Swellin’ to the Jammiez: Don’t Lose That Inertia!

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Right now. Hey. It’s your tomorrow.
Right now. C’mon. It’s everything.

The Great Prophet Hagar’s wise words are ones we can apply to the amount of initiative we may (or may not have) when it comes to going to the gym. Let me rephrase that: get to the motherf**king gym! There’s a certain amount of inertia required by the gym-goer to do his or her thing, and it’s easy to lose. For casual gym-goers like myself, I need to make a habit out of it (and form a solid plan), or else I slip right out of the groove. Using the power of black metal and a few of my own exercise tips, you can achieve a body that’ll make you eligible to join Manowar.

There were portions of 2017 in which I was feeling more down than usual. Coincidentally I was also skipping my typical gym attendance. These two events are absolutely related, my friends: exercise and a positive state of mind. Work was getting me down, home life was slipping into the mundane, coincidentally I didn’t feel like leaving the house to go pick up heavy weights, and put them back down again. Lifting weights isn’t the funnest activity in the world, but it can be made bearable of course. You will need to pick some intense music to get you through the mundane, so load your Microsoft Zune up with The High Heat Licks Against Heaven, by Nidingir:

Really, lifting weights is amazingly boring. Unless you’re a competitive body-builder or one of them proud Crossfitters, you’ll agree that there are at least 666 more entertaining ways to spend your time. The Toilet ov Hell podcast makes a fantastic tool at the gym, but there’s only one of them a week. What are we going to do when that hour is up? Nidingir knows. This album contains the kind of upbeat intensity that helps motivate me to break down the muscles in my body, so that I can build them back up larger. “Black metal” is a tag listed on its Bandcamp profile, but I declare that it’s only partly black metal. This is uptempo stuff, with crystal clear production, AND a bass guitar… but it’s still quite evil. Cpt. Estrella Grasa’s gravely voice is unlike anything I’ve heard in extreme music before, and it sets a new bar for “pissed-off sounding”. These mid-paced, black metal-esque riffs features a hint of Ulcerate influence, just not enough to include them into the dissonant death metal sub-genre me thinks.

If my work shift ends and I set foot into my house, there will be no visit to the gym. That is why it is absolutely necessary for folks like me to pack gym clothes and take them to work. Here’s another instance of inertia, something I have to maintain upon leaving my workplace. When my shift is up, I change into gym attire (you know, camo shorts and a death metal band shirt), hop in my car, and head straight to the Palace of Swole (name of corporate chain redacted to protect my cool-ness). Would you all like to hear a band who’s just spectacular at maintaining a sense of inertia through its 7+ minute songs of spooky black metal? Then check out Inferno‘s latest album Gnosis Kardias (Of Transcension and Involution):

Evil by completely different standards, songs like  “Ω > 1 (Oscillation in Timelessness)” start out with some brutal and fast-paced black metal but twist and turn into mystical mini-journeys that end up being rather melodic and progressive, in a move that serves bands like Enslaved quite well. Grindcore doesn’t always cut it for me at the gym, because I can easily become aware of how much time is passing when the songs are shorter and more succinct. But when songs contort and evolve over a longer running time, it’s both gratifying and helpful when performing repetitive tasks. Try not to get lost in the psychedelic, head-banging second half of “The Innermost Dilusion” (starting at around the 4:00 mark). It’s easy to spend an hour at the gym when songs of this beauty can transform you to another place, an albeit spooky one.

Inertia is something that’s inversely easy to lose as it is difficult to gain. One of the things that can prevent me from getting my butt to the gym is setting too high of goals. There is a reason that some folks require a person traineral to get moving, and that reason is because we might think it’ll take forever to get into shape. But this goal of getting into our desired shape is easier to attain if one employs a smaller time-frame when setting goals. For instance, if I ever lose my inertia and go for a long stretch of time without visiting the gym (say a month or more), the thought of getting back to my ideal weight is too intimidating and I might go back to playing video games on the couch. The best way to combat this train of thought is to set a less lofty goal, like: after a week of consistent exercising, I want to be able to start each set with 10 more pounds than I did the week prior. This short term goal, when repeated each week, leads to long-term results; it’s a good way of tricking the brain into becoming motivated.

