Swellin’ to the Jammiez: Run with Death

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In a previous installment of the Toilet’s fitness column, our good friend Joe Thrashnkill laid out the fundaments of High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) – an aerobic training method that entails several short rounds in which you alternate charging forward like an insane berserker with some grandma style walking. Now, it’s my turn to try and get you from The Blob physique into looking like Kratos.

If this seems pointless to you, note that current scientific studies show that this method of aerobic training is more effective than regular cardio in improving cardiovascular performance and burning away all the bacon sundaes you’ve been eating. It also gets your metabolism turnt up and increases testosterone production for greater periods of time.

Long story short, if you want to look like you belong in a Manowar cover, HIIT is the perfect complement to a solid weight-lifting program good brand of baby oil.

 

Manowar-1
The regimen I’ve used in the past month consists of:
  1. Warm-up
  2. Two sets of 1 minute sprints and 1 minute walks
  3. A big, exhausting 2 minutes sprint, followed by a longer rest
  4. Another two sets of 1 minute sprint/1 minute walk

I honestly believe this would be an impossible feat without motivational music – songs capable of awakening your inner caveman from its modern slumber. Also, this post wouldn’t make any sense if I didn’t bring the Jammiez with me.

With iTunes, I tailored the specific parts of songs that I want to hear and sorted them in a playlist. Then, I exported these shrunken songs, merged them all into a single mp3 file and uploaded it to youtube just so I could show it to y’all.

 

 

I hope this post gets you inspired to take your cardio to the next level and also to make your own playlists. What songs get your blood pumping? What songs motivate you to push harder?

Sound off, my friends.

(Photo VIA)
  • Gurp

    But Henan Hibeiro, won’t all this require actual physical effort?

    • Renan Ribeiro

      It will… I’m ashamed sry

  • Metaphysical Anus

    I am extremely offended that a shitty band like Manowar would use the Finnish flag on their album cover.

    • Call the Slambulance

      BLASPHEMY

      • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

        Canada’s black metal pioneers (formed 1984), still active. I met the drummer at a CC show in 98, i talked with him for 20 minutes before i found out who he was. He thought i was corspegrinder ( i had long hair then) A cool story bro situation. I think he was half in the bag before i got there. ahhahha. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGhDZONa2CQ

    • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

      They mean well, at least they didn’t pull a cold lake. Lets all start by forgiving them for blow your speakers (song and especially video and work from there.

  • Itunes….kill

  • W.

    I’m really interested in trying this. My wife and I run a few miles most mornings during the week, but this may be a good way to spice up the activity.

    • Stockhausen

      Whoa whoa whoa. We don’t need to hear about you spicing up things with Laura.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        I heard that Laura Bush killed a guy.

        • W.

          She did indeed.

    • Renan Ribeiro

      Do it! It’s also great for when you don’t have a lot of time, you can get a massive cardio workout in under 20 minutes.

  • Xan

    This definitely isn’t work out music unless you like working out in slow motion but I found a cool song based on one of Lovecraft’s stories: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAwSxtaD4II

  • The Cowboys are terrible >:(

    • Sponge Of Mystery

      At least you’re not a Vikings fan /:

    • Scrimm

      Better than Jacksonville.

  • MoshOff

    I go to school in Pamplona, where they do the running of the bulls every year. I was literally right there where that picture was taken on Thursday night (the same street anyway).

    I also have a classmate who’s big into HIIT, he gave me some pointers and that shit seriosuly works.

  • Paris Hilton

    HIIT is by far one of the best methods of exercise! Studies show that 20 minutes of HIIT can provide 45 minutes worth of cardiovascular benefits. Get in on that shit, guys!!

    • Lacertilian

      Can you replicate it on an elliptical?
      I’m new to this shit but have been getting better every day.

      • Paris Hilton

        Yup! The cardiovascular exercise of choice barely matters, as long as the heart rate is up and taking blood into the skeletal muscle.

        • Lacertilian

          Thanks, it’s just that when I sprint on the elliptical it makes more noise than Origin!
          Makes it hard to scream “SALIGIA” over the squeaking.

  • Paris Hilton

    HIIT also produces the best response of the mTor (mammalian target of rapamyosin) pathway, which is responsible for cellular growth within the body, and skeletal muscle! Just be sure to get some protein and sugar within a half hour post-workout to “amplify” this pathway! With nothing to replenish the amino acids and phosphocreatine broken due to use of your Type II anaerobic muscle fiber the mTor Pathway will diminish. Also, DO NOT drink post-workout!!! Alcohol completely blunts this pathway and renders to your workout useless!

    #healthtipsfromparishilton

    • Like… Don’t drink immediately after? Or can I drink a few hours after?

