Stormtide – Wrath Of An Empire: A Video Breakdown


Turning the Stormtide.

Stormtide, whose name sounds like it should belong to a detergent company, hail from Melbourne, Australia. They’ve been playing their brand of symphonic folk metal since 2013, but have just released their first full-length album this year. Symphonic? Folk? Lots of hoods? Keytar? Vegemite? What’s not to like?

0:26: A little Preparation H should take care of that rock’s glowing redness.
0:30: Tumbleweed on the drums.
0:32: “See you in Hell, Cloaky!”
0:36: Jeez, I can’t believe they all showed up wearing the same thing.
0:41: “Non-existent llllllllladies…”
0:46: He’s a human bobblehead.
0:51: It’s Captain Morgan’s Australian cousin, Private Tobias.
0:59: Mordor is a lot nicer in the Spring.
1:08: Looks like he only rolled a 2 for his beard.
1:22: The drummer always gets left out. He doesn’t even get a cloak.
1:25: Not sure what is funnier. The drummer now having a djembe or the guy on the left wearing shorts.
1:30: “This is where mom is and over there is the snack cabinet containing Fruit By The Foot.”
1:40: “That’s where the girls are and that’s where our virginity still remains.”
1:46: Apparently, they’re traveling to Earth’s gaping butthole. Hope they like Florida.
1:58: If we edit everything quickly, people won’t be able to tell we got these at Toys R’ Us.
2:01: Nightmares.
2:04: Yipee!
2:09: In dreams, they’re naked and running backwards through these trees.
2:15: Good thing they have heavy clothes and furs on in this frigid forest.
2:24: If you don’t ignore him, he’ll just keep asking for change.
2:34: Lord Kanga-Roo demands more keytar!
2:37: If Jesus pops out of the water, I’m done.
2:41: Stroking his beard while staring at an almost naked man. I don’t like where this is going.
2:49: Okay, now you’ve lost me.
2:57: Aaaaaaaaand here comes the butt stuff.
3:03: Ugh. Furries.
3:11: “Guys! We still have time to go to ye olde discotheque!”
3:25: He’s a real Benedict Dundee.
3:31: Ain’t no party like a spastic dance party.
3:36: Someone got a bad batch of Mountain Dew: Game Fuel.
3:41: Just when you think BronyCon can’t get any weirder…
3:46: If anything, that’s making his beard smell better.
3:55: Welcome to Jacksonville!
4:11: This is like the world’s longest walk of shame.
4:20: Warriors…come out to play-aaayyyyy!
4:35: Ladies and gentleman, please give a warm welcome to Florida Governor and giant burning asshole, Rick Scott!
4:52: Soooo are they going to fight it or just stare at it?
5:04: Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
5:13: Man, what did that flaming hole ever do to you guys?
5:26: That’s what happens when you eat too much Frank’s Red Hot sauce.

Stormtide’s album Wrath Of An Empire is out now via Metal Hell Records.

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  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    Turdstorm sounds better.

  • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

    Turned off at vegemite.

  • Joaquin Stick

    I feel like there’s supposed to be some kind of narrative here… maybe the plot structure is in another language?

  • Abradolf Lincler

    I bet Randall loves this band

  • I lost everything at 2:41.

    “Mnnhm, that naked man… Yeah…”

    *Rubs beard*

    This reminded me of Ensiferum and Whispered, but the only complain I have with Stormtide is that the singer fills nearly everything with his rawrrawrawrxDDD thingy.

    They also have a keytar, so they’re automatically disqualified in my book for that.

    So, yeah. I will jam some Ensiferum tunes:

    • Abradolf Lincler

      i agree, would be perfectly serviceable with different vocals

      • A couple of twists and more emphasis in the rhythm changes and melodies here and there, and I’m sold 🙂

  • Waynecro

    Dude, I totally say “nonexistant llllllllladies” and strike a slick pose whenever I’m about to hop in the shower after a workout. Imaginary ladies go crazy for postworkout vascularity.

    • Abradolf Lincler

      i keep trying to go way too HAM now that im back at it, havent taken a recovery day since saturday, which is outside of my normal routine. gotta be more careful before i injure myself i think

      • Waynecro

        I’m glad you’re back at it, man! Injuries are a bummer, as you well know. So it’s always best to prevent injuries if you can. I’ve been taking only one day off per week for several months now, and I haven’t had any real problems. Well, I fell down some stairs once, but that was because I went too hard during one workout in particular (plus diabetes). I do think I would need more time between sessions if I were lifting super heavy, though. Usually I lift only three days per week if I’m doing all my lifts with 95 percent of 1RM.

        • Abradolf Lincler

          i rarely do much at 95% of 1 rm just for safety reasons. maybe ill keep it at 2 days off for a while and see how it goes

          • Waynecro

            I should probably try to make a friend so I’ll have someone to spot me when I go back to lifting heavy. Finding a good routine is all about trial and error and finding the setup that works best for you. As long as you’re not getting injured and you’re not unable to lift with decent form, you’re probably OK. I feel like I need the six-day-per-week routine right now, but that will probably change eventually.

          • Joaquin Stick

            I’d be so much further along in my progress if I had a spotter lol. I get to that point of “I think I can do one more, but I really don’t want to look like a fucktard, so I’ll just stop” way too often.

          • Waynecro

            Better safe than sorry, man. Getting pinned sucks. I work out alone in my garage, and I’ve had some pretty close calls.

  • Ayreonaut

    Well I made it in farther than most video breakdowns. Pretty generic and bad. I have seen much worse folk videos though, laughing at cheesy videos on YouTube is a great past time of mine

  • God ov War

    I hope you can scale the yotutube screen a little bigger in the future, here in my job I’m not allowed to make the full screen 🙁