The Best Band In Massachusetts is Scaphism


Back in August of 2014 we asked you to help us find the best unsigned bands in America. After listening to hundreds of submissions, we finally narrowed down our pick for one of the first places that English colonists killed huge numbers of Native Americans. The best unsigned band in Massachusetts is Scaphism

Ahhh, the spirit of Massachusetts. They say it’s the spirit of America, you know. The spirit of what’s old and what’s new. In fact, the spirit of Massachusetts is the spirit of the red, white, and blue. Massachusetts, apparently, is also the home of nasty, thrashy death metal. Scaphism aims right for the core and hits it with full, unrelenting force. Do you like your death metal with a heaping side of groovy thrash? Done. Do you like your nasty thrash after its been twisted and mangled through a death metal processor? DONE.

We’ve all heard the weak, infuriating argument against metal from the unwashed masses about how “you can’t even, like, lol, understand, like, the lyrics, lol, haha.” I guess that’s important when you need to hear about how your boyfriend broke up with you for the 1,489th time, or how you should get drunk up the club, brah. Well no worries here, friends! Vocalist Tony Jordan is clear enough in his varied and razor-sharp delivery to tell you that there are “intestines everywhere, they’re in your hair. You’re split in half without a care.” For this quartet that’s firmly rooted in OSDM, the vocals run the gamut from low gutturals to higher shrieks, all while remaining crystal clear without being overbearing. Plus, you can never fault a band that pays homage to Star Wars with “Slowly Digested Over 1,000 Years.”

The word “scaphism” defines a form of torture that’s about as brutal as it gets, where the victim can die from dozens of different, horrible causes. Similarly, the instrumental portion of Scaphism attacks on multiple fronts. At times, these guys offer an all-out death metal assault à la Cannibal Corpse, at other times they recall the groovier elements of Terrorizer, or they even summon a revved-up form of Toxic Holocaust thrash in the chaos of their mid-song stomp sessions. These guys pay homage all over the place, and in tasteful fashion; no moment strays too far, but nothing seems worn out or overdone. Before you go recalling the death-thrash fusion of The Crown, lean heavier on the death side and don’t be afraid to crush some skulls. Scaphism will straight up murder you through a brutal death assault, revive you with some nasty, catchy thrash, and then make you kill yourself from headbanging way too hard. It’s a vicious cycle, and we’re all glad to oblige.

With over 30,000 likes on their Facebook page and a well-organized Bandcamp site, we consider ourselves lucky that these guys aren’t signed so we could poach them for our state-by-state showdown. If you want to cash in your Kvlt Points, however, you better hop on this train before it sails. Pick up their excellent debut Festering Human Remains for just $4.99 on their Bandcamp page, and accept the mighty challenge of choosing your leather vest or your denim vest to wear as you stomp around your room in headbanging delight.

As always, our judges will agree on the mighty verdict of the Toilet:

Masterlord: Disease-ridden death metal that more than occasionally projectile vomits the thrashy groove. I could wax pseudo-poetic about what these dudes sound like, or I could just tell you that they have a song called “Chainsawdomy” and that would give you a pretty good idea.

Howard Dean: Scaphism: no longer just a fun torture method. This quartet from Boston brings the OSDM with a decidedly Floridian tang–thrashy, catchy, and dirty. Riffs of gore. These dudes do it right.

Simon Phoenix: When you think of Massachusetts, you usually think of Boston, home of the cream pie, the Wahlberg brothers, and the shittiest baseball team in existence. What you don’t expect is some sweet groove laden death metal. Luckily for you and me, Scaphism don‘t think like me and have provided just that. Listening to this nice slice of brutality stays my hand from firebombing Fenway Park for another year. Good on ya, fellows.

Eaten (Worcester, MA): DEATHGRIND!

The Toilet ov Hell is on an absurd quest to find the best unsigned band in each state of this glorious union. The purpose? To shine the spotlight on bands that deserve more exposure. Also, we’re going to determine once and for all the greatest state in the nation. Each state winner is decided by a collection of 25 judges. After we’ve announced the winner of each state, we’re gonna throw them all in a winner-take-all bracket and leave the votes up to you. Who will be the best unsigned band in the United States? Which state is superior? We can’t wait to find out.

Previous winners:

Alabama — Phylum
Alaska — Terraform
Arizona – Take Over And Destroy
Arkansas – Torii
California – Destroy Judas
Colorado – The Sleer
Connecticut – Autumn’s Eyes
Delaware – Sloss
Florida – Capracide
Georgia – Lost Hours
Hawaii – Darkest Path
Idaho – Rotten Hand
Illinois – Deus Ex
Indiana – Thorr-Axe
Kansas – Bummer
Kentucky – Ad Infinitum
Louisiana – Withering Light
Maine – Sylvia
Maryland – Bereave

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  • nomnomnomnomnom.. this is tasty Old-School sounding merol

  • That artwork…

    • loved the MSPaint black spray!

    • Renan Ribeiro

      Gee, I guess someone wasn’t happy about these people. And their clothes.

  • Renan Ribeiro

    Is it normal for my head to be on the floor and my neck to still be going up and down on its own? I’m losing a lot of blood here, quick answer guyz

    • continue to listen!!!!!!

    • yeah it’s fine, just drink a couple glasses of water

    • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

      Use you index finger to stop the flow. Then tape the head back. Don’t worry, it happens all the time.

