Californiaaaaaaa here we cooooooooooooommmmeeeeeee.
Silent Planet is a Los Angeles-based Christian metalcore band on Solid State Records. Some of you may remember Solid State as the Christian record label home to bands like Demon Hunter, Norma Jean, and formerly Zao. I didn’t know the label was still around and had thought they went the way of Trustkill. I guess there’s always a market for Christian mosh music. Right, Darkness Divided?
The band’s new song “Panic Room” is about a divorced woman (Jodie Foster) and her diabetic daughter (Kristen Stewart) forced to take refuge in the safety of a panic room while three men (Forest Whitaker, Dwight Yoakam and 30 Seconds To Mars’s Jared Leto) break into their apartment in search of a hidden fortune. No, wait. That’s just the plot to the movie Panic Room. That actually would’ve been much better than what Silent Planet is writing about. Here’s their explanation:
“The song attempts to examine with a greater culture of war, held aloft by politicians who patronize soldiers as talking points while cutting bills that could provide soldiers with mental health services and entering into needless, preventable armed conflict. Panic Room tells the story of one veteran who attempts to retain his sense of humanity while being suspicious of his role as a cog in the history’s strongest war machine.”
Did I die and Hell is just being stuck in a freshman level political science creative writing class at a for-profit college that holds classes above a Quiznos?
0:01: Yeah, I’ll bet.
0:08: You’ll never make the track team like that.
0:13: You’ll definitely not make the track team like that.
0:18: That’s going to stain and mom is going to be furious, you guys!
0:27: Trying hard now, getting strong now.
0:30: That Diet Dr. Pepper goes down real smooth.
0:41: “I’d like to talk to you about erectile dysfunction.”
0:46: Oh, Jesus, here we go.
0:51: This is your kid. This is your kid on nu-metalcore.
0:55: Gotta show off those video editing skills somehow.
1:00: Somewhere, Jahred from (həd) p.e. is weeping.
1:06: So is there anyone else in this band or…
1:12: Goddamn IKEA furniture!
1:16: Missing one fucking screw and now this hunk of wood is useless!
1:20: Call Of Duty: Battle Of Brocore Creek.
1:26: I’m glad this video isn’t in 3D.
1:31: This is some damn exciting stuff.
1:37: It’s Sting!
1:42: Dude needs to choke up on the bat.
1:48: I get it. The running represents the the struggle of the rugged individual in the heartless government.
1:54: And the baseball bat represents the free market.
1:59: And the vomit rising in my throat represents Ayn Rand.
2:03: Oh, hai, American Beauty.
2:12: Milk was a bad idea.
2:20: The hand represents getting jam on your hands and then touching someone else so that your hands are now clean without having to wash them.
2:28: Luckily, freedom, Constitution, and bringing back the gold standard will also keep him warm at night.
2:35: Work on your eyebrow game, brah.
2:44: Get all your money’s worth with your Final Cut Pro subscription.
2:52: There’s more forced symbolism in this video than the ending of The Departed.
2:59: Seriously, where are the other members of this band?
3:05: Pew pew! Pewpewpewpewpew!
3:15: Gasp! It’s like he’s shooting right at us!
3:23: “Did I remember to lock the back door?”
3:27: Should’ve prayed on getting rid of that facial hair.
3:36: Silent Planet uses a pile driver to deliver their messages.
3:41: Making me miss the good old days of Aversions Crown videos.
3:48: Put us out of our misery.
3:55: “I just wanted to borrow a cup of sugar! What kind of neighbor are you?!”
3:58: “Fuck! I laid down on my keys!”
4:03: There’s so much shit going on in this video that we need to call a septic tank.
4:08: Red, white, and blue smoke? What are they trying to say?
4:12: Come on, Silent Planet! Stop being so vague!
4:18: In the plant world, this is called The Petal Shot.
4:24: Eye C Wot U Did There, M8.
4:31: The only way Donald Trump can get an erection is to watch this video.
4:38: Time to consult your doctor or local berry farmer.
4:44: You’ve got red on you.
4:50: Probably should’ve warned some of those people about the imagery in your video then, huh?
4:58: Well now I feel terrible.
Silent Planet’s album Everything Was Sound is out on July 1st via Solid State Records.