SocioHeavyology Pt. 2 – Why Don’t We Dance?

2235
451
Share:

In my previous entry of this hard-hitting pesudo-intellectual series on the behavior of audience members at live musical performances, I discussed how I believe that people (especially metal fans) need to learn to appreciate a piece of music in silence. In this piece, I will discuss my contrasting opinion, which is that people at metal shows need to stop being such fucking squares and learn how to shake their ass once in a while.

So that the source of my frustration can be clearly illustrated, I’d like to share an experience that a very talented and sharp musician friend of mine relayed to me recently.

My friend is a Watain fan and went to see them play in Minneapolis a few years ago. Like most others in attendance, he had long hair, boots, and wore mostly black. Probably had a band shirt on. Point is, he was clearly not an outsider. At the show, he was captivated and vibing with the energy that Watain puts out when they perform. They started playing a song he particularly enjoyed, and when it got to his favorite part he was moved emotionally. This led him to begin to move physically. Then, just as he was starting to really let loose and express himself, a heavy hand laid on his shoulder. He turned around to find this oppressive grip attached to a towering, grim figure who said to him pointedly, “No, dude; this is a black metal show.”

watain

This man’s statement is confounding. They were watching Watain, for fuck’s sake. Watain are theistic Satanists who perform surrounded by severed, bloody pig heads and haven’t ever washed the foul smelling outfits they perform in every night because they consider their shows to be genuine rituals in tribute to the Southern Lord. Watain‘s performance was thoroughly fulfilling the founding spiritual motivation of the early black metal scene, a giant “FUCK YOU” to all of society’s rules and expectations. Meanwhile, their audience stood absolutely still during songs, sipped on beer, and politely clapped when they were done. After the show, most people in attendance probably got in nice cars, went home, put on some comfy pajamas, and went to bed. At least they didn’t have the audacity to dance in Satan’s hall, though. Way to stay grim, y’all.

In some cultures, listening to music, singing, and dancing are barely distinct elements of the same experience. Everyone participates in the sound and movement. Hardcore shows have some elements of this spirit, and it’s exhilarating. If you want to kick the air as the music gets heavy, it’s welcomed. If you know the words, you can grab the mic to yell your favorite line. If you want to add to the chaos in the room, you can get on the stage and leap atop of the crowd. If the appeal of hardcore has always been lost on you, see a live show sometime and see how much fun the crowd is having. It’s intended to exist as a live entity, and that’s where the energy of the music thrives.

From backwards in time as I’m writing this, I can hear you some of you readers yelling at your computer screen, “Okay, so no one moves at black metal or doom shows, but what about thrash and death metal? People mosh at those shows all the time, and that’s how we metalheads dance!”

During super-fast thrash riffs, circle pits are fun as hell. A good chaotic mosh can be intoxicating, but really, it’s a pretty mundane form of self-expression. My perspective is this; if music makes you move, it stands to reason that aggressive music would make you move aggressively. If you so happen to bump into other people and trade kinetic energy while you bang your head and move your body, so be it. However, it strikes me as inauthentically aggressive to simply function based on the thought “Oh, it’s a fast part! Who should I push first? Ok, now who should I push?” and so forth. It’s cathartic, but it’s not expressive.

 serj-dance-war-o

So what to do then, if not moshing? When I see my favorite thrash bands play, I convulse my head erratically. Powerful d-beats make me do a full-torso snake dance that I’m pretty sure I stole from Serj Tankian (see above). When an especially heavy Gojira riff hits, I stomp and stomp and stomp in a futile effort to break the floor beneath me. Skronky math-core makes me flail mindlessly and spastically all around the venue. Or at least, I try to do these things, until I’m interrupted by some knuckle-dragger that sees any form of movement in the crowd and goes “Oh sweet, a mosh! I’m gonna push that guy!” To be clear, I also enjoy pushing people around a bit. If you see me moving aggressively, and part of your genuine expression of self is to shove me in response, I accept that and usually find it fun. However, I suspect that if you really moved in the way your body wanted to, there would be a lot more nuance to your interaction with me than to simply prove that Newton’s second law of motion still works.

The crowd in the first part of this music video = my wet dream for
what  metal shows should be like, b-boys included.

