The Agonist – Gates Of Horns And Ivory: A Video Breakdown

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Life of Agonist.

What exactly is an “Agonist”? Is it someone who enjoys agony? Or is it someone that likes to dish out agony? Perhaps it’s a person that enjoys the 2007 comedy that I totally have heard of before Googling the band’s name. According to the ever-reliable Wikipedia, an agonist is “a chemical that bands to a receptor and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”. Sorry, I nodded off for a minute.

Regardless of what it actually means, most probably know The Agonist as that band with the blue-haired lady not named Marge Simpson. Old bluey aka Alissa White-Gluz jumped ship about a year ago to join Arch Enemy and was subsequently replaced by the non blue-haired Vicky Psarakis. Will she be able to bring the same rawrs and grrrs as Ms. White-Gluz-Bluehair? Let’s take a look at their new video for “Gates of Horns and Ivory” and find out.

0:04: This foundation will really bring out the crazyness in your eyebrows.
0:06: I get that same look while waiting in line at the bank.
0:12: Fuck those are some fierce eyebrows.
0:17: Let’s cover up that chinstrap shall we?
0:21: Hey, I didn’t know The Decemberists were in this.
0:27: Sit down, asshole. I’m creating!
0:34: Gotta appeal to the Bear community somehow.
0:39: Look at that. Motionless In White is in this video too.
0:47: Those beard ponytails went out with Drowning Pool.
0:54: Um, you dropped your ass-hat.
0:58: If her face were any whiter, she’d be a Romney.
1:08: And something for the Furry community as well.
1:17: Can someone get this guy a Bobby pin or something?
1:25: If anyone needs him, he’ll be in his trailer…applying baby powder to his sack.
1:29: Is this love….that I’m feeling?
1:39: Fuck it, just hot glue it to his head.
1:51: So they traded in a nice studio for a warehouse made entirely of Tetanus and used hobo condoms.
1:56: Yes, put the microphone that’s been on a warehouse floor up to your lips. Great thinking.
2:01: Random knee lift!
2:12: Hope you like them weedlies.
2:18: Oh, and some deedlies too.
2:23: Warehouse videos: Where makeup is still required to shoot.
2:31: I need to make my eyebrows like hers. I’d look permanently pissed off. Or hilariously doofy.
2:44: That warehouse was also used in 3 low-budget horror movies, 1 snuff film, and A Very Fleshgrind Christmas Special.
2:51: Hey now!
3:06: I will say I like the guitarist’s Rogue-like white streak in his hair. It’s sassy.
3:16: Dev has “Honey Dip,” The Agonist has “Hair Flip.”
3:19: She must’ve eaten like 3 cherry Tootsie Pops to get her lips that red.
3:29: Sweet Jeebus wearing crotchless panties, that’s terrifying!

See guys, they don’t want to be all dolled-up and told what to do. They just want to be themselves. With the help of a major label. And director. At least they had fun with it and looks pretty and stuff. Did they actually mention anything about gates or horns or ivories? I couldn’t tell.

The Agonist’s newest album Eye of Providence is out on February 24th via Century Media.

(Image VIA)

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  • DDubya.

    I’ve listened to that Dev song quite a bit since y’all broke it down.

  • Lawdy this song sucks.

  • So Katy Perry’s no longer in the band?

    • Blue hair growler Katy Perry is with Arch Enemy now

      • Lol, I know. And the new Arch Enemy was HORRIBLE, though I didn’t exactly have my hopes up to begin with.

        • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

          ‘Twas better than anything in years though.

          • Which isn’t saying much. AE’s been on autopilot since the second album.

          • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

            After BE I haven’t liked ANY full-length. But would go on to say that each has a good-ish song or two.

          • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

            Don’t go! Listen to my superwickedocarinasolothattotallymadeganondorfcry first!

          • Jajajajaja! I want to hear that!

          • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

            *Triluvitundiluliiisaatanperkelejumalautahelvettiperkele*
            (I totally could pull this off)

          • Now I hear different that Kalmah song

          • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

            I legit burst out laughing when I first heard it.

          • me too, thanks to you jajaja

          • This is my order of preference Stigmata>>>>Rise of the Tyrant>>Black Earth>>Burning Bridges>>War Eternal>>>Dead Eyes EP>>Wages of Sin>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>The other albums

          • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

            BE>WE>teh rest

          • Even Burning Bridges, mr. Bear?

          • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

            It’s one of the better ones (stigmata I don’t like that much), but nevertheless. Those are really the only two albums I listen to (mind you full albums)

          • I understand. You know that I’m a follower of that band. But I can’t help myself to be very critic to all the music I listen.

