Swellin’ To The Jammiez: The First Edition


Sup bros and broettes!? Paris Hilton here.  A few months ago, I decided to take a break from getting drunk and stoned with my homegirls so I could comment on that site that shall remain nameless *flush*. I just wanted to discuss Metal, write some shitty jokes, and even piss off an IMN or two in my spare time. Never would I have thought that I’d end up a regular poster and then a blogger myself! For now, I’d like to discuss the relationship between exercise and the genre we all know and love: Heavy Metal.

As we all know, Metal can be a very demanding genre of music. The fans have to headbang, slam into sweaty dudes when there’s some sick pit riffment, and deal with an assault on all senses at shows. Those who play in bands spend weeks at a time putting their body to the test by bombarding it with shitty food, cheap beer, exhausting shows, and disappointing their parents. Because of this, every good Metalhead knows the importance of keeping his/her body in top condition!

This is where Joe and I come in. Every Sunday we will alternate our own renditions of Swellin To The Jammiez! A weekly post of the heaviest and hottest tunes that YOU need to keep your body in good enough condition to live the Metal life. To kick things off, I’m gonna start with a few workout staples of mine that I rock when I’m gettin’ my swell on. The way this post is organized is I will be citing a few of my staples in different phases of my workout. So kick back, mix a protein shake, and enjoy!

1. The Warm-up

It’s 6:30 p.m., you’ve been working for the fuckin’ man all day. You’re exhausted. You’d much rather be at home with your Playstation, a beer, and big ol’ bowl of chips. It’s time to get on a cardio machine for a few minutes and get in the fucking zone.

When I need to get pumped up I need tunes that have super inspirational lyrics. Now, what band can you think of whose lyrics are 100% about overcoming adversity? Why it’s Hatebreed, of course! C’mon, did you really think I’d make a workout tunes post without Hatebreed?

This classic Hatebreed gem has been a workout essential of mine for years. It’s a fucking song for meatheads, there’s no doubt about it, but that’s the beauty of it. To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever listened to a Hatebreed song outside of a gym.


2. Party Time

You’ve coaxed yourself into your workout and it’s goin’ great!  Your endorphins are through the roof and you’re feelin’ “The Pump” big time!  (For those of you who don’t know what The Pump feels like, it’s like a magical combination of heroin and cocaine.)  Personally, this is the time of my workout I like to have a bit of fun, so I put metal on the back burner during this phase.

When I go to metal shows; I see dudes with serious scowls on their faces standing totally still and not moving or cracking a smile during the entire night. Know what those dudes need? The same thing I give myself every workout.  A big, thick, frosty serving of the funk!

When I get my funk on at the gym, I need to have my T.M. Stevens. His music is almost a perfect representation of my music tastes. Heavy enough to headbang to, yet funky enough to dance to!


When you have all of those sweet, sweet endorphins running through your veins here’s a couple more tunes that’ll keep the fun in your workout!

This one is a remix of the track Go Hard, from Kreayshawn’s less-than-stellar last release. Usually remixes are sub par, but this one puts a whole new, fresh sound to the song. The bass drops are hella catchy and heavy. They almost sound like an electric version of some killer guitar riffs.


Here’s another jam of mine for when I’m up in the gym or on my way to a party. Big Chocolate is an EDM artist that I feel still represents the DIY attitude of metal really well, plus he’s a huge nerd that used to record death metal tunes in his basement (according to Sgt. D). Not only are the bass drops and production of this track beyond amazing, especially for a DIY track, but the lyrics also have that “I’m the shit” attitude that I love for my swole sessions.


3. Kratos Mode

This is the phase of the workout where metal starts to come back into the picture. You’ve been lifting for a good 15 minutes now, and there’s a little bit of blood left in your testosterone levels. You are the fucking strongest, toughest badass with the best body in the gym. Unless of course Troy era Brad Pitt were to stroll in at that moment.


Take your gorgeous hair and body that I’m totally NOT jealous of and fuck off!

