Sunday Sesh: Metal Needs a New Geometric Shape

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The Pentagram is dead. It’s been dead since Motley Crüe slapped one on the cover of Shout at the Devil. There’s no more malice left in the ol’ pentacle than there is that vegan wiccan community college student with the pentagram backpack down at the farmer’s market. It’s time metal adopted a new geometric symbol, one with bold lines, striking angles, and copious volume. Today we declare war on the pentagram as we seek out our new glorious banner.

Now, before you wipe off that Cheeto dust and waddle through a sea of empty PBR cans to your laundry pile to fish out your pentagram-adorned tees to burn out front of your parents’ house, we need to figure out what the next shape is. Here are your options.

The Sphere

It’s beyond silly to cite sources for geometric shapes, but I guess I will anyway. (VIA)

Pros: Solid, can support impressive girth, could have occult connections to solar worship
Cons: Will definitely make people think of that Dustin Hoffman film, lacks any kind of edge (we know how much metalheads love edge), prone to inciting hawk attacks if seen in the wild

__________

The Dodecahedron

Pros: Built-in D’n’D fanbase, fairly easy to cover in occult symbols on every surface, fun as hell to say out loud
Cons: All of metal will owe royalties to weird black metal band Dodecahedron, almost too much edge, will be way harder to draw in your notebook during social studies

__________

The Icosahedron

Pros: Essentially a more badass dodecahedron, makes you look like you passed calculus, can hold at least 8 more occult symbols, looks like it can travel through time
Cons: Outline has a star of David so you’ll probably lose the black metal fans, full-on edge, almost too tech death

__________

The Blivet

Pros: Mysterious and sensual, will break lesser beings’ minds, very phallic
Cons: Ironic in that annoying metalcore way, will invite too much staring, very phallic

__________

The Codex Seraphinianus

Pros: Huge variety of weirdass shapes to choose from, absurdly esoteric, very sensual
Cons: You’ll probably look like a huge pervert if you put the alligator one on a shirt

Now it’s up to you! Cast your vote below and help us pick our new geometric mascot. Out with the old and busted, in with the new hotness.

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 02-07-2017 09:00:00
end_date 09-07-2017 00:00:00
Poll Results:
What should be metal's new symbol?

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    I like the blivet.

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    How is very phallic a con?

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I don’t know. HR Giger had a lot of art that was very phallic and he’s extremely metal.

      • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

        HR Giger rules!

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          He sure does. His art is so good.

      • Brutalist_Receptacle

        FVCK YEAH METAL PHALLUS

        • more beer

          The Dead Kennedy’s used Penis Landscape in 1985 as a poster for the Frankenchrist album. It caused them a shitload of problems which led to a trial for distributing harmful material to minors. So while Metal Phallus might sound great in theory, it would probably cause more problems for the metal scene than it would be worth.

          • Brutalist_Receptacle

            OK. YOU CONVINCED ME. I WILL JUST STICK WITH ANAL SATANIC WITCHGOAT RAPER

          • more beer

            Hey if that’s your thing have at it.

        • themaleshoegaze

          Sure, but what would be the most brutalist geometric shape?

    • Wet W’s Whistle

      Sometimes you have to keep the phallus on lockdown.

      • more beer

        We need to leave certain things alone. Metal and the pentagram go together like peanut butter & Jelly. I am not against change, but in this case it would be change for the worst. As for the Phallus being on lockdown only in public.

  • Hans

    SeraphiniANUS lolololol
    Still went with the Blivet though.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Speaking of things metal needs to change metal bands who use organ sounds on keyboards should switch to using older organs like Hammond B3s or Vox Continentals. Even Farfisa organs would be good. They would have to use actual Leslie speakers though.

  • more beer

    Off topic but I thought I would leave this with you guys. Since it is about someone from the Toilet community. http://www.noecho.net/features/record-collector-christian-molenaar-those-darn-gnomes

    • Sweet Crowhurst shirt, C-mole.

      • more beer

        I personally like the Bill Cosby album title but it could use an update to. to russell,my brother, who i slept with, after drugging you.

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          That album title is in very poor taste now. It probably meant that they had to sleep in the same bed due to being unable to afford two of them. Now it’s just a terrible idea to buy that album.

          • more beer

            Bad taste is the reason to buy that now. It is funny. I am sorry that you live such a vanilla existence, but as far as I am concerned the darker the humor the better.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            My dad loves dark humor. I like a certain amount of darkness in my humor but I try not to joke about suicide, rape or the disabled. You can feel sorry for me all you want but I prefer my existence as it is.

  • My eyes are still bleeding from looking at the Blivet. Does that mean I have to vote for it?

    • Wet W’s Whistle

      Where we’re going, we won’t need eyes to see.

    • Stockhausen

      It makes me think of weird pants. So now I’m thinking of weird pants and bloody eyes and that’s not very sensual.

  • Eliza
    • Dubby Fresh

      Are you calling me a square, Eliza?

    • Jay Riemenschneider

      We need more rhombi in metal.

  • GoatForest

    Honestly, I’m not sick of the pentagram, but here is another cool one:
    https://goo.gl/images/COM5wE

  • GoatForest

    Honestly, I’m not sick of the pentagram, but here is another cool shape, anyway: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/848157b8e91e5053ad60fef445633e3baa54209b352b8b5801181a41d717c974.jpg

    • more beer

      You don’t fix what isn’t broken.

      • GoatForest

        I don’t really get this whole trend to purge Satanic imagery/symbolism from metal. Especially considering that the Great Horny One has been with metal from the beginning.
        https://youtu.be/U3ObCYL4DwQ

        • more beer

          Exactly this was what the PMRC was trying to do in the 80’s. It was unacceptable then it is unacceptable now. If people want safe imagery let they should listen to something else.