    • Stockhausen

      Hmm. I could use some more information. Is your neck really thrashing up and down, or more of a bobbing? What color is your head at this point? Could you run some tests and let me know your blood type?

      • Renan Ribeiro

        B+ not sure about colors

  • Brock Samson

    I had to google scaphism to really understand what it is. Wow, just wow.

    • Renan Ribeiro

      Did you read the wikipedia page on it? Those were the days

      • Brock Samson

        Ya, I also read it after I just took a giant dump which made me feel more uncomfortable

        • Renan Ribeiro

          Did you flush it? I’d leave it there just to see if it would bring any insects.

          • Brock Samson

            I am a poser so sadly I flushed it

          • Tyree

            Do it right sir.

          • Scrimm

    • pretty brutal (and terrible if you think of it)!! the honey stuff reminded me of a local legend of a town near where I live!..

      • do share

        • Sorry for the typos and repetitions I’m at work and you know the other reason:

          long time ago, in the indepence wars, there was a woman that lived in the Sierra de Perijá mountains, near the border with Colombia. She was a guerrilla-like warrior that mounted horses by her own and carried a machete everywhere in a time when women didn’t fight or have a independent position in society.

          she was in a affair with another free man and together taked care of some local farms to earn some money and food.

          She was fierce and was beautiful too. And, in some point when her husband was outside of the farm they were taking care; some thug of a local landlord surprised her and tried to rape her, but she could flee.

          When her husband returned from travel, both were looking for the guy, but couldn’t found him. In a few weeks, her husband traveled again, but the woman couldn’t get of her head the idea of revenge and looked of her own in the mountains and found the rapist. She then returned to her home and melted a lot of honey and stored it in vases.

          She beated the rapist until he went unconscious. She kidnap him, tied him to a pole near a ant nest (which are huge and black here) and gave the guy a shower in honey until he died.

          In the following years, she was a warrior for local skirmishes in the region. She was called: La Mielera (something like The Honey Woman) and was feared a lot because that fact and because she was strong and powerful.

        • I didn’t knew the story until my fiancée acted as her in a documental for her grade in the college. I acted in another of that stories as a young priest. #LinksFacts

        • and these are those badass ants.. I got stung in a finger by one of those and hurt like a bee sting:

          • Lacertilian

            We got some pretty fucking metal ants over here too Link.
            I get attacked at work pretty often, some are over 3cm and are cranky as fuck.

          • even breathing is dangerous in your country, my friend! jajaja

    • It’s funny because giving someone “the boats” sounds like such a pleasant afternoon of a punishment.

    • son of a bvtch

    • Stanley

      It’s hard to think of a nastier way to po(o)p your clogs.

    • Guacamole Jim

      Ever heard of the Brazen Bull?


    This band is actually pretty good…. could do with a better drum sound but . . . you can’t always get what you want.

    • Stockhausen

      I hearby ban any and all lyric-finishing games here. I have spoken.

    • Gurptitude

      Maybe when they get signed?

    • Scaphism

      Haha you dont even want to know what fiery layer of satan’s butthole those drums were put through after they were recorded. The original engineer totally ass fucked those drums, which is why we wrote “Recorded at a studio” in the liner notes as to give ZERO credit to the original engineer before our friend saved the entire mix and re-recorded the vocals.

  • Guest

    I usually listen to death metal on Saturday afternoons, this though I would consider offering the coveted late Friday night slot. A rare honour for something not black, weird or female fronted.

  • FeelTheDarkness

    Oh man I thought Dropkick Murphys were the best band in Massachusetts

    • (refresh to view image)

    • KJM

      Nothing against them, but more like the most over hyped band in MA.

    • Herr Schmitty

      I dig the Murphs a little bit, but no. Isis was from MA, dammit!

    • FeelTheDarkness

      Actually Dbag Murphys annoy me. My first instinct was to say Aerosmif.

    • Lacertilian

      or The Red Chord.

    • Scaphism

      Believe it or not we used to be in the same warehouse as those guys for our practice space for years hahaha

  • Tyree
  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    These some gnarly grooves. And that some grisly art. If there isn’t already a movie about mangled swamp zombie out there for me to watch one of you should make one.

    • Scrimm
      • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

        Cheers, that’ll be getting a watching!

        • Scrimm

          Never watched it myself but i remembered the trailer from a while back.

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            Sure it’ll be classy stuff.

  • love it! their description on Bandcamp: “Ear Raping Death Thrash with more groove than a vinyl record!”


    just kinda grooving to myself before going to the gym


    just FYI, i’m filling your screen up with color. our buddy’s xmas gift of this album came this past weekend, we got the clear pink not the yellow. So, that’s 2 pink records we got this year, between us. #poseur

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    massachusetts—birthplace of freedom on the earth—-
    races of alien hybrid–mountain men–by preplanned new world masonic rituals
    200-300 years old at this point–in commemoration of human consciousness having reached the obelisk level (freedom/functional athiesm)

    and the birth of adultury/1st world problems–and the new human satanic disneyworld

    cousins of jfk—and family children–
    methods of blood fantasy art form==derived from seeds of travesty
    as mentally implanted emotions emerge

    and the new pyramids of stone


      Human satanic Disney world >>>>>>>

      • KJM

        I wish Massachusetts was that exciting.

  • This band brings the G.D. riffage for fuh-reakin’ sure.

  • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

    DAT cover….LOL.

    BRING ON NEW JERSEY!!!!!!!!!

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