Spend $500 To Eat Some Meat With Hellyeah

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Cowboy boots and beard shampoo don’t come cheap.

Hellyeah, everyone’s favorite Bud Light Platinum of a rock band, have just completed the recording on their fifth album. That’s the same amount of albums that Mudvayne released and one more than Nothingface. Where does the time go when you’re doing your best to ignore a band?

Regardless of the metal community’s feelings towards Hellyeah, there is certainly an audience for the booze-n-broads style of music they put out. Their various albums and singles have appeared on the Billboard charts multiple times, and they are constantly featured on summer metal tours. Just this past summer they were one of the featured main stage bands on the Rockstar Mayhem Festival, just beneath Slayer and King Diamond. Usually, online fundraisers are done for returning or smaller metal bands. It has done wonders for bands like Protest The Hero, Mindless Self Indulgence, and Dog Fashion Disco. Even when bands don’t reach their goals, depending on the website, the money they receive can help make ends meet.

That’s why I find it surprising to see that Hellyeah are currently holding a fundraiser on Pledgemusic for an album that they’ve finished recording. Does this mean that cowboy metal doesn’t bring in the Sacageweas? Are the big shows and fests just a big money pit? Does Vinnie Paul need to feed his love of Jack Daniels and strip clubs? Money being tight is the easiest explanation since the record business is garbage and even a band like the Deftones has to tour to keep from starving, but maybe they just want to do something nice for their fans. Yeah, that’s it! The band hasn’t blown their money on rhinestone cowboy hats and napkins to clean out Vinnie Paul’s bbq strainer. Hellyeah just wants to reward people for sticking with them all these years. Let’s take a look at some of the wonderful things they’re giving to their loyal fans.

hellyeahcdperk

$30 for a signed cd? An unsigned cd is half that. That seems a bit steep, what with the twilight of physical media upon us. Of course, you can’t really sign a digital download, so it’s nice to have something you can actually hold. Still, $30 for a cd in 2016 doesn’t seem quite right.

hellyeahvoicemail

$50 voicemail from Chad Gray or Vinnie Paul. That’s a perfectly fair price, especially if you want to prank a friend.

“Heeeey, dis message is for Joe-Joe. It’s your main man Vinnie Paul! I heard you’re mah numbah one fan. Me and the Hellyeahs boys just wanna say thanks for ya support. If you’re ever at The Clubhouse in Dallas, stop by for some wings and titties, ya know what I mean? Heh heh heh! Getcha pull! Bring money!”

hellyeahcamera

$80 for a disposable camera used by the band while on tour. If you really want to see Vinnie Paul’s ass that badly, you deserve to lose $80. Oh, but don’t worry. The cameras are “one of a kind”. Scratching out “CVS” on the camera doesn’t make it one of a kind. There’s only one left. Hopefully they only had one for sale.

hellyeahdrumsticks

$175 for signed Vinnie Paul signature drumsticks?! Are you crazy? You don’t even get a cd with them, just a digital download. It’s not like the drumsticks are rare. At the time of this writing, there are 48 left. You’re better off buying 175 $1 tacos.

hellyeahbbq

$500 for a barbecue with the band. Now we’re talking. Let Hellyeah damage your body as well as your mind. Here’s your chance to talk about the finer points of “Murder Is Masturbation” with Tom Maxwell while stuffing a bratwurst into your mouth hole. For half a G, you can have a Super Soaker fight with Chad Grey while Vinnie Paul tries to find a hot dog he dropped in a kiddie pool. Of course, you have to provide your own transportation to either Dallas or Las Vegas, so this perk isn’t exactly $500.

hellyeahrehearsal

$1000 to watch the band rehearse. It’s twice the price of the bbq without any food. See the band you like tune and fuck up songs in real time. Why spend $20 to see them live when you can spend $1000 to see them mess around for a couple of hours?

hellyeahdrums

$30,000 for Vinnie Paul’s drum set. THIRTY. THOUSAND. DOLLARS. Oh, but you also get a $500 gift card to the Hellyeah store. If someone is willing to spend more than a new car’s worth of money, why not give them all that stuff and then give them a $500 gift card to somewhere a Hellyeah fan would enjoy like a Red Lobster?

