Taina – Seelenfresser: A Video Breakdown

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Arschgeige!

Taina are an industrial rock/metal band from Bremen, Germany that formed in 2010. Taina is also the name of a television series on Nickelodeon that began airing in 2001. Intentional or not, the band is named after a children’s show. Is there a German word for “everyone point and laugh uproariously in perpetuity throughout the universe?” If not, there should be. Those Germans have a word for everything. Maybe they even have one for “video breakdown.”

0:01: Taina is also the name of a milftastic salsa singer. FYI.
0:06: According to Google Translate, “Seelenfresser” means “soul eater”. I would’ve guessed it meant “drooling fuck”.
0:09: Just another day at the DMV.
0:14: Arby’s: We have the meat sweats!
0:22: See, this is what happens when you let you kids listen to My Chemical Romance for too long.
0:26: Even Megaherz thinks they should tone down the face paint.
0:32: You can practically smell the sweaty crotch stench in that room.
0:37: The chains help keep the leather pants from reanimating into cows and running for their lives.
0:46: Mein gott en himmel!
0:50: His lips say no, but his eyes say “Kick me”.
0:56: Wiener Uber Alles!
1:03: I wonder if these guys know Eternal Halloween.
1:09: What’s a good side dish when eating souls? A Try-Hard Casserole? Mashed dork-tatoes?
1:15: No one tell him he’s eating raccoon meat.
1:23: Ooooh, now I get why they call it “blood pudding”.
1:30: Vocals: WoLand
1:34: Guitars: SerZh
1:37: Drums: Hannes
1:42: The best he could do was “Hannes”? Huh. Okay.
1:45: Welcome to Chipolte!
1:52: In Trump’s America, this is considered a luxurious bubble bath.
2:00: Make sure to get it in every nook and cranny, Gunter.
2:07: He even painted his goatee. How adorable!
2:13: For some who served, The Black Parade never ended.
2:21: I’ll just never see the appeal of Sonic.
2:29: eHarmony: The Early Years.
2:37: So this is a love song, right?
2:45: Skeet skeet skeet.
2:52: I really hope they paid this guy a lot of money to be in this video.
2:57: He’s stickier than a porn scene shot in the back of a Waffle House.
3:06: I’m curious what Rammstein thinks of this video.
3:15: Is this going to be a big hit in German fetish clubs?
3:22: Is “German fetish clubs” a redundant term??
3:26: “Ve vill give you pleasure by any means necessary!”
3:34: He’s going to have such a tummy ache when this is over.
3:44: All that synth and no actual synth player in the band.
3:53: “And that’s where babies come from.”
4:00: Yeah, because crunching and squishing sound effects were totally needed.
4:10: Ach du lieber!

Taina’s new album will be released in 2017 via Viy Records. This track is available now via iTunes and Amazon.

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