When this happens, now’s the time to get some tunes that make you want to fuck up everything in sight. For me, Homicidal Retribution by Dying Fetus is an absolute classic for this! The technicality, heaviness, and lyrics composed of piss, vinegar, and testosterone make it perfect for when you need to smash some weights to let off some steam! *I’m posting the lyric video, because the music video for this song is royally stupid. Sorry, not sorry.*


Another little instrumental jam that’s perfect for a tough set is Industrial Quarter by Disfiguring The Goddess. Imagine, you’re about the break your bench press PR, that fly 8/10 cardio bunny on the elliptical (or that 8/10 beefcake doing some yoga; we’re about equality here on Toilet Ov Hell) is eyin’ you up like a you’re a cold drink of water. You and I both know you’re way too weird to go up and say hi to them like a normal person, so giving them a chance to mire your gains is your only hope! Put this short, heavy as fuck 2 minute breakdown on, and you’ll not only smash your bench press PR, but that cutie in the locker room as well!


Yeah, I know I’m going to get in shit for this one. But it fucking pumps me up so much. Fuck the haters, this is a killer workout tune. That’s all I gotta say about this one.


4. The Burnout

It’s now the end of the workout and you’re feeling exhausted. It wouldn’t be the end of the world to skip out on a few sets and those awful tricep dips, right? Wrong. Quit being a pussy, and put some of these tunes on to get you back on track!

Here’s a disclaimer for those of you… well… more on the euphoric side of things. This DMX song has some religious themes to it, hence the name of the song. But this beat is so tight, and the lyrics make you feel like you can accomplish anything no matter what! Give it a chance. If this song doesn’t make you want to grab your shitty life by the balls, twist, and then knock it’s fucking teeth right out, then consult your doctor to ask if AndroGel is right for you.

Besides, sometimes I like to feel as if I’m getting strength from a higher power when I’m at the end of my wits from a hard training session. Not everything in life is logical.


Whiny, Miserable Assholes With Really Bad Fashion. Together We Can Find The Cure.

Here’s a few more tunes to get your “Get up and go” for when you’re burnt out!  



*Disclaimer: I don’t get wrapped up in that whole “Real Death Metal is better than scene kid Deathcore” shit. This song is heavy as fuck and has groovy, heavy riffs. I’m easy to please, that’s all I ask for.*


The two following songs are by far my favorite workout tunes! You’ve probably heard all of these songs before. I probably don’t give a fuck.


And that’s all for my end, folks! I don’t know how to end these things, so let me leave you with this:


What songs do YOU jam when you’re up getting swole!? Why is my taste in music so shitty!? Will anybody be as jacked as James Pligge!? You can discuss these questions and more in the comments, or my Workout Tunes Thread.


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  • I can’t think of a song that gets me more jacked up than Rammstein’s “Reise, Reise.” It makes me feel like I could bench tree-fiddy.


    • Feur Frei does it for me.

    • A Feed From Cloud Mountain

      Good pick there. Definitely a solid record as well.

      Kinda wish I hadn’t discovered the back story to Mein Teil though, tbh.

      • The single edit begins with a man’s voice saying IIRC “Ich suche gut gebauten achtzehn bis dreissigjährigen zum schlachten! -Der Metzgermeister. (I seek well-built 18 to 30 year olds to slaughter. -The Butcher.) That’s metal.


      my 86 year old german grandma would listen to rammstein and liked it ! She always translated the lyrics. I guess there is something about the vocal delivery that appeals to the super old school sensiblilities of those who lived under the german regime in the 40’s.

  • I want to swell to these jammiez but I am wicked hungover, Paris.

    • Paris Hilton

      It’s all good, I am too!

    • SMOHLG

      That moment when you lift after a night of drinking and the smell of alcohol wafts everywhere…

      • Cool Guy Steve

        …guess thats my cologne.

        • SMOHLG

          If there was a metal line of cologne, it would just be a bottle of booze. I want to see a done up cologne commercial for this

          • Cool Guy Steve

            just spill vodka on your beard, thats what I do

      • Paris Hilton

        Nothing gets the hangover away quite like a light lift and a nice sauna sesh!

  • W.