Thanks for reading, folks, and I hope that at least a few of you have been convinced  to try some new moves at the next show you attend. I realize that “dancing” is new territory for a lot of you, and in the public setting of a metal show you may be tempted to go back to your old and boring mosh-all-the-time ways rather than be embarrassed by trying something new, so get some practice in on your own time. Clear some space in your home when no one else is around, alter your state of consciousness with whatever chemicals you enjoy using, pump some jams, and just fucking boogie. We’ve even already made the perfect playlist for you to blast, the ToH PARTY HARD 2014 Spotify playlist I’ll embed below. Remember, the only wrong ways to dance are ways that harm someone or ways that are inauthentic. If you feel it, and you’re not being an asshole to those around you, just fucking go hard. You may think everyone is judging you, but they’re actually just jealous that you’re having more fun than them. Real shit.

This concludes the current run of the SocioHeavyology series, as these 2000 words have left me completely out of interesting things to say. Let’s hope I get ornery about some more inconsequential shit soon so I can keep ignoring work and writing opinion pieces to for you to flush down the filthy toilet of your non-existent attention span.

Did you dig this? Take a second to support Toilet ov Hell on Patreon!
  • We’re too busy clapping.

  • The Bestest Tapir

    Now we just wait for bob.

    • EsusMoose

      Bob we need your grumpiness!

      • Something tells me we’ve seen the last of bob.

        • Guacamole Jim

          How would you know that…. UNLESS YOU ARE BOB?? HUH??

          #ToiletOvTotallyUselessConspiracies

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            I went to upvote this gif to discover I already upvoted this gif – I must have upvoted a previous gif… ?

          • Guacamole Jim

            I think he gif swapped us. I like this one better, though.

          • I WILL ALWAYS TRICK YOU.

          • Akercocke ov Steele

            #JAJAtime

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Oh yeah that’s a great frickin’ movie.

          • DDubya.

            Shut up, Bob!

          • Guacamole Jim

            Spoken like a true Bob!

        • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

          You would be wrong about that. He just showed up.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            But is he the bob or just an imposter?

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            No, it’s the bob from last time. I can tell.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            It can easily be a copycat bob

        • EsusMoose

          Quick we need more pseudo-intellectual discourse!

        • Something like a list of banned IPs? Haha.

  • Jefrey Waylon Mann

    Because I hate dancing.

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    here’s a show audience appreciation–
    salute to minnesota!!

    both at once–1st vid mute–2nd vid full vol
    http://youtu.be/2CYhXEn4MyQ

    http://youtu.be/0CVLVaBECuc

  • Fully backed, pumpkin baby. Silly dancing is the best.

    • George Clarke

      i hope that some day i will be a beautiful pumpkin baby too

      • Dagon

        You can be whatever you want, honey, just work hard.

    • we should do hidden cameras while listening music or going live shows to see the movements.. jajaja

  • DDubya.

    What if me and my boys just want to fist-pump and slam Heinies!?!

    • HessianHunter

      Just follow your heart, dawg. That’s what this post is all about.

  • Tyree

    Leave dancing for the dead.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zReWPjreJzI

    • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

      But can the dead dance? Or is it tve dance of a can no more alive? I gotsta kno!

  • *takes a knee* *looks up to the sky*
    “Dear Lord, please let (new) bob show up today”
    *shuts eyes* * waits for a sign…*

    Nice write up HH!

    GL

    • The Bestest Tapir

      *Based Dawkins
      Ftfy

      • uh, what part did you fix their buddy?

        GL

        • The Bestest Tapir

          The “dear lord” part. Obviosly you should praise the one true Dawkins.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            No. I will praise the lord, not the false prophet known as Dawkins!

          • Lacertilian

            Is your prophet short & Danish?

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            No.

          • Joe, please ban this user for being objectively the worst.

          • Joe,

            Don’t listen to Christian. MA is the best

            GL

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            I disagree. Dawkins is the worst. Anyone who mentions him make me sad.

          • You’re right, I forgot the one worse commenter. #BanRandall

          • Guacamole Jim

            Seconded. #stopRandall2k15

          • DDubya.