            I would like that they return to that sound of the old records. Since Gossow era they always compose two or three songs anthem-like that release as singles, burying the songs where they try to experiment with their sound.

            I mean, you got this in their first record: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wiICTn7c4Fw

  • Howard Dean
    • DDubya.

      Is that a chow chow? Majestic creatures.

      • Howard Dean

        Tibetan mastiff. Reportedly the most expensive dog in the world. This is just a puppy. They get huge, look like a lion/grizzly bear combo, and are known as a “primitive” species, since they haven’t changed much from their days as sherpa companions.

        • My dog that passed this summer was a Tibetan Spaniel.

          • DDubya.

            Sorry to hear about your dog. That loss always sucks.

          • It’s still kind of hard seeing certain dog things. We got him when my mom was sick as kind of a comfort dog and all those thoughts/memories came flooding back. Really was a part of the family.

          • DDubya.

            I’m sorry to hear that, dude. My dog passed a few years ago, and I still get sad thinking of her sometimes.

          • Tyree

            It wasn’t a John Wick situation I hope?

          • DDubya.

            Nah. Poor thing just got old. She was wetting herself and could barely stand up anymore. We just had to put her down.

          • Tyree

            Ah, that stings man. Loosing your dog/friend is agony. I’d never wish that on anyone. Dogs are awesome!

          • Akercocke ov Steele

            I had to go with my uncle to get his boxer put down. Poor guy just got two old. And what made it worse is the other boxer wouldn’t eat for a couple days cuz she just missed him too much.

          • DDubya.

            Aww. I’ve seen dogs do that before. Very sad.

          • Howard Dean

            Condolences. Pets really do become a part of the family. Cats aren’t nearly as attached to their humans as dogs are, but I feel that way about my cats. We’ve lost a few cats over the years, and it’s tough. Though I’m pretty sure that if I died, my cats would just feast on my festering corpse and be just as happy as always.

          • DDubya.

            My wife has grown really attached to the stray cat that adopted us. If we move, I’ve already been told we’re taking him with us.

          • Renan Ribeiro

            They would also turn your remains into Toxoplasma gondii vessels as they defecate.

          • Howard Dean

            Nice! Just what I always wanted!

          • Akercocke ov Steele

            In the end, we all become the subject of a slam song.

          • Renan Ribeiro

            I hope it gets better soon. My dog is currently at the Vet right now, and I’ve lost one before, so I can definitely relate.

          • Howard Dean

            Nice! I’m not even really a dog person, but their huge, regal looking coats are awesome! I’m down with a dog that could be mistaken for a small brown bear.

          • DDubya.

            Shar peis also remind me of bears. I’m a fan.

        • DDubya.

          This dog looks equally majestic.

        • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

          Primitive species= one man hasn’t yet tampered with.

        • BLVKKBEVRD

          I had a mastiff / rott mix named puppy that was about 150lbs

    • Tyree
  • BLVKKBEVRD

    White glue smells ok, but doesn’t get you nearly fucked up enough

    • Lacertilian

      the glue they give you in primary school smells like vanilla milkshakes and does not taste as such.

      • BLXKKBEXRD

        Some of the glues we use at work are fucking extreme

  • I paused this for this. Your commentary made up for it. Thanks https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jt4UsROtEXk

    • Scrimm

      You should just go ahead and turn that off.

      • DDubya.

        I wasn’t very impressed.

        • Scrimm

          I wasn’t at all. Hated the last album too.

          • Tyree

            I didn’t mind The Fathomless Mastery. But, that’s like my opinion. This new one is poopy though. That’s like my opinion too.

          • Scrimm

            I was looking forward to TFM but Couldn’t find one thing about it I liked. That band did not survive the loss of Swano.

      • I’m 4 songs in and loving it so far

        • It’s a regular record. But I loved the first two songs. Too bad that the production is so obnoxious.

        • DDubya.

          I didn’t hate it, but I also didn’t think it was anything to write home about.

          • You know what I would love of that album? A concept about the black plague or something like that. When I heard Annie I thought: wtf, this isn’t about rat kings or pestilence.

          • Or they could’ve based it on Monty Python’s Holy Grail.

          • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

            I would have bought this. Twice

        • Scrimm

          I wanted to but could not get past the vocals.

          • i didn’t like the vox at first, but the music kept me listening. now i think the vox are pretty rad.

          • Loved Nick voices. Was the best stuff of the record, imho.

          • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

            First they seemed like the WORST dm vox ever, then I got used to them. Niw they just sorta float there.

          • Scrimm

            That guy could never touch Tagtren or prime Mike on his best day, and I dig some paradise lost. They really should have got the original Grave vocalist.

