Simon Sez: Listen to Suppressive Fire

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Greetings, fellow flushers. I am known as Simon Phoenix; mercenary, criminal mastermind, and all around fucking badass. When I’m not killing people indiscriminately or thinking of ways to fuck with my eternal nemesis John Spartan, I am perusing the interwebs for some of my primary music of choice: metal.

According to good ol’ Wiki “In military science, suppressive fire (commonly called “covering fire”) is fire that degrades the performance of an enemy force below the level needed to fulfill their mission.” FUCK THAT NOISE!!! That sounds like pansy shit to me. You know how I degrade an enemy’s performance? I beat his dog to death in front of him with a spiked bat while he’s tied up in chains, then as he’s crying like a bitch from despair, I beat him to a fucking pulp with the same spiked bat covered with the blood of his beloved pet. Simon says BLEED BITCH!!!

Raleigh, North Carolina trio Suppressive Fire understands my mentality. Merciless, ripping blackened thrash in the vein of Skeletonwitch, Goatwhore, and especially Toxic Holocaust. Topped with vocalist Aaron Schmidt’s punk-esque snarl that just screams “fuck off” to all that can hear them. These guys could be the soundtrack to when I’m burning down buildings…with a couple dozen people still inside. Plus, while they have the same type of lyrics used by many of their contemporaries, there is a tongue-in-cheek vibe to it all. Extreme violence, hatred, and all around evil seem like a grand ol’ time to them. Dudes after my own heart. I mean, how can you not enjoy songs with titles such as “The Christian Crippler”, “Holy Masochism”, or my personal favorite “Nazi Face Melter” (pls listen to the whole song before you go off on a rant mkay)?

Oh, and they just opened for black/thrash legends Ketzer a couple of days ago. Chew on that.

Simon says go on down to their Bandcamp and stream their Hellwraith EP. It’s name your price, but I gave a donation so they can play shows and write more awesome shit, and so should you. Unless you’re an Oscar Meyer loving wiener. You’re not a wiener are you?

Mosh and be well, fuckers.

(Photo via)

 

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  • Metaphysical Anus

    Oh man, this sounds gooooooooooooooood! “Nazi Face Melter” sounds fucking amazing.

    • Simon Phoenix

      My favorite song on the album by far. Though the middle of Christian Crippler has this really awesome riff too.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        I may have to give them a donation now.

    • Tyree

      I can dig it.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        Keep on digging!

        • Tyree

          Dig to fucking HELL!

          • Metaphysical Anus

            You don’t have to swear at me. I get offended.

          • Tyree

            Dig to darn H*LL!

          • Metaphysical Anus

            That’s better.

    • IronLawnmower

      Blackend Thrash is my favourite subgenre of metal. I can tell you this shit is pretti good. Not the best but not the worst. Then again it’s very hard to get this shit wrong.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        Blackened Thrash is pretty high in my books. Grind, black metal and tech death are on the top when it comes to metal.

        • IronLawnmower

          It’s the musical version of nuclear post apocalyptia with satan thrown in.

          • Metaphysical Anus

        • Xan

          Death metal, Grindcore, and thrash would be there first for me but I’ve been finding a shit ton of good blackened thrash lately. Nifelheim has been my favorite latest find: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SG2d0SB2Y4s

      • Simon Phoenix

        Death/thrash (think Possessed, Vader,, Massacra, Protector, etc) is my favorite subgenre of metal. But black thrash is pretty close behind. And yeah, it’s difficult to get this shit wrong.

  • Mr.CustodialArts

    Pentagram, gas mask, bullet belt…put a goat in there somewhere and I’ll buy a shirt. I’m a sucker for that shit.

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      Everyone should be. EVERYONE.

    • Simon Phoenix

      They actually have that pic as a t-shirt. I’m seriously considering buying it if they have it in fatty size.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Are Ketzer really legends though? Their first album came out in 2009.

        • Simon Phoenix

          Fair enough. I did put a little too much emphasis on that. I just really like both bands’ material.