            #notallpowermetalfans

          • Guacamole Jim

            I legitimately lol’d.

          • I SPAT ON MY SCREEN, YOU DICK

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            #DontBanRandall

          • #TeamRandallThor BANISH ALL THE POSERS WITH THE POWER OF THE LARP! LIGHTNING BOLT WITHOUT COOLDOWN AND FULL BUFFED, MO’FOS!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_ekugPKqFw

          • WHAT HAVE YOU UNCOVERED??? OMG THIS IS GLORIOUS

            GL

          • GTFO.

            RT IS A GOD.

            <3

            GL

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            I couldn’t agree more. Dawkins is a charlatan and his supporters are the worst.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            I don’t have anything against him, but I’m not a fan of his type of atheism.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            I’m a religious man even though I’m not one of those in your face preachy evangelists. I disagree with atheism due to personal experiences that would not be possible if there was no god.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            You’re gonna make Blackbeard cry 🙁

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            I’m not an atheist so I can’t agree with Dawkins. I’m very biased when it comes to being pro or anti-atheist because my parents brought me to church every Sunday. I still go to church.

          • #LeaveBlakkbeardAlone 🙁

    • bob

      Alter Bridge is terrible and you suck.

  • He’s my favorite dancer in the metal musicians community: https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8535/8693090075_a1569a50f2_n.jpg

  • Guacamole Jim

    Actually, Chris Thile made a very similar point in a video I saw once. He was wondering why people move around to rock music, but sit still to classical stuff. Both kinds of music are awesome, and there’s something about movement as a response to music that is natural. I think it has to do with culture and context. There are acceptable “norms” in certain contexts that have been solidified throughout time. Eventually any reason the norm exists in the first place disappears from public consciousness, but the practice itself stays embedded. Should we do things like dancing to break up the stagnation of physical expression during concerts? Totally! If you want to. If you don’t (my primary form of enjoyment in concerts is standing a little ways back from the stage, trying to view how the band works as a unit, enjoying the live experience, but that’s just me), then that’s also cool. But we shouldn’t dictate how others should or should not enjoy music.

    • DDubya.

      I just do the harlem shake to skronk when I’m alone. Sometimes I’ll lean with it AND rock with it.

      • Guacamole Jim
        • DDubya.

          Actually, that’s not inaccurate.

      • I lean with it then just lie face down.
        http://s3.amazonaws.com/rapgenius/media_6502837.jpg

        • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

          What is in that Sprite to make it purple?

          • DDubya.

            purple.

          • BLXKKBEXRD

            Drank

          • DDubya.
          • George Clarke

            it’s not the sprite, its the jolly rancher

          • GC!

            GL

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            Yay! It’s my favorite person from Deafheaven! How’s the album coming?

          • George Clarke

            its very BLACK, i hope we don’t alienate any of our fans with this inevitable KVLT classic!!!

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            I’m so excited to hear it due to that pun!

          • Blakk ist die neue pink, hailz DFHVN.

          • Will it be called MoonBather? As in bathing in the light of the moon? That sounds pretty black to me.

            GL

          • George Clarke

            ur right homie thats pretty black

            i’ll write it down

          • Akercocke ov Steele

            Blacker then the blackest black ever blackened?

          • Are you talking about the void, brother?

            GL

          • no, the rims on my car

          • You interpretation would not be incorrect!

            GL

          • Akercocke ov Steele

            Twas my inquiry. Brave souls those Deafhaven chaps.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            W. said we aren’t allowed to say Void anymore, but I think we should bring it back.

          • DDubya.

            I didn’t say it, KSOFM said. You people drove him into exile.

          • you people

          • second time in the day that the phrase is shown up!!

          • Yeah, I was chopping wood yesterday and had a pang of guilt after thinking about him….

            GL

          • DDubya.

            I hope you were chopping wood shirtless and just letting all the sawdust settle into your mane of chest hair.

          • for someone as mighty as KSoFM, he sure gets scared away from online thingies easily

          • His shit was weak if that was really the reason. However, I think there had to be some other reason. . .

            GL

          • Tyree

            I think he was starting to try open up to you guys and then some of you sort of just gave him shit. Whatever, just saying.

