Sunless Sky – Subzero: A Video Breakdown

Ice to see you.

There’s no requirement for a band to make a music video. It’s not in the Official Metal Band Guidebook. The band doesn’t “Level Up” and gain new abilities with the experience points of making a video. You will not be able to cast the “Water Heal” spell while traversing the Black Plains of Gigglebalz on your quest to defeat the dark Lord Knutaik.

Unless a label is putting up the money (which would be better used for something like merch or touring expenses), then a small-time band should not make a music video. The grand idea of fighting an Ice Dragon while saving hot babes with your fire sword may look good in your head, but you’ll quickly realize that you only have enough in your budget to ask your nephew Logan to help out on Final Cut Pro when he’s not too busy with his Life Sciences homework. The video won’t look good and will make the band look even more small-time than they already appear. Just ask Cleveland-based power metal band Sunless Sky.

0:04: Slow down, Maestro. Where does this video take place?
0:07: An-Tarc-Tic-A? Power metal bands need to stop using made-up Tolkien places.
0:12: The map said Antarctica, but that’s really a frozen Lake Erie.
0:15: You can practically smell the pollution.
0:19: Good job Photoshopping out any watermarks and Getty Images symbols.
0:23: Now this looks like an antacid commercial.
0:30: Amps? Where we’re going, we won’t need amps.
0:34: Because where they’re going is The Isle of Late 90’s Computer Graphics.
0:41: Who knew there were trees in Antarctica? The more you know.
0:46: The cold is turning his fingers into little red cocktail wienies.
0:53: Oh my Joe, this intro is still going.
0:58: Wait, what was that? Did an explorer creep into the shot for half a second?
1:00: There they were again!
1:04: Hell Bent For Pleather.
1:12: So when does Johnny Cage come out and punch him in the junk?
1:17: “Damn it, Keith. I can’t believe you forgot your leather jacket! We’re going to look so stupid now!”
1:23: The melting snowflakes on the camera really convey the sense of “This was a bad idea”.
1:27: Nice to include a clip from Donald Drumpf’s last colonoscopy.
1:32: Fade in, fade out. It’s all the same at this point.
1:38: Random Explorer v3.0.
1:43: They must shop at the same Guitar Center.
1:46: “This shot is just too good. We have to use it more than once!”
1:54: Look out! You’re about to be hit by a bad career move!
1:59: Is it too much to ask for a hungry polar bear to wander out of that cave?
2:05: Or for the ice to start cracking?
2:09: No.
2:12: Nonononononononononononononononononononononono.
2:17: Come on, snipers. Do your job.
2:26: We’ll just have to wait for the gliding Ice Spider to take care of business.
2:33: Excuse me, the gliding Ice Spider that shoots lasers out of it’s fucking face.
2:42: Why not an Ice Dragon?
2:47: Or an Ice Gargoyle?
2:54: How about an Ice Troll?
3:00: I’d even take the Ice Capades at this point.
3:06: Arnold’s Mr. Freeze looks pretty good right about now.
3:12: Scorpion, we need you now more than ever.
3:18: It’s hard to rock on when you’re too afraid to move.
3:27: The power of weedilies will save us from the gliding Ice Spider that shoots lasers out of its fucking face.
3:40: Looks like they didn’t have enough money in the budget to have a damsel or two.
3:49: I wonder what the hardcore band Subzero has to say about this video.
3:53: Milk this shot for all it’s worth, Sunless Sky.
4:00: That hat makes him look like the David from The Fifth Element.
4:04: Multipass!
4:08: For fuck’s sake, we get it! A thing crashed into the ice. Fuck!
4:18: Shot taken from Kylie Jenner’s crotch.
4:29: Thanks for the reminder. I forgot where this was supposedly taking place.
4:38: This would have been more believable if they just held a Magic Card up to the camera.
4:47: Nice to see they remembered their amps for this scene.
4:54: Brent Hinds’ younger brother, Brunt.
5:02: More terrifying than any Ice Spider.
5:08: The album is Firebreather, but the song is “Subzero”. Do they also have songs about wind, earth, water, and heart?
5:16: So what happened to the gliding Ice Spider that shoots lasers out of its fucking face?
5:21: I think we have a right to know.
5:25: Did he get laid on prom night and win the bet with his buddies?
5:29: Or did he realize the true meaning of love and become a better person because of it?
5:30: There’s a little bit of Ice Spider in all of us. That’s really beautiful when you think about it.