I don’t doubt that the drum set is very nice, and I suppose one can use it as a conversation starter. Or a place for your tears after buyer’s remorse sets in. I guess a chunk of the money goes to shipping such a large and delicate order, so the price is actually reasonable when you think…
hellyeahdrums2

Shipping/handling isn’t included for the “ddrum” kit? What a load of alchohaulin’ ass.

  • I went to The Clubhouse in Dallas on my 18th birthday. #toiletconfessions

    • Was it like a living inside a Texas Hippie Coalition video?

      • It was the classiest 18-and-up strip joint I’ve ever been to. That’s not saying much.

        • CyberneticOrganism

          Did you getch’er pull? #hellyeahhumor #RIPdime #Randallamps

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            That make me chuckle.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            #Krankamps#washburn#dean

  • Edward/Breegrodamus™

    That BBQ looks good. Not actually spending the money to eat with Hellyeah, just the picture if BBQ.

    • You can go to a BBQ of that calibur without Hellyeah for a fraction of the price.

      • Hellyeah should pay me to go there.

        • You might be on to something here Link.

          • I’m in a quest to unveil the true magic of the GETCHAPULL spell.

      • Edward/Breegrodamus™

        Kansas City might take the title for best BBQ I have eaten.

  • “Hellyeah, everyone’s favorite Bud Light Platinum of a rock band, have just completed the recording on their fifth album.”

    CAN’T FUCKING WAIT BRO!

  • I’d donate $30,000 to cancel this and any subsequent albums.

  • Jason Kolkey

    I still miss Nothingface.

    • Dubs

      This is a safe place.

      • Jason Kolkey

        Thank you. I may listen to An Audio Guide to Everyday Atrocity now that I thought about its existence, right after this Nordjevel record wraps up.

    • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

      They were one of the least horrible nu-metal bands. Not awful, but I never found them something to die for either.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I do too.

  • Boss the Turbid Ross

    Did someone mention booze-n-broads?
    https://youtu.be/uFkyYFVNbkc

  • Dubs

    Never got the hype for Mindless Self Indulgence. I recall reading an old Metal Hammer article where they were answering reader-submitted questions, and the bassist got really mad about being trolled.

    • In my experience, the only people who like them are the “OmG iM sOoOo rAnDOm! RaWr xD” kiddies.

    • They are a band I would describe as “bad and also not good”

      • Dubs

        I had a friend who would play them in the car sometimes. It just sounded, well, annoyingly self-indulgent.

        • Boss the Turbid Ross

          Bingo. And mindless.

        • RJA

          Oh man. I had a friend who always wanted to play that shit when we were driving around smoking joints. He always seemed to be “looking for approval” too. I always thought, “yea, they’re weird, you’re weird also – congratulations”.

        • Salvador Dalí Lama

          When I was in high school, I attempted to date the girl who liked them. She had the typical “lol I’m weird” lifestyle: divorced parents, weirdo younger brother, dyed her hair every month, smoked, would call people “slut” casually. She was actually pretty normal. And of course, being a naive, desperate idiot, I tried to date this girl for waaaayyy longer than I should have.

    • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

      Quite possibly the worst band Metropolis has ever signed, and their first attempt at cracking the Hot Topic demographic.

  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

    Are they going to BBQ Chad Gray as well?

  • Dire Peril made a horrible mistake and created a “name your perk” for only $200.

    I’m about to spend $200 to force John and Jason from Dire Peril to eat a gallon of baked beans to the album of my choice. They cannot stop until the album is over or the beans are gone. They also have to wear white t-shirts and they can only eat them by feeding each other.

    https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/dire-peril-the-extraterrestrial-compendium#/

    • Dubs

      I think that might be considered pornography in some countries.

  • Dubs

    Also, if you want good BBQ in Texas, eat at Cooper’s or Lum’s in Junction.

    • If you want good BBQ in Texas, come up to Kansas.

    • Also if you want good BBQ, come to either North or South Carolina

      • I miss North Carolina BBQ. I still prefer the BBQ here, but goddamn was NC BBQ good. I have family in Charlotte NC, next time I’m down what should I check out?

      • Carolina BBQ is a runny, vinegary abomination. Fight me.

        • I have never had runny Carolina BBQ and have no idea what you’re talking about

        • LVL 11 BLACKBEARD

          Boohoo hiss

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          You sir are wrong.