          They did open for Ketzer when the latter band played in NC last week (I saw Ketzer when they played St. Vitus on Saturday btw and they ruled.).

      • chaosgrid

        We just got in a second shipment up to XXL’s. 🙂

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I would buy that. It would give me a reason to get rid of my Staind tour shirt from 2005. I used to love them but I grew out of it by 2007.

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      All fucking day….

      • Where is the goat?

        GL

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          Inside you.

          • Knight Solaire

            Goatpenis.

          • chaosgrid

            Goat’s wearing the gasmask.

      • Metaphysical Anus

        I have a cd with this and their debut album on it. I love it so much.

      • IronLawnmower

        I like to imagine this is the cover to some metal themed gay porno.

      • Sight Vnseen

        Destruction slays. That album was my introduction to German thrash.

  • Gorgasm

    Thrash/punk is too fast for me. I believe it was Dixie Collins who once said, “Tune it low, and play it slow.”

  • Mon*Star

    Jam.

  • @fromwisdomtohate29:disqus is Taco Bell still good in the future?

    • Simon Phoenix

      Humph, If you call little frilly dishes that couldn’t feed my dog good, then yeah.

      I don’t know why the underground dwellers were so desperate to steal that shit. I guess when you’re living in the sewers starving you’ll eat anything.

  • Randall Thor

    More proof North Carolina is better than all you

    • Tyree

      I used to live there. Twice!

      • Randall Thor

        Then come back!

        • Tyree

          Ok, packing now.

          • Randall Thor

            k, cool, c ya soon

          • Tyree

            Need my fix of Carolina BBQ!

          • Randall Thor

            ONE OF US ONE OF US

    • Metaphysical Anus

      Why are you here? This not power metal.

      • Randall Thor

        A true warrior must know his enemy

        • Metaphysical Anus

          People who listen to power metal can’t call themselves true warriors, unless you’re larping.

          • Randall Thor

            People who listen to power metal know what it is to be a TRUE warrior. Instead of cowering in basements or dwelling in dark chambers, we soar over mountains, fight magic beasts for the good of the land, and slay the wicked with our magic steel. That can even be a euphemism if you want.

            It’s still more than posers get to do.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            You should play less dungeons & dragons

          • Randall Thor

            I’m actually about to play my first game ever next month, totally rolling a bard.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Lol nerd. U aint got no swag. (Quite hypocritical for me)

          • Randall Thor

            True warriors rely on the fire in their heart, not the perceptions and judgement of others!

          • Metaphysical Anus

            A true warrior indeed.

          • Randall Thor

            Indeed, for he is adventuring outside, a noble and fantastic place that posers know nothing of! Hail to this brave warrior!

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I go outside, I have dogs for fuck’s sake!

          • its bewildering how something like that, who obviously enjoys an outdoor habit, is so fat.

            i have a bleeding heart for tubbos. instead of heroin they chose cheese steaks, usually something traumatic happened down the line. just think of the social ostracizing he must go through.

            this sounds like satire but i truly do feel sorrow when i think of the social life of people like him.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            People think that fat shaming helps. It doesn’t. It makes them more depressed and that may cause suicide.

          • bullying or shaming is never a way to encourage someone to be better. i definitely think positive is the way to go. Like dude in the photo up there, don’t say “DROP THE FORK FATTY”, I’d say “hey man, wanna go for a walk with me? I’ll make you feel a lot better, chicks dig a proactive guy”

          • except sluts. always shame a slut

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I disagree. Bullying of anyone is still bullying, even sluts.

