Snap Into a Slam Jim with Randy Savage

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Quick, name one wrestler greater than The Macho Man Randy Savage. You can’t. Do you know why? It’s because you’re a fucking poser but also because such a wrestler doesn’t exist. The man known as Randy Poffo by lesser mortals was the greatest wrestler to ever enter the squared circle or hold a microphone. Need proof?

Need more?

What an incredible FORCE. A force so strong, in fact, that even in the years after his death his legacy is still carrying on, even when it finds itself unjustifiably in a position it would rather not be in. Enter Randy Savage, the debut EP from Atlanta slamming weirdos…Randy Savage.

Okay, so this isn’t exactly good and it really just tries to coast by very hard on the novelty of its concept. It even goes so far as to include voice snippet from longtime WWF announcer Jim Ross (as well as a very weird mid-song interruption feat. The Big Show). Add some truly atrocious production, including perhaps the most piercingly awful ping pong snare I’ve ever heard, and you’ve got something uniquely awful. So why are we even here talking about this if it’s so bad?

Well, quite frankly metal could do with a break from maiming women and praising Satan. We get it, you’re super masculine, you dislike God, you probably own a spiked coffee mug, that’s great. It’s time for something fresh though, and what offers a better mix of freshness and levity int a genre so self-serious than wrestling legends? Can you imagine the hottest new Icelandic black metal band doing a concept album about The Undertaker? Or perhaps your favorite powerviolence/metallica hardcore band taking on the in-ring shenanigans of the one and only Mick Foley? A mathcore take on The Ultimate Warrior? The possibilities are truly endless.

So no, Randy Savage aren’t the wrestling themed heroes we’ve been waiting for. Hell, they aren’t even the best band named after a wrestler that doesn’t even sing about wrestling ( I miss you, Owen Hart). If you can get past the horrible production and weird announcer interruptions there is, at best, some serviceable slam to be had here. More importantly, even at it’s worst, it’s still much better than the musical endeavor that featured Randy Savage:

On second thought, maybe it will be a while before the cream rises to the top.

 

Help Leif decide what genre Scott Steiner Teaching Math should be in the comments.

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  • Elegant Gazing Globe

    What an amazing man

  • Señor Jefe El Rosa

    I totally want a Mick Foley-themed powerviolence band in my life.

  • tigeraid

    While Macho Man is spectacular, I know someone who would take issue with the “greater wrestler.”

    http://cdn3.vox-cdn.com/imported_assets/2223585/ric-flair-strut-o.gif

    • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

      Never got into these guys.

    • RustyShackleford

      Want? You mean NEED!!!!!

    • tigeraid

      The only wrestling metal I need. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ByUf2nvUB4

      • Howard Dean

        Probably the coolest metal entrance ever. Few dudes could so effortlessly work the crowd like The Sandman. He could work the crowd into a tizzy with just subtle gestures (well, and the occasional can smash on the face, haha). Pretty fucking remarkable.

        Motorboating beer out of them titties was fucking awesome, too.

  • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

    I’d like to say a few words regarding my favorite wrestler Randy Savage: He truly was one of the titans of the squared circle. I remember finding out about wrestling through his work in WCW. I remember when I was 4 I wanted a WCW Nitro playset so bad but I never got it. I also remember wanting to go to a meet and greet he did in my area but my wrestling hating parents said no. RIP Randy. You are heavily missed and I hope you and Miss Elizabeth are happy up in that big arena in the sky.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      Dropping elbows from the top ropes in that great ring in the sky.

      • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

        I remember where I was when I found out he died. I was on my way home from school and someone told me that he died. As soon as I got home I broke down and wept. I haven’t cried that much over anything since.

    • Howard Dean
      • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

        I might buy this

      • Leif Bearikson

        Real Talk: I owned all of those action figures as a kid. I never got the ring though because all the matches I made were hardcore matches

        • Howard Dean

          Dude, wrestling action figures were fucking awesome. Sometimes when I’m at work I just stare at the wall and think, “Fuck, it’d be a lot cooler if I were having a lumberjack match between my Mankind and Bret Hart action figures right now.”

          • Leif Bearikson

            Right!? I’m pretty sure every situation could be improved with wrestling action figures and Tech Decks

  • RustyShackleford

    “Can you imagine the hottest new Icelandic black metal band doing a concept album about The Undertaker?”

    My God this must happen. MUST!!! Leif you are a man of wisdom and I love you like I’ve loved no other bear in my life. *sheds single tear* Yep.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      Karhu is gonna be jealous

      • RustyShackleford

        I had to google this and “With vocals influenced by Randy Blythe / Sebastian Bach”

        THIS is not a sentence that should exist!!

        • Space Monster W.

          Wuh

      • Sir Crawfish The Based

        Yea, but no one loves Beargod.

  • Señor Jefe El Rosa

    I would also like a Rowdy Roddy Piper themed NYHC band, thank you.

  • That dipshit from Slipknot needs to get off his ass and do something worthwhile. Like a Doink the Clown tribute album.

    • EsusMoose

      Which one there has been like 11

      • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

        Matt Borne since he was the original Doink. May he rest in peace.

  • Elegant Gazing Globe
    • Leif Bearikson

      You’re a saint

  • And for those that want wrestler-fronted metal
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zo3qXxaXVEg

    • Space Monster W.

      This band’s album was better than I expected.

      • NDG

        As far as wrestler-fronted metal goes it is pretty good.

    • Leif Bearikson

      Shit, I forgot about this album.

  • Abradolf Lincler

    man, i gotta get on owning a spiked coffee mug

  • Your movies straight to video, the box office can’t stand
    While I got myself a feature role in Spider-Man

  • Space Monster W.
  • Señor Jefe El Rosa
  • Howard Dean

    “Wait, what do you got against maiming women?!”

    murderpedia.org/male.B/images/b/bundy/bundy507.jpg

  • Howard Dean

    One of the best promos ever cut: Hogan and Macho Man on drugs, brother.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJSIlIMJFk0

  • Óðinn
  • Great, now I want a spiked coffee mug. Thanks.

  • Waynecro

    Among tubes filled with chemicals and biological waste, Slim Jims are probably the tastiest.

  • Kris McCleary

    I can’t believe this. When I accidentally turned a demo into Top Rope Elbow, I never expected to find myself making an EP out of it. Furthermore, I didn’t expect such buzz. More than 30 listens blew my mind. I never could’ve expected over 200. I’m amazed with how far this has come. I’m literally mindblown by all of this. Thank you for such an honest, well-written article. I’ll make it clear that I basically did this on purpose in regards to the production quality. I’m definitely planning on doing much more with the project. I also personally prefer the production on the other tracks myself over Top Rope Elbow. My only consideration is, for future work, should I have better production, or stick to the grindy, raw production featured on the EP? I never saw this going anywhere. I said if I made $5, I’d make a full length. I haven’t made $5, but I’ve had over 500 visits to the Bandcamp within the time since I released the EP, and that’s worth much more to me. I would love to hear opinions and such. (If I do make a full length, I may consider making the EP free)