TERROR OF THE TEN TON SLUG!

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WHAT IS THIS SLIMY MENACE THAT KILLS EVERYTHING IT SEES AND HEARS? NO HUMAN MIND COULD IMAGINE THE ENORMOUS DESTRUCTIVE POWER OF THIS MADDENED KILLING THING!

Ten Ton Slug, feral gastropod giant oozes down from the loathsome, rotten stars to lay waste to the land once again! Bringer of pestilence and famine, it wreaks havoc upon the living as it consumes the dead! Its hunger insatiable! Its malice unbearable! It pulverizes to desolation all in its path with its merciless “Slug Grinder” maw of a million razor teeth!

IF YOU’RE YOUNG PEOPLE IN LOVE, LOOK OUT! IF YOU’RE DRIVING A LONELY ROAD, YOU’RE AS GOOD AS DEAD!

Behold the Ten Ton Slug, belched forth from the oozing void to do the will of the “Matriarch of Slime,” unleashing its continent-shifting bellow, crushing the feeble armies of man beneath its chugging girth, and shaking off the crackling salvo of percussive artillery rippling against it as if man’s mightiest weapons were mere sticks and stones! Behold the Ten Ton Slug’s newfound sensory precision and beware its deadly stream of acidic riffs that spell utter DOOM for all in its sights!

__________________________

NEVER IN THE HISTORY OF IRELAND A MONSTER OF SUCH SIZE AND POWER AND HORRIFYING HATRED OF MAN!

See man’s daring stand against the “Siege” of the baleful Ten Ton Slug! Behold the unquenchable thirst for destruction as the beast from the stars unleashes its most potent, toxic riff yet, incinerating the defenders to so much ash and bone as it cackles in delight! Hear the juddering quake of its approach as the beast crashes through the walls, the rubble crumbling in a staccato tattoo of cracking metal and skin and drum! Witness the gluttonous beast’s final throes of victory cleaving massive grooves into the crust itself as its enemies decompose beneath the force of its unassailable weight!

AN AMAZING KONG-LIKE DOOM METAL MONSTER, TERRIFYING AN ENTIRE POPULATION! THE TON TON SLUG TRIUMPHANT IN BLOOD AND SLIME!

Behold the Ten Ton Slug’s latest conquest on Bandcamp and Facebook now!

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  • Hans

    You alright dude?

  • tigeraid

    I for one am terrified.

  • Joaquin Stick

    This is ten ton slugging me in the glug.

    • Dubby Fresh

      Need a plug

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    This is beastly stuff indeed! Very cool. Was that a dialogue sample from the movie of Slugs?

    • Dubby Fresh

      I think they sample that at both the beginning and end.

      • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

        Ahah. Cheers! It has been many moons since I saw it last.

        • Dubby Fresh

          Also, I lifted several lines in this post from a certain B-grade monster film.

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            Which one? Some lines do ring a bell but I’m not sure quite where, monster films blend together a bit for me.

          • Dubby Fresh

            Oops, I meant the advertisement for one. I borrowed liberally from an old spot for The Giant Gila Monster.

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            Ah, I see. Those old ads were really something. Old pulp horror blurbs are a goldmine too.

          • Dubby Fresh

            I love them. I’ve probably talked about this before, but when I was a kid, my dad bought me these VHS tapes that were basically just compilations of clips and ads from old monster movies, and that’s where I fell in love with the genre. I can still recall some of those voice-overs verbatim.

  • GoatForest

    They should do a split with Slugdge.

  • GIMME *burp* BEER

    GODDDD DAMN! THA’ S SOME RIGHTEOUS BEER DRINKING MUSIC, I TELL YOU WHAT!!

    *burp*

  • GrumpDumpus

    MUCH LIKE BRENOCIDE’S TAKE ON WINTERSUN’S PUMPKIN SPICE ALBUM IT IS ESSENTIALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO LIVE UP TO THE QUALITY OF THE REVIEW