Sunday Sesh: Show Me Your Gourd

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This is an open swim for all you spooky kids who celebrated Halloween.

Pumpkin carving is a time-honored American tradition, and when you think of it, it’s pretty metal. Here we are carving up a corpse, pulling out its innards for later consumption, and leaving said corpse sitting up our stoop as a rotting greeting to visitors. It’s basically grave robbery and desecration, and we take such perverse delight in the task that we often submit our own abominations of desecration to contests to be judged by the most morally bankrupt among us. Gnarly.

This is a thread for your pumpkins. If you carved something this year, I want to see it. In fact, we might as well make it a competition while we’re at it. Use those disqus arrows to vote for the very best entry. The winner will receive a mystery prize! Good luck and have fun, you monsters.

  • Based Potoo

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    I forgot to carve a pumpkin this year.

    • Maik Beninton™

      Me too. I was too busy getting backlash by potheads for believing weed gives you cancer.

      • KJM, Shake Zula

        For the record, I let it go about 5 minutes after I posted about it.

        • Maik Beninton™

          Yeah but more beer is still going.

          • Cpt. Poopypanty’s Oily Rampage

            There’s only one way to solve this: oil wrestling in mankinis.

          • Maik Beninton™

            How does that solve anything is beyond my imagination.

          • more beer

            I am going to have to agree with you here.

          • Maik Beninton™

            Well, from now on I will use my powers for good. (RFI).

          • Cpt. Poopypanty’s Oily Rampage

            Oily men in mankinis solves everything wrong in the world, bro.

        • BEARD-SPLITTER

          And, for the most part, arguing on the internet is inconsequential to me. Mostly because it takes time away from getting high

          • Based Potoo

            *takes time away from getting cancer
            FTFY

          • BEARD-SPLITTER
          • Cpt. Poopypanty’s Oily Rampage

            Meth has actually (and I kid you not) shown to be effective in fighting the flu and common cold. Meth: the nighttime, coughing, hallucinating, never go to sleep for weeks on end and die in a police shootout while ripping off your own face medicine.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Impeccable logic.

            I have my ways, others have theirs. It’s all good.

          • Based Potoo

            My way of arguing on the internet is to throw as many racial slurs as possible.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            The “Limbaugh Strategy”.

          • Cpt. Poopypanty’s Oily Rampage

            Don’t forget to use ‘libtard’ and ‘social justice warrior’ as much as humanly possible.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            ‘cuck’ is a new insult that gets used a lot by wingnuts.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            Just so happens our ways are much morr doper

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            MOAR dank.

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        That’s a shame. I don’t remember when this happened but I don’t think I was there.

  • Cpt. Poopypanty’s Oily Rampage
  • Cpt. Poopypanty’s Oily Rampage
    • That’s how I feel today.

  • ChuggaChuggaDeedleyDoo

    Mini-pumpkins. Also, I decorated, baked, carved pumpkins, etc. 10 hours yesterday, but only 5 people showed up to my Halloween Party. FML

    • BEARD-SPLITTER

      5 people is too many for a party

    • We cleaned the house thoroughly, decorated outside, made a bunch of snacks, and only 1 friend showed up 🙁

  • COAL ROLL

    Deputy’s girl’s pumpkin was sick bro

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      Did you hear about the person who found a pink pill in a Snickers bar at the Galleria? They got it from the mall trick or treating.

      • BEARD-SPLITTER

        Bonusss

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          That’s not good. Now people will try and destroy Halloween even more.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Nah. It’ll never happen.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Thank god. That would be worse than Calling All Stations by “Genesis”.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            And much worse than Big Generator.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Big Generator isn’t even half bad compared to the Yes album from 2014. That made Big Generator look like Close To The Edge.

          • Cpt. Poopypanty’s Oily Rampage

            I figured Yes’ newest one would be good now that they got Glass Hammer’s singer in there.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            It was awful.

          • Cpt. Poopypanty’s Oily Rampage

            So I’ve heard.

          • Based Potoo

            Good.

      • Cpt. Poopypanty’s Oily Rampage

        Sweet! I’d start trick or treating again if people were putting X pills in my candy!

      • more beer

        Who trick or treats in the Galleria? That is just plain stupid. There are plenty of good neighborhoods in White Plains to go.

    • Vote for Jeb

      Yah, that was a solid decoration.

  • ..

  • BEARD-SPLITTER

    These are reposts i guess

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Nice!