Sunless Sky’s album Firebreather is out now (it was actually released in 2014 and wow look at the artwork) via Pure Steel Records.

Written by:

Published on: March 7, 2016

Filled Under: Metal, Video Breakdown

Views: 1022

Tags: , , , ,

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Holy mother of fuck. WWE is coming to the Civic Center two days after my birthday. You’d better fucking believe I’m going.

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      Ok.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Congrats!

    • NXT?

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        Yes.

    • On April 10th I’m gonna watch women beat the crap out of each other(sort of).

    • Rob M

      NXT or GTFO

      • That’s probably what he’s talking about. They’re coming to Poughkeepsie.

        • Rob M

          I hope so…I cant imagine getting excited about anything else theyre currently doing

        • Going to be at URI next month fyi.

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        That’s what it is!

    • more beer

      It is all fake! Plus it is sweaty dudes in their underwear groping each other. None of which sounds fun to me.

      • Rob M

        Go watch one of the matches where Bailey and Sasha Banks (stunt) beat the hell out of each other then get back to me

        • Going to an event in Providence that will be all Indie women.

          • $25-$40 seems like a bit much.

          • There’s some well known names at that event though.

          • Rob M

            Those can be hit or miss, but yeah…lots of really impressive wrestlers came through those womens Indie promotions

        • more beer

          That is all choreographed too. It is still sweaty guys groping each other. If that’s what you like enjoy yourself. Throw some hot chicks in some oil or jello I am good with that.

          • Bayley and Sasha are women, just fyi.

          • more beer

            You still have to wade thru all the dudes to get to that. Not worth my time.

          • Rob M

            NXT actually has a decent mix of men and women on their shows

            EDIT: Mostly because a lot of the women on their are hella talented and thats driven interest in expanding that market

          • Most of the women came from feds like SHIMMER and WSU which is where a lot of the roster for WWR(the fed I’m seeing in April) is coming from.

          • Rob M

            Well yeah, but so are most stunt shows…dosnt mean theres not a lot of athleticism going on

          • I prefer watching people working together to put on a show instead of watching them just beat the crap out of each other with no art or presentation to it. I saw enough of that in high school.

          • Rob M

            I have a very casual interest in legit fighting sports, its not something I follow closely.

            Wrestling, when its done well can be entertaining, but I dont follow it like i used to…I still respect the fact that what those guys/gals do requires a crazy level of athletic ability to pull off day in day out and not kill each other

          • As I’ve said, I prefer the small scale indie stuff to the overblown WWE style.

          • Rob M

            Outside of NXT, WWE has no clue what the fuck theyre doing anymore…Theyre holding down legit talent and pushing people who arent getting over.

            On top of that, you can watch RAW once a year and youve seen everything they have to offer

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I hate Roman Reigns and they push him. I’d rather see him as a heel and have Ambrose as the face of the company. Rollins would also be a good top heel as well as Kevin Owens.

          • Rob M

            I dont mind Roman Reigns…I think hes got all the potential in the world, but theyre fast tracking him. If WWE still knew how to develop stories, he’d have benefited hugely from time in the midcard (where theres a ton of talent just wasting away), eventually working up to an IC title reign. Unfortunately theyve gutted any meaning behind any of the belts that arent the World Championship so theyve thrown him into a position hes not even remotely ready for….giving him a heel turn could definitely do wonders for him

            Ambrose is great, but its a case of the company not giving fans what they want because he dosnt have a superstar look. As long as Vince is there he wont have a shot at becoming the face of the company (HHH may be more open to the idea, but dont hold your breath)

            Rollins works well as a top heel (and they definitely need them), but they need to ditch the whole coward aspect, especially if they give him the belt again. They basically screwed him over to make Kane look threatening and that damaged him …he needs to look strong to be considered a viable threat.

            I really like KO as well, talented and he can talk, but again, he dosnt have the superstar look Vince wants in his guys…thats going to work against him, and thats a damn shame because he’s the best pure heel the companys got right now

      • This presupposes there is something on TV that we can call “real”.

        • more beer

          Boxing.

          • I love boxing, but a lot of that shit is pre-determined too.

          • So is MMA.

          • I’m a very casual MMA watcher so I can’t offer much of an opinion on that.

          • Rousey lost that match because she wants to do movies and wrestling and couldn’t while she was a title holder. I don’t watch MMA but that much is pretty obvious.