          • he must be really shy in real life. I think that the entire thread was too much for he :/ I would like that him stayed in the community more time.

          • DDubya.

            I was glad he was opening up.

          • Tyree

            As was I.

          • DDubya.

            I told him I was a bit surprised that he liked Nirvana, but I didn’t clown him for it. I then proceeded to tell him bands I like because they were gateway bands for me, and he was genuinely nice about it.

          • MeatheadRobOnTheDownLow

            What’s wrong with Nirvana, bro?

          • Tyree

            Every one was, but that’s no reason to kick him when he’s down. I thought it was pretty brave for him to admit it openly like that.

          • How can one tell when someone who is commenting on the internet is “down”? ( I am not trying to be whitty or anything with this comment) It just seems like the commentary that was occuring that day was as mild as it ever is. Seems to me like everyone takes some kinda of disliking for whatever music they share on this site. I am perplexed.

            GL

          • DDubya.

            I dunno, man. I think it has to be a bit context-sensitive. Some of us are going to be way more open to ridicule when we open up than others, and I think we need to evaluate each case individually. Jack Bauer becomes a punching bag a lot, but he usually takes it all in stride. Someone like KSOFM though, who almost never shares anything about his personal life, may be a bit more sensitive.

            Plus, it wasn;t just that one day. People kept bringing it up one every post.

          • I think that final words you wrote were the worse if he really have that kind of personality.

          • That is fair. But, we wouldn’t be having this discussion about his apparent sensitivity if he was still around. If he was still around how would you know if he was otherwise sensitive?

            All I am saying it that unless we quit all banter between everyone, how are you going to be sure you do not hurt one persons feelings? Are we so sure the RT is not going to stop showing up after Christian called for him to be “banned” ? How can we be sure he wasn’t be totally serious?

            Anyway, I am not sure what the answer to is anyone of the questions we have all posed.

            GL

          • DDubya.

            I think, if nothing else, you just pointed out the difficulty of online interactions in a nutshell. Unfortunately, I’m not sure what the answer is except to maybe be careful until you know someone can handle it? I dunno, man. You’ve never offended me, and I know that wasn’t your intention with KSOFM. That just seemed to be the thing that set him off.

            I think the way you handled the new guy attacking JJD the other day worked. Most people here rip on JJD a bit, but because he is accepted as part of the community, it seems to not be so much of an issue. When an outsider who hasn’t built that rapport and trust did it, though, you knew it was across the line. Not sure how that applies to KSOFM, though.

          • And what perplexes me is that he (KSOFM) really left our community. He was every bit a part of it as any of us, if you ask me. Maybe it is possible that he did not know our commenting style enough to see the true intent?

            This is an interesting issue. I will ponder more on it.

            GL

          • DDubya.

            I think it’s really hard to know where the line is, especially because we’re all sitting behind computers miles from each other. Most of us have no idea what’s going on in each others’ lives on a day-to-day basis. The dudes I talk to the most outside of here are Joe, Ed, Masterpants, Stocky, and Leif, but even then I don’t always know what’s happening with them.

          • This is a valid point, W. I guess we all (my self included) will have to try to continue to make this environment as inviting as possible and preform self regulatory checks.

            GL

          • DDubya.

            It’s a good reminder. I’ve definitely crossed the line before. I think we just have to routinely tell ourselves that this is a community.

          • Fine discussion, friend.

            GL

          • CT-12

            ^^^This comment. I have totally left TOH at times because the community seemed to be broken and mean, and that’s just the straight truth. I’m glad to see things are getting better, but you’re totally right, we have to remember that anybody who wants to use this site and be a part of the community should be welcomed to do so (with the obvious exception of bigoted folks). Glad to see this conversation go down.

          • could be that he accidentally broke character too much. that’s something i would completely understand.

          • Tyree

            I think so Jimmadong.

          • MeatheadRobOnTheDownLow

            All you bros just need to RELAX, and jam some FFDP!

          • Mr. Bojangles loves them!

          • MeatheadRobOnTheDownLow

            Hell Yeah!

          • DDubya.

            Agreed. i was glad he did. I didn’t contribute to the kicking.