    Mrs. W digs the glamour muscles, so I like to get myself in sleek’n’sexy mode with these positive jams:

    Right Said Fred – I’m Too Sexy
    Rod Stewart – Do Ya Think I’m Sexy
    LMFAO – Sexy and I Know It
    Justin Timberlake – Sexyback
    Jessie J – Domino
    Destiny’s Child – Bootylicious
    The Village People – Their Entire Discography

    • The glamor muscles are the only muscles you need, Dubya. I’m not over here tryna be an athlete.

      • Dear Mr. Mod!
        We all would love to see a weekly Axl bashing article!!!!!!!!!!!
        Just a suggestion!!!!!!!!!!!


        • Paris Hilton

          I concur! Everyone needs to get their frustrations of Haxl Po$enburg out!

          • McFidget

            It certainly wouldn’t be the Toilet Ov Hell without some high quality flushing going on.

          • Paris Hilton

            I am in the early stages of a post about Kerry “Burger” King, too. Stay tuned!


            can you work that great new band king 810 into it ?. I have been hearing great things !


            the turn a giant grinding wheel for 8 years CONAN workout led to impressive results.

          • Christian Molenaar

            Kerry “Burger” King 810


            Miss. Hilton, will you please respect the feelings of others and remove that vulgar dj isaac imbed. It instills in me feelings of lust that may cause me to go out and commit an act of abucting a young lady. Then we would all feel guilty.
            Unfortunately i fall into this category thus explaining some of my behavior.

        • Duly noted, Mr. Riotact! Thank you for stopping by our humble commode!

          • TrickleDownTacoRiff

            great idea!

      • Ann Coulter’s Flaccid Penis

        I’m going for the glamor bones look, @disqus_BSuJ96uFg3:disqus knows about that lyfe.

        • Paris Hilton

          It’s hot.

    • Does a beer belly count as glamour muscles?

      • SMOHLG

        Would rather have a keg than a six-pack, m’lord

    • Paris Hilton

      Now that’s a tight playlist! I forgot how catchy Bootylicious is! I’m stealing it!

  • I can’t imagine working out without my music. It doesn’t seem feasible.

    • Paris Hilton

      That feel when you’re halfway to the gym and you realize you forgot headphones.

      • That’s when you do the patented psycho u turn and speed back home to grab them because there is no way you are gonna work out while listening to the shit that they play at the gym lol.

        • Paris Hilton

          Honestly, if I hear “Stay With Me” one more fucking, cocksucking time I’m gonna staple someone’s balls to the ceiling.

          • I don’t know what that is, this is a good thing.

          • SMOHLG

            Ditto. Don’t know that song. Stay away embedders!!!

          • Paris Hilton

            It’s a bad Top 40 song (coming from someone who likes some Top 40). Seriously, don’t let curiosity get the best of you.

      • SMOHLG

        Dude, THIS. I’ve definitely gotten to the gym, realized I don’t have my ‘phones, and I just sit in the car for moment while I contemplate my life and all it’s bitter regrets XD


      Can you somehow procure the logistical plans of the govt. program that created Captain America ? I wouldn’t mind getting in on a piece of that action.

  • Bozlinger

    I lifted a table moving house today…I think I’ll be dead soon.

    • You will die when i say how i say!!!!!
      My toilet = My rules!


  • Paris Hilton

    Thanks again to Joe for letting me make a post! I think what really makes this site cool is the wide variety of writers; each with different tastes, perspectives, and senses of humor. I have found more sweet music through people on this site in a few weeks than I have in years!

  • Cool Guy Steve

    I jam this all day…dog next door ain’t feelin’ any of this boner jam 🙁 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Vw32hbYSBM


    Some of the Facebook crew may now have discovered that lifting is a big part of my world. These are some of my favorite jams for a throat rippin’, face-punchin’ good time while gettin’ swoooooole:

    Demiurge- Meshuggah (duh)

    To Spite the Face- Anaal Nathrakh (anything off Vanitas, really)

    Spheres if Madness- Decapitated (double-duh)

    Trollhammarem- Fintroll

    Lashed to the Slave Stick- Nile

    In Yumen- Xilbaba- Rotting Christ

    Also, just about anything from Gojira, Kvelertak, Amon Amarth, Ensiferum, and Vita Imana always gets me motivated. I could list so much more, but this will have to do for now.

