Sworn In – Scissors: A Video Breakdown


Scissor me timbers!

Do you know the band Sworn In? I don’t. Sure, I recognize the name in the same way that I recognize not to touch a hot stove, but I still don’t know them. The internet tells me they’re an Illinoisian (is that what you call someone from Illinois? Illinoiser? Illinerds?) metalcore band that formed in 2011. The internet also tells me that despite being around for less than five years, Sworn In has already on their fifth bassist. None of them were named Pig Benis, so it’s not that interesting. Alright, let’s get into this before I start bringing up more members of Mushroomhead.

0:07: They’re all going to laugh at you!
0:13: It’s raining Nerds! Hallelujah, it’s raining Nerds!
0:19: Why didn’t anyone tell me that Deadsy changed their name?
0:24: And why didn’t anyone tell me that Gerard Way‘s drug-bloated brother was in a band?
0:30: He clearly left a few ounces of Miami nose candy on the drums.
0:34: Cocaine doesn’t go there. We need 80’s-era Ozzy to show them how it’s done.
0:41: Anyone else getting an Index Case vibe from this video?
0:43: Head & Shoulders extra strength will clear that dandruff right up.
0:48: Gotta pay the bills any way you can. I don’t judge.
0:51: Sworn In: Now featuring the bottom string.
0:58: For some people, every day is the Family Values ’98 Tour.
1:03: Sure just jump in the shot, lady! No big deal.
1:10: Is this video inspired by one of those fetish videos you can only get by request from Clips4Sale?
1:16: “Okay, let’s get some pretty ladies and drip paint on them. It’ll be great! Just make sure you knock before coming into the editing room!”
1:18: This scene provided by James Deen.
1:21: Thanks for coming, random lady!
1:26: You Can’t Do That On Television 2015
1:32: The skull represents bones and horns and stuff.
1:40: Is that piercing by his eye bothering anyone else. His mom should jump into the shot, spit on a napkin, and wipe it off his face.
1:45: You’ve got red on you.
1:54: He can’t stop touching his face. It’s like they crammed his cheeks full of catnip.
2:01: Oh boy, she got jam all over herself. She’s going to need like 2 baths.
2:11: I’d like to believe they got these wrinkly jumpsuits from a Slipknot yard sale.
2:16: I wonder if the drummer shoves zucchinis through those gaping ear holes.
2:23: This video is like Suspiria. Except totally not.
2:29: Good call cloaking this guy in shadow. Not exactly Tiger Beat material.
2:37: That is some clumpy looking oatmeal.
2:46: Pointing your fingers repeatedly really conveys his emotions. Emotions about pointing at things.
2:53: Fear the Emo-llet.
3:03: Hey, they found Ozzy’s coke sack.
3:09: He must’ve accidentally watched 5 seconds of sports and immediately got sick.
3:13: It’s nice that former members of Orgy can still make a living.
3:20: Crossbreed too.
3:30: And Aversions Crown.
3:35: Eyes Wide Shut Too: The Shuttening.
3:39: Eeeeeeewwwwwwwies!
3:49: Weeeeeeeee!
3:58: Someone’s been watching The Strangers.
4:07: It’s like a completely different song all of a sudden.
4:20: XorgydeadsybiledawnofashesdeadstarassemblyX

I wasn’t quite sure what to expect, but it certainly wasn’t that. I thought it would be some sort of Warped Tour, finger pointing, good cop/bad cop core, but I guess not. It wasn’t great or anything, but I suppose it could have been worse. They needed more neon body paint and crazy hair cuts to really achieve that late 90’s/early 2000’s pseudo industrial metal feel.I hope those models covered in Sherwin-Williams paint were at least paid well.

Hmm, now that I think about it, there weren’t any scissors in this video. Or scissoring. What a rip off!

Sworn In’s new album “The Lovers/The Devil” is out now via Razor & Tie

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  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    Sworn Out.

  • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

    I don’t get the appeal of these guys. Also, I agree that Pig Benis is a awful stage name.

  • Maik Beninton
  • What a lazy half assed band name. Fits the music

  • Send your whiffs to: toiletovhellwhiff@gmail.com

  • The Beargod

    This wasn’t horrible, and that’s the best I can say.

  • Dagon

    I am very happy to finally be participating in a video breakdown after weeks of being in class when it goes live.

  • Shrimp ov Whatever

    Well, that sure was interesting. Thank God I just took that aspirin. Side note: Head & Shoulders sucks balls.


      Whaaaaaat. I stand by Head & Shoulders. H&S4LYFE

      • I recommend H&S because is one of the few shampoos we find here in Venezuela. Try it!


      • Sir Tapir the Based™

        I prefer Knees & Toes.


          Do tapirs have knees?

