Taina – Seelenfresser: A Video Breakdown



Taina are an industrial rock/metal band from Bremen, Germany that formed in 2010. Taina is also the name of a television series on Nickelodeon that began airing in 2001. Intentional or not, the band is named after a children’s show. Is there a German word for “everyone point and laugh uproariously in perpetuity throughout the universe?” If not, there should be. Those Germans have a word for everything. Maybe they even have one for “video breakdown.”

0:01: Taina is also the name of a milftastic salsa singer. FYI.
0:06: According to Google Translate, “Seelenfresser” means “soul eater”. I would’ve guessed it meant “drooling fuck”.
0:09: Just another day at the DMV.
0:14: Arby’s: We have the meat sweats!
0:22: See, this is what happens when you let you kids listen to My Chemical Romance for too long.
0:26: Even Megaherz thinks they should tone down the face paint.
0:32: You can practically smell the sweaty crotch stench in that room.
0:37: The chains help keep the leather pants from reanimating into cows and running for their lives.
0:46: Mein gott en himmel!
0:50: His lips say no, but his eyes say “Kick me”.
0:56: Wiener Uber Alles!
1:03: I wonder if these guys know Eternal Halloween.
1:09: What’s a good side dish when eating souls? A Try-Hard Casserole? Mashed dork-tatoes?
1:15: No one tell him he’s eating raccoon meat.
1:23: Ooooh, now I get why they call it “blood pudding”.
1:30: Vocals: WoLand
1:34: Guitars: SerZh
1:37: Drums: Hannes
1:42: The best he could do was “Hannes”? Huh. Okay.
1:45: Welcome to Chipolte!
1:52: In Trump’s America, this is considered a luxurious bubble bath.
2:00: Make sure to get it in every nook and cranny, Gunter.
2:07: He even painted his goatee. How adorable!
2:13: For some who served, The Black Parade never ended.
2:21: I’ll just never see the appeal of Sonic.
2:29: eHarmony: The Early Years.
2:37: So this is a love song, right?
2:45: Skeet skeet skeet.
2:52: I really hope they paid this guy a lot of money to be in this video.
2:57: He’s stickier than a porn scene shot in the back of a Waffle House.
3:06: I’m curious what Rammstein thinks of this video.
3:15: Is this going to be a big hit in German fetish clubs?
3:22: Is “German fetish clubs” a redundant term??
3:26: “Ve vill give you pleasure by any means necessary!”
3:34: He’s going to have such a tummy ache when this is over.
3:44: All that synth and no actual synth player in the band.
3:53: “And that’s where babies come from.”
4:00: Yeah, because crunching and squishing sound effects were totally needed.
4:10: Ach du lieber!

Taina’s new album will be released in 2017 via Viy Records. This track is available now via iTunes and Amazon.

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  • Dumpster Lung ᴰᵃᵐᵃᵍᵉ_ᴵⁿᶜ⁸⁹

    Ah, so this is what Joe thought Youth Code would be like xD

  • Óðinn
    • Dumpster Lung ᴰᵃᵐᵃᵍᵉ_ᴵⁿᶜ⁸⁹
      • Óðinn

        Via self-immolation no less. That’s hardcore.

        • mother☆shabubu

          you’re not hardcore unless you live hardcore…or die hardcore in this case.

      • NDG

        I can’t even have a few laughs when I watch this shit anymore.

        Too old.

        • Dumpster Lung ᴰᵃᵐᵃᵍᵉ_ᴵⁿᶜ⁸⁹

          It also hurts that this is what a lot of people assume metalheads are, even though this isn’t the right set of stereotypes at all lol.

    • Rob M

      Oh good…now that thats part of my Youtube viewing history my recommended videos have become really fun

    • Waynecro

      This is what happens to all the characters who don’t make it into fighting games.

    • Abradolf Lincler

      wheres a molotov cocktail when you need one

      • KyleJMcBride

        I drank it.

        • more beer

          That is certainly better than watching this shit.

    • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

      This video could make anyone hate Thomas The Tank Engine. It just makes me want to light myself on fire in a Hot Topic.

      • Count_Breznak

        That’s stupid and inefficient. When you exclude yourself from being lit on fire you are not limited to one Hot Topic shop.

    • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

      What have you done? Now I’m watching Thomas The Tank Engine remixes.

    • more beer

      I can’t believe not a single one of these people didn’t think this was a bad idea.

      • Óðinn

        Yes. You’d think it would be obvious.

        • more beer

          On the bright side. I will be long dead before any of them are old enough to be running things.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Guaranteed these dudes are all Reddit neckbeards now.

  • Why are the band members playing instruments? This song was not made with any real instruments. Why are there bandmembers? What’s with the Siouxie-Sioux-by-way-of-Danni-Filth eye makeup? Why am I asking stupid questions about stupid shit?

  • Waynecro

    This video’s a lot cooler when you play Pig Destroyer’s Prowler in the Yard over it.

    • The Tetrachord of Archytas

      I was gonna say its a lot cooler if you follow the link to the salsa gal and have that playing over the video

      • Waynecro

        Pretty much any other music would be an improvement.

  • JWEG

    0:06: According to Google Translate, “Seelenfresser” means “soul eater”. I would’ve guessed it meant “drooling fuck”.

    That or possibly a pine-scented neck ornament for seals (and sea-lions and walruses too, just to be fair).

  • Abradolf Lincler

    dis real bad. unlistenable bad.

  • mother☆shabubu

    I had to check to make sure this wasn’t a Naplam records band.

    • Major Zim

      And the award for best comment goes to…

    • *cue obnoxiously loud MEGA EXPLOSIOOON*

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Must… not… post… more… Eurotrash club metal…


    • Major Zim

      Wow, that was pretty awful. Jesus the dubstep just started. Such a waste of an actually pretty darn good singer. I’m waiting for any of the metal to show up anywhere other than the clothes (also dat blatant Khold ripoff from the keybord player tho). They really couldn’t turn the guitar down farther.

      • Major Zim

        Damn you Cybro, I had to go watch live videos of Author and Punisher to cleanse myself from the youtube K-hole that just sent me on. All the goodwill that awesome record swap created is gone!

      • CyberneticOrganism

        I’m going to write something about these guys at some point; their old stuff is solid, blackish metal (riff kicks in at 0:50)


  • Vocals: WoooooooooOOOOOOOLand


  • AeonsOvChaos

    Those Germans has a word for everything. Loki has a question for them: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b3ac3d3ea9b3eb38bf36a39ba26ffe70d72e0951e2c57883d71e1ca6945a6068.gif