Sunday Sesh: A Dookie in the Diamonds

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One of these things is not like the other. One of these things just doesn’t belooooooooong.

Sunday, the nose-picking anachronism amongst the rest of the other 6 days of the week (or maybe that’s Monday for some folks around here). Like that one gristle-filled nugget in a bag of otherwise juicy chicken tendies (and there’s ALWAYS at least one; it’s just one of those cruel tricks of the universe), it lurks in all its hideously misplaced mockery. Much like these songs. One song on an otherwise perfect, or at least really good CD, that completely fucks up the flow like an uninvited guest at a roaring party who ends up passed out with their head in the toilet, their pants around their ankles and a mysterious goo behind them with the door flung wide open, with no mop anywhere around the house.

I’m gonna catch some flak for this one, but the one that really p(l)opped up in my head when thinking of this:

OK, Book Of Souls wasn’t exactly groundbreaking, but it was a damn good CD through and through. Pretty much old school, back to roots Maiden as God/Flying Spaghetti Monster/Rob Schneider intended. Until… this 18 minute wank fest comes roaring into town on the Chugga Lugga Poo Poo Express. I’m getting the idea that the rest of the band finally caved in after Bruce repeatedly bugged them to let him noodle around on a CD, and it turns out to be one of those moments where no one wants to admit it’s a terrible idea, just so he’ll shut up about it.

EXHIBIT B(UTTZ):

I was of two minds about this CD before it came out, considering that the band kicked Timo Tolkki, who founded the band and wrote 90% of the music, out of the band after a whole lotta buncha cray cray antics on his end. But, it turned out to be their strongest one since Destiny. That is until they decided to write a complete and utter carbon copy of “Forever,” an ode to Timo’s late father. You know, the same Timo they just kicked out. And a song that completely killed the rest of the rather epic mood of the whole CD. Thankfully it’s the last one on there. For argument’s sake, play both songs at the same time:

EXHIBIT C(HICKEN TENDIES):

Another classic from Spain’s finest death metal export, and second only to the almighty Stabwound Orgasm in their stellar catalog (well, besides Cybergore, which came off sounding like a really really bad Frontline Assembly remix CD, or the soundtrack to a really bad 90’s cyber-hacker movie). And I know this is long before Lemmy’s death spawned the “Ace Of Spades” cover craze by every band from rock, metal, country, tin pan alley, speed kazoo, blackened slide whistle thrash, beer gut slapping, etc., but this is still pretty out of place on an otherwise perfect CD. They could’ve skipped this and went for a part two to “Eat Fetal Mush” or “Infernal Haemorrhoids” (yes, that’s how they spell it). You know, the kind of songs for candlelight dinners, walks on the beach and Preparation H ads.

So, what are some of your picks for songs that don’t belong on an otherwise perfect, or at least good, CD?

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  • Pentagram Sam

    Since you opened the floodgates with a Power Metal mention, I think the vast majority of ballads in Power Metal / Melodic Metal are big ol floaty hairys in the toilet bowl. Most seem way too forced and kill the flow completely. At least it’s good when they’re at the end. Maybe if bands spaced em out like one bad ass one every two or three albums, something that makes you go ohh hey this is different, cool but having one on every album seems forced and they generally get passed over.

    Two big power metal cliches: Obligatory “epic” / fake orchestral whoooshing sounds into, and a boring always skippable ballad. I like Running Wild’s NO BALLADS clause they’ve stuck with since ever as well as having guitarmony intros that get you headbanging before BAM, HERE COMES DA RIFFS BITCH!! Ughhghghhghg

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      Gah, the new Dream Theater went overkill on that one! Plenty of upbeat riff fests on there, but immediately afterwards is a ballad/interlude, and that pattern continues throughout the entire CD. They could’ve easily have kept it to about 4 of those tops, and cut at least an entire hour of needless fat from the CD in the process.

    • ME GORAK KING OV CAVEMEN!!!

      ICED EARTH DARK SAGA HAVE 2 REAL GOOD BALLAD!!!!!! THAT RARE EXCEPTION!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • ME GORAK KING OV CAVEMEN!!!

    BEST ALBUM EVER!!!!!!!! THIS SONG DINOSHIT THOUGH!!!!!!!!
    https://youtu.be/IyMTYXUXYvs

    • Eliza

      That song is such a waste of time.