      • RustyShackleford

        This is true. Have family in northeast NC. NC/VA style >>>>>> TExas

        • Dubs

          You live in NY. Your taste buds are inherently flawed.

        • Boss the Turbid Ross

          False..

        • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

          I haven’t tried the ribs around here (I’m in Newport News, VA), and haven’t heard much about it. This is pretty much seafood territory.

          • RustyShackleford

            Truth! The seafood there is killer. My family is in Norfolk/right across the NC border.

          • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

            I’m a couple cities over from there. And, yep, the seafood here is stellar!

    • If you are ever in PA stop at Clem’s Ribs & BBQ.

      • Dubs

        Will do. I need to visit PA.

        • Right on man. They used to be local here, then they moved towards Pittsburgh area. Best BBQ in PA.

          • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

            I’ve been through Pittsburgh several times, and loved it. It’s like Cincinnati, but a lot less dirty and broken down.

      • LVL 11 BLACKBEARD

        12 Bones of you re ever in Asheville. It’s where the president goes

        • LVL 11 BLACKBEARD

          Or Woodlands if you’re ever in Boone/Banner Elk.

          Loved going there when I was in school

    • COAL GROHL

      Texas BBQ>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

      • Dubs

        Finally, someone else talking sense.

        • more beer

          Rudy’s! I hit the one in the springs up every time I am down there.

          • Dubs

            Rudy’s is okay for a chain, but you’ve gotta stop at a family joint if you want the really good stuff.

          • more beer

            I don’t know those Jalapeno sausages are pretty damn good.

          • This is so true for all styles of BBQ. DON’T PLAY YOURSELF

          • Pentagram Sam

            Driving to and fro Austin, there’s a little town called Brady where they have quite a few big ass pit BBQs. Small local joints with great fud, I dig their proportionate ratios of PitBQ’s to the small population. Plus there’s a rock station on the radio that would play pretty deep cuts of classic metal. Small air wave range so I guess they don’t give a fuck. “Sacred Heart? Why not, play it for Steeeeeve! Bad Boys Running Wild? Sure! Fuck YOU Live Nation, don’t tell me what to play!” Maybe there’s some insane metal musicians there that are planning their Escape and the radio and PitBQ is what fuels tha fire. Ramble ramble ramble

          • Dubs

            Driven through Brady plenty of times. Lots of good BBQ in central Texas.

          • Where are you from? I’ve never even heard of Brady.

          • Dubs

            u srs?

          • srs. and I’ve lived in Texas for 28 years. Did I fuck up?

          • Dubs

            I mean, it isn’t anything special, but I did drive through it on the way to visit you.

          • Pentagram Sam

            hahaha nah man, it’s pretty small. I actually just discovered the sweet PitBQ there cos I stopped with my mom on the way to get some stuff. Now when I make the drives it’ll def be a pit stop town fo sho.

          • Dubs

            It’s right by Brownwood and Goldthwaite

          • Pentagram Sam

            Out in West Texas Basin right now but making it back out that way this year. Brady’s about an hour and a half / two hours from Austin. Something like that, cos it’s around an hour to Llano, then you hit Eden or Brady. Eden is fun to drive thru cos of their detention center. Massive coils of razor wire everywhere and “DON’T PICK UP HITCHHIKER” signs

            The hwy I go to get there from here is 158 to San Angelo, then 87 to Brady, then Brady to Llano before getting to the 512.

          • Dubs

            Are you in Midland? I live in the Hub City.

          • These sound like made-up video game names and areas.

          • That’s what I thought with all your gringo names.

          • Dubs

            The LBK is called Hun City because it’s the biggest in the region and is the hub of agricultural commerce in the area.

          • Pentagram Sam

            RALPH’S RECORDS!!!! Discovered so much cool music there man. Got my first Helloween (shhh power metal shhh) tape there as well as Annihilator’s Never Neverland. Also picked up the big ass Bruce Springsteen Tracks boxset for 15, 18 bucks. The one not across from Tech has so many gems to find but you do gotta comb the huge walls of used cds to find em. Also scored a radio promo of Wolfsbane’s Live Fast Die Fast there tucked away in the “w” corner of that huge wall. Damn that’s cool man.

          • Dubs

            The Ralph’s across from campus actually closed. It was a cigar shop for about a year after that, and now I think there’s a nail salon in there.

          • When I was down in Florida during the holidays, I went to my first Cigar bar. It was awesome! Quality cigars with quality beer. I felt like a classy son of a bitch.