          • Dubby Fresh

            I don’t think a single person here is clamoring for safe imagery.

          • more beer

            I hope not. But then why change what isn’t broken?

          • Dubby Fresh

            A. Clearly this is comical post. B. I think art should always seek to incorporate new ideas and push the boundaries. Satanic imagery is well-trodden ground in metal. It would be neat for artists to start to dive into some of the scary and hellish mythologies of other traditions.

          • more beer

            Yes I understood that. But in reality there are many different album covers with many different themes. Some push the envelope some don’t. Also when an artist does work for an album cover for a band, chances are they are doing what the band asks for. Satan and the pentagram are very traditional themes in metal. I am fine with new concepts, but we need to keep our traditions as well.

          • Óðinn

            The weird thing is that I mostly hear Black Metal fans saying that Metal should stop opposing Christianity. Fuck that! Opposing Christianity is as much a part of Metal as the riff. They might as well start saying that guitar riffs should be removed from Metal.

          • more beer

            It’s a sign of the world we live in now. This is the type of thing that happens when PC culture seeps into every aspect of life. When sugar coating everything is what people think is needed to be done, sometimes things need to be said straight up and brutally. All organized religion is a plague onto humanity and should be spoken out against, not just Christianity.

          • Lacertilian

            Interesting people still think the pentagram is opposing christianity. Surely the implication(s) of promoting satan only further legitimises their belief in the intangible.
            That, and it’s laughably harmless comical shtick to everyone outside of the Westboro types.

          • more beer

            More of the population of the world believe in invisible sky gods than don’t. So of course they need their invisible force of evil, it goes much deeper than just the Westboro types. It is them the Catholics, and every Christian based religion. Islam thinks everyone who isn’t Muslim is a devil of one sort or another. All religions us some sort of scary evil figure to control people. So I think we should continue using this imagery to keep these people away.

          • Lacertilian

            My point is that legitimising their cause with an equally archaic but diametrically opposing symbol of belief is just as stupid, at best.

          • Óðinn

            There are millions of evangelical christians in the United States. It’s not just the few people of the Westboro baptist church. They have real political power. They are the people who showed up eagerly, and in lock step, to vote for Donald Trump. Regardless of what we may think of the pentagram, evangelical chritians are dangerous. They could start a war that will kill tens or hundreds of millions.

          • Lacertilian

            Every time a pentagram is used a christian stops believing their cause, right?
            Thanks to metal album covers, religion is almost gone.

          • Óðinn

            Sure. Let’s be ridiculous about it. *rolls eyes* When I was younger (a teenager), I was attracted to the Satanism as opposition to Christianity aspect of it, as were many people who grew up in that era. I didn’t like Christianity, and my love of. Metal music was one way I expressed that. Now, as an educated adult who understands a lot more about the world, I’m an Atheist. Did Metal covers (or more accurately the opposition to Christianity in Metal music) directly lead me to my understanding of the world? Maybe not. But I wouldn’t say that it had nothing to do with it either. It’s part of a musical tradition that opposes powerful Christian institutions. It was one of many factors. Communications theory is one of my areas of expertise, so I know enough not to discount imagery or rhetoric and the effect that it had on people and public discourse.

            Also, Satanic imagery and stories are a part of the Metal tradition. I have no problem with it at all. I like a lot of mythology and science fiction that people could say is laughable. Much of Metal is based on those types of stories. You might laugh at me because I listen to Vektor, for example. But I like it. There’s nothing wrong with it.

        • Max

          There’s a trend to do that right now?! News to me..

    • Al Bvndy

      That would be the perfect embroidery patten for any item of clothing Maynard James Keenan chooses to ware.

      • GoatForest

        That’s true, but the symbol of Kali Yuga may be a bit dark for Keenan…

  • megachiles

    Papyrus containing the spell to preserve its possessor against a vanilla sex life. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f1940b0957abcb852c66ee95a52fdd3dee70f8d5369e3df4fbb86dd0d52d8d8d.jpg

    • Dubby Fresh

      Yah, don’t put that on a shirt. Or do. I’m not your dad.

      • megachiles

        I look forward to the facebook ads that await after googling “codex seraphinianus alligator sex”. My bet is on exotic reptile breeders near me.

  • Megadead™

    Swastika’s are cool-looking. I heard a lot of people don’t like them for some reason, but maybe if we adopt it as our symbol we can turn things around.

  • Scrimm

    You can’t think of ANOTHER movie the sphere might remind you of?

    • Dubby Fresh

      That’s more of an orb, really.

      • Scrimm

        They call them spheres

        • more beer

          Orb or sphere all that matters is that they bring death.

    • Hans

      Independence Day 2

  • Stockhausen

    Sphere: hard to draw accurately without shading, so sub-par doodles/patches/stickers would just look like circles, maybe eggs.
    Dodecahedron: hard as af to draw. Would be awesome tattoo though.
    Icosahedron: I keep wanting to say “Isocahedron,” but I think we need to explore the time-traveling possibilities. It gets my vote.
    Blivet: I mistyped that just now and it autocorrected to “blimey.” Completely unacceptable.
    Codex Seraphinianus: I was sold on “huge collection of weirdass shapes,” but then I’d get option paralysis. Plus, with all those choices, metal fans might argue with each other about something.

  • Óðinn
  • Óðinn
  • Señor Jefe El Rossover
  • R.M.T.

    Trapezohedron. A shiny one.