    • EsusMoose

      As a bassist I really liked the bass riff that’s on it. Lyrically it also fits the Rust in peace polaris. 5 magics has always been the weakest track for me even if the intro bass is cool

      • Zeke

        5 magics might be my all time favorite megadeth song

        • EsusMoose

          The backing vocals have always hit a weird point between silly and fitting. Musically it’s as on point as the rest of the album, lyrically it doesn’t fit with the rest of the album to me

          • Spear

            I don’t know if you’ve heard both the original and the remaster, but if you’ve only heard the remastered version of Five Magics, listen to the original. The backing vocals are much less derpy.

          • EsusMoose

            I shall go hunt that down then

          • Eliza

            No one should ever listen to the remasters.

          • Spear

            I actually thought the Peace Sells remaster wasn’t too bad, but the RIP one was just atrocious. I can get wanting to bolster the guitars a bit, but they butchered the bass fill on “Take No Prisoners” and did that stupid thing with the vocals on “Five Magics.” It’s heresy, and I know heresy.
            https://i.warosu.org/data/tg/img/0384/20/1425437936015.jpg

          • Zeke

            Well now you’re making me want to hear the remasters

          • Spear

            It’s not really worth it.

          • Eliza

            It’s like the Star Wars special editions. They take what was good enough as it was and add pointless things that take out from the experience than add on.

          • Zeke

            Aaaaah, he’s taking about the remasters! I never bothered to listen to that, but now it all makes sense!

          • Eliza

            That is the best choice.

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          Isn’t that the one Dave refuses to play live because of his spoopy black magic stuff from back in the 80’s?

          • Eliza

            That’s The Conjuring I think.

        • ME GORAK KING OV CAVEMEN!!!
    • Spear

      Boo. RIP wouldn’t be the same without this track.

      • ME GORAK KING OV CAVEMEN!!!

        AMONG FIRST & FAVORITE METAL RECORDS!!!!!! THAT TRACK FEEL LIKE FILLER!!!!!!

    • DeeSnarl

      I wanna shout out to their cover of Anarchy in the UK.

      • ME GORAK KING OV CAVEMEN!!!

        THAT ONE GET PASS CUZ HOLY WARS WAS WRITTEN CUZ OV IT!!!!!!! HOLY WARS ROCKS!!!!!!

  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

    While I think it’s a good song, I always thought it didn’t really fit on Covenant.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqqpFtCWcnE

    • Yup, totally agree.

    • Dave Vincent’s Perm

      That one belonged on Altars. Interestingly enough it’s one of the first songs Trey and Mike wrote.

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      I’m probably gonna be the odd one out here, but I think the album could’ve done without ‘God Of Emptiness’.

      • Dave Vincent’s Perm

        BOW TO MEE FAITHFULLYYYYYYY

      • Zeke

        That’s one of my favorite morbid angel songs. Such creepy weird riffs

      • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

        I think it’s the perfect ending to that album.

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          Good song, but just felt kinda out of place on there.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            I feel like that song gets too much attention compared to the other doomy song on Covenant
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-t1Rz0zVOE

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Lol, I’m waiting up for David Vincent’s country remake of the whole CD!

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            God Of Empty Beer Cans. Bow to me faithfullyyyyyyyyyy, woo doggies!

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            It’s slower and doomier, but I think it fits. At least way better than ‘Angel of Disease’ does.

    • Max

      My sentiments exactly; you beat me to it. It’s partly because of the standard tuning, I think.

  • Makes me think of that filler track that every band seems to have that’s at max 1 minute and usually just some sort of ambient noise. They can be good when done right, but I’d say 5% actually manage to do it right.

    • Hans Müller

      hehehe… WOAUH!
      I’m currently delving into this era of BM, and that was the first time I actually laughed at these corpsepainted, nail-studded people shrieking in the woods.

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      LMAO, I keep forgetting about this one, but yep!

    • Óðinn

      Classic.

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    I’ve warmed to it just a little with time but I still think Gorguts’ Clouded is a glum, bloated trudge of a thing that really drains energy from the otherwise thrilling, weirdly brilliant Obscura. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUcl-UkfItw

    • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

      Personally I enjoy the entire album, including Clouded. Even though the song drags a bit.

      • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

        If it were a few minutes shorter I’d probably have no issue with it.

    • This is actually my favorite song on Obscura. I like the doomy evilness it delivers.

      • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

        It does have some charm. I’d probably appreciate it more on a different album, something more generally doomy and evil so the mood and length didn’t stick out so much.

        • Honestly, I’m not a crazy big fan of this Gorguts album anyways. I always preferred the oldschool sound of Considered Dead and The Erosion of Sanity. Obscura just is a very exhausting listen for me, so when I first heard Clouded it was breath of fresh air. A breath of clouded air I guess. DERP.