          • Yeah they’re the weakest part here, but I adore swedeath so this is so fun for me

          • Scrimm

            I do too It’s about my favorite though I’m a little tired of it atm, So I wanted to like this, I really did.

          • There’s always Vallenfyre!

          • Scrimm

            Really haven’t checked them out. This WAS my favorite newer swedeath band, but they really shit the bed with their new one. The first two are awesome. 4:15 to the end kills here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lAFJjJGL6o

          • They’re considered “death/doom” according to MA, but once the HM2/d-beat kick in, you know you’ve got yourself some quality Swedeath, although they do totally doom it up sometimes. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XoxO_rqvBQE

          • Scrimm

            I have all their stuff there’s not that much doom, but what’s there is good. At least on the first 2 albums. Edit: OOPS WRONG BAND. i forgot we are talking about Vallenfyre and I didn’t refresh yet
            This is good.

          • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

            Vallenfyre is good. Too bad Scabs got crushed by critics everywhere

          • Tyree

            Scab tends to get crushed by the critics everywhere? Staple dicks.

          • Scrimm

            Some Scabs deserve it 😉

          • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

            I think read about 20 reviews. 19 of qhich were around 2/5

          • Tyree
          • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

            I liked it. So fuck them all.

          • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

            Also, it’s not missing the ball. It’s intentional evasion 😉

          • I’m not sure why critics seemed to dislike it, I LOVED it

          • nasty sounding <3

          • Scrimm

            The whole album is so good.

          • Thanks! I will try to check more of this later

          • Scrimm

            Album is Cult Cthulhu. The first one, The Esoteric Order, is pretty much just as good. I gave the new one away.

          • This was another swedish sounding dethmerol band that was recommended in the Toilet a while ago: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqNHuAWUqUk

          • Scrimm

            Nice thanks for reminding me I meant to check this out. Would have earlier but I went on such a binge of that type of music that I kinda overkilled it for a while. Been listening to much more brutal stuff lately.

          • no prob, pal.. That’s why I’m here 😀

          • Tyree

            They honestly could not find a better vocalist? It’s crazy to me, they are weak (THE LEADS ARE WEAK). I’ll be interested to see how they are live in May.

          • I don’t listen to swedeath for vocals, do you?

          • Tyree

            Bloodbath I sort of do.

          • Scrimm

            YES

          • In Bloodbath is for the personnel. But in general Swedeath you have a code and number to name your reason: http://medias.audiofanzine.com/images/normal/boss-hm-2-heavy-metal-japan-200906.jpg

          • Scrimm

            I use that.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            WANT

          • Scrimm

            ^NEED

          • CyberneticOrganism

            *punches you to get it*

          • Scrimm

            HA! nice try, I don’t have it with me! for real though, Behringer made a clone of it that you can get for about 30 bucks. It’s not quite there, but you can still get pretty close to it on a practice amp. Plus it’s pink.

          • Yeah, I liked some of his death metal vocals on ‘Lost Paradise’ but you could tell he hasn’t growled in ages. I tried to get through the CD, but the lolbuttzification was crippling my eardrums.

          • Scrimm

            Yep. I dig some PL too but this…. they really could have found someone better.

          • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

            He’s gonna do that on the upcoming one…

          • Scrimm

            Might work better for them.

          • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

            I doubt (but hope)

          • I listened a live presentation of a new song of Paradise Lost and was a little meh… Maybe he sound good in the studio with all the beeps and boops and the bidityboops

          • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

            All I ask for is better than on GMF, or just let Gregor do the harsh ones. He rocks in Vallenfyre

          • I enjoy Paradise Lost and enjoyed GMF, so I’m happy :3

        • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

          It’s okay I guess. I got past the vocals and it’ catchy. But I have never really liked Bloodbath. They were always a luttle mediocre as a whole. Sure Mika-kal-el had nice vocalwork back in the day and DagSwanö’s brother is the man. But nothing would really pull them high enough to carry full-lengths or the wholesome band.

    • That was my fav song of that album

  • Tyree
    • Stockhausen

      Hehehe, it says fart. Like a butt.

  • Renan Ribeiro

    They say don’t judge a book by its cover but just looking at the photo of the post I started thinking “oh man this is going to be awful”

  • Her eyebrows on fleek tho http://youtu.be/dfBdBpr7KCo

  • Renan Ribeiro

    I’d hit

  • Renan Ribeiro

    I was listening to this and theneiqjweók40ldmádpl

    http://media.giphy.com/media/s3XzZtV5d0wPS/giphy.gif

    • Tyree

      Soooooooooo sleepy.

    • Howard Dean

      This is literally what I looked like both times I tried to finish watching The Boondock Saints.

      http://static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/7/72524/3901635-3556663859-g1v3x.jpg

      • Renan Ribeiro

        I never watched it. I have to say I fell asleep the first couple times I tried to see Reservoir Dogs, even though I love this film. It just happened. Sry

        • Edward/Breegrodamus

          Reservoir Dogs >>>>>>

        • Lacertilian

          How?!?!?!
          Please tell me you have a ketamine addiciton.

      • I fell asleep several times trying to watch Cloud Atlas. The film’s not all together terrible, but it seems like they got a bunch of script writers, slapped together all sorts of nonsensical ideas hoping they’d stick, and then got a bunch of drunk office temps to do the editing.

      • Max

        Have you ever seen “Overnight”, the documentary about the making of Boondock Saints? (It’s way, way better than I’ve made it sound.)

        • Howard Dean

          No, I’ve never seen it.

          • Max

            It is an examination of how somebody who was given extraordinary and unprecedented breaks in the entertainment industry threw it all away through sheer pig-headedness.

          • Howard Dean

            Hah! That sounds pretty good. I’ll have to look into it.

  • Scrimm

    I made it 51 seconds. No mas.

  • Edward/Breegrodamus

    Totally off topic: I got home from work early enough to listen to Napalm Death’s Apex Predator – Easy Meat before I have to leave again in just a bit.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqyE0TATc3Q

  • CyberneticOrganism
  • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

    It feels weird that for once I’m finishing my work at about the same time the lot of you do.
    I will not get used to this feeling.

    • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

      Y’all know Oceano has a new song out, dontcha?

      • i’m not pausing anything for that, not even @Edward/Breegrodamus:disqus’s “10 minutes of Gyeah”

        • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

          I haven’t touched it either. It just appeared on my YTfront page. (You come from…) Out of nowhere, I swear

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Working late?

      • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

        I haven’t been home for twenty minutes… and it’s almost midnight.

        • CyberneticOrganism

          What do you do?

          • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

            I actually recently got a new job. I take care of some heavy welding machinery and the electrodes and such. It’s REALLY odd job for me and not my kinda thing at all.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            What did you do before?

          • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

            Done a lot of different things. Most prominently research and teaching in the field of psychology.

          • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

            Awwwww.

          • that’s metal

          • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

            And very Heavy. Also, I have to deal with burning hot irons all the time. I’ve blister on my blisters!

          • My uncle did that for quite a while, and had to retire after several injuries and two bouts of heat stroke. Welders get paid well but sounds like the least fun job in construction (along with roof repair).

          • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

            Welders get paid better than I do. But it’s a dangerous job for sure (almost identical to mine)

          • The Bestest Tapir

            My dad used to do similiar job. He complained almost every day.

          • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

            Let’s say I understand him. My contract is luckily very short. (Also unluckily, ’cause job)

          • The Bestest Tapir

            He did it for most of his working life. He was a taxi driver for a while and enjoyed it a lot more.

          • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

            Can’t say I would know what it’s like to drive a car. But I want back to my papers already.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Also: “If her face were any whiter, she’d be a Romney”

    OHHHH BUUUURRRRNNNN!

  • That video and accompanying song was as boring as nobs.

  • Scrimm

    She looks much better without that cake on her face.

  • Nordling Rites ov Kahlua

    I should maybe tell you that 0:34 didn’t exactly appeal to me. Just so we’re clear on this.

  • Tyree
  • JWG

    “a chemical that bands to a receptor and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”

    Insert three Agonist videos. Watch the first at 50% volume. Chemtrails! Seal clubbing! Justin Trudeau did 9-11!

    • KJM

      Pierre Trudeau did 311.

      • BLXKKBEXRD

        311 did 911 after going to 711

        • KJM

          But they had to dial 411 because they didn’t know the store’s number.

  • BLVKKBEVRD

    She does got some legs doe.

  • JWG

    https://www.facebook.com/events/782213871813786/

    Sweet Zombie Jesus, this is a stacked (and 100% Canuck) lineup.

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    sadness of false political division—-as people from texas are brainwashed to hate america— —and to support internet syphillitic “”liberal” fantasy

    texas is the reason—that the president’s dead
    (both at once—with 2nd vid muted)
    http://youtu.be/rhv1yqiol80
    http://youtu.be/urcLhku0I7Y

  • Janitor Jim Dvggan Svre Wovld

    Damnit. Public Enemy is going to NYC for a celebration of the late Jam Master Jay’s 50th birthday at 42 West. I would go but it’s two days away and I have no money.

  • Janitor Jim Dvggan Svre Wovld

    This song is meh. This song is not because Mountain rules.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PuxaQa4n3Y&list=PL4sRJESJcm2XBNhaktI4nUpGC_somNWI0