I really don’t know how to relate this particular concept to any music, so here’s just a random recommendation. Remember when the Toilet ov Hell premiered “Dark Thunder Sky” from Lava Invocator‘s 2017 album Mörk? Turns out this album not only satisfies the trend of sort-of black metal I’ve been employing in this article, it’s also excellent. Let’s agree that somehow listening to songs like “Dark Thunder Sky”, with its cool orchestrations and beautiful guitar solo, improves our drive to lift weights:

Pick your exercise-related goals wisely. Plan them in a way that makes them easy to accomplish, as those little victories are much more important than what you accomplish over longer stretches of time. Bring some great music to the gym with you, like Nidingir, Inferno, and Lava Invocator: it’ll keep you pushing through the boring routine. Go to the gym RIGHT NOW, because the longer you stave it off the greater chance you have at being distracted by something else. And finally, always be mindful that it’s easier for a body in motion to stay moving, than it is for a resting body to start moving… that’s a concept we know as inertia.


(Image via, via)

  • Sid Vicious Promos

    I have to get back to the gym soon. I was down to 279 and I want to be down to 250.

    • Joaquin Stick

      Hey can you toss me like 10 of those lbs? I went on vacation, ate like shit, and somehow lost 3.

      • Sid Vicious Promos

        I wish I could. I’ll have to weigh myself ASAP.

    • Pagliacci is Kvlt
    • Howard Dean

      Not eating is very effective, as well. Totally serious and not trying to be a dick. With your weight/BMI, if you cut to a 1500 calorie/day diet for a few weeks, you’d probably shed like 20-30 lbs really fast.

      Pairing it with exercise is ideal, but you can’t always do one or the other to get results.

      • Sid Vicious Promos

        Ive been trying to eat less. Ive actually been trying to just eat a box of Lean Pockets and dinner and most of the time I actually do succeed. It’s just there’s times when I binge and that’s what gets me.

        • Howard Dean

          So out of curiosity I just looked up nutritional facts for Lean Pockets. Looks like many of them have 250-300 calories per serving, with 2 servings per unit. Even if you ate or drank nothing else for that meal, that’s still 500-600 calories. I know you are fond of soda (Surge, etc). So add a full sugar soda (200-300 calories), and you are quickly near 1000 calories for what’s supposed to be a small(ish) “healthy” meal (I’m assuming lunch?). That’s not good.

          You are going to have to exercise your ass off to lose weight eating that way.

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            I don’t drink soda at home.

        • Waynecro

          Howard Dean is right, dude. If you really want to start losing weight, you’re going to have to cut the processed foods. Eat reasonable portions of real, healthful foods, and cut your daily caloric intake a bit. Get some moderate exercise (walking) at least a few times a week. Just make some simple positive changes and be consistent.

    • You’ve got a large frame. It sucks but with some hard work, you could be a BEAST!

  • Señor Jefe El Rossover

    This article is a good article.

  • “The Toilet ov Hell podcast makes a fantastic tool at the gym, but there’s only one of them a week.”
    Give me monies and we will gladly do more.

    • Sight Vnseen

      How much? I don’t work out but it’s also an invaluable tool for my weekly drive to recordstorebro.

      Constructive criticism: Turn up the volume. Gotta crank it compared to spotify or bandcamp.

      • 365 and I have talked about doing a Patreon for bonus episodes but I’m honestly not sure if we get enough regular listeners to make that a priority yet.

        I’m always worried that I have the show mastered too loud! I’ll pump it more for this next week.

        • The volume of the show needs to GET FUCKING SWOLLEN, BRAH! jajajaja!

        • Sight Vnseen

          Right on. Thanks dude. Really dig toilet radio.

  • Joaquin Stick

    Nid and Lava seem like ideal gym tunes for me.

    Totally agree that bringing gym clothes to work is necessary, even though I drive right past my house to get to the gym. Wish I was one of those people that can get up at like 5 and go before, but that’s just not happening.

    • The Tetrachord of Archytas

      I used to be one of those 5 am folk of legend…but then I pulled a hamstring from doing crossfit in the morning and sprint workouts in the evening like an idiot. Haven’t been able to get up in the morning consistently since then.

      • Joaquin Stick

        That reminds me, I should probably throw in some stretching at some point. Been lucky so far.