          • CT-12

            I didn’t give him shit for the Nirvana thing and was happy he was being more open musically, but I think people are definitely gonna bust a guys balls a little when said dude is known to shit all over people’s music taste, and just other people in general (ref. JJD).

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            I literally just said to GL that you did that.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            We didn’t drive KSOFM away, GL did this time around. Also, I distinctly remember you telling me The Void was a big no no lol

          • Touching the Void (good movie!)

          • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

            Haven’t we kind of moved past the whole “Eternal Void” thing?

          • Edward/Breegrodamus
          • DDubya.

            We have, goat. We have.

          • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

            We have.

          • We have a goat, called Hubert, that likes good music and likes to eat things in the forest <3

          • DDubya.

            Right, I said it because KSOFM and I agreed it had gone too far.

          • Call the Slambulance

            Okay, I missed something. Would you mind giving me a TL;DR so I’m not upsetting anybody?

          • DDubya.

            Hahaha, it really wasn’t a big deal. I made a comment to Joe about how the whole void thing was being overdone on the same day that KSOFM told people to stop saying it in a certain thread.

          • Call the Slambulance

            Haha okay, that’s more sensible. I thought there was something added to the ToH Rulebook or something lol.

          • DDubya.

            No no. I just like giving Ed a hard time about it as he’s one of the most flagrant abusers of the void 😉

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            To be fair I really reeled it in since that day.

          • DDubya.

            Haha, you’ve done good, pig.

          • Call the Slambulance

            Abusing the void? Dibs on band name and sexual innuendo for butt stuff.

          • ME? Blasphemy!

            GL

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            GL I am sure of it, Nirvana.

            ND

          • Hmm, possible I guess. Seems unlikely though. I brought it up one more time after he mentioned it the first time. Then I commented about odd I thought it to be. Hardly seems like justification for leaving? Or maybe I am oversimplifying what occurred? Thoughts?

            GL

          • you spend enough time with anybody, and he/she’s gonna do a LIL lifeloving!

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            I’m almost positive that’s what it was given that he left this time within a day or two of the Nirvana flaming.

            I like Nirvana, lol. I tried telling him I did and W. also mentioned he appreciated learning that information.

          • Tyree

            Yup. Not pointing any fingers at any one but yup.

          • Does it rhyme with Pink Peonhart?

          • The Bestest Tapir

            #LeaveLinkAlone

          • 🙁 I was supporting him! I was happy that he liked Nirvana, in fact

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Wow wow wow wow wow! Happy for liking Nirvana?
            #StopLink

          • Not for the Nirvana per se. It was because he was opening to us other musical tastes besides the crust/black/thrash/obscvre stuff he always posted with bad words!

          • The Bestest Tapir

            I believe you, but I’ve got my eye on you.

          • I feel vigilated by the Mightiest Tapir, then

          • The Bestest Tapir

            *bestest

          • Everything in moderation.

          • rohypnol

          • JWG

            Sprites can be purple, so long as your game has more than 3 colours.

          • more beer

            Sizzurp. It`s mixed with cough medicine with codeine. Rappers love this shit.

    • HessianHunter

      Absolutely. My point with this was not to order everyone to dance, but rather to encourage you to move the way your instincts inform you too, not the way you’re “supposed to”.

      • DDubya.

        Since I haven’t made a serious answer yet, I usually stand in the middle of the room and just sort of try to absorb what the band is doing. Often I’ll close my eyes if I can.

        • The Bestest Tapir

          You. I like you.

          • DDubya.

            And I’m fond of you, Lois. Metal is the sort of music that takes my mind places, so I like to enter a sort of trance if possible when listening to it. This is often not possible due to others who are moshing, but it’s cool when it happens.

            Also, some musicians are just too skilled to not watch.

          • this. i can think of two recent examples: Origin and Revocation. when those talented bros are playing their instruments i just want to watch and enjoy. yet Jason and Dave of the respective bands are telling us to “START A FUCKIN’ PIT” and “MOSH, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!”. no thank youcoccus.

          • Lacertilian

            I did the same thing, I couldn’t help but brake my neck @ Revocation & Psycroptic and totally missed watching the guitarists.
            Meeting them all after kinda made up for it but I still regret not watching more of the shred.

