here is one of my favorite Alter Bridge songs. The LP version is a bit more dynamic. Although, the live version does the song serious justice. Note what shirt Myles has on (!!!!)

    GL

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LK3NuxO3Ke0

  • I already gave Noble Beast my #LinkSealOfApproval. So, I’m giving a spin of Rifle Diet and they’re good!

  • KJM

    Vulgaari FTW, great stuff.

  • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

    What’s with Minnesota’s obsession with Finland? And I was sure Vulgaari had a deal at one point.

    • Tyree

      I thought Vulgaari was going to steal this show. Whatever, this doesn’t stop me from listening to them.

      • Stockhausen

        It does man, I’m sorry. You have to stop forever.

        • Tyree

          Huh, It makes so much sense to quit. I guess I’ll just quit everything while I’m at it too.

          • DDubya.

            Don’t quit on life. That would be the death of me.

          • Tyree

            I thought it was going to happen last night after eating so much unhealthy food. I’m suffering today in my tummy area. Maybe after it passes, I won’t be in such a quitting mood.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Dismiss this life, worship death.

      • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

        Vulgaari is fricken rad.

    • The Bestest Tapir

      Vulgaari >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Noble Beast

      • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

        I like both. Been jamming Vulgaari for months and still not tired. But NB has a Finnish vocalist (almost), so maybe my vote for them. I am not biased or anything.

        • The Bestest Tapir

          Noble Beast has a Finnish vocalist (almost)? Welp, you just gave me an another reason to dislike them.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Rob Jalonen, that name has very few ways of getting more Finnish.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Rob ain’t that Finnish. Maybe he has Finnish ancestry, like Matt Damon

          • who?

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            That’s the “few ways”. I reckon he’s about as Finnish as Jorma Kaukonen.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            When I first heard his name I was sure that he was 100% Finnish. Jorma vitun Kaukonen!

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            He ain’t? Mind = blown.

      • What do you think of Moonsorrow?

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSEjORBQOvI

    • Edward/Breegrodamus

      I feel like there are a lot of Nordic people here, Finnish, Swedish, Norwegian, etc.

      • EsusMoose

        Canadians probably can be counted as well

      • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

        Could be. Everytime Finnish people move abroad, they go in swarms.

        • Well.. I would want swarms of finnish politicians to see if we can kill some bad people in the goverment here jajajaja

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Y u want to kill finnish politicians? Wad do dey do to you.

          • OMG, no, mr. Bear! I want finnish politicians so we can kill venezuelan politicians!!!

          • The Bestest Tapir

            You can kill Timo Soini, Päivi Räsänen, Jussi Halla-aho and many more!

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Finnish politicians = good fer nothing though.

          • At least they do nothing. Here we got a lot of thieves with suits and ties…

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            I wouldn’t call fucking a country up and escaping to europe nothing, but I reckon Venezuela is worse.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Jyrki Käteinen is a motherfucker!

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            That’s what you get, dealing in cash.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Our corrupt politicians get piles of wood for bribe.

          • of course they w00d

          • Can we get you to run for president here?

          • Jajajajaja. I can’t be a president, mr. Kim! 😛

          • Ok, then you can be Supreme Leader Of Venezuela! With Ozzie Guillen as vice president.

          • Well.. I can do that. If I’m Supreme Leader, can you help me to invent some torture methods for Ozzie? He can be my hunched helper

          • Why would I know about that? No one gets tortured here in Best Korea! *polishes off the gulag and gives the voluntary workers some milk and cookies*

        • CyberneticOrganism

          FINNSWARM

          • BLXKKBEXRD

            FINNVASION

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Dibs on that Portalcore band name.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Let’s start an oceangrunge band together.

          • You could be called OceanGarbage. Bc your music will suck.

            <3

            GL

          • The Bestest Tapir

            You pasty ass skeletor motherfucker!