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            Ha! It does seem to be more liked by the more old school fans. I got into Gorguts almost exactly backwards though, and generally dig weirdness a bit more than convention. Which is not to say that Considered Dead and The Erosion of Sanity aren’t awesome albums that would be career bests for most other bands.

          • Dubs

            Illuminatus tends to be the one that sticks out to me most on Obscura.

  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

    I’m of the unpopular opinion that Iowa is actually a good album, but this song is a piece of crap.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Oy8TzPOWp4

    • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

      That one has a whiff of the “made expressly to be a single” about it. Lacks the palpable nastiness of much of the rest of the album.

      • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

        Honestly, I’m not exactly new to any type of extreme metal, but I still think Iowa really is a heavy as fuck album. There are moments in songs such as Skin Ticket, Gently, Disasterpiece…that are positively crushing. More people would enjoy it if they would get away from that “but…but…it’s made by Slipknot…” stick (which I think is retarded, but hey…each to their own).

        • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

          I never really had the “all Slipknot suck” attitude. For me they had the right sound at the right time, it may have been clearly nu-metal but it was far less safe or easy than most. The first few albums never gave me the suburban teen without a real care in the world vibe, they seemed plagued, tormented in body and mind and seeking to pass it on. As music in general goes, these days I only dig them in small doses, usually on Saturday nights. But they’re still surely competitive on the heaviness scale.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            I like the first two albums. While I won’t claim to spin them every month, every now and then I still enjoy listening to them. They got their own sound (something I respect in any band) and are not only aggressive, but fairly creative as well. They lost me with and since Vol III. While not a bad album, I don’t really get anything out of it.

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            I think that was the beginning of their move over into more straightforward modern rock. Which doesn’t often do much for me.

          • Hans Müller

            I liked III, it did some different stuff nad had an interesting, kinda crunchy sound.

            As for this song, I’d sooner nominate the title track for worst of the album (final third of the disc seemed a bit of a slump in general IIRC), though I did like that they continued to use songs off of their very weird debut. That old version of Gently was pretty cool.

      • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

        Hahahaha I was awaiting that reaction from someone.

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls
    • Maik Beninton™

      I love that song.

      • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

        Along with I Am Hated it’s the only song I dislike on the album. To me it sounds like sugar coated cash grab metal. That’s just me though…you might get a different feeling from the song, which is cool.

        • Maik Beninton™

          I burnt out so much when I first listened.
          And yeah I guess I get a different feeling from it, it has a creepy vibe at the ending that always raises the hair on my back.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            I think the ending of the song is good. It’s just everything that comes before it…the chorus, the bridge…I personally really dislike. To me it almost sounds “happy” (if you don’t pay attention to the lyrics of course) compared to the rest of the album.

    • brokensnow

      My favorite song of the album.

  • Eliza

    Speaking of The Book of Souls, the track I felt wasn’t really as good as the rest and could’ve been left out was Speed of Light. It didn’t have the same feel as the other songs on the album and it added nothing. I actually liked Empire of the Clouds, but I generally am a sucker for thing that shout “EPIC”.

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      That would’ve been my second pick, especially considering that god awful video for it.

      • Eliza

        That pissed me off a lot. From all these intriguing and mysterious sounding songs that could work great accompanied by visuals, the one that gets a music video is the annoying little distraction.

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          Maiden’s never been good at picking lead singles for their CDs, at least not over the last 20 or so years.

          • Eliza

            I guess the radio stations won’t want to play a song longer than 5 minutes. They’re slowly moving back to the 50’s in that regard.

  • I’ll get shit, but this song I could do without.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnQfgDP2byE

    • Eliza

      My least favorite song on this album as well.

    • Dave Vincent’s Perm

      Ride the Lightning is probably my favourite metallica song so I can forgive how meh this song is.

    • DeeSnarl

      Came for this. I’m here to defend Escape. This song said pretty much exactly what my punk-ass 16-year-old self was thinking. One of my faves. Plus, I have a soft spot for simple, poppy structures (i.e., Flight of Icarus).

      • Pentagram Sam

        It def isn’t the best on the album by far, but it is sandwiched between fast as hell Trapped Under Ice and CREEPING DEAAAATH! And Dee sez, the lyrics are right on in terms of what I felt growing up and blasting this, Nooooo damnnnn chainz can hold me to tha grounndddd *fist*

      • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

        I forgot the song was even on the album, after all these years.

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      I could’ve done without Fade To Black.

    • Dubs

      I think this is a fairly common opinion (and one I generally share, though the song has grown on me).

  • CyberneticOrganism
  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

    While I love Pure – although not as much as I love Streetcleaner (which borders on adoration) – I always thought this song sounded a little off at places.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORD3t_7dPrs

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      I felt that way about the last song on Selfless.

      • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

        The problem with the last song on Selfless is that it drags and drags and drags. Not bad, but it could use some cutting.
        Selfless is still a good album, but it doesn’t reach the heights of its predecessors.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    This track really brought down an otherwise well-executed, brilliantly written album of the early 2000s.

    http://youtu.be/f2zy3qSZe8E

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm

    Not Suitable For Life ruined the entirety of Cattle’s new album for me.

    • Dave Vincent’s Perm

      Shoulda been replaced by this
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-my3wZied4

    • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

      I don’t really mind that song honestly. While Extinction didn’t catch me by surprise like Monolith did, I still think it was a solid album.

      • Dave Vincent’s Perm

        I think Harvest Floor is unfairly overlooked.

        • brokensnow

          and over hyped be certain groups..

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            I’ve personally never seen anyone hyping the harvest floor as much as I’ve seen people hyping up monolith.

          • Dubs

            A Body Farm was actually the track that got me into Cattle Decap.

          • brokensnow

            give it a few years.

  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

    I forgot to add this one, but an (dis)honorable mention on an otherwise excellent soundtrack to a nuclear winter:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPEXPK2lVLk

  • Zeke
  • Dave Vincent’s Perm

    Heartwork fucks up the flow of the entire carcass discography.

    • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

      How so? I thought it was quite logical in terms of their growing accessibility.

      • Dave Vincent’s Perm

        Well swansong is just absolute shit, but heartwork has some cool riffs but I just can’t bring myself to listen to it again after going backwards through their discography.

        • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

          It might be their fourth best for me. Though I find it pretty hard to choose between it and Surgical Steel for third and fourth place. Heartwork has one or that don’t seem that Carcass-y but Surgical Steel has a couple of “reclaiming the crown” type tracks which is rarely a theme I warm to.

      • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

        Swansong I can do without, but I think Symphonies of Sickness, Necroticism and Heartwork are all great in what they set out to do. Carcass managed to keep it fresh while still sounding like Carcass.

        • Dave Vincent’s Perm

          That’s the thing, Heartwork doesn’t sound like carcass to me. Maybe I’m just a stupid elitist.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Hahaha. Well, they stripped away all of the “filthiness” in their sound but I still think the album has a good vibe and I can’t picture any other band making the album.
            That’s just my take on it though. I completely understand others preferring the predecessors. With the exception of Swansong, I can enjoy any Carcass album in equal measures. My favorite will always be Necroticism though.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            A band called Carcass, to me, shouldn’t sound clean and polished.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Ah well, I just don’t think that much into it.

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      Nope! That would be Swansong, ab-so-fucking-lutely.

  • Rob M

    I may get some shit for this one, but I dislike this song. Starts off well enough, but takes a turn into techno, symphonic weirdness towards the end.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DOPkHrW5bA

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      IIRC, isn’t that the album with the mountain goat song about gathering sperm for his throne?

      • Eliza

        That is a sentence that would sound really wrong if spoken out loud.

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          Gah, the lyrics to that song sound even more wrong when he sang them out loud.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2G1lu27SrJY

          • Eliza

            Sometimes, it’s good that the lyrics to metal songs are hard to understand.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            He’s singing about conquering stuff with the power of his evil and almighty goat:

            http://funnyphotobucket.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/Very-Tired.jpg

          • Eliza

            Goats are scary. I’ve seen some in my life and they all had an expression that read: “I hate you. Die.”

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            And “feed some some tin cans”.

          • Rob M

            Its the eyeball, man that horizontal pupil is creepy

          • Eliza

            When they stare at you it’s like death is close by.

          • CyberneticOrganism

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            ……

          • Eliza

            That’s exactly what I mean.

          • Rob M

            Okay…couldnt figure out which song you were talking about. Thats off of “Likferd”, the one I posted was from “1184”

  • Maik Beninton™
    • EsusMoose

      CCCAAAARRRRRLLLLWWWWING IIIIIIIINNN MY SSSKKKKKKKKIIIIIN

    • brokensnow

      The boys got pipes

  • Ol Dirty Blastbeard

    glad the boys upstairs let you have thisn.

    i think South Winds off of the new Ihsahn is a perfect exemplar

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      Thankful, too, and Papa Joe even spruced up my slap shot and amateurish attempt at Photoshop. First ever article I’ve ever written, so was kinda nervous.

