Stuff That Makes You Want To Die: The Black Veil Brides Band Dad
A strong argument to keep your parents off social media.
Everyone most people some people a few of you probably know that Black Veil Brides exists. Yes, it’s very unfortunate and they suck very much. The singer Andy Black has branched out lately to do his own thing: a solo album, acting, podcasting, Jiffy Lube openings and a bunch of other things you don’t give a shit about. I only know this because awhile back I stumbled upon his dad’s twitter account.
“Do you have a moment to hear about how superbadass my son is?”
This is Chris Biersack, a grade-A “stage dad” who (I’m guessing) manages his son’s career, but who has also curated a one hundred fifty thousand-tweet-strong account of every embarrassing scrap of poorly sketched teenage fan art, every lonely stripper-yoga mom selfie who purchased an album release tshirt, and every half-assed random reference to his son online and preserved it for all his one hundred forty thousand (!) followers. Imagine if your dad had a twitter account and relentlessly marketed everything you did to a faceless drooling legion of consumers with bad taste.
Jesus dad shut the fuck up already how are you on twitter
Alright, maybe I’m being hard on the guy. Maybe he’s just a loving dad who’s extremely enthusiastic about his son’s career and wants to ensure he doesn’t raise a kid who will one day listen to music that makes you want to punch a stepdad. Nothing wrong with that! Let’s take a look at some of the stuff he finds around the twitterverse and shares with his fans:
Very admirable of that girl to shatter her hips in order to fit on that tire swing.
Everyone knows about you opening for The Misfits that one time, dad.
A podcast logo tattoo. Because podcasts will be around forever.
Tune in to find out what this guy thinks about a bad movie.
STOP WITH THE FARTS WTF
Dad stop linking to those it’s fucking weird.
You could get a better tattoo from a crank addict in the back of a rickety school bus careening down the side of a mountain Very neat dad, by all means please keep showing it off to everyone.