    • Paris Hilton

      Demiurge is another fav workout tune of mine! It’s like it was made for lifting.

      • SMOHLG

        Yeah, the only reason I ended up becoming a huge Meshuggah fan was because I Heard ‘New Millennium…’ And it just became a constant workout song. After that I slowly started exploring their whole discography.

    • I just creeped you on fb and you are legitimately huge. I will take these tracks to heart in hopes that they can increase my #mass.

      • SMOHLG

        Well, being 6’4″ has helped, but it’s all about the compound movements! And metal, lots and lots of metal.

        • Starting Strength was really helpful for me. I went from 5’11” and 150 pounds to 180. There’s some fat in there but not too much.

          • SMOHLG

            That’s awesome, keep it up if you enjoy it. If you have lofty goals in that area dig your heels in and make it part of your lifestyle. I’ve been active/lifting for about 9 years now.

        • Paris Hilton

          For your compound movements I’d imagine a boy your size loves hitting O-Lifts! Am I right?

          • SMOHLG

            I love Oly lifting. I struggle with mobility and my form still needs a lot of work, but I’m slowly chipping away at it. Dead lifts are my favorite though.

          • SMOHLG

            I quite possibly have the worst body type for oly lifting -__-

          • Paris Hilton

            Cleans, deads, push ups and muscle-ups are by far my favorite exercises! I’m strong yet flexible for O-lifting from breakdancing and self-taught gymnastics haha it all started in high school when I played Prince of Persia and I was all like “I wanna be able to do that shit!” Now I’m able to do backflips, back handsprings, wallflips, air-pushups (no feet on the ground), front flips, human flagpoles, and windmills just to name a few!

          • SMOHLG

            Damn dude, that’s awesome. I was loving muscle-ups, but they started destroying my already damaged bicep tendons, I’m looking to get back to them, though. My ‘agility’ is definitely not what I’m known for.

          • Paris Hilton

            Everyone has their own fitness goals according to their body build and interests! There’s no real right or wrong way, any lifting (except with awful technique) is good lifting in my book!


            are you sure you are not a superhero of some sort. Sounds like you may be one of the x-men !

          • Bucket ‘o Blood

            Damn, Paris, you have some serious swole going on there. The only muscle I have that gets any exercise is my diaphragm….
            Can’t do jack shit with my body, but I can sing really fucking loud.

          • SMOHLG

            What about you? You said you train. You oly or powerlift?

          • Paris Hilton

            More Oly, powerlifting is super cool I just don’t have the right build for it! I am a strength and conditioning coach too, so my technique with power exercises is quite good via having to teach athletes how to them all the damn time haha

    • NeverBlack

      I remember that once I created a playlist mixing Anaal Nathrakh and Cattle Decapitation. I don’t think I’ve slept well that night.

    • RomuluxX

      Demiurge is one of my favorites. I’m also quite fond of Ora Pro Nobis Lucifer by Behemoth. When that groovey break happens I just wanna toss my weights and fight the next person I see. I’m still a very tiny human being though, so that never happens.

  • Periffery = Anthony Green fronting Meshuggah

  • MoshOff


    2:00 minute mark. That’s all you need.

    • Paris Hilton

      I’m a pretty big Dying Fetus fan, I CANNOT believe I slept on this track! Legit adding this to my swole playlist!

    • The Black Dahlia Burger

      At 1:57 it literally sounds like he burped

  • JWG

    I put on the tunes only during heavy/monotonous cardio. That still works out to most of my time in the gym; the way I do it. I just prefer silence while I’m concentrating on weight/free-weight reps for the last bit.

    Arkona works pretty well for an extended warm-up, especially their most recent live album (Decade of Glory). I’ve also tried the most recent Origin and Rivers of Nihil. They work. Certain early Septicflesh tracks did too, although if I didn’t weed out the weird operatic interludes I’d completely blow my pace…

    I was actually listening to Weird Al (Mandatory Fun!) the last time I hit the treadmill. Just coincidence. Not planned at all. Oddly, it also fit.