          • Maybe, but it would make more sense to remain undefeated going out. Looked like she took a real ass-whipping. Hard to do that intentionally.

          • Rob M

            Well, that and she cant box for shit..never could

          • I can’t speak to that since I don’t watch.

          • Rob M

            Im probably even more casual than Joe is, but Rousey has never been a strong boxer and she tried to duke it out with someone who was

          • more beer

            Nope she fought someone who could box and got served the fuck up.

          • more beer

            She lost that match because Holly Holm has superior boxing skills. She lost on Saturday too.

          • Rousey lost when she claimed she’s half-Venezuelan.

          • more beer

            MMA is more sweaty dudes groping each other. It is fine when they are actually fighting. but once they are rolling around on the ground it is too boring.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            BRO MMA IS FUCKING AWESOME HA HA ALL THOSE DUDES ARE RIPPED AND VASCULAR AS FUCK

          • It’s fighting instead of putting on a show which is why I don’t care for it.

          • more beer

            I don’t have an issue with the fighting side of it. It isn’t like these guys don’t know what is involved with doing this for a living. It has a lot more rules now than it did 20 years ago. So if they want to beat each others asses for a living. So be it.

          • Oh I’m fine with that. They’re grown men/women. They know what they’re getting into. MMA/UFC people, boxers, pro wrestlers, they all know how beat up they will get.

          • more beer

            I consider it, like when cops all cry they have a dangerous job. You chose that, you knew going into it. It wasn’t the safest career path. It is the same thing.

          • more beer

            A lot less so in boxing than in wrestling.

          • Wrestling hasn’t even pretended to be legit since I was in high school, and even then everybody knew it was just another TV show.

          • more beer

            The stupidity level of it is just too much for me.

          • The indies aren’t like WWE. It’s a whole different presentation.

          • more beer

            It is all the same to me. I could just spend that money seeing a band I want to see. There are shows here amost every night of the week.

          • Boss the Ross

            I think everyone here will agree with this.

          • There’s shows every night here, but only about 2-3 a month I actually want to see.

          • more beer

            I go to a lot of local shows here. Besides the things I really want to see. I have always thought it is good to support the local bands. Along with the good touring bands. Plus it gets me out of the house and kicking it with my friends.

          • Out of my circle of friends, I’m the only one who still goes to shows. Others are either married or in poor health, so it’s really up to me to get my own ass out the door and going places. The new club in Somerville will help with that.

          • more beer

            I have a pretty big circle of friends I go to shows with. So I can almost always find someone to go to a show with. Or who wants me to go with them. Sometimes if I don’t really like who is playing. It is just a whole lot of getting blazed with friends and hanging out. But I would rather be doing something than staying in.

          • As long as I’m staying physically active(which I am), I’m not as concerned about being socially as active as I used to be.

          • more beer

            As long as you are enjoying yourself. That’s all that matters.

          • I do my best every day.

          • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

            Well, unless you count Mayweather more or less rigging fights.

          • more beer

            How by never losing? Even Tyson lost. In his prime he was a much better fighter than Mayweather. The guy was undefeated. Do you really think that his opponents weren’t trying to beat him? Maybe some of the opponents were questionable. But they were still sanctioned fights and count on his record.

          • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

            Sheeit, he always went for the ones well past their prime. OK, that’s not quite rigging it like they do in the WWE, but rigging it in a more clever way. Mayweather’s pretty well known for dodging any fight that involved fighters that were anywhere near their prime, and playing out the clock by prancing around the ring like a cracked out Don Flamenco (Mike Tyson’s Punch Out).

          • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

            Or the infamous Poke Of Doom.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhS4ZDnRqJQ

          • I still remember seeing this 3 times in a day when it came out on VHS. I literally went from one house to another and watched it.

          • Hard to believe that this movie is over 20 years old. It becomes a new phenomenon with each new generation of younger people too which is rad as fuck.

          • Nah.

        • CyberneticOrganism

          Nothing is real except the void #toiletovoptimism

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Nothing is real except the toilet

      • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

        Sounds about like the UFC, actually.

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        I enjoyed the last event I went to.

  • Boss the Ross

    There are some decent riffs, but damned if they don’t mess it up with shitty camera angles and bad “animation”.

    • Maik Beninton™

      It looks like a low budget strategy game.

  • Key and Peele did a sketch SPECIFICALLY ABOUT THIS, and Sunless Sky still didn’t listen.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUiA4blvQPQ

    • Boss the Ross

      This came to my mind as well.

    • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

      Before I forget, you were mentioning the whole sending emails/mail thing earlier…. I sent an article suggestion about doing a St. Patrick’s Day post/post about Irish metal, and never heard back. Curious if that is a go or not. If so, I can probably have that done and over to you by tomorrow night.

  • Boss the Ross

    Holy shit that album art…
    “Let’s make a fiery cover and title to the album that we wrote our icey song for.”

    • Maik Beninton™

      “And let’s make it with our shitty photoshop skills”.

    • Max

      “This band comes off as luke-warm water, in a sense.” – Reviewer.

      • Boss the Ross

        Haha! Spot on!

    • Boss the Ross

      Do you like these guys or Skaphe better? Just curious.

      • These guys by a long shot.

        • Boss the Ross

          Cool. Same here.

          • Skaphe is still way rad though.

            http://i25.tinypic.com/2q8a54y.jpg

          • Boss the Ross

            I’m not denying that. I still need to give Skaphe 1 a listen, but 2 was an interesting trip to say the least.

          • Nothing is very memorable with Skaphe. It’s that suffocating atmosphere and mind fuckery that keeps me coming back. Total trip indeed.

          • Boss the Ross

            Huh, well put.

          • DVRKBEVRD

            i had my buddy over and i made him take a listen. he was pretty well awed by the oppression of that record but said he probably wouldnt ever listen to it. i think thats going to be pretty common as they get bigger. its almost a bit too dissonant for me. almost.

          • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

            Indeed! #OnlyCavernousMetalIsReal

    • Hubert

      Holy shit this video is cool.

    • Boss the Ross

      This quality is excellent.

    • Stanley
  • JWEG
  • Spear

    Ugh. They couldn’t even be bothered to make the song decent enough to make up for the video.

  • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

    …..

  • Paris Hilton

    I respect the breakdowns. It’s a good way for me stay updated on music videos. You see, I don’t watch music videos. I don’t even bother. No artist by any genre ever will ever top Clarence Carter’s Strokin’. Why would I listen to a shitty Maiden clone when he’s asking the important shit- like if you’ve ever made love just before breakfast?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7gMkiOPSeA

    • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

      LMAO, they used to play this at the bar back in my old neighborhood. Apparently some people there totally overlooked the whole “this song is most likely about beating off” thing.

      • Paris Hilton

        Stroke it with my…. WHEW!

        • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

          Strokin it to the right and strokin’ to the left.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I think you meant the song The Stroke by Billy Squier. The only reason this song is still played is because of my local classic rock station. They helped him become big so they have a strict policy of “Once a day this song, Lonely Is The Night and Everybody Wants You must be played.” They don’t even play Supertramp as often as Squier and they play Supertramp often.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNDe0kEKrqY

      • more beer

        Your local classic rock station had nothing to do with him becoming huge. Don’t Say No. Was a huge album when it came out. With massive label backing. It went pretty high up the billboard charts. It was being played on every rock radio station in the country. Along with AM radio play. All that station was doing was following the trend. They weren’t playing anything ground breaking or different than any other station.

        • That song was everywhere when I was in Freshman year of High School.

          • more beer

            Yes it was. I was in 11th grade. I know for sure he didn’t become famous. Because some obscure classic rock station in Poughkeepsie was playing it.

        • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

          Billy Squier sucks bed bug dicks for shake weed. God, I can’t stand his music.

          • more beer

            I don’t disagree in the least. I was just letting him know. There was no way that was the reason he got to the big time.

          • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

            Check out my newest post. Decided to go for some fancy pants drinking, and Sothoth is a fucking beast! Going fancier on my birthday next Thursday and getting some E&J.

          • more beer

            I just commented on your drink choice.

          • DVRKBEVRD

            you do know that E&J isnt fancy. it sucks.

          • more beer

            Ghetto!

          • DVRKBEVRD

            i mean, im pretty ghetto. i just bought a half of midgrade and i would probably have drank that bottle of E&J in the not too distant past

          • more beer

            The only times I have ever drank that shit and I have. Was with my homies from the hood.

          • DVRKBEVRD

            gets you drunk

          • more beer

            It does, it also gives you a big hangover.

          • more beer

            Got me some Cookie Wreck & Jack Frost along with about 3 grams of wax. Life is good.

          • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

            It’s what I want, but I’ll scope out what they have. I’ve drank 2 shots of hard liquor in 2 years, so it’s practically a new thing for me shopping for it. And of course budget. Between the black cherry ale, weed and cigs, there went most of my b-day money budget.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Ha ha ha ha ha

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Also, oof that’s some bad artwork.

      • DVRKBEVRD

        jesus

  • Waynecro

    This video needs more mittens.

  • why would anybody photoshop out Getty Images symbols?
    -TovH bigwigs

  • And, once again, Metro Boston rolls up its sidewalks from 1-530AM. For the second time the MBTA has stopped extended train service while voting to raise fares.

    • DVRKBEVRD

      goddamn fascists

      • Another reason that I’m glad more shows are happening in Somerville. I can just walk or bicycle.

    • more beer

      At least the train runs until 2 am here on weekends. That is shitty in a much bigger city.

      • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

        Buses stop here around 10 o’clock around my area. Trains? Hah!

    • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

      That’s part of the reason I moved out of Chicago. A one day pass, as of 2013, went up to about $12 a day, all while the service gets worse and worse. They cut off service on the red line (the busiest train line in the city) to virtually all the southside for most of that year as well. Normally most of the trains were 24 hours or near to it before that point and it was about $3.75 for a one day.

      Chicago = Manhattan and San Francisco prices and Detroit/Flint living!

    • CT-12

      Dude, fucking do yourself a favor and check out this fucking song (and the other one to the side called “The Blessing”). This…this is strong fucking doom…FUCK. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wg9EctBATsI

      • 365ChaosRiddenDays

        Dude, this song rules, I’ll check this out!

  • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

    Bumped into this last night, and it completely sliced my butt cheeks off and force fed them to me. Plenty of riffs, but overall tight as fuck death metal. Not too lo-fi, not too compressed, but just right in that sweet, thick sweet spot.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4T8hsZDdmY

    • more beer

      Why don’t you just drink wine coolers? Or good beer?

      • DVRKBEVRD

        wine coolers?

        • more beer

          That’s pretty much the same thing. Chicks I kick it with drink that kind of shit.

          • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

            What kind of wine cooler has 8% alcohol? I did get a 24 oz. of Icehouse as backup.

          • more beer

            How the fuck do I know I don’t drink those things. I drink beers that are 8% and up.

          • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

            I’m not in your heaven of drink and smoke delights. I gotta make do here in bum wine land. Lol, you’ve been here, you know the drill!

          • more beer

            That is why I chose to not stay there.

      • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

        I loves my cider, and keep in mind where I’m at. ABC store is about 5 miles from here, and I gotta make it there by 5. It was this, Strongbow or Guiness, both out of my price range since I had to keep $10 on the side for weed and cigs.

        • more beer

          I am more traditional in my drinking. Good beer and sometimes bourbon.

          • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

            Getting some E&J brandy next week, and scoping out the other liquors. I’m pretty well set on some E&J with some Cherry Coke though. Two things I very very rarely drink.

          • more beer

            So you’re gonna be a ghetto superstar. E&J is straight hood booze.

          • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

            Yup, just how I like it! Fine, you get me the one at the top, then, if you’re feeling generous. 😉

            https://www.abc.virginia.gov/products/brandy#?facets={}

          • more beer

            Come out here I will take you to a liquor store that has everything you could ever want. Unlike that police state you live in.

          • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

            Pffffffffffffffftttttttttttttttt, hardly a police state here in NN. But could use better alcohol selections, and bands actually coming over here.

          • more beer

            Any place you can’t buy beer after 5 pm is a police state. One thing I remember from there was law enforcement were total dicks. The government in that state has way too much control over the citizens. Just the alcohol laws are proof of that. Try living someplace more free than that. You will see what I mean. A first time Marijuana offense there is 30 days in jail and a $500 fine. Yea that’s not a police state.

          • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

            You can definitely get beer and wine here, up until midnight. Hard liqupr, no.

          • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

            Liquor stores with anything I could ever want? I got used to that with Chicago, which is probably got even more than Denver.

          • more beer

            But we have 200 stores you can buy weed in too.

  • Eliza

    I have an idea. Instead of dissecting bad videos, you should try to a good vide once, explaining why it works so well.

    • You can give it a shot and send it to Joe.

      • Eliza

        Maybe I will if I find the time.

  • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

    Fits my mood right now. 🙂

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8tOz6M-RTM

  • 365ChaosRiddenDays

    Post Production, pictures from the set: