Stuff That Makes You Want To Die: The Black Veil Brides Band Dad

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A strong argument to keep your parents off social media.

Everyone most people some people a few of you probably know that Black Veil Brides exists. Yes, it’s very unfortunate and they suck very much. The singer Andy Black has branched out lately to do his own thing: a solo album, acting, podcasting, Jiffy Lube openings and a bunch of other things you don’t give a shit about. I only know this because awhile back I stumbled upon his dad’s twitter account.

“Do you have a moment to hear about how superbadass my son is?”

This is Chris Biersack, a grade-A “stage dad” who (I’m guessing) manages his son’s career, but who has also curated a one hundred fifty thousand-tweet-strong account of every embarrassing scrap of poorly sketched teenage fan art, every lonely stripper-yoga mom selfie who purchased an album release tshirt, and every half-assed random reference to his son online and preserved it for all his one hundred forty thousand (!) followers. Imagine if your dad had a twitter account and relentlessly marketed everything you did to a faceless drooling legion of consumers with bad taste.

Jesus dad shut the fuck up already how are you on twitter

Alright, maybe I’m being hard on the guy. Maybe he’s just a loving dad who’s extremely enthusiastic about his son’s career and wants to ensure he doesn’t raise a kid who will one day listen to music that makes you want to punch a stepdad. Nothing wrong with that! Let’s take a look at some of the stuff he finds around the twitterverse and shares with his fans:

Very admirable of that girl to shatter her hips in order to fit on that tire swing.

Everyone knows about you opening for The Misfits that one time, dad.

A podcast logo tattoo. Because podcasts will be around forever.

Tune in to find out what this guy thinks about a bad movie.

Ewww.

Ewwwwww.

STOP WITH THE FARTS WTF

Dad stop linking to those it’s fucking weird.

You could get a better tattoo from a crank addict in the back of a rickety school bus careening down the side of a mountain Very neat dad, by all means please keep showing it off to everyone.


Feel free to browse this dude’s twitter feed and share more cringe in the comments below.

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  • Wet W’s Whistle

    Breno, is this the life you wanted?

    • Dumpster Lung

      Wait, has CyberneticOrganism been Brenocide this whole time?

  • tigeraid

    This all makes me very ill.

  • Shieeet. This is some high level of weirdness.

    But, I feel this. I am really connected to this content. My dad uses to embarass me posting my child pictures on Instagram in front of his 22 followers.

    #PrayForLink

    Great job, CyBro. Your dad is cooler than the BVB guy.

  • Eliza

    It seems that he’s trying to profit of his son’s fame for a Twitter following, which is just kind of sad.

    • i bet his fingers are crossed that some of the older, female fans of Black Veil Brides stumble upon his twitter account!

      • “Hey ladies, just wanted to point out that I’m the proud father of the singer for critically acclaimed butt rock band, Black Veil Brides. Is that enough cred to warrant sexual relations?”

        • Joaquin Stick

          I need that bumper sticker

        • “check out these tats!”
          “i can get you a sweet discount at the merch table”

          • Joaquin Stick

            tit for tat?

  • Joaquin Stick

    Why can’t we go back to the good old days with dads that don’t believe in their kid’s dreams?

    • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

      Like KK Downing’s parents, who still disapprove of their son’s career choice, despite the fact that it made him a millionaire and one of the most influential guitar players of all time

      • Radikvlt parents.

        • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

          Speaking of, isn’t Trey Azagthoth’s mom also all over him on social media?

  • If dad never amounts to anything else in life, he’ll always be The Fart Champion

  • Sir Ukkometso The Based

    Maaaaaan, I wish my dad had been that proud of me. Or even a bit proud. Like, only a smaaaaal little bit.

    • Wet W’s Whistle

      I see that you too decided not to pursue baseball.

      • Sir Ukkometso The Based

        Last time I tried playing baseball (which was in 9th grade, I think) the bat flew from my hands when I tried to hit the ball.

        • Were you aiming that bat at someone else?

          • Sir Ukkometso The Based

            Mayyyyybe?

        • Please, tell me you hit the bat in a team mate and that unleashed the psychopath in you <3

          • Sir Ukkometso The Based

            Oh, that happened wayyyyy before.

    • RepostedAvengedSevenfoldFan2

      I showed my parents a Blood On The Dance Floor video. My parents stared at me for awhile then my mom started laughing and my dad handed me a condom o.o** XD

      -Jade Sanders, 1 month ago

  • RepostedAvengedSevenfoldFan2

    My 46 year old mom loves Black Veil Brides, and my Uncle.

    -Jimmy Pastoe, 4 months ago

    • Howard Dean

      Your mom loves your uncle? Is he your father/uncle? Were there many birth defects? Are you an FLK (funny looking kid)?

      • more beer

        I think the answer to the birth defect question is obvious. Of course there were.

  • RepostedAvengedSevenfoldFan2

    I was looking at a black veil brides cd at target and my mom came up behind me and said those are the ugliest girls ive ever seen. I didnt talk to her for? the rest of the night.