      • Eliza

        It’s good for a debut. Do you want to keep writing?

        • Ol Dirty Blastbeard

          also Speed Kazoo >>>>>>

          • Eliza

            When Kazoo metal will become the biggest sub-genre in the metal scene and sub-sub-genres will start emerging, we will be proud about how we knew it all from the very beginning. Those will be glorious days.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            It’s right up there with Slide Whistle Doom.

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          Sure, when ideas come along. I had quite a bit of fun writing this.

          • Eliza

            Never force yourself. If your heart isn’t in what you’re writing, no good can come out of that.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Yep yep!
            BTW, is it me or did TOH go offline? I’ve tried connecting to it a few times, and it’s not coming up. Weird!

          • Eliza

            I answered through the Disqus inbox page, so I don’t know.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            It’s back. That was the most horrifying 10 minutes of my life (when it went offline), lol.

          • Eliza

            I would freak out too. What do I do if I can’t access the Toilet?

      • Dubs

        I was the one who cleaned it up. I’m generally in charge of Sundays.

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          Sweet, thanks! Lol, if it’s anything more advanced than Windows Paint, it’s way too complicated for me when it comes to art/photo programs.

          • Dubs

            I use one of two online tools for free, pixlr.com or canva.com. Both allow you to add images as layers so you can resize, erase, etc.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Might check that out later this coming week.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    When it comes to bad songs of a great album I think of Cagey Cretins off of Secret Treaties by BOC. Its just too out there compared to the other stuff. When it comes to bad albums in a great discography I pick Club Ninja by BOC and Bloody Tourists by 10cc.

  • brokensnow
  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

    On an unrelated note:

    This will be my last day posting before I take a long break from going to the metal boards on the internet. I’ve been a major fan of the genre for years and years now. When I first started exploring the genre I was immediately attracted to everything that could be discovered in the genre: the subgenres – from the alternative styles to the extreme styles – but also the way a lot of bands knew how to create unique identities within the boundaries of their genre. Obviously the genre has meant a lot to me. Along with sports (weightlifting, boxing, soccer), exploring metal is probably the #1 hobby that keeps me in check and takes care of my frustrations and the aggression that’s ingrained in my personal character. It might be contradictive – seeing metal is angry and aggressive music – but I think that exploring the genre is exactly what helps me in decreasing the violent tendencies I don’t like to admit I have. It’s what helped my life take a turn for the better when I discovered it years and years ago in highschool – when I was still continuously getting into fights, stealing things and doing other kinds of not so good things – and without it, I wouldn’t have worked towards having a good career and I would’ve probably ended up in jail by now.

    Lately I’ve been finding less and less enjoyment in going to the metal sections on the internet. People have different opinions, which of course is normal, but at the moment I’m just fed up with the all around attitudes of “this sucks…that sucks…”. And you know, I can only blame myself for this. A person has the right to have a certain taste in music and he even has the right to express his/her taste and every way he/she wants. You must have an elephant skin and just be able to shrug it off whenever someone says a band/album you like sucks. I just have to be honest here; I just can’t do that anymore. Going to the comment sections on any blog is, for me personally, killing off the enjoyment I get out of the genre. At the moment I just want to explore the genre on my own terms, listen to whatever feels right to me, without having to worry about the approval of others.

    This is a great community, by far the best one I’ve stumbled upon on the internet, but at the moment I just need to take a healthy break. I’ll probably show up again somewhere in the future.

    • Boss theSpeedMetalBastard Ross

      Damn, sad to see you go Frank. Totally understandable and you need to do you, but you’ll be missed.
      I’d like to keep in touch, shoot me an email at bosstheross54@gmail.com if it’s okay.

    • brokensnow

      May you always find water and shade, sir frank. Enjoy the silence.

    • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

      Sad to see you go man. But I understand the sentiment, I had much the same sort of issue but with movie message boards. Hope you enjoy your break, and hear lots of cool stuff.

    • Maik Beninton™

      I get what you’re saying, lately I’ve been even avoiding some bands based solely on the feedback they get around here and on the metal community in general, checking out stuff without ever reading an opinion or anything is something else.

      • Rob M

        Honestly man, its really about finding a way to let go of that mindset…Maybe its just that Im at an age where I couldnt care less what people on the internet think, but battling people over bands is a completely useless endeavor…nothing comes from it.