          • Kim J’s Sexy Steamed Buns

            I dunno, but Sir Tapir has a head like a peanut.

    • Kim J’s Sexy Steamed Buns
      • Sir Tapir the Based™

        I heard Albert Fish liked Head And Shoulders as well.

        • Kim J’s Sexy Steamed Buns

          I was going to say Dahmer, but that’s just low hanging fruit.

    • Lacertilian

      I want to try god’s aspirin, it must be good shit

  • Maik Beninton

    Seriously I thought this song would be like the one I saw on SYWH.

  • “2:53: Fear the Emo-llet”

    “life’s unfair”


  • Also, Suspiria>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


  • JWG

    I think I can be forgiven for not even commenting on that video. So instead I’ll let you in on my day’s activity so far: I should be designing Lab materials for next term, but instead I’ve been browsing online clothing retailers. I wonder if you fine gentlemen can point me to any purveyors of metal tees for tall but still kind of stocky dudes like me (I wear between XLT and 2XT – the “Tall” part being the important bit).

    If necessary I can take in a 3X around the sides and waist, as I usually do when I buy shirts from Rotten Cotton. That probably widens the source list a bit, no pun intended.

    • Scrimm

      Haven’t used thier mailorder yet but Hells Headbangers has a pretty big selection. If you aren’t too worried about ordering overseas bestrocktshirts.com has a lot. I’ve used them several times, both through the website and through stuff they sell on Ebay. I actually use Ebay quite a bit for shirt browsing as well

      • JWG

        I don’t often think of labels as direct sources of shirts, even though that ought to be a most logical part of any merchandising.

        HHb has an impressive range based on what little of it I looked at before I cut out early to get home. I especially like the bridge between my usual (RC and/or Fright Rags) and their horror sub-collection. And the prices seem right, so long as Border Services doesn’t stick on a massive surcharge like they seem to do for CDs as of this year.

        I have no idea why I didn’t know about that other website already, though. I could spend hours just browsing and never quite settle on one unless I go in with a specific name in mind.

        • Scrimm

          Same. They seem to sell some items that aren’t up on the site anymore on ebay, or at least they did a couple years ago when I was ordering from them

  • Well…that was…something.

  • Scrimm


  • Paris Hilton

    I swear to avenge the death of Tinkerbell.

    • Kim J’s Sexy Steamed Buns

      Sworn In killed her. *hands you a mace and zweihander*

  • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

    NO GOD PLEASE NO!!!! -coreboy does not approve. I sentence these wankers to be stoned to death. Oli Fucking Sykes (son) has spoken.


    Successfully combines the subpar djentiness of 2009 with the nu-metal cleans of 2001. A masterpiece on all fronts!

  • Kim J’s Sexy Steamed Buns

    Damn, they’re even slunching over their guitars and basses like they just saw a shiny ball of catnip on the ground. No late 90’s alt/nu metal stereotype left unturned (well, besides doing that retarded old school Simon Belmont jump in the air during the chorus)!

  • Kim J’s Sexy Steamed Buns

    Oh, and I’ve got even worse for ya! This chick is suing Mila Kunis over a chicken that Mila stole 25 years ago in The Ukraine (even though they lived over 300 miles apart). http://www.tmz.com/2015/04/22/mila-kunis-chicken-lawsuit-sued-childhood-friend-stole-pet/

    Gentlemen, behold, and break down!


    • Sir Tapir the Based™

      What the fuck is that thing? It’s gonna haunt my dreams.

      • Lacertilian

        Don’t be silly.
        You don’t have dreams.

        • Kim J’s Sexy Steamed Buns


          • Sir Tapir the Based™

            I don’t like sushi tho.

          • Kim J’s Sexy Steamed Buns

            Sushi is the official food of the universe. That, tendies, beef jerky and squid jerky.

          • Sir Tapir the Based™

            Tapir does not believe in the official foods of the universe. There is only Indian food.

          • Kim J’s Sexy Steamed Buns

            Liar! I’ve seen you eating bugs before and have proof!


          • Sir Tapir the Based™

            That’s a warthog, you stinky man!

          • Kim J’s Sexy Steamed Buns

            It takes more than a set of tusks to fool me!

          • CyberneticOrganism


      • Kim J’s Sexy Steamed Buns

        Found out it’s a drag queen over in Hollywood. Still hilariously bad though! PS, tapirs don’t have dreams, and Finns are only allowed to have nightmares.

        • Sir Tapir the Based™

          I thought that it was a woman. It’s not as scary if it’s a drag queen.

      • Kim J’s Sexy Steamed Buns

        Hehe, check out the new pic of ya a couple of comments down!

    • KJM

      I have Green Card for Moose & Squirrel.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Publicity stunt for attention. Mila can do no wrong.