          • Dubs

            I don’t think the ones here serve beer, sadly. Quality cigars are rad, though. I haven’t smoked any tobacco in a long time, but I used to really enjoy smoking a tobacco pipe.

          • Yeah, it was very rad. It seems every time I visit my dad we have this tradition of buying really good cigars. I don’t smoke a lot of tobacco but a good cigar every once in a while is very enjoyable.

          • Pentagram Sam

            Upvote for info not for closing. Damn. Well, the other one was always better I thought, so hopefully that one still stays a bit longer. Do you go to many shows there? DRI is playing in a couple weeks.

            Saw The Misfits in 98 in the Warehouse district and Priest at the Pavillion I think it’s called. A friend and I were gonna see Dio one time at the Pavillion I think in 02 but it got cancelled to pay for some shitty nu metal band instead and my friend blew a gasket and yelled at the guy with extreme profanity.

          • Dubs

            I used to go to a lot in undergrad/grad school, but the last show I went to here was in 2014. The bills just haven’t been very good lately, mostly nu metal and deathcore. I will probably hit up Prong in a month or two, though.

          • Pentagram Sam

            Sweet dude! I’ll def be making a LBK run in a couple of months to go to a luthier there McLuthier’s on 58th street. The places in town are kinda assholes and don’t wanna work on your stuff unless you bought it from them or it’s a super fancy expensive one they recognize.

            Garrr. NO STALKING, NO STALKING! Still think it’s cool you’re from the area too man hell yea. *celebratory hell yea is in no ways related to band “Hell Yeah” and should not be taken as an endorsement*

          • Dubs

            Hit me up when you’re going to be around.

          • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

            I thought it was because of hubcaps.

          • Pentagram Sam

            Daaammmn, your detective skills are intense. Uhhhh uhhh, I don’t know what to say for fear of giving away other aspects of my life. hahhaha yea man you nailed it straight up.

          • Dubs

            Oil field worker?

          • Pentagram Sam

            Nah, wanting to do music and too many fingers and hands get lopped off out there. Right now working at a restaurant and waiting on a background check to clear for P Hut to be a driver. Wanna get two gigs going to get things back together.

            Hell, with the oilfield taking a dive, more and more people are getting laid off or leaving the oil work. I think it might be going back to recession time hard and fast.

          • Dubs

            Ah yah, living in the region I’m well aware of the double-edged sword of these low gas prices.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            TEXAS

          • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae
        • What makes Texas BBQ Texas BBQ exactly? Never had it.

          • COAL GROHL

            Beef

          • Thanks, smart ass.

          • LVL 11 BLACKBEARD

            He means opposed to pork (which is better)

          • Dubs

            Depends on which region of Texas you’re in, actually. A lot of it is smoked using Mesquite and given a dry rub. The sauce is usually on the side rather than on the meat, so emphasis is placed on cooking the meat really well.

          • Ah, gottcha. This is making me very hungry.

          • Dubs

            Really, good barbecue from any state >>>

          • COAL GROHL

            yeah I’m outta here till noon man…..today is taco day at the office and this talk is killing me. Later dudes

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Oh, Dubs already explained.

          • Dubs

            I’ve got your back like a butt-crack.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            You the man Dubya!

          • Just look at pictures of Vinnie Paul til your appetite disappears.

          • Good call. I’m surprised his kit is not made of BBQ.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Dry rub as opposed to the sloppy mess of lathering the meat in bbq sauce that covers the natural and smoky meat taste.

          • Goddamnit dude. That sounds really good.

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            It is!

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Hahaha!

          • LVL 11 BLACKBEARD

            I just watched that episode the the other day

          • st. louis finally caught on to the “dry rub” phenomenon, and it couldn’t have happened soon enough

          • Boss the Turbid Ross

            Welcome to good BBQ, Jimmy.

        • COAL GROHL

          Blkbrd and I discussed this the other day, and all BBQ is excellent in it’s own style

      • NO

      • Boss the Turbid Ross

        Truth.

    • Óðinn
    • Lacertilian

      The fact that we still don’t have G’Dubs Bar & Grill up and running after all this time is upsetting to say the least.

  • COAL GROHL

    I’d like to see one of these 5′ Signed Vinyl

  • These guys are hoping to recoup over $50k for an album they already recorded? Hell No!