  • megachiles

    My wife spent most of yesterday afternoon carving a Mad Max punkin, and ended up stabbing herself with an exacto knife. I unfortunately did not yell anything about being awaited in Valhalla at her.

  • Next year I will do something more evil but had to do Spider Man for the kid this year.

    • Boss the Ross

      Nothing wrong with a Spider-Man pumpkin.

  • Also a repost, I guess.

  • Cpt. Poopypanty’s Oily Rampage
  • Janitor Jim Duggan
    • BEARD-SPLITTER

      I literally cackled outside in the hallway

      • KJM, Shake Zula

        O_o

        • BEARD-SPLITTER

          I got a dark sense of humor, what can i say

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            I can dig it.

          • Based Potoo
          • Cpt. Poopypanty’s Oily Rampage

            Best Fark headline ever: Rodger Hill needs a grave. Can you dig it?

            (Rodger Hill was the actor who said that line).

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            I can dig this, awesome movie.

          • more beer

            I had a waitress where I ate dinner last night dressed up as one of the Warriors.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            That’s cool.

          • more beer

            She was much cuter than any of the actual Warriors also.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            I bet.

    • Based Potoo

      That’s hilarious!

    • Cpt. Poopypanty’s Oily Rampage

      Bwahahahahaha, worst timing ever!

    • Cpt. Poopypanty’s Oily Rampage
      • BEARD-SPLITTER

        Lolol

      • Óðinn

        That’s a lot of true evil in one photo.

  • Mvthvr Shvbvbv 8

    This is where I’d put a picture of a punkin….

    IF I HAD ONE.

  • Edward/Breegrodamus™

    Open swim eh?

    After moving out two months ago, my former roommate is moving back in after a large personal crisis. Major favor for him and I can use the cash.

    • KJM, Shake Zula

      That’s good. Too bad about the “personal crisis” though.

      • Edward/Breegrodamus™

        Yeah. Dude is a trainwreck. Glad to be able to do something good for a friend even it’s just temporary.

        • more beer

          It is always good to be able to help your friends.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Co-signed.

    • more beer

      Cash is king.

  • Waynecro

    Best use of pumpkins (though the use of actual pumpkin is highly unlikely):

    • more beer

      The Pumpkin Stouts I was drinking last night were a pretty good use of it also. (I`m pretty positive real pumpkins where involved)

      • Went to the store last night in search of pumpkin/fall beer for the holiday. Found nothing but Christmas beer. Contemplated the Void.

        • BEARD-SPLITTER

          Its ok, winter beers are at least second in line for best seasonals, spring and summer beers can go jump off a cliff

          • more beer

            The stouts and darker beers are good. The spicy Christmas beers are pretty gross.

          • Agweed.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            Then theres eggnog, the holiest of winter beverages

          • more beer

            There is some of that with alcohol infused in it in my refrigerator right now.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            . . . It may be bad by now bro

            And of course i only meant the alcoholic kind

          • more beer

            I know you meant the alcohol kind and it`s only been there since Friday night.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            I thought perhaps you were letting it ferment since last year

          • more beer

            No someone brought it for my housemates birthday party on Friday. Which you would have enjoyed as there were many very beautiful nerd girls in attendance.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            Bodacious

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Hubba hubba.

          • more beer

            They were also all from Italy.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            Downgrade

          • more beer

            No you have no idea. All gorgeous with high paying jobs.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I wish I was there. Pretty girls are the best.

        • more beer

          I didn`t really have to search for them. They were on tap at the brewery I went to last night after Gwar. The Christmas beers are the worst. Too many nasty spices in them. Isn`t there a way for you to make some beer fall off of the back of the beer truck?

          • Nah, our company has pretty tight inventory measures in place. If I reeeeeaaaaaally wanted to I could make things disappear. But we don’t carry most of the super awesome fall beers anyway (not that there are all that many super awesome ones, now that I think about it) . . .

          • more beer

            So you guys sell more of the big brewery type of beers?

          • We distribute it all. Pretty much everything except Bud products and some odds and ends. We just picked up Sam Adams, Lagunitas, Smirnoff and the Guinness portfolio this month, which increased our workload a fuck-ton. I just so happen to prefer most of the craft fall beers which do not reside within our portfolio.

          • more beer

            The Lagunitas are very good. I like their Cappuccino Stout a whole lot.

          • Haven’t tried that one yet. So far the ones I’ve sampled are good but nothing to write home about. Very reasonably priced at the moment.

