Show Us Your Shirt Stains: The Worst of the Worst

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Last week we asked you to show us your worst band tees and good lord did you ever deliver. Frankly, you should all be ashamed.

The challenge was simple: show us your worst band tee, allow us to make fun of you, and MAYBE win something. I’m thrilled to see that a number of you really stepped up to show off your complete lack of judgement and financial sense. Before we get to the “winning” entry, let’s take a look at some of the awful shit you submitted.

Terrible Shirts for Jerks

shirt2

W.: lopsided, across-the-chest Whitechapel logo. Like an MMA shirt for a wimp.

Dubya

W.: I’m going for a hat trick with this one. 1. All-over print. 2. Purchased from Hot Topic. 3. I was over 21 when I purchased it.

These are truly awful shirts, Dubya. You’re so very fortunate that you now have a wife that dresses you. Clearly, you cannot be trusted to pick out your own clothes.

 

shirt5Ron Deuce: “This is my old band Gouge’s shirt. I currently have 4 or 5 of these that are being used to cover up a box of porn. Note the awful green color that looks more like a landscaping company than a band shirt. To top it all off, we have the tramp stamp death metal logo on the back. I did not design this shirt so I cannot accept full responsibility for its awfulness. Edit: For added flavor, that is actual dust that you see on the shirt.”

I love that you use your band’s shirts to cover up ancient porn. I dunno if you noticed this, but it says “GOUGE” around your buttz region.

CT-12: This is definitely the worst shirt I own and I know it is. May Howard have mercy on my soul.

CT-12: “This is definitely the worst shirt I own and I know it is. May Howard have mercy on my soul.”

There’s an awful lot going on here and it’s all dumb. Kinda like Rings of Saturn’s music! HEY-OH! #relevantmusicjokes #goodatcomedy

 

Cunt Cunt: it was cheap and i was young and impressionable. Still tho shame . . . ,shame . . .
Cunt Cunt: “it was cheap and i was young and impressionable. Still tho shame… shame…”

YEAH, FUCK POP. BUNCH OF SELL OUT PUSSIES.
/signs with Universal Music Group
//inks sponsorship with Monster Energy
///prepares multiple costume changes for multi-million dollar music video featuring me playing tuff armyman out in the desert

 

First submission: I bought this shirt during uni a long time ago and while I may have only worn it a handful of times, I still like it. I know you people won't, it's called the Face-Rip tie-dye apparently.. The outrageous combination of the tie-dye, rainbow swirl, the inverted cross on the tooth, the weed leaf nose and the pentagram eye will surely induce a wretched cringe in some of you with better taste. Hallucinogens, man.

Lacertilian: “I bought this shirt during uni a long time ago and while I may have only worn it a handful of times, I still like it. I know you people won’t, it’s called the Face-Rip tie-dye apparently.. The outrageous combination of the tie-dye, rainbow swirl, the inverted cross on the tooth, the weed leaf nose and the pentagram eye will surely induce a wretched cringe in some of you with better taste. Hallucinogens, man.”

We can save public schools millions of dollars a year by simply replacing the D.A.R.E program with this shirt.

 

EsusMoose: I remember getting multiple in high school that were awful when I tried to be cool (and failed cause I'm a nerd), but a Bullet for my Valentine one sticks out. I don't have it so I had to find this picture but back then I saw it in hot topic and thought "oh this is cool", so I bought it and went home. I decided to wear it one day but looked in a mirror before leaving for school and saw a stupid fucking idiot staring back with fluffy adolescent hair and visual vomit on his hairless chest. It lay in my closet for years being slowly dragged into its depths by a ruthless but just convection process. High school was an awkward time.

EsusMoose: “I remember getting multiple in high school that were awful when I tried to be cool (and failed cause I’m a nerd), but a Bullet for my Valentine one sticks out. I don’t have it so I had to find this picture but back then I saw it in hot topic and thought “oh this is cool”, so I bought it and went home. I decided to wear it one day but looked in a mirror before leaving for school and saw a stupid fucking idiot staring back with fluffy adolescent hair and visual vomit on his hairless chest. It lay in my closet for years being slowly dragged into its depths by a ruthless but just convection process. High school was an awkward time.”

This entry was a little too relatable. 0/10 u made me sad.

 

Lief Bearikson: Yea, that's a purple, sleeveless Iwrestledabearonce shirt featuring a robotic Steve Urkel. NO SHAME....okay, moderate shame.