        People are going to hate bands you like, youre going to hate bands other people like…best to just do your own thing and leave it at that

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          Lol, I’ve never been at an age where I concerned myself with what people online think, unless I already know you or warm up to you. I consider the internet overall to be a cross between a library and a dumpster.

          • Rob M

            Its probably more prevalent than we think…If youve ever felt the need to speak up over something like the “metalness” of a band you like, or something like that, youve probably concerned yourself over it to some degree. I definitely did the whole…”my metal is better than your metal” thing when I was first starting out with stuff

            I completely agree with the last part of your comment

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Not really, at least for me. It’s hilarious to me the lengths some people go, though, when arguing that their taste in music is divine gospel. I was on Blabbermouth a week or so ago reading an article about a certain J-pop/metal band, and some guy literally told another guy “Come over here and start arguing their ages to my face, and I’ll knock your teeth down your fucking throat”. WTF?!?! Not sure how MS has been over the last year or so, but those kind of comments were pretty commonplace as well not that long ago.

      • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

        I tend to take negative opinions on the arts with a large pinch of salt, unless I happen to know that the reviewer likes the genre in question but just didn’t like the particular piece. And even then I usually still investigate for myself.

        • Maik Beninton™

          After MS I started doing that, I still get thrown off sometimes but that’s mostly because I don’t know that person’s taste.

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            I often find myself reading a bunch of a person’s other reviews to find out, but then I tend to have a lot of spare time.

    • Rob M

      Thats a damn shame Frank, sorry the shit got to you that badly…take care of yourself in the meantime and hopefully we’ll see you when things come back around for the better

    • Frank I don’t want to see you go either. If there’s something on this site that ticked you off, please feel free to talk about it. TovH is supposed to be a safe spot for Disqussion. But you know I’ll still be around if you ever change your mind!

      • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

        Thanks Jimmy. I won’t be gone forever, I will just take a break. And when I come back it will be here first and not at any other blog.

        To further clarify; I’ve been guilty of the “this sucks” attitude as well. Shit, I just recently did it with JJD. And that’s what I’m tired of at the moment as well: doing the same thing to others what you don’t want them to do with you. It’s a two way street, because I don’t want to harass other with my opinion about what sucks and what doesn’t suck either. Sometimes it’s just difficult to control yourself.

        When it comes to my activities on the internet for the time being, I will stick to be active on a Dutch music site where I can keep an inventory of my album collection and where I will concentrate more on writing short reviews (in Dutch that is) about the albums I feel I have something to say about. On sites like that only people who have an interest in that specific album will show up. I noticed that quite a lot of bands that have a big name in the underground scene don’t really have a huge popularity on that site – especially the “big name” bands such as Machine Head, Lamb of God, Deftones, Mastodon, Opeth…of course Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath, Pantera…are discussed – so who knows, maybe I can get more people over there into some of the bands I find especially interesting as well, such as Immolation, Acid Bath, Akercocke, Ulcerate, Primordial…and many others. I’d definitely get some enjoyment out of that and I only have to concentrate myself on the stuff I like.

        I definitely won’t be away forever. I’m just going to concentrate on a way to recharge my musical batteries for a while.

        • brokensnow

          I’m not being a dick, but shouldent you be looking to expand your horizons in whatever art you find interesting, as well as those around you? Doing what you’re doing seems like you’re pigion holing yourself. leads down a bad path.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            When it comes to metal I’ll definitely try to keep on discovering new stuff. Although I have to say that nowadays new bands are only starting to interest me when they’re doing something I haven’t really heard before. I’ll also keep on rediscovering bands/albums that in the past didn’t do much for me.

            I just find that, at the moment, the enjoyment of involving myself in a metal comment section is over for me. Lately I’ve been having difficulties again in controlling my temper. On the internet you just have to be able to shrug off things. Some people will always have a different opinion than yours, and no matter how harsh that opinion is (like “your taste in music is shit”, “your ears don’t work”…) you have to be able to put that opinion in a certain perspective and just move on. If you can’t do that anymore and stuff like that is killing the enjoyment you usually find in something, it’s just best to quit for a while and move onto other things to keep you occupied.