          • more beer

            I have friends who swear by them in California. I think I`m a little more particular about beer than they are. I have a friend who loves them here so I end up drinking them with him fairly often.

          • Do you know if Three Floyds is still around? Used to be able to get it in Connecticut but not out here. I was young when I was exposed to it, but it struck me then as exceptional quality suds.

          • more beer

            They are still around and their beers are very good. I went to a show about a year ago sponsored by them and Trve Brewery. They were serving beer from both brewery`s that night.

          • I don’t think Trve supplies in AZ. Aw shucks.

          • more beer

            You can only get Trve in Denver I just looked. Even here it is only at about 25 places. Some are tap rooms and about 15 liquor stores. I usually just go there. Because excellent beer and metal.

          • RJA

            Bell’s, Three Floyds, now you’re talking my language. Ever drink any New Glarus?

          • Haven’t seen that one.

          • RJA

            You mentioned 2 of my 3 favorites so I figured I would try the last one. New Glarus still only available in Wisconsin I believe.

          • Boss the Ross

            The Cappuccino Stout is amazing.

          • Boss the Ross

            It is amazing.

          • We ended up snagging some Oskar Blues IPA and Bell’s Best Brown, which are fuckin tasty, so it was not a total loss.

          • more beer

            I like the Oskar beers I`ve drank them on more than a few occasions.

          • Can’t go wrong with Oskar, but Bell’s makes some of the best fuckin beer on the planet. If you ask me. Which you didn’t, but there you have it.

          • more beer

            Now I know but I have never seen those. But the next time I`m in the Walmart sized liquor store I shall look.

          • Might not be distributed in . . . Colorado? 🙁

          • more beer

            That is very possible. But there is plenty of really good beer brewed here.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            Oskar Blues brewery is like 40 min from here

          • RJA

            I love when the Bell’s best brown hits the shelf – a great day.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            Highlands Cold Mountain is one of the dankest beers. You can only find it around here for a couple winter months

          • more beer

            We have a few here. Left Hands Fade to Black will be back pretty soon here. It is one of my favorite winter brews.

      • Waynecro

        One of my many regrets is not being able to try such interesting-sounding beers.

        • more beer

          I know but your health has to come first. Even if I`m not really sure those pop tarts are good for you.

          • Waynecro

            Pop-Tarts have saved my ass from dangerously low blood sugar at least a few times. I even used to keep emergency Pop-Tarts in my car.

          • more beer

            Hail pop tarts!

          • Waynecro

            Verily!

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Good emergency plan.

          • Waynecro

            They’re way more pleasant than straight dextrose. Easier to eat while driving too.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I love Pop Tarts. I love the Gingerbread ones as well as the Chocolate Chip ones.

          • Waynecro

            Fuck yeah, bro.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I need to get some from the grocery store next time I’m there. I still have Boo Berry but I don’t want to waste it.

          • Waynecro

            When I finish this cut, I’m going to eat the hell out of some Pop-Tarts.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I still have a ton of Halloween candy.

          • Waynecro

            I’m jelly. I miss candy.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            My favorite candy is the Payday bar. To me it’s the Steely Dan of nut based candy bars. It’s so good but too few people really get them.

          • Waynecro

            Generally, I like stuff with chocolate. The only chocolate I’ve had recently is chocolate- flavored bovine-blood-derived protein powder. That shit tastes more like barnyard than chocolate, though.

      • Boss the Ross

        Saint Arnold’s Pumpkinator is outstanding, if you haven’t had that one.

        • more beer

          I have not. I was drinking the one I had in Black Sky Brewery.

          • Boss the Ross

            I just looked this place up. Their food and beer menus look really good. Excellent pizza names. If I’m ever up in that area i will definitely check it out.

            You might not get Saint Arnold’s beer up in CO.

          • more beer

            I just looked I have drank their Santo before so I can more than likely get it here gonna have too look. Black Sky is a very cool brewery. They put on a big festival with Sherwood Webber from Skinless every year. Plus have a lot of local shows and do a lot to support the local scene. their beers and pizza are excellent. I was hanging out with the owner at King Diamond the other night. We are a couple of east coast transplants. Who used to go to shows at the same places back in the day. But didn`t know each other then. Here is the lineup for this years Black Sky. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a6c886eb2ed44d184118180d1145ec9d1e93301809b71428ef3c770249b963ed.png

          • Boss the Ross

            Okay, right on. It comes in bombers only, in case you can find it.

