Sunday Sesh: A Farewell to Trash Joe


As most of you know, our editor in chief Joseph B. Thashnkill recently began fostering a tiny kitten left on his doorstep. Although Joe and his partner never intended to keep the little guy, they were required to name him for veterinary purposes, and thus the tiny monster was christened Trash Joe. Today, Joe bids farewell to Trash Joe, and since they say parting is such sweet sorrow, we as a community join him in his mourning.

Although I never met Trash Joe in person, I can tell you that the kitten is pure royalty in an adorably tiny little fluffy body. How do I know? As Joe’s vizier and moral counsel, I was regularly treated to videos like this:

Between his mewling and pooping and nursing and clawing and climbing and scratching and fighting, Trash Joe wormed his way into my heart and brain with his digital toxoplasmosis. I will miss him and the way he used to perch atop Joe’s shoulder and try to steal sandwiches.

To honor Trash Joe and to give him courage for his coming journey in his new home, I leave him (and you) with a wise saying and a song from the cat master himself, Chuck Schuldiner.

Courage, above all things, is the first quality of a warrior. – Carl von Clausewitz

Godspeed, Trash Joe.

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  • Randall’s Sweaty Space Pants

    Hail Trash Joe. All trash and all class. Maybe some sass too.

    Now when do you giveaway the other cats and become a civilized, decent dog person?

    • more beer

      Dogs are much more work than cats. There is all of that training them. If you don’t have a yard you have to walk them in all sorts of shitty weather. Cats do their own thing and are a much easier pet for a busy person.

      • Dave Vincent’s Perm

        Nothing better than walking a dog through the forest listening to black metal in shitty weather, though.

        • Elizabeth Short

          My idiot dog is 13+ years now. I got him when he was small enough to fit in the palm of my hand. Iowa winters (and, honestly, most of the rest of the year) suck pretty hard when it comes to weather. Walking his dumb ass through the fields near my place and listening to Moonsorrow has never once sucked, temperature be damned.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            I attribute my dog’s relatively good health at 12 to walking in the forests near my house in disgusting damp weather, listening to Immortal. Cheers, Norway!

          • Elizabeth Short

            Horns up for sons of northern furriness. Or some equally as lame joke.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Metalsucks caption competition intensifies

          • Elizabeth Short

            Do not drag TMZ into this, good sir! They are far too busy with Emmure, Limp Bizkit, and Corey Taylor’s neck health. Priorities!

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Don’t forget Nergal’s bowel movements.

          • Elizabeth Short

            Is that what he ended up calling his countrified-bluegrass shitshow side project? Mustache waxes and over-priced beer for everyone!

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Answering the Call of the Wintermoon!

          • RJA

            A fellow Iowan?

          • Elizabeth Short

            Holy silly hell–yes. 515 represent…or something. I miss Des Moines far more than I probably should.

          • RJA

            Ah I see – you’re no longer here. I am still here, Des Moines area.

          • Elizabeth Short

            I’m still in Iowa, just over in super lame Cedar Rapids. It smells awful here and there’s nothing to do. Not a fan.

          • RJA

            That’s too bad – The one thing I can say about Cedar Rapids is it’s only 30 minutes from Iowa City.

  • Elegant Gazing Globe


  • more beer

    Glad you found the little guy a home.

  • Commodus, Flusher Of Worlds
  • What a strange looking baby hippo

  • The Tetrachord of Archytas

    May he strive to one day be the ultimate trash kitten, Jack Bauer

    Also, thank you for reminding to jam Death on this day

  • Commodus, Flusher Of Worlds
  • A.P.


    • Count_Breznak

      It should feel way, way cheaper. And most probably won’t move back in a couple of years later with a worthless degree.

  • J.R.™

    Should be the other way around. Get joe out of here and take TJ on full time as editor/site manager/whatever.

  • This is top-shelf content.

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    Thumbs up for use of the term vizier and also kitten. I like kittens ’cause furry.

  • ME GORAK!!!™
  • Stockhausen

    Goodbye, tiny friend. May your new home be connected to another online web of weirdos with screen names and a toilet page.

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm

    I require an opinion. Do the battle jacket wearers on here wear the jackets outside before they’re finished, or wait until all the patches are on?

    • Stanley


      • Señor Jefe El Rosa


      • I get to 60-70% then just quit and that’s my vest

  • Elizabeth Short

    Very glad to hear you found a good home for him. I am a huge sucker for animals in need. All of my pets have been rescues and I honestly change the channel any time those goddamn Sarah McClachlan commercials comes on the stupid tv. -10 metal points for me.

  • JWEG
  • Simon PhoenixKing Rising

    Be well, little Trash Joe.

  • He just got picked up by a family of very sweet nerds. They have another young cat for him to play with. He’s going to have a great life.

    • Randall’s Sweaty Space Pants

      Of course you chose to give him to my natural enemy: the common American nerd.

  • JWEG
  • Commodus, Flusher Of Worlds

    Sadly, we’re getting rid of the new pit. Nice as she is, biting the kid’s hand (not full force, thankfully) and dragging her along is the last straw. Nice two weeks knowing you, Trash Pit!

    • Aww, pits rule

      • Commodus, Flusher Of Worlds

        She’s got a new home now, and a lot more quiet around here since she left. She got a hold my roomie’s 6 year old daughter’s hand and dragged her, which could’ve ended up much much worse. Didn’t hurt much at all, but enough to where we all agreed she simply needed to go. And her constantly pissing everywhere certainly didn’t help her case.

        • I’ll never blame a pit for his or her behavior, it’s the losers* who train them to be insane. After all, they were bred to protect children back in the old days.

          Glad your roommates doge found a home. Sounds like all parties are happier!

          *Not implicating your roommate here. But the nasty folks who DO train them to be attack doges

          • Commodus, Flusher Of Worlds

            Nah, the former owners didn’t train her to be an attack dog, they simply didn’t bother training her at all.

  • Óðinn

    Good to hear that Trash Joe found a home.

  • God ov War