Sunday Sesh: The ToH Egg Hunt Extravaganza!

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To our handful of religious readers, happy Easter and/or Passover! To the other 99% of you, happy Sunday. And to all of you, welcome to the great Toilet ov Hell Egg Hunt. I hope you brought your basket, your galoshes, and a can-do attitude, because we’re putting our extended adolescence that we call metal fandom to work and digging out the dankest eggs our genre has to offer. Leave no stone un-turned.

The decoration of egg shells for religious ceremonies traces back to ancient Mesopotamia and Crete; historians have uncovered dyed ostrich eggs etched with Punic rites of spring. Through trade and cultural intermingling, early Christians and Muslims in Africa adopted the practice of giving decorated eggs as gifts. The Christian eggs were dyed red and ostensibly represented the empty tomb. The practice spread from Africa through the Russian Orthodox church to the European Catholic church and finally to the Anzac Cadbury church.

From there, egggiving became ubiquitous, with amoral corporations enabling the areligious to once again celebrate the advent of Spring and new life with the ancient tradition of gift eggs. Friends, I think we in the metal community should lean into this. We too can give eggs.

  1. We can dye them black to symbolize our hatred for conformity.
  2. We can fill them with nothing to symbolize our longing for the void.
  3. We can hide them beneath roadkill and inside stumps to subvert the celebration of life.

OR, we can just let our kids have fun while we rock out to an extensive playlist about eggs. This is my basket for you.

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“But Dubs, this isn’t much of an egg hunt! You told us where all the eggs are!” Fret not, my little spring chicken, for there are eggs aplenty to find. Throughout this article I have hidden all manner of eggs. Seek them out (and additional songs about eggs) and inspire jealousy among your comrades in the comments. The reader who finds the most eggs wins a big ol’ black, empty egg!

Open Swim egg hunt y’all!

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