      • Guacamole Jim

        Oh yeah, I wasn’t getting the feeling that you were trying to dictate how to enjoy concerts properly. I’m all for people dancing like crazy motherfuckers at shows. I had a buddy who used to come to my old funk band’s shows, and interpretive dance at the very front and centre. It was just what he did, and it was awesome.

      • Akercocke ov Steele

        Random dudebro at metal show: “Who bro this is black metal you don’t dance.”

        Me: “Fuck you I won’t take your authority! (Does the Charleston mosh)”

        • JWG

          Everybody mambo!

          • Akercocke ov Steele

            Slambo!

          • JWG

            #5 …

    • I think the way people move to rock has more to do with the way it just gets the blood pumping. Nobody wants to stand up, shake their fist and shout along to classical music. I would imagine.

      • Guacamole Jim

        I dunno man, some classical pieces are pretty fucking rockin. I always scream “REX” along with this song every time I listen to it:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4nazch9qe4

        • How? Bro, there aren’t even any breakdowns in this song.

          • Guacamole Jim

            Brah I know but it’s liek latin n shit which is pree badass yknow?

  • Tyree
  • HessianHunter

    An anecdote I wanted to tell but didn’t have room for: at Kvelertak/Cancer Bats show (aka PARTYPARTYPARTY) The crowd was really active and moving around, myself included. It apparently wasn’t quite right for a young bearded gentleman who grabbed my arm and forcibly pumped my fist in the air for me, saying “This! Move your arm like this!” before leaping along to another poor bastard to do the same thing. He kept it up for the entire show. What a fucking goon.

    • Dagon

      Motherfucker needs to learn how to keep to himself. In Brasil those types of people are called “caga regra”, literally translated to “rule shitter”

    • Edward/Breegrodamus

      I caught Kvelertak when they played here with High on Fire and Windhand, I thought they put on the best performance of the night that night. They just killed shit live.

    • just wanted you to know i bought that Pestifere album and it’s phenomenal! thank you, pumpkin baby ov doom.

  • Jefrey Waylon Mann

    Maximum the Hormone>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

  • This dude is who I want to be when I grow up.
    https://vine.co/v/Od0YxandL3E

  • digging that Pestifere! also, Pestifer is a good band from Belgium.

  • Brock Samson

    Anyone listened to the new Dead in the Manger yet. Fucking great

    https://soundcloud.com/earsplit/dead-in-the-manger-part-iv-1

    • Jefrey Waylon Mann

      Cool, thanks Brock.

    • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

      Some okay songs I say.

  • WE DANCE ALL THE WRONG SONGS

    WE ENJOY ALL THE WRONG MOVES

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8MkVIe9xGc

  • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

    Not dancin’ right at a show? That’s a paddlin’

    • The Bestest Tapir

      Dancing? That’s a paddlin’

      • God ov All

        Paddlin’? That’s a paddlin’

        • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

          I’ll take two. Pack ’em in yellow paper bags.

        • I remember having to get releases signed by our parents in school to get paddled. Back in 93-94′. Yikes! That was terrifying time

          GL

          • Howard Dean

            Wow dude, was it a private/religious school? And where was that? I was in grade school during that same period, and physical punishment was already very taboo.

          • Nope, it was a public school in Ohio. I am pretty sure there was corporal punishment up until third grade or something. While would have been 96 or 97? Crazy to think about today, huh?

            GL

          • Howard Dean

            Really crazy. Today you can barely raise your voice at a child.

          • There was corporal punishment from 1st grade to senior year in my school district in shit-ass Texas. I graduated in the mid-2000s.

          • Here the difference was that it was not optional up until 3 grade or something. After that parents had to sign something saying that approved of corporal punishment. I may have the details out of order…. Anyway! Crazy!

            GL

  • JWG

    Totally. You may only move around at a black metal show if the place is on fire.

    And even then, it’s best to stay calm, stay put, and just wait for rescue.

    • Lacertilian

      Moss!

    • Further Down the Metal Hole

      Dammit, the song’s playing in my mind now. Don’t forget the three!

  • I’m going to Napalm Death tonight and I fully intend to rock out. Probably jump in with the Mosh Bros for a couple songs. It’s my ticket I’m going to make the most of it.

    • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

      Mario Mosh and Luigi Mosh?

      • No, like one of these guys.

        • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

          Lol @ Hateblood

        • more beer

          Was gonna say it looks like the FSU/DMS uniform but they covered it with the leg tattoo. Too funny.

    • DDubya.

      They put on a really fun show. have a blast, brother in grind!

      • I expect nothing but Barney pirate barks, Shane Embury afro bobbing and blast beats tonight.

        • DDubya.

          Barney kissed some other bald dude on the head in the middle of one of their songs. He also has very entertaining stage banter.

          • I saw their drummer puke in the middle of a song. Took a short pause to clean up after the song and finished the set like a champ.

  • God ov All

    I’m currently dancing out to the new RED album “of beauty and rage”. Poser level off the charts today and I don’t care!

    • who?

      • God ov All

        A Christian symphonic hard rock/ metal band. I think they kick ass

        • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

          I have a friend who likes them. I don’t listen to them.

          • God ov All

            I have seen them 3 times. Killer live performers

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            I would see the band they’re opening with because I love Islander.

          • God ov All

            Never heard of islander. I should check them out.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            They are opening for Red with 3 Years Hollow. Are they going near you? They are touring.

          • God ov All

            I’ll have to check.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            They’re going to my area 2 weeks after Napalm Death. I would see them but I don’t have the money for both shows.

        • i’ll give it a shot. what’s your fav song?

          • God ov All

            Oooh ummm… That’s hard. Just anything off their first cd or anything off the newest one. Anything inbetween was pretty meh or I just downright didn’t like.

    • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

      They’re coming near me. I’m not going to see them because of the Napalm Death/Voivod show near me on Sunday.

      • You shit all over Alter Bridge, but then openly comment on not going to see RED?

        GL

        • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

          Napalm Death is just a more important show.

    • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

      You could say that your poser level is in the RED.

  • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

    Guys (and gal) stop writing. Honestly, you make me feel as if I have nothing to offer or to say. Regardless of quality

  • Tyree
  • True story, I was at a death metal show in Queens some years back. During one of the openers, two latin dudes who were apparently pretty intoxicated walked in and started salsa dancing to the band. They were clearly never exposed to this type of music before but their moves coupled with death metal in the background made for some hilarious entertainment.

    • JWG

      Come to think of it, I was at a gig a few years back, in the middle of which an ominous circle pit opened up … And was shortly occupied by several dudes doing an Irish jig.

      No, it wasn’t folk metal. That might at least make vague sense.

      Good luck getting away with it at Primordial or even Mael Mordha though – wrong kind of ‘folk’ metal entirely.

    • Dear lordy, the Mago De Oz show I saw at the Aragon Ballroom in Chicago…………. Oddly enough, there were plenty of Rata Blanca fans when I saw Helloween/Gamma ray at the Pearl Room. Metal is alot bigger in Latin America than here, oddly enough.

  • I would say, Pumpkin Baby, what are you going on about? But then I remembered watching this video of Katalepsy playing in Moscow and seeing all these hardcore dancers in the pit, then scrolling down and reading the comments (like an idiot) and seeing everyone complaining about how they’re “doing it wrong.” Fuck that.

  • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

    God, I want a beer so bad.

    • The Bestest Tapir

      You could go to a store and buy one.

      • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

        It’s 22 o’clock.

        • The Bestest Tapir

          ABC is always open m8

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            BUT ALCOHOL IS NOT SOLD AFTER 21!

          • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

            It’s 21 here.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            BUY ME BEER AND TRANSMATTER IT HERE!!!!

          • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

            k.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Appreciated.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Yo, where my wooden shoes at m8?

          • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

            They disintigrate when they leave the Dutch border. I’m sorry.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Damn it!

          • The Bestest Tapir

            That shows how much I know about alcohol.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            GetRekt or GTFO

          • The Bestest Tapir

            My religion forbids getting rekt

          • KJM

            My religion mandates partying like Blake Judd.

          • *shows up at your door*

          • KJM

            ^_^

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Now kiss!