          • uh-oh, metal-archives is broken (refresh to view image):

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Oh you, Limabeans McJimmadong!

          • Lacertilian

            There’s a few bands that are not on there that kinda should be and a few that are that kinda shouldn’t be.

          • DDubya.

            Maybe they could go by Toxic Garbage Island.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            What’s oceangrunge? Whatever, I’m in.

          • The Bestest Tapir
          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            The more you know… the less you want to live.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            This is one of the horrible things /mu/ has given us.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Henri Sorvali may have dibs on it already

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            I’ll kick his fat ass and steal his dibs! And then ask him to play accordion in my band.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Don’t worry, Pate Mustajärvi has dibs on it.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Great! We can drink Leijona-viina and sing Ukkometao all night!

          • The Bestest Tapir

            And then you go out hunting immigrants?

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Ruskies don’t count as immigrants, do they? At least refugees don’t

          • The Bestest Tapir

            I have Russian and half Russian friends and I will fight you.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            (I shared my life with a Rusalka once upon a time, I’m not bitter – I swear!)

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Sharing your life with someone, that’s a paddlin’

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Once, I said once.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            It’s too much. I shall mark you down as a human lover.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            You’ll never know how bitter and spiteful a man can be, if he has not felt that way once. The hatred is thousandfold fortified.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Life without love is a good life.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            But life filled with loath and disdain is better, because fuck life. Embrace death as you die in obskvrity

          • The Bestest Tapir

            You think my life ain’t filled with extreme contempt and disdain?

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Probably is, all I’m saying is I think anyone one who says “better to have loved and lost ghan to not love at all” is full of sheit. But loving and losing gives loath a whole new meaning. You’d be kicking your Corgi’s all day (which is bad)

          • The Bestest Tapir

            I would never kick my sons! They’re pretty much the only living beings I love (not in a weird way tho). Sometimes I do wonder what my life would be like if I had fallen in love at some point. It may as well be still ahead, who knows.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            In all honesty, sharing a life =/= love.
            They say it’s grand though.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Oh, I thought you were in love with her/him as well. Some of my friends say that I’m missing out, some say the contrary.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            In all honesty, it’s a little shameful (maybe) and I wouldn’t admit this IRL. But, how could I even know? How does one tell? Where does one draw the line? Where does it begin. But maybe I didn’t.
            All my buddies tell me it’s great though, no one ever said anything negative.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            I for one am perfectly satisfied in this state of non-loving.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            I, for one, am perfectly satisfied with this state of complaining, lol. This is what happens when Bear + No-Beer.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Make your own beer or find a shady guy on the street and buy it from him.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            I should start brewing sahti.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Vittu mittään sahtia vaan 96% pirtua!

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Ja sitte vaa ovelta ovelle kaupittelemaan.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Tai sotten vaihtoehtoisesti aja Kiteelle jas osta pontikkaa. Ukkin kaverit keitti siellä ja vielähän immeiset siellä keittelee

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Myisköhä Holopainen kunno ponua?

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Holopaiselle kelpaa vaan kunnon piri.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            No olisha se pitäny tietää. Mäyttääki iha pirihuor… muusikolta. Eipä sen puoleen, emmie ossoo buccoo eess ajjooo

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Mäne bussilla, jalan tai pyörällä.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Mää juoksen

    • I lived in the Midwest most of my life, and I still can’t figure that shithole out. Outside of Chicago, I couldn’t care less about the rest of the Midwest.

  • JamesGrimm
    • DDubya.

      I dig Atmosphere.

    • Edward/Breegrodamus

      This is a great song from them. I kinda stopped paying attention after When Life Gives You Lemons You Paint That Shit Gold though.

      • JamesGrimm

        new albums tight.

        • DDubya.

          Bitter kills.

        • Edward/Breegrodamus

          Which one is that?

          • JamesGrimm

            Southsiders

      • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

        Brb, gon be painting some shit golden. I found a lemon in my bed.

