For the inaugural Sunday Sesh back in September we posed the question of whether seasonal variation has an effect on your listening habits. We discussed Autumn; this time the topic is Winter.
Stupid lizard, you’re late. Winter started ages ago, and nearly 6 weeks have passed since the December solstice. You fucked up. Well, you know what? I
had other things on deliberately waited until now so that I can crap on about some shit someone really boring probably told you once, maybe.
Those of you in the Northern Hemisphere are heading into the coldest time of the year. But you said it yourself, the December Solstice has already passed. Surely the shortest day/longest night of the year would equate to the coldest period? I bet you’d like it to be that bloody simple, wouldn’t you? Well it’s not. Currently, there are three leading hypotheses as to why this is not the case.
One is that you’re always wrong, so, you’re wrong.
A second is that Höđr (the Norse god of Winter), drunken on a particularly potent lambic brew, decided to change the dates on the town calender while everyone else was in a cold-induced hibernation-like daze. Effectively giving himself 6 more weeks to finish off completing his long overdue tax returns, avoiding another fiscal dilemma and escaping a potential audit. This particular viewpoint has gone out of favour recently, with many blaming the rise of the mysterious cult of Ößåmæ.
The third explanation pertains to the Earth’s oceans. As you know, over 70% of the Earth’s surface is covered with water. Water has a higher heat capacity than air; it is a great insulator, greater than the fat cells that currently surround your vital organs, awaiting the moment to finally conspire and choke your arteries, extinguishing your meaningless existence. So, ahh… that’s a lot of insulation… and stuff. Look, it takes roughly 6 weeks for the oceans (our primary thermal storage) to catch-up to the changes in the amount of heat they receive from the sun due to the Earth’s axial tilt.
By now, you’ve probably concluded whilst skimming through my
padding inadequate attempt to explain some trivial natural phenomenon, that the answer to what you listen to during Winter is black metal. If it is, tell us what bands/albums in particular, or regale us with a frostbitten tale of some sort. Maybe you buck the trend and listen to something else to take your mind off the chill, pretending it’s Summer and that your genitalia hasn’t performed some kind of self-imposed inversion ceremony, reverting back into your torso until the gentle embrace of Spring lures them back into open air. Whatever the case, I’m sure you’re all absolutely stoked to ignore all of this and be given the chance to compare temperatures or snowfall with each other yet again.