          • Óðinn

            Sometimes it’s just about where you are life, and and what you’ve been exposed to. When I was a bit younger, I was a lot like Tyree, a Metal purist. I was also an angry young SOB who drank everything in sight, listened to only the heaviest bands, and knocked out anybody that I didn’t like. But then my life took many twists and turns, and I’ve grown and been exposed to different types of Metal and many different ways of life. I’ve had problems of my own that made me more understanding of others. I’ve matured, I’ve found friends that are better than the gangsters, thugs, and one-dimensional headbangers that I grew up with. I’ve matured greatly. I went back to school and made it my mission in life to educate myself. I have more complex tastes now. I like many more Metal genres now than I did before. But I still have a few genres that don’t generally appeal to me (Glam, Nu-Metal, Power Metal, Metalcore). But even then, there are some great Metalcore bands like Botch, BTBAM, and Dillinger Escape Plan, and Nu-Metal Bands like Deftones and SOAD that I enjoy. I really like Black Metal, but much like W., I’m conflicted by many of the racist bands. I’ve lived my whole life in multicultural cities, and I don’t like racism. Sometimes that gets in the way of Metal enjoyment as does disagreeing with other Metal fans about tastes. I’m guilty of saying bands “suck” but I make a conscious effort not to let others tastes bother me. Sometimes I’m successful, and sometimes I’m not. I’m getting better at it though.

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          I’ll miss you. Give the new Filter album a listen and the new Meat Loaf album when it comes out for me.

    • ME GORAK KING OV CAVEMEN!!!

      HAVE GOOD TIMES IN CHINA!!!!!!! GORAK VISITS SOUTH BEACH SOON!!!!!! NOMAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

        Thanks, Gorak. Have fun in South Beach!

        • ME GORAK KING OV CAVEMEN!!!

          IS IT POSSIBLE TO NOT????? UGG UGG!!!!

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      Have fun in China in the meantime, and hope to see you around soon! And if you’re feeling down, just sit back, relax and put on some Oomph!, mwahahahaha! :-p

      • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

        Hahaha!

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      And if you care to toss me a line in the meantime (dunno if you’re on FB, but I rarely even check that to begin with): Geistimsturm@gmail.com.

    • EsusMoose

      It’ll be sad to see you leave, take care and hopefully see you eventually

    • Dubs

      You and I have a lot of common tastes in metal, so if you ever wanna talk shop with me, hit me up at toiletovhellwhiff@gmail.com.

    • Óðinn

      I get it. I have to take breaks from discussion forums periodically myself.

    • tigeraid

      I have to admit surprise at this. I joined up on the ol’ Toilet specifically BECAUSE the group, as a whole, is more accepting of varied metal tastes. Unlike MS, for example. Mind you I speak mostly of the bookface group, I’m less active on Disqus. But still, most other metal boards/forums if you profess to like Power Metal at ALL you’re seen as some sort of fucking leper.

      Hope you change your mind and come back for our refreshingly dank memes.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Godspeed, King of NY. Come back to the dark side soon!

    • I think we are all cool with you if you’re doing it for healthy reasons.

      Hope you seeing coming back, Frank!

      Greetings from Venezuela and ToH!

    • Waynecro

      Enjoy your hiatus. Keep lifting, bruh. Laters and taters!

  • The Tetrachord of Archytas

    Just saying..literally was picking my nose when I read nose picking and my mind expanded just a bit

  • ME GORAK KING OV CAVEMEN!!!

    GORAK LIKE!!!!!!! BUT OUT OV PLACE ON ALBUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    https://youtu.be/psxDeUUeiBQ

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      The original was better, but I’d have to disagree. That entire album was solid, top to bottom.

      • ME GORAK KING OV CAVEMEN!!!

        ME LIKE STRAPPING VERSION BETTER!!!!!! IT NOT HURT CITY 4 SURE, BUT NOT AS INTENSE!!!!!! GORAK NEANDERTHAL BRAIN NOT ABLE NAME MORE HEAVY RECORD!!!!!!

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          Not even Heavy As A Really Heavy Thing? 😉

          • ME GORAK KING OV CAVEMEN!!!

            WELCOME 2 A&W!!!! MY NAME IS DEVIN CAN I TAKE YOUR STINKING ORDER!?!?!?!?!

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            *Gives you a popsicle from Satan’s Ice Cream Truck*

    • I still love that song. Disagreement ov the week

      • Ol Dirty Blastbeard

        smh

      • ME GORAK KING OV CAVEMEN!!!

        WE NOT DISAGREE!!!!!!! IT JUST SOUND LITTLE WEERD COMPARED REST OV CITY!!!!!!!!!

  • dr.derelict

    Nearly unlistenable song on an otherwise perfect album.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0tMHaebt98

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      That’s one of my faves from Angel Dust. There honestly isn’t a weak song on there, IMHO, though Midnight Cowboy was a little weaker than the rest.