        • EsusMoose

          Don’t sleep with fruit. That is the lesson I’m currently seeing being learned today

          • The Bestest Tapir

            You know who you shouldn’t have sex with? Starfish! Having sex with one feels like having sex with a garage door.

    • Haven’t heard his stuff in ages.

  • Stockhausen

    This state was brimming with awesome metal. Noble Beast rule and I’m glad to kneel at their feet, but man it was a tough call. Rifle Diet owns my butt with a crusty fist. Don’t read into that.

  • JamesGrimm
  • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

    Of course, the best unsigned in America is Gorguts, but you knew that already.

    • Edward/Breegrodamus

      What label did Colored Sands come out on?

      • no label. unsigned.

        • Edward/Breegrodamus

          Sweet mother of god.

          Aren’t Gorguts Canadian though?

          • Guys,

            I have never listened to Gorguts. *GASP????*

            GL

          • please rectify immediately. go purchase Colored Sands. if you don’t like it — well you will!

          • Tyree

            I don’t think I’ve ever talked to someone that said that they did not like Gorguts.

          • Guys,

            Noted. Listening now. Thanks

            GL

          • you’re skronkcome!

          • DDubya.

            Gl, Jimmy is right. Go listen to Colored Sands. Then listen to Obscura.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            But Obscura is the epitome of overrated garbage. And I’m being nice here because I like you.

          • DDubya.

            Alright, bear, that’s strike two. Although I do think Colored Sands is the superior album.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Colored Sands might be their only good one.
            (What was one? My memory don’t serve)

          • Tyree

            If you like more straight up death metal check out their first two albums.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            I’ve listened to them all.

          • DDubya.

            They definitely are much more OSDM than the others.

          • Tyree

            I like all their albums to be honest. Their first two were great OSDM albums for sure.

          • DDubya.

            I like the later, weirder phase, but like you said, it’s all good.

          • Lacertilian

            Considered Dead always makes me stay.

          • DDubya.

            I don’t remember either, but we were going to have a duel. i threatened to bring my bear-revolver.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Oh yeah, I recall.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            You wanna get neutered?

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            I found my original claws! Moo sorrow had them! I am unneuterable now!

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Nips naps saatana!

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Balls of Steel!

          • Tyree
          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Have at you!

          • PhoenixKing Leonhart

            I’m with Dubs on this. Those are fighting words, mister.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Do your worst!

          • Lacertilian

            Don’t forget Considered Dead if you want some OSDM.

          • Gorguts wins anyways.

          • Tyree

            Luc is at least.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Oh sure Colin Marston played on that he’s from NY I think.

      • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

        Season of Mists. Why do you ask?

        • Edward/Breegrodamus

          I was just curious your post got me thinking.

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    One of the first bands I discovered purely via TovH and still one of the best, and I’m usually more of a black/doom/weirdness guy. Noble Beast just have so much sheer mightiness, they’re impossible not to enjoy. Great for taking on the world with nothing but a sheep’s jawbone club.

    • DDubya.

      I prefer the jawbone of an ass myself.

      • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

        They have good smiting power too.

  • HessianHunter

    I am proud of my state this day. I accept these three picks as a good sample of what we have to offer, but I also have to give love to my noisy homeboys in Morality Crisis for being pretty damn incredible.
    http://moralitycrisis.bandcamp.com

  • john

    I bow before Noble Beast. Taking power metal new places but still keeping dem riffs TRU.

  • JWG

    This is good. I can now say I know (for sure, anyway) three times as many metal bands from Minnesota as I did beforehand.

    I had to qualify that as ‘metal’, because I also know of this guy, and his various projects: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Munson

  • The perfect band to kill posers to. I’ve bought this album twice now.

  • Sponge Of Mystery

    False is also a pretty cool MN female fronted black metal band. Seen them twice live

  • Lacertilian

    Wow man, this first Noble Beast track is riff-tastic. P