            Hell yes! That is my kind of place. Its cool to hear stories about people meeting up like that, sounds like a good time.

          • more beer

            I have a place that more than likely will have it. Thanks for the tip I always welcome a new beer.

    • KJM, Shake Zula

      Only Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tarts are trve.

      • BEARD-SPLITTER

        Those are actually the only poptarts i can think about eating without vomiting

        • KJM, Shake Zula

          I love PBJ sammiches and I would never eat a PBJ Pop-Tart.

          • more beer

            They make pop tart Ice cream sandwiches at this place near my house.

      • Waynecro

        Try making a Pop-Tart sandwich with the brown-sugar/cinnamon ones and a pumpkin-pie one. Fucking great. The pumpkin-pie ones also pair very well with eggnog ice cream.

        • KJM, Shake Zula

          Wowsers.

          • Waynecro

            If you’re going to load up on carbs, you might as well go all out. Pop-Tarts used to be my go-to emergency carb source for dangerously low blood sugar.

          • more beer

            That makes a lot of sense.

          • Waynecro

            Delicious sense.

  • Cpt. Poopypanty’s Oily Rampage
  • JWEG

    Too many places already breaking out the Christmas decorations.

    Canadians don’t have the benefit of Thanksgiving being in a different (but wrong) spot between Halloween and Xmas. At least we have Remembrance Day, but not even that is treated the same way Veterans Day is. Not that either have the proper focus anymore, anyway.

    On that note, though. Take a look at this film project and consider supporting it: https://www.gofundme.com/BurdenOfFreedom

    • KJM, Shake Zula

      It’s only one side of one aisle in the drugstore, but that’s enough. I’ve been seeing Xmas merch for the past week. Ridiculous.

      • Cpt. Poopypanty’s Oily Rampage
        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          I’m so worried about that because I work two retail jobs.

          • more beer

            Do you work in the Galleria in White Plains? If so you better brace yourself. That place is ridiculously busy from Thanksgiving until Christmas. I lived in White Plains I`ve seen it first hand.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            No, I work at the Poughkeepsie Galleria.

          • more beer

            That might be a little better than White Plains. But then again it is a mall.

          • Abe Vigoda’s Oily Stool Sample

            As long as you don’t work at Walmart, Bed Bath And Beyond, or The Disney Store, you might have some hope. If you work at The Disney Store, god help you, since Frozen fever is still in full effect!

          • more beer

            If he works where I think he does. He`s fucked.

          • Abe Vigoda’s Oily Stool Sample

            #PrayToLemmyForJJD

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I work at Old Navy and Gamestop. I know I’m fucked.

      • BEARD-SPLITTER

        People are gonna just give up on thanksgiving

        • Abe Vigoda’s Oily Stool Sample

          Still gonna eat that food though! All while people celebrate a holiday where British felons get saved by the Native Americans, and repay them by killing the men, raping the women, and enslaving the children.

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            Damn Brits

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Buncha freakin’ Puritans. Fortunately Massachusetts has changed a bit since then.

      • Óðinn

        Yeah. For many years, Halloween was the barrier between the Christmas season and the rest of the year. In recent years though, I’ve noticed that retailers already have Christmas merchandise on display in October.

        • more beer

          They think the general public will forget Christmas is coming. So they have to give early reminders of how they want to separate you from your hard earned cash.

        • KJM, Shake Zula

          I remember when stores actually waited until Thanksgiving to start pushing Xmas on people.

          • Óðinn

            That was a time known as the 1970s.

  • J.R.™

    I did not celebrate Halloween so I guess I will not post here.
    Wait

  • Eliza

    So, Halloween is over. I feel so empty. Like, I could still watch a horror film, but the atmosphere won’t be the same. Cradle of Filth won’t be the same either.

    • BEARD-SPLITTER

      Well, at least you arent listening to Cradle of Filth.

      Are you Gorak?!

  • Lacertilian

    We don’t do Halloween here so my best use of pumpkin would probably be the Coriander & Butternut Pumpkin soup I made this Winter. Toasted sourdough croutons and a double IPA made it rill gourd.

    • BEARD-SPLITTER

      Damn that looks dank

      • Lacertilian

        Was a good gut-filler after a toke or three.

    • Brb, gonna move down to Australia so you can cook for me all the time.

      • Lacertilian

        I don’t accept traveller’s cheques.