        • The Tetrachord of Archytas

          Yeah, yoga is great too for injury prevention. I was mostly foolish but I’ve been overall really lucky as well. It was a really mild pull on the hamstring, but it’s left me with a fear of pushing myself too hard which is the main reason I have gotten my groove back so to speak

      • CyberneticOrganism

        5am is a cruel, ungodly hour.

        • The Tetrachord of Archytas

          I work in coffee and used to have to be up at 4 for work. 5 am sucks, but to me it’s morning so I can sorta deal…but 4am? That’s still last night

          • Howard Dean

            Right there with you. 5am isn’t bad at all. Every time I’ve experimented with waking earlier has not been particularly great. Something about seeing the “5” rather than the “4” makes it seem like “morning.”

  • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

    I went to a gym once. Once.
    Gnosis Kardias is fricken FIYAAAAAAAAAHHHH! though,

    • Gnosis Kardias was weird to me at first, was gonna review and give 3/5 toilets. After like five more listens I am really digging it.

      • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

        I saw your scrapped review / asked Tapir for your e-mail, was going to suggest a double-take on that. Found it interesting, but perplexing, and I’m not a wordsmith to forge such reviews on my own.

  • I would make exercise if I weren’t continually harassed by the predatory inflation that makes me work everyday for two cents or the rampant delinquency that makes me fear everytime I step outside my house.

    Meanwhile, I will def check out these sweet black merol jamz. Great job, Mañulti! You’re the bestest!

    • Howard Dean

      Link– Every time I see a news story about what’s happening in Venezuela, I think of you. Hoping things work out for you and everyone else there. I’m actually shocked that it isn’t more of a major story throughout the world. I saw an exposé recently about how people in Venezuela are legitimately starving and how infant mortality rates have skyrocketed (since women are having trouble breastfeeding because of undernourishment). People in the U.S. are barely talking about it, and I don’t know why. Crazy and sad. Let us know if we can Paypal y’all some funds to help stave off the inflation!

      • I am planning to write a little bit about our current situation on a full article, but last month has been a little bit more rough for me and my wife. The protests just spawned desperation and criminality all the way, is not only the “FIGHT AGAINST TYRANNY” that digital Venezuelan media wants to portray, it’s a way more complex problem.

        The infant mortality rates is true, Maduro even fired the Health Minister because gave data about infant and woman mortality all around the country.

        Thank you so much for the concern, I really appreciate it, man. I am working very hard to give my wife the life she deserves. Right now I am doing full job at a digital newspaper and a secondary job on my free time doing some things I don’t really like to do, but since March and April the life costs here went up again thanks to the inflation, protests and the inhability of the people here of doing things in the intelligent way.

        The only thing I can do right now is work. Work very hard because protest is just a waste of time or is a risk to having a bullet inside my brain.

        • Howard Dean

          You’re a good dude, Link, and I am impressed with your attitude and selflessness. You’ll get through this, and I hope things turn around for you sooner rather than later.

          • Thanks a lot, señor HD. That means a lot to me, I know that, if sometime we get pass of this or get out of the country we had learn from all these hardships for the better.

        • GoatForest

          Harsh.

        • Your wife already has a kick-ass husband, so that’s a plus!

  • The Tetrachord of Archytas

    Gym tunes are essential. Vektors record last year powered me through many a deadlift. I switched partly to crossfit this year, which is fun but you have no control of the tunes in year ear which can be rough

    • Joaquin Stick

      My gym plays the worst possible music. It’s fascinating how bad it is. If I ever forgot my headphones I’d probably skip the day.

      • The Tetrachord of Archytas

        I’ve powered through once or twice but it’s so bad it’s draining

      • If I forget ‘phones, I have to listen to the teenagers who go to the gym in packs and treat it like a social hour.

      • Dumpster Lung

        What they should do is cover whatever’s popular on the radio, but change the lyrics to make it workout related.

        “You just got here, and this is craaaaazy, but here’s some free-weights, now lift it baby!”

        • Joaquin Stick

          100% for this idea

        • Späm Bot

          Now that would be truly fucking horrible.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Any suggestions for gaining healthy weight?

    • Joaquin Stick

      I’ve tried nothing and I’m all out of ideas.

    • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

      Eat a lot of healthy food.

      • Joaquin Stick

        Sounds dumb as fuck but really this is the only legitimate answer. Healthy food is so low-cal that it becomes exhausting though.

    • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

      You want to gain mass? You gonna need carbs. No matter how bad people will rave to you about proteins. To gain mass, carbs are equally important.

      • The Tetrachord of Archytas

        Protein is important to actually gain the muscle, but without carbs you will struggle to actually had the energy to push yourself and get stronger

    • Beer is a low process beverage, drink those. <3

      • Joaquin Stick

        Speaking of beer and @CyberneticOrganism:disqus, when I was back in IL last weekend I went to a bar that was doing a Solemn Oath takeover. Happy to see they are kicking ass in the region.

        • I was in Indy last weekend, that is kinda close to IL!

          Beer>>>>>>>

        • CyberneticOrganism

          Nice, which bar? I’m happy for them as well, they make great stuff and everyone who works there is cool.

          • Joaquin Stick

            Beer Market in Bolingbrook. I wish I had the chance to visit the brewery itself, I used to go weekly 2 years ago.

    • The Tetrachord of Archytas
    • Not from this detective. I have to fight my way at the gym, just to avoid being stick thin (which is a good problem to have)

  • Howard Dean

    When that new jam comes on the radio at the gym and ya feeling it:

    #ShoesOff #HeDead

    https://i.giphy.com/KSMFlpSRzTeZG.gif

  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

    Years ago when I was big into bodybuilding, i used to eat about 8 times a day, including a daily intake of about 300 grams of protein. At my peak I weighed about 250 lbs (I’m 6ft1).
    I wasn’t invested enough to compete though, as I took combat sports courses as well.
    Now I shriveled down to about 200 lbs, though I’m still in the gym daily. I can still benchpress about 187 lbs in sets of 6-8 reps though. Those were the days. I’m actually thinking of going into full on bodybuilding again.

    My workout jams back then? Pantera. Lots and lots of Pantera.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4hx8TW6sYys

    • 300g of protein is like…. an ungodly amount of cottage cheese. Where do I start? lolo

      • Waynecro

        You put protein powder into that cottage cheese to make a chunky protein pudding.

    • Waynecro

      YES!!! I still jam Pantera in the gym from time to time–especially Official Live: 101 Proof.

  • James

    Behemoth, Goatwhore, Witchery are all I can think of Black wise at the moment……bro metal seems to work for me better in a work out heavy labor setting.

  • Ah yes, “Right Now” by Van Halen, as heard in Crystal Gravy commercials back in the day.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c44437758cf5c9c2b62890bef3c5a98f33ab8370a9e888d915bf37615697e559.gif

  • GrungierNine0
    • GrungierNine0

      Supposed to be a GIF. Goddamn mole people making’ the school iMac’s retarded.

  • atchdav
  • Späm Bot

    Great article! For me, the nerd approach to lifting works really well. Reading up on the theory (stuff like Greg Nuchols’ stronger by science), keeping track of progress, and so on. “It’s not boring, its really really interesting”. I spend a lot of time out of the gym thinking about what to do next time, which is fairly pointless but does A LOT for motivation.
    I always end up listening to High on Fire in the gym. Anything faster and I lose focus and start tripping over my feet, and Matt Pike’s voice is so damn powerful.

    • xengineofdeathx

      Commeth Down Hessian always finds a way into my gym playlists!

  • Waynecro

    Killer work, Zunebro McNulty! I rarely listen to black metal in the gym (and when I do, it’s a rowdy band like Setherial). I mostly listen to grindcore/entombedcore/hardcore, brutal death metal, and tech death in the gym, but for some reason, I’ve been jamming a lot of melodic bands in the gym lately–stuff like The Black Dahlia Murder, Vale of Pnath, Inferi, Enthean, and even Mandroid Echostar. It seems like the more depressed I get, the more melodic I want my music to be.

  • I haven’t found a better lifting anthem than this one

    https://youtu.be/uZRi_9HwMbE

  • Dumpster Lung
  • xengineofdeathx

    The other day I did some deadlifts to Dark Castle, and it was pretty perfect. I have let myself go a little (6’2 290) but I’m slowly trying to get down to the 250ish range. Working out sucks sometimes when you initially start, but I’ve never regreted going to the gym, or getting on the mats. Even on days when I feel totally lethargic and bummed out. https://youtu.be/oV7fXKxwncU