  • Dubs

    Long ago in the earlier days of the blog, we had a Whiff o’ the Week that covered this topic. My entry then was (and remains):
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_p0q39oTsI

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      I like the A Sound Of Thunder version better, haha!

      RIP Whiff Of The Week

  • Max

    Good question; I’ve got a few of these situations.

    Firstly, it’s gonna be heresy, but I’ll say that Bathory’s Hammerheart album could have done without “One Rode to Asa Bay.” Great lyrics, but I just don’t like the song that much, at least on the choruses. Luckily it’s the last song on the album so I just stop beforehand. “Home of Once Brave” is a perfectly good substitute closer.

    Secondly, on Gorguts’s Coloured Sands, “Absconders” is a long, boring track that doesn’t even sound in line with the others mix-wise; so I can do without that.

    I haven’t listened to “Ebony Tears” on Cathedral’s otherwise stellar Forest of Equilibrium for many years now.

    Finally, “Blues Jam” on Rollins Band’s The End of Silence is exactly that. I can listen to it, but it’s usually a chore.

    • Zeke

      Which cathedral album should I check out?

      • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

        Ethereal Mirror and The Last Spire are my two faves. Their catalog overall is awesome, though.

        • Zeke

          Thanks. The last spire isn’t on Spotify, so ethereal mirror it is! I never paid much attention to them because when they were peaking i was really only into death and black metal. I’m going to give them another try with my adult ears

      • Max

        In my opinion, The Ethereal Mirror is probably the best, though Forest of Equillibrium runs a close second for being pretty groundbreaking at the time. (I love both). All subsequent records, as far as I’m aware, are more or less groove-fests in the vein of the former, but a bit more patchy in terms of songwriting.

        • Zeke

          I listened to forest of equilibrium a little before. It seemed a little more in line with the peaceville doom/death thing

          • Max

            Correct; whereas everything they’ve done after is more like doom-infused classic rock, more or less. That’s partly why I always point people toward The Ethereal Mirror – if nothing else, it’s a bit more accessible.

          • Zeke

            Haha, Forrest of equilibrium is more accessible to me. I guess that’s what happens from listening to death metal for the past 20 something years. But I’m going to give ethereal mirror a fair chance too

          • Max

            Interestingly, when I first heard Forest of Equilibrium I was only just getting into death metal – I knew nothing about “doom metal” or Black Sabbath or Candlemass – and the fact that it was released on Earache, with ex-Napalm Death vocalist Lee Dorrian fronting, made me assume that what I was hearing was a very slowed-down form of death metal.

            “Oh, how brilliant!” I thought. “Somebody’s taken a style of music that was already cutting-edge fast and gone further by making it cutting-edge slow!” It seems stupid in retrospect, but that is literally what I thought at the time.

            It was only later on, when they released The Ethereal Mirror and I started reading about their influences, that I realized it was actually more of a retro ’70s thing. (Plus, by that time I was more aware of Sabbath, and I could certainly hear where the influences were coming from.) That’s why I tend to think of the second album as being the more “accessible” one. (Also, unlike the debut it came out on a major label and had a much cleaner production.)

          • Zeke

            Back then I was into the my dying bride/anathema doom style, but I always avoided cathedral because everything I read about them (probably in metal maniacs) about their whole retro sabbath thing seemed less appealing to me. I think I would’ve like Forrest of equilibrium if I heard it.

  • Count_Breznak

    As if Lemmy’s death had any impact on the number of “Ace of Spades” covers.

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      The amount of AOS covers at the very least tripled after this death, easily.

      • Count_Breznak

        Pretty much every band had a cover of that song already, or Roadcrew.

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          Not to the degree since his death though.

  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

    Wow, JJD’s wettest musical dream has come true! It’s the “Catch Us Before 2016 Does” concert series, brought to you by Depends, Geritol, AARP, and Hovaround!

    http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/music/posts/la-et-ms-coachella-mega-rock-concert-20160415-story.html?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I would sell my soul to be able to go to this. I almost shit myself with joy when I saw this.

      • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

        Literally (shit yourself with joy)?

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          I was so giddy I almost shit myself. I was sobbing tears of uncontrollable joy.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    I bought the new Filter album. It’s really good.

  • CT-12

    Real late to this party, but had to at least get this one included. Feel like this album easily could have been considered a classic for Prong if they reorganized the entire song order and got rid of this fucking turd altogether. Some of their best material is found on this album, yet they hardly play shit from it. Oh, what could have been… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3O0P-BwerM8

    • Sleepy girl

      My poor ears!

  • Sleepy girl

    Forever is one of my favourite songs in my sleepy time playlists..