Lief Bearikson: “Yea, that’s a purple, sleeveless Iwrestledabearonce shirt featuring a robotic Steve Urkel. NO SHAME….okay, moderate shame.”

Did I* do** that***?

*you
**puchase
***this god-awful t-shirt?

Yes. Yes you did.

 

Give Me Your Dole... Please: In my defense, I thought I had the ballz, so I took that one step closer... turns out there was nothing but an increased sense of shame to be found...

Give Me Your Dole… Please: “In my defense, I thought I had the ballz, so I took that one step closer… turns out there was nothing but an increased sense of shame to be found.  Shirt Stain Fact: The back features the exact same picture, but in black and white. I’m assuming the reason for this is to reduce the chance of being (rightfully) attacked from behind.”

BALLZ.

A Really Good Shirt

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Lacertilian:SALE: One unworn Pantera Texas cartoon skeleton-face shirt, replica Pantera logo featured in black & white on the back. Unwanted birthday gift. Getcha fucking pull. Meat pie not included, that’s my damn lunch.”

Hi, you seem to have made a mistake. This is a contest for really Bad Shirts. This is clearly a Very Good Shirt. Please try again.

 

Special Dishonorable Mention: 

shirt12

Waynecro: “I bought this shirt at an Anal Blast show. I was drunk as shit, and it was really dark in the venue. The front of the shirt is the band’s logo, which I’m totally fine with. I had no idea this content was on the back of the shirt (I have censored this shit for the sake of decency). This shirt is probably grounds for divorce in most states. Chris Hansen still calls me and asks about this shirt from time to time. If my girlfriend knew I owned this shirt, she’d probably kill me in my sleep. To be fair, this shit would probably be classifiable as cunt art if a feminist artist had created it instead of, you know, a bunch of disgusting metal dudes.”

Holy shit, dude. This might be the worst Shirt Stain yet. This shirt thinks Flower of Flesh & Blood is an appropriate first date movie. This shirt has an external hard drive strictly for hentai. This shirt goes through great pains to explain “It’s totally cool man, there’s a HUGE difference between pedophilia and ebibophila”. This shirt thinks Jared from Subway is a cool dude. This shirt will help an inmate gain higher social status when he inevitably murders this shirt in prison.

 

THE WINNER!

original

Congrats Janitor Jim Duggan. This deathcore/SpongeBob abomination is truly terrible. It brings to mind the heaviest questions of mankind: Why does man create? Why does he both seek and fear oblivion? Why would a person design this, a band approve it, a merch company print it, and you ultimately purchase it? Reach out to 365 Days of Horror for your prize and may God have mercy on your soul.

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  • Vote for Jeb

    “These are truly awful shirts, Dubya. You’re so very fortunate that you now have a wife that dresses you. Clearly, you cannot be trusted to pick out your own clothes.” This is the truest statement that has ever been written on this blog.

  • I don’t know if I should congratulate the winner or apologize to him

    • Pagliacci is Kvlt

      Randall plz!

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Just weep silently for humanity.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Everyday of my life.

  • The Haunting Presence of Tyree

    That’s a whole lot of bright colors. That’s one of your problems right there.

  • I’m feeling generous: Waynenecro, email me your address. You deserve something for that terrible shirt too.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      How do I go about redeeming my winnings?

    • DID I DO OK? WAS IT ALRIGHT? Notice me, senpai!

    • more beer

      Don Decker would have been proud you gave his shirt a dishonorable mention.

      • Waynecro

        I was actually sitting across the bar from Don before AB’s set that night. He was eating the limes they use to garnish drinks. He looked sad and tired.

        • more beer

          He was a friend. They would always stay at my house when they came thru town. The last time I saw him he seemed happy and was having a lot of fun. But he was also drinking which is a huge no no after a liver transplant. But how do you get a beer away from a 500 llb man?

          • Waynecro

            The band absolutely killed it that night. Don was a maniac on stage. Too bad things turned out for him as they did. You can’t make someone stop drinking (or abusing other substances); that person has to make the decision to quit on his or her own. I’ve been listening to disgusting metal for decades, and AB is the first band to release merch so disgusting that I won’t wear it. RIP.

          • more beer

            He did kill it on stage. He could move for a big guy. He tried to give me that shirt you have. I had to choose a different one. There is no way at my age I could have worn that. The merch was meant to be offensive and it was.