  • The Satan ov Hell

    Personally, I usually go with ASG for the warm up, specifically https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25D903AMqIs

  • Gluteus_Maximus_Rage

    Although I don’t subscribe to your swole way of life, I do subscribe to funky tunes and will jam the hell out of TM Stevens next time I’m shoving copious amounts of Jack Daniels & Coke and BBQ Meat Lovers Pizza (with pineapple on top!) into my face hole! Thanks for the tip, Paris!

    • Paris Hilton

      You’re very welcome, Mr. Rage!!

      • Gluteus_Maximus_Rage

        THE TOILET OV HELL: a haven of sick tunes & articles and polite comment sections <3

  • NeverBlack

    Dude, you were right! That DMX song makes me want grab life by its seven horns, kill it, drink its blood and eat its corpse!

    • Welcome to our humble abode!

    • Paris Hilton

      Glad you could join us too, Mr. 666!


        my training program. I just go in and lift what i feel like. I usually go in and do about 20 minutes of weight assisted pull ups gradually lowering the weight assistance. I then go to the bicep machine and warm up. Then i go and do preacher curls for about 45 minutes pryamiding up and down with weight. I then go back to the bicep machine to max out. Then i move onto some rope triceps pushdowns. And end things off with another round of pull ups. Alternate days i will do a shit load of dumbell shoulder press. I have a very casual work out regime. I don’t write anything down, count sets or reps. I just go until i can’t go anymore. I am bi polar, its under control now but when i was on a bi polar high i would lift everyday of the week, never missed a day. I injured myself a few times, sometimes i was out for 6 months and there is some exercises i can’t do anymore because it. I tore ligaments in my left knee about 20 years ago so i don’t bother working my legs. I used to be on a real tear in the gym srutting around like a real asshole, it’s all kind of a blur, but i was asking girls out left and right. I was wearing a jean shirt unbuttoned hahhahhhaha, i was really fucked in the head. I would also drink cans of pepsi during my workout. I was pretty fucking strong then though. Now that my mind is in order its hard to get the anger that i need to lift but i still get into the gym somehow.
        As far as music goes, i can’t stand the distraction of earphones of any kind. They play classic rock which i can handle. I can tune it out anyways, its like i don’t even hear it. My favorite lifting music is ac/dc ( or ac/dc rip off bands like krokus, dirty looks, rhino bucket) They suck but they always have a steady beat and i don’t have to think about the lyrics.. But if pink floyd or zeppelin come on i shut down.

        Thats the CONAN way
        CROM approved

        Thanks for the most well written and interesting article.

        • WHUT?!?


            are we going to continue our mini feud RA ?

          • hmm… why not!

            ur ghay.
            Ur turn now.

        • TrickleDownTacoRiff

          what up g?
          Hey, I couldn’t respond to you to you on the Geneis question the mobile comments don’t work. I think it was just a Peter Gabriel Geneis question but Lamb is kick ass as well.

    • Deputy Dipshit


      Brothers in flush!

      *das flushenheimer*

    • Quarter Ounce Harrell

      our lord and savior.

    • Gurp


    • Christian Molenaar

      How’s vacation treating you?

  • Metaphysical Anus

    Don’t you diss Dawkins.

  • Shitstain Mcghee

    I feel like the odd man out… My workout noise is the same as my animal slaughter noise:

    Axis of Advance
    Black Witchery
    Grave Miasma
    Prosanctus Inferi
    and so on….

    It makes me want to lift heavy things. Downside is it also makes me want to throw said heavy things

    • The Satan ov Hell

      Black Witchery rip n’ slay friendo.


        i like to call this part of an ongoing series titled sunday is for SATAN

        • The Satan ov Hell

          Thank you, thank you very much! As for that blonde- she should come smoke crack with me again next week.

  • Mr. Bojangles

    Fuck I had this idea for a post the other day and you took it.

    Will you at least pet this pussy, Paris?

    -Mr. Bojangles.

    • Renan Ribeiro

      I was just going to start this discussion on the facebook group, no shit.

      • Yep. If you and @disqus_V2MSSFfUOy:disqus want to do a post in this series, I’m totally down! I want to make this a regular Sunday feature.

    • Paris Hilton

      Well Joe and I are sharing it anyway, so you should write one too!