    • To be fair that’s actually more common than you think for band crowd funding. Spending $50k in 2016 just to record your album is also hilariously expensive, but I digress

      • The real question is who’s really gonna throw down $30k on that drumset plus shipping and handling? That just seems outrageous to me.

        • I’d be interested to see if that even sells at all haha

  • Stanley

    It would be hilarious if I when ever I bought new shit, I could sell my old shit for 30 grand. Life would be so sweet.

    • Truth.

    • Boss the Turbid Ross

      On a side note, I was jamming Absolute Metal yet again. I can’t wait for that album to come out. Do you have any recommendations for similar artists/albums?

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Red Lobster is like Alinea to Hellyeah fans.

      • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

        OMG! I’ve actually ate at Alinea. It’s……………. wow.

        • CyberneticOrganism

          Really? I still need to try it; they’re closed through April right now for some massive renovations, but the goal is by the end of the year.

          • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

            I took my ex-fiance there, and it’s absolutely amazing! I’ve read the Alinea cookbook (trust me, it kicked my ass) and Life On The Line, Grant is Chicago’s finest! Last I heard, he was doing a place called Next.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFmtnqAdaHA

          • CyberneticOrganism

            I’ve heard nothing but amazing things, I can’t wait to try whatever they have to offer but I’m not looking forward to that bill. I’m sure it’ll be worth it.

          • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

            And you have to get the tickets months in advance, which is a pain in the ass. And yeah, they’re expensive as hell (nowadays they start anywhere from $300 and up from what I’ve read).

  • Anyone get a tax refund? I’ll just say that I got a lot back, way more than I expected. Today is turning out alright. My luck, I’ll get fired or my car will die on me now.

    • Boss the Turbid Ross

      Solid. The rest of your day will be solid as well, guaranteed.

    • Eliza

      Or you’ll be taken by surprise by an unexpected storm.

      • That would be kinda rad.

        • Eliza

          It sounds like the beginning of an adventure.

    • COAL GROHL

      Got mine last Monday. It was pretty sweet

    • LVL 11 BLACKBEARD

      I haven’t filed yet. I should get a sizeable chunk

    • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

      Nope, didn’t get once since I didn’t make enough. 🙁

    • 4.5K for me. Talk about “hell yeah!”

  • Eliza

    I hope nobody will give their money to this band for these kinds of stuff.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    This could be you with Vinnie Paul! Except with meat and beer.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bj85m2JALiw

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Hell no. I would never pay money to eat BBQ with Hellyeah. Now I must drown them out of my thoughts. This song will work.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UKVkVk_uwA

    • LVL 11 BLACKBEARD

      Jesus

  • Hellño.

    • Mayk Benynton

      Hellnaum

  • Count_Breznak

    Fuck those cunts, what about the Anata album ?

  • ChuggaChuggaDeedleyDoo

    We should organize a Toilet ov Hell BBQ and have all the ToH readers’ bands play, and also grill up some dead animals like cows, pigs, and chickens to eat. I’d legit fly out to Texas for that shit

    • Boss the Turbid Ross

      yes. Yes. YES. YEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!

    • Stockhausen

      This may be the best idea ever spawned in this bowl.

  • Waynecro

    I’m missing Vinnie’s signature on my copy of Pantera’s Official Live: 101 Proof. If I give him $30, will he sign it and send it back to me instead of sending me a signed Hellyeah CD?

  • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae
  • Max

    “Where does the time go when you’re doing your best to ignore a band?”

    That is a question I will be pondering for the rest of today.

  • turd_wormhole

    Man I remember being so into LD50 and The End Of All Things To Come. What happened to you, Chad?

    • Boss the Turbid Ross

      Welcome to the Toilet, Mr. Wormhole

    • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

      Ahoy, matey and welcome!

    • Dubs

      Still like those albums. Don’t tell anybody.

  • $175 for Vinnie’s drumsticks?! I got one of Paul Mazurkiewicz’s sticks for free on Cannibal Corpse’s Torture tour. (Well, I did have to put in a little work by tearing it from the hand of the punk who originally caught it.)

  • Óðinn

    No.

  • Kanye’s Booty Finger Sundae

    All that’s missing is a $500 copy of Jugs signed by Vinnie. Kleenex used by him will set you back another $75.