          • a safe slut yeah (im including men in this as well) but a careless slut spreads diseases and that deserves shaming. ive had friends who’s shithead significant others have given them diseases and shit from being sluts.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I still disagree. Bullying and shaming is still bullying anyway. If the person did something bad then it’s fine but not otherwise.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            Oning weight is hard for fat people, because even when they’re trying to lose weight, they’re beign laughed at.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            It’s hard to lose weight now. I’ve tried and tried but I can’t motivate myself like I used to be able to. I was pretty fat in 2006 and Mel helped me get buff again by Ozzfest 2007 which was the one with free tickets. Me and Mel bought copies of the abysmal Ozzy album Black Rain so we could get tickets for the Hartford date. I forgot to say I went to that one. I liked it but it slipped my mind. I loved it because I met Static X there. I loved them in 2000 and I got back into them in 2005 and I saw them on their tour for their album Cannibal which I considered a return to form for them. We would have gone to the Holmdel date but we decided to change it up and go to the Hartford date after skipping the 2006 one.

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            Now I did not like that CD. Around that time I did love Anomositisomona!
            Plus it takes whole lifestyle change to lose weight.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I agree with you. I got fat in college, but not too fat. I’m fatter now than I was in college and I was pushing 225 pounds at 5 foot 9 then. I used to be really buff in high school and that’s how I got popular and how Melanie found out about me. Melanie had friends who were friends of mine and her friends wanted to date me so bad but I always rejected them even though they were attractive. When Melanie asked me out I said yes because I felt it would work. It sure did.

          • Metaphysical Anus

            I was really fat back in my Gymansium (high school) days. I’m slightly overweight now, but I’m gonna be trying to drop that shit away.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Mel wasn’t really skinny when we were dating either like all the other girls that liked me. She was normal size but I heard her friends call her fat behind her back. I also know that they were anorexics so I told them if they stopped saying mean things about her I wouldn’t tell people that they were anorexic.The means I went to in the name of keeping power and making sure my friends wouldn’t have problems were pretty underhanded but the deals I made to make sure of that stuff were made in private as I didn’t want to lose my image of being a nice guy who was funny and attractive. I regret some of the things I did, the blackmail of Mel’s “friends” and such.

          • Negrodamus

            My older brother could probably take me out with a single punch and that dude plays D & D twice a month.

    • NC sux

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      No man, New York and New Jersey are the best! I saw Ozzfest in 2000 up in Saratoga on Pantera’s final tour and Ozzfest 2001, 2002, 2004 and 2005 I saw it in Holmdel, NJ. I did also see Ozzfest in 2007 which I forgot about but I saw it in Hartford. The 2000 and 2007 ones were the only times I ever got to see Static X and I loved them back in 2000. The second metal purchase I ever made was Wisconsin Death Trip by them.

      • Virgil the Ghost Poet

        I still like that album.

  • IronLawnmower

    “Raleigh, North Carolina trio Suppressive Fire understands my mentality. Merciless, ripping blackened thrash in the vein of Skeletonwitch, Goatwhore, and especially Toxic Holocaust.” You know how to speak my language baby!

  • Tyree

    Just going to leave this here to put into your ears or up your butt.
    https://muscleandmarrow.bandcamp.com/album/the-human-cry

    • Metaphysical Anus

      Think about my wallet. It will be doomed.

      • Tyree

        It’s beyond doomed. I’m fucked! I guess I’ll have to be a crust punk 🙁

        • Metaphysical Anus

          Wait, you’re gonna be a whole genre?

          • Tyree

          • Metaphysical Anus
          • Knight Solaire

            Someone found a photo of me outside of my armour it seems.

          • Knight Solaire

            To pay the rent, or to buy deodorant, that is the question.

        • Randall Thor

          Most the crusties in Charlotte wear deodorant and are cool! It’s the friggin oogles you gotta watch out for

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        My wallet is doomed for the week. I had to hire an exterminator to take care of a bug infestation in my house as it was getting out of hand. I guess no BDubs for me on Sunday.

    • Xan

      I’ve had a rough day and that shit almost made me cry it sounded so beautiful. I had to listen to a cacophony of country and soul music today (my two least favorite genres of music). You have given me the proverbial comfort blanket I needed.

  • The Satan Ov Nuclear Hell

    I’m back to normal everyone! Well… almost.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      What do you mean by almost?