A few weeks ago, ATTAN deemed it worthy for the unwashed masses to fight to the death in a contest to win a vinyl copy of their recent EP. Today, we hail the victorious dead and crown the champion. Maybe I’m making a misheard lyric contest sound like more than it is. Or maybe you’ve lost that childlike spark of imagination, innocence, and heinous bloodshed in the name of sweet, sweet victory. Either way, ATTAN was kind enough to comment on each one before selecting the ultimate winner. Jam along with the track while you read the band’s crushing judgment.
ATTAN: Really good one, but the timing is off here and there. Bonus for heavy use of “poo” and “BOOBS.” Also reckless boobs is on our list of must see things now.
ATTAN: A proper hangover, with the mandatory need for cheese and more drinks, awesome!
ATTAN: Almost perfect when it comes to timing, ultra bonus for petting HARD!
ATTAN: Bonus points for far-outness, and the leading of especial women to water.
ATTAN: A little sloppy at times this one but MEGA BONUS POINTS for the losing of hymen and having the balls to point out the fact that Mexico just makes way too much noise.
ATTAN: Straight out of the golden bowl! BONUS for being spot on, we´re going to mess this up live from now on!
ATTAN: Say w00t? BONUS for keepin´ it real!
ATTAN: Minus for being lazy, bonus for poo (damn kids, give something to one of them you have to give it to all of them).
ATTAN: Bonus for follow up, we really wanted to know how it went with those laides. Not so good huh? Next time, you´ll get that finger working for you next time, no worries.
After many weeks of debate, which is totally why this took so long to follow up on and not all my complete ineptitude as a person in general, we decided that the winner is GUACAMOLE JIM! Except we got in touch with him, and he’s deep in the jungle on a secret mission to do something or other so he couldn’t get vinyl shipped to him. So I guess, you know, congrats on the way-less-exciting-but-possibly-more-practical download code, Guacamole.
Since a winner must be crowned, we threw Guacamole Jim into a pit of snake-tiger hybrids (Note: That was the first image that came up when searching “snake tiger hybrid.” What is wrong with people) and passed the crown to BOSS THE HOSS ROSS! Congratulations, most valiant of warriors, you have an ATTAN vinyl heading your way. Give The Hoss a mighty huzzah in the comments, and then go nuts with whatever crap you weirdos talk about.