The 15 Best Albums of 2017, As Backed by Science

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The. Last. List.

The very same advanced mathematics that has allowed me to remain perpetually on the threshold of bankruptcy my entire working life has been applied to our 2017 Top 10 Album Lists to ascertain what would be our combined AOTY among the Toilet ov Hell staff. Basically, if an album came in as someone’s #10 it received 1 point, #9 scored 2 points, all the way down to our #1’s getting 10 points. Pretty fucking tech, right? I have a mortgage and support an infant. Anyway, excluding albums that did not feature on more than one writer’s list leaves us with a neat Top 15, guess it was meant to be. Any drawn/tied entries were arranged with the albums occurring on the most lists up higher, in the event that they were still tied, I arbitrarily assigned them a rank. Eat shit, listnerds.

If you haven’t at least given each one of these albums a shot during the year then what the fuck are you even doing here? Seriously, why read end of year lists? If it’s just to skim through and reaffirm your taste with silent nods to each album you already liked and comment “No [other album]?” when your pick isn’t mentioned then you should really just log off and stick to the thrilling autofellatio experience you seem to desire. For those of you who enjoy new music, should you like to read more about a certain one I’ve linked interviews/features to the band names and reviews to the album names (where applicable).

15. Unleash The ArchersApex

7 points (365 Days of Horror)
4 points (Link)

= 11 points


14. ChevalierA Call To Arms

8 points (Simon Phoenix)
4 points (BW)

= 12 points


13. ExpanderEndless Computer

9 points (Lacertilian)
4 points (Joe Thrashnkill)

= 13 points


12. Tomb MoldPrimordial Malignity

6 points (BW)
5 points (Leif Bearikson)
2 points (Lacertilian)

= 13 points


11. IntegrityHowling, For The Nightmare Shall Consume

10 points (Joe Thrashnkill)
4 points (Dr K.)

= 14 points


10. BotanistCollective: The Shape Of He To Come

8 points (Richter)
6 points (W.)

= 14 points


9. UlverThe Assassination Of Julius Caesar

10 points (Dr K.)
5 points (Link)

= 15 points


8. BereftLands

8 points (Joaquin Stick)
7 points (W.)

= 15 points


7. Rope Sect – Personae Ingratae/Proselytes 

7 points (Hans)
5 points (Joe Thrashnkill)
3 points (Richter)

= 15 points


6. VenenumTrance Of Death

8 points (W.)
4 points (Lacertilian)
3 points (Leif Bearikson)

= 15 points


paradise lost medusa5. Paradise LostMedusa

10 points (Link)
8 points (Moshito)

= 18 points

[Listen to the track “We’re Luddites” by Paradise Lost somewhere else, I dunno]


4. Malokarpatan – Nordkarpatenland 

10 points (BW)
8 points (Joe Thrashnkill)

= 18 points


3. Winds Of LengHorrid Dominion

8 points (Link)
6 points (Spear)
5 points (Simon Phoenix)

= 19 points


2. Spectral VoiceEroded Corridors Of Unbeing

9 points (Joe Thrashnkill)
8 points (Leif Bearikson)
7 points (Lacertilian)

= 24 points


1. Suffering HourIn Passing Ascension

10 points (Lacertilian & W.)
9 points (Spear)
6 points (Leif Bearikson)

= 35 points

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