      • Mr. Bojangles

        fight me IRL

        • Paris Hilton

          I’ll kick anyone’s ass. I’ll kick my own ass.

        • Paris Hilton


  • Renan Ribeiro

    For lifting I usually dig some High On Fire (specially Death is this Communion and Vermis Mysteriis), early Mastodon. It’s easier to change while i’m there so whatever feels right gets some play.

    I started doing HIIT along with the lifting to help me lose weight, and for that I have a specific playlist:

    Mastodon – The Wolf is Loose
    Into the Timewaste – Asphyx
    Deathhammer – Asphyx
    M.A.A.D. City – Kendrick Lamar
    HC3 (live) – Planet Hemp



    some words of wisdom from an icon
    & some words from a fucking asshole bilble thumper,
    really what in CROMS name is he talking about ?

    • Ann Coulter’s Flaccid Penis

      For some reason that brings to mind that scene from LOTR: The Return of the King movie where the orcs fire trebuchets full of the heads of decapitated soldiers into the city. SO. FUCKING. METAL. Orcs are kvlt as fuck.

  • RomuluxX

    I was thinking about how to do a metal/gym post. DAMN YOU, PARIS

    • This is going to be a regular thing. If you want to cover this one Sunday just lemme know!

      • RomuluxX

        Oh snap! I just might. I’m currently thinking through an Essential Black Metal Albums write up and an up and coming black metal bands write up. I just need to find the time to actually write them

        • Paris Hilton

          I don’t wanna bogart this shit, man. I’d love to see what you got for tunes!

        • The Satan ov Hell

          I’m doing a thing on mainstream DSBM myself, mostly bands we probably all know.

  • RomuluxX

    This is one of my favorites. Punch through a goddamn wall!


  • Lacertilian

    Although you lost me with the Dawkins swipe, for this theme I recommend:
    Animosity (anything off Animal)
    Artificial Brain
    Terror (along with Raised Fist for the hardcore dose)
    Mastodon’s March Of The Fire Ants
    The Red Chord
    I would also mention Meshuggah or Pantera but it appears everyone is on board with them for lifting already!

  • Perpetual Wincest

    Sylosis for me. Stuff like ‘Altered States’, ‘Fear the World’, and ‘Born Anew’ (especially the last like, forty five seconds of that song) is just the epitome of workout music.

  • Gurp

    This got me so pumped I think I might not slack off at work today.

  • Ann Coulter’s Flaccid Penis

    Quality jammiez for the swellin,’ although I was under the impression you were going to offer which pajamas you prefer to work out in. As a scrawny dude, I look forward to listening to these songs while giant swole dudes laugh at my pathetic attempts to lift minuscule amounts of weight.

  • Brian_aka_Guppusmaximus

    The Guppusmaximus Punishment Playlist (Chest & Back Day):

    Incline Chest press (4 Sets / 8-9 Reps – 70lb Dumbbells)
    Preferred Track: Ghost of War – Slayer

    Standard Chest press (4 Sets / 8-9 Reps – 75lb Dumbbells)
    Preferred Track: Sullen Days – Suffocation

    Lat Pulldowns (4 Sets / 8-9 Reps – 130lb / Cable)
    Preferred Track: Accelerated Evolution – The Faceless

    Fly machine / Front & Rear (4 Sets / 8-9 Reps – Front: 190lb, Rear: 150lb)
    Preferred Track: Force Fed – S.Y.L.

    Cardio – Arc Trainer (Full Resistance / ‘6’ Incline – 15 Mins. w/ 20 sec. sprints every 5 Min.) Preferred Track: Motley Crue – Till Death Do Us Part

  • Sponge Of Mystery

    if you’re not ashamed to admit you like poppy electronica stuff, Breathe Carolina is great for exercising

  • Dying Fetus kinda scares me. I feel like I have to run faster/longer because they might catch me. They’re my cardio choice

  • Rizzle01

    The last Kreayshawn album was tits. It had quite a few bangers: Syrup, Go Hard, Left Eye etc. There is nothing much better to listen to while working out than Disfiguring the Goddess or Thy Art Is Murder!