          • Have you been introduced to my god’s beer volcanos (with strippers)?

            http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Flying_Spaghetti_Monster

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            *shows the door*

          • The Bestest Tapir

            The Great Pupuzabalba of the Mountan will strike you down, heretic.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Thö Greay Jäniini?

          • Lacertilian

            Become a heathen.
            Get your heretic on.

          • Doesn’t everyone in Finland worship elves and the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Some worship Joulupukki, bear cult is strong as well. Then there’s this small religion called “christianity” that’s getting more popular. I prefer to be godless heretic without any morals.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Not those kinds of bears m8. Unfortunatley bear cult is not as strong as it was in pre-christian Finland. Those were the good days.

          • Not here! ABC’s here in Virginia close after 6 (I think), and the only reason anyone goes there is for hard liquor, which I avoid like the plague.

          • The Bestest Tapir

            Abc is a service station here. They are always open.

    • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

      Go get some Milwaukee’s Best Ice. It’s cheap.

    • So far today, it’s my breakfast. Like Dennis Leary said, “it’s hops, barley and protein. It’s a meal!”.

  • I move a lot listening music!!! And in live shows I go freaking air guitaring when there’s a song I like!!! F*CK THE HATERS!! FUCKING ANARCHO DOING WHATEVER HE WANTS..

    -LL

  • Dagon

    I for one would like to see twerking at metal shows. Or anywhere, really.

  • Call the Slambulance

    I love being super spastic and dumb while listening to music in public. I wonder what people think as they watch that weird white kid on the bus headbanging in fourteen directions and squeezing invisible oranges.

    • While wearing a shirt like this? refresh for image.

      GL

      • Call the Slambulance

        That’s the only shirt in my wardrobe.

    • Dagon

      One day we’re going to a Ferg concert to go nuts on those trap beats and that Bone Thugs flow.

      • Call the Slambulance

        Bruh, I’ll tear it the fuck up to Ferg with you.

        • Dagon

          It’s a date, fam

          • Call the Slambulance

            No homo? Definitely homo.

      • Been to a Ferg concert. Craig Ferguson that is!

  • MeatheadRobOnTheDownLow

    Hey Bros!

  • “We don’t dance, no no no.

    We got class.

    No, we don’t have any fun at all.

    It’s the new style and we know it.”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2m8wnE3c8M

  • Stockhausen

    I think you’d have to examine the band’s demeanor/perspective as well. I make it a point to get intense during songs, with headbanging, nasty faces, tongue wagging (srs), and overall hoopla. However, between songs I probably sound like the most life-loving idiot in the venue, cracking dad jokes and not being brutal at all. If people didn’t clap, I’d probably cry about why everyone hates me. However, if people lost their butts and danced like insane weirdos, I’d be all about it.

  • I’m the asshole who will sit there silent and motionless the entire time regardless of the kind of music. The most movement that I can muster is the occasional air guitar. I’m just not a very expressive person. Most of my reality takes place in my mind.

  • This dude (from the above photo) is pretty metal:

  • GreenleafGreenleaf

    The dudes who are terribly concerned with upholding a certain image at shows weird me out. Truly, I think that everyone should respond to how the music makes them feel in whatever way comes naturally, but focusing on how kvlt you look rather than how fucking awesomely kvlt (or whatever other adjective appropriately fits the vibe of a Watain show) you feel seems a bit silly. And if you try to make everyone else be as brutally boring as you, you’re a total douche.

  • I dunno, I’ve seen tons of shows, and I’m not up for mosh pits, stage diving, etc. outside of when I saw Mago De Oz. And that was because I got dragged into a dancing pit (which was fun, btw). Otherwise, I’m there to see a show, not to see some idiot acting like a whirling Dervish after too many cheap beers at the venue’s bar.
    Melotron, though, got me up and bouncing!

  • old_man_doom

    The metal scene where I live is almost solely Doom-oriented. I have no problem with this: I fucking live to tune it low and play it slow. HOWEVER, half of the bands just play uninspired, entry-level Bongripper riffs for 30mins. No one moves, and I get stuck trying to nod along with a 45BPM riff that doesn’t change for ten minutes at a time. Fuck. It’s ok though because High On Fire is coming here again, so they are going to blow away all those no-fun-club void-dwelling hard-asses in town.