          • Waynecro

            Most of the disgusting stuff I know about lady parts, I learned from AB.

    • Waynecro

      That’s super cool of you, dude. Wait…. You’re not going to report me to the authorities for owning this shirt, are you? What’s your email address?

    • Give Me Your Dole… Please

      Thanks, but I’m all the way over in Australia, so if it’s to much trouble I’m happy for someone else to get it

  • Super Nintendo Chalmers

    I thought we’d see worse.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Yay, I won!

  • Super Nintendo Chalmers

    Trebek PLZ!

  • Paris Hilton

    I know the feel of owning a Hot Topic Slayer shirt. Feelsbadman.jpg however, mine isn’t actually god-awful. It has a cool red and black design, skull on the front in classic slayer font and a pentagram on the back. Fuck it, I love that shirt. Idgaf if it is shitty!

    • Vote for Jeb

      To be fair, I don’t own that shirt anymore. At least I couldn’t find it when the post went up. I think I gave it to one of the other dudes in that photo.

      • Paris Hilton

        I lose band shirts so easily lol that’s why I only wear them to the gym or to shows these days

        • Vote for Jeb

          I only wear mine when running, going to shows, or very occasionally on casual Friday. I also lost a ton of weight and had to get rid of a bunch of my shirt.

          • Paris Hilton

            Getting rid of favorite clothing due to weight loss or muscle gains is such a bittersweet feel. I’ll also wear my Covenant Morbid Angel shirt out to the hipster bar for obscure music cred. Or I’ll wear my Cult of Luna shirt out to parties because it has a cool, low-key logo that looks cool and it looks unreal on me!

          • Vote for Jeb

            You know, I come to like you more and more each day. CoL >>>>>>

          • Paris Hilton

            I grow on people. How the fuck do you think I got so famous? Talent and hardworking!? LMFAO

  • Pipelord69

    The linkin park shirt is the worst IMO

    • Herr Schmitty

      No way man. That Waynecro shirt… woof. holy fuck. I feel bad for him too, that sounds like a very reasonable and realistic way for one to end up owning such a fabric horror show.

      • Pipelord69

        The shirt genuinely hurts my stomach

      • Waynecro

        I honestly feel bad about paying money for this filth. I just wanted to support the band. Just not like this…not like this.

  • Scrimm

    Jesus I didn’t have the time to dig through all my shirts(most of them are still packed to find any of the crappy ones I have but you guys more than made up for it. My eyes…

  • Herr Schmitty

    “This shirt will help an inmate gain higher social status when he inevitably murders this shirt in prison.”

    Had to put my work phone on DND for the rest of the afternoon, as my laughter won’t stop. Can’t even breathe, coworkers are going to have to toss my corpse in the dumpster at day’s end.

  • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

    Congrats (?) Jim! I, just, wow…………. that shirt, that band and their idiotic publicity stunt. I could be snarky, but…………. wow. Enjoy the prize package and please burn that shirt and erase any memory of it from your life/the internet.

  • Lief, why does Colossus from the X-Men look like he just came back from a rave?

  • Malted Hate

    These are all great designs, YOu guys are all just PC LIBERAL CUNTS with no taste.
    Thanks obama.

    • Pipelord69

      edgy as fuck

      • Malted Hate

        Its a joke, Justin.

        • Pipelord69

          I know that only because nobody could think that all of those are great designs, I like to grind people’s gears sometimes. Feel meh?

        • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

          *as zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz appears in a cloud of smoke*

    • Óðinn
  • Mother Shabubu 4

    Things:

    1) In the Whitecrapel shirt picture, Dubya looks like he has the daintiest wrists I’ve ever seen. Do some curls or some shit brah.

    2) “DO YOU HAVE THE BALLZ TO TAKE IT ONE STEP CLOSER?” BALLZ. Not balls. BALLZ.

    3) How is that Upon A Burning Body shirt legal? Like did Nickelodeon approve of Spongebob appearing on that crappily designed shirt?

    • Vote for Jeb

      It’s because I don’t masturbate constantly like the rest of you philistines.

      • Mother Shabubu 4

        Masturbating like a baboon is good for the wrists. Not so much your carpeting or tiling though.

  • KJM
  • Cunt Cunt

    Congrats(i think) JJD that shirt truly is next level. Side note are all the contestants internet famous now?

    • Give Me Your Dole… Please

      I hope not…