    -TheYourmum021, 1 week ago

  • Howard Dean

    Sure it’s all a bit cringe-inducing and the guy clearly doesn’t employ much tact in his use of social media, but it’s pretty obvious that this dude is just super excited and extremely proud about his kid’s success as a musician. Sure, his social media behavior is over-the-top and somewhat embarrassing. His tweets are silly (and maybe a bit misguided at times), but they are clearly innocent. I bet many of us have parents/grandparents/older relatives who use social media in a similar fashion.

    The band certainly isn’t my cup of tea, and the dad is maybe a bit over enthusiastic, but I can’t really rib this guy for being proud of his kid. I don’t really enjoy making fun of people who are genuinely excited and/or proud of things their family or friends do.

    • Joaquin Stick

      These sound like words from a closet FART CHAMPION

    • I’m with you that it feels dirty to make fun of someone who appears to just genuinely be stoked about his sons career, but at what point does it stop being excessive admiration (a good thing) and become a “look at me my son is famous” thing?

      • I feel like you. But, I must admit I really got some good chuckles.

    • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

      In all honesty, we aren’t really being THAT mean. It’s more like “lol his dad is embarrassing him”. Now, if this was an Axl Rosenberg penned article, he’ll gleefully throw a hundred ableist insults at Andy Biersack and somehow accuse the dad of being racist

      • “Stuff that makes you want to die”

        • Hans Copronym

          Die of shame? In any case, better than “we want this guy to die”

      • more beer

        Something on this subject, will probably be posted there tomorrow. Via Toilet ov Hell. Because that’s how they roll there.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Yeah I’m not trying to crucify the guy, but I found his endless tweets on everything Andy Black and BVB-related to be very cringe-inducing.

      • Óðinn

        Oh definitely. You were right to make fun of this guy.

    • Óðinn

      Yeah, but his kid and his stupid fuckin’ band sucks.

  • “Very admirable of that girl to shatter her hips in order to fit on that tire swing. ”

    10/10/wowweeagain

  • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

    Note to self: call my Dad and thank him for not having a “Papa Milfs” Disqus account

    • Dumpster Lung

      “Reminds me of the days I used to granulate that dark satanic milf you call ‘mom'”

  • Maik Beninton™

    DAD U R EMBARRASSING ME.

  • Andy: “I REALLY REALLY HATED MY LIFE GROWING UP. MY FAMILY LIFE SUCKED, MY DAD WAS A DICK, AND I NOW MAKE ANGST-Y MUSIC.”
    Andy’s Dad: “I FUCKING LOVE MY SON AND ALL THESE DOPE ANIME IMAGES OF HIS WIFE…. HAHAHAHAHAHA *BOING* ”

    /cringe

    https://i1.wp.com/www.toiletovhell.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/dadleavemealone.png?w=589

    • CyberneticOrganism

      WEAR A MASK OF MY SON’S FACE HERE’S A LINK TO BUY IT ON AMAZON

  • Hans Copronym

    Not an expert, but although the choice of motive is far from great, that first tattoo actually looks really well-made. Maybe I just expected some home-brewed, modified-ballpoint-pen level of artistry.

  • KJM, Dr. Disco

    From my limited perspective, he just seems like a typical over the top Dad.

  • My dad is super proud of me for some reason and also has a twitter. I guess I’m blessed in that I’m not also famous

  • Wet W’s Whistle

    Positive dad thread: My dad’s not terribly well-versed in beer, but he knows I like darker beers, so he put some Shiner Black in the fridge in an attempt to keep something stocked that I’d like.

    • My dad doesn’t drink, but one time he tried to do a shot of whiskey with me on vacation. His enthusiasm was quickly ended when he started coughing

      • Stockhausen

        Haha. Not really a “yeah I’ll give it a go” type activity.

    • Stockhausen

      I want to pounce all over this, but that’s nice of your dad for the effort.

      • Wet W’s Whistle

        His heart was in the right place.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      My dad likes higher quality lagers & pilsners but doesn’t have a taste for anything beyond that. When I gave him a taste of a Lagunitas IPA once, he didn’t care for it and, rather than hand it back to me, just dumped the whole thing down the drain.

      • Wet W’s Whistle

        Wow

        • CyberneticOrganism

          I know. “DAD NOOOOOOO”

      • NDG

        My old man drinks total bullshit so whenever I dish him up some of my (usually pretty hop heavy) beer he has a sip, screws his face up, shudders and then says “yeah, that’s not too bad”.

        Thanks dad.

  • AndySynn

    So… it’s common knowledge that BvB are as put-together as any boyband, right? That the other guys in the band (I don’t even know if they’re the same ones) are just hired hands to back up the frontman and to make it seem like a “legit” band?

  • Waynecro

    Having a dad who’s proud of you is pretty sweet, but it can become awkward. It’s like, how employable do I really look when all my LinkedIn endorsements come from my dad?

  • Max

    My dad hates rock’n’roll. Phillip Glass is about as close as he gets. His opinion of social media is even lower. If I was to become a famous rock star, I doubt he’d even be aware of it.