      • Paris Hilton

        As long as you don’t drink within 2-3 hours you should be ok! You just can’t introduce alcohol while the mTor Pathway is still kickin

        • Eyyyyy!

          • Paris Hilton

            Be wary of dat alcohol dehydration doe! Not only does it block the anti-diuretic hormone but the alcohol sugars also retain 2g of water out of the blood for every 1g of sugar consumed.

            -Signed, a huge nerd when it comes to the machinations of the human body

    • Cock ov Steele

      Paris Hilton using smart words lol. but anywho you and my mom would get along. Srsly she’s huge into body science, homeopathics, probiotics, all that stuff. Anything short of kale enemas. I can’t even describe her knowledge of it.

      • Paris Hilton

        Your mom sounds like a cool cat! I’m a strength and conditioning specialist and a sports nutritionist so I know my shit about physiology. It’s just a passion of mine! Put me in front of an engine though and I’m totally fuckin lost lmfao

    • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

      What language are you speaking ? The only words i recognize are weight , muscle , skeletal, alcohol & hiit ( although i have never seen this spelling)

      • Paris Hilton

        Haha I like to think of my training on a molecular level. It’s almost an unhealthy obsession :/

        • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

          Seriously though, it’s great to know this stuff, when i go to the gym and somone is just sitting minding the desk and doesn’t know anything it’s annoying. Wasn’t making fun of you, just exposing my ignorance of it, no hard feelings i hope.

          • Paris Hilton

            No offense taken at all man! Hail Crom and hail my new single, Come Alive (available now on iTunes and Google Play!!

            -Paris Hilton

    • The Prophet Mohammed

      Seeing how you do this for a living, I’d like to know your opinion on my workout. I play ice hockey and wanted a workout to simulate a game. I’ll start with 10 minutes of jump rope or so and then move to the elliptical. Thirty second sprint, one minute slow pace. I do this for about 30 minutes. After that, I like to work arms, back, and chest. I do this three days a week. On my days where I don’t go to the gym, I like to jump rope for 20 minutes or so at a pretty intense pace. Any suggestions Paris?

  • Janitor Jim Dvggan

    I’m wondering if this techinque described above works. I feel that if it does I would be much skinnier and very happy.

  • Guest
  • The Satan Ov Nvklear Hell
    • I HATE ska but love the hell out of Leftover Crack. They’re so gross. I might have to do a post about them.

      • The Satan Ov Nvklear Hell

        Do it, my man! Leftover Crack are great.

  • Cock ov Steele

    Running Wild and Biohazard are usually my choice running jams. That being said…so is Mötley Crüe.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      My jams for exercising include Duran Duran, Mushroomhead, Motograter, Static X and Union Underground. I also put Depeche Mode in there sometimes.

      • If I’m walking out and about (it’s almost a mile to the nearest bus stop from here, and I usually get about 5 miles a day in), I play And One, Melotron, Sacred Gate, Crimson Glory (especially ‘Strange And Beautiful’), Postiljonin, M83, Decapitated, and Lost Horizon.

    • Jormungandr

      Hey man you gotta kick start your heart!

      • Cock ov Steele

        That is precisely the song I was referring too. Haha

  • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

    ……..

  • Scrimm

    Damn the Bengals are starting to look really good. For the second week in a row, the whiff of the week goes to the JAGUARS!!

  • FeelTheDarkness

    This is on a loop whilst I run. I am a winner

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RY3XiM7oGj0

  • old_man_doom

    The “Run with death” title reminds of this. During the winter, there’s a windy forest road near my school that I run down at dusk. As I reach the end of the road, it gets colder and darker, so I turn around and haul ass back the way I came while listening to Blood Mountain. I scare myself into running faster by thinking that wolves, birchmen, and cysquatches were chasing after me. By the time I’m near the road’s entrance, I’m in a full sprint. Helluva work out.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-C3UtyK8IAQ

    • Further Down the Metal Hole

      That song also popped into my mind upon reading the title!

    • Renan Ribeiro

      That’s the purpose, I try to get into that whole “Hunter gatherer on a quest for something” mindset before I workout. One or my favorite Mastodon songs as well, if not the favorite.

  • Lord Ov Kapsko

    Kataklysm were responsible for buying me a one way ticket to snap city… Dat fucking pump.

  • Guppusmaximus

    Here’s my leg day regiment: Leg press (10 x 45lb plates – 4 sets of 10), Goblet Squat (75lb dumbbell – 3 sets of 8), Arc Trainer – Full resistance @ level 6 incline (out of 10) – 15 minutes w/ 20 sec sprints every 5 minutes.

    Death “Symbolic” (most of the album) – Presses & Squats. Leprous “Coal” (The Valley) – Cardio.

    Disclaimer: My workouts are purely for performance results. If you are into definition, my regiment may not help you…