Shirt Stains: Within The Boo-ins

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I was saying “Boo-urns.”

Within The Ruins are a deathcore band on Victory Records. I know this because I had to look it up. I’ve seen the name plenty of times and with four albums under the belt, you probably have too. They have performed on Summer Slaughter, New England Metal and Hardcore Fest, and South by Southwest. I don’t doubt that I’ve heard their music before, but I can’t say for certain. What I’m really trying to say is that I’m padding this intro paragraph to an acceptable length before I start making fun of their bad t-shirts. Think I’ve written enough? How about now? Yeah, I think we’re good. On to the shirts!

Within The Wut

withintheruinshogstains

The standard journalistic questions come to mind when looking at this shirt. Who? Where? When? Why? How? What the fucking fuck? I’m tempted to just answer all of those questions with the shrugging emoticon. What we have here is some sort of hog/shit hybrid monster in some sort of elephant gas mask. I swear I just didn’t have a stroke while typing out that description. Why is this on a t-shirt? Did the band owe their weird friend a favor and he just picked out one of his doodles from his 6th period Spanish notebook?

To complement this ink blot test that will guarantee you get locked up, the band’s name is a lovely mixture of pus yellow, spinach-puke green, and an alarmingly confused white-pink. Does it have to look so gooey? Yes, of course it does because nothing on this shirt is allowed to make sense. If you hold this shirt up at a Donald Trump campaign rally, it would receive a standing ovation. If you wear this shirt in school, you get sent back a grade. If you wear this shirt in a restaurant, the staff is required to spit in your food.

Within The Bro

withintheruinsflannelstains

So there’s nothing inherently wrong with this shirt. It’s not ugly. It’s not offensive. It doesn’t have a convoluted message or bad grammar or misspellings. It’s a perfectly fine long-sleeve button down plaid shirt. It might even be fleece which will keep you warm on those chilly nights. It might be a little itchy though. So why did Within The Ruins have to go and ruin it by slapping their t00 br00tal logo on it?

Did you make this shirt specifically so Jimmy Slam and HaydenXFeedingFrenzy can have something nice to wear to Thanksgiving dinner while still repping the scene? I’m surprised the shirt doesn’t come with a complimentary flat-brim Suicide Silence hat, ear gauges, and a chin strap. For the price of this shirt, you could actually buy two or three similar shirts at a department store and not embarrass your mother.

Within The OHMYGODMYEYES

withinthetiedyestains

I don’t know how or why it happened, but for some reason, tie-dye has made a tiny comeback amongst some heavy bands. It’s enough of a comeback to have an entire section on AllInMerch.com (who have graciously provided a lot of fodder for this and other Shirt Stains. Thanks guys!). I guess it is supposed to be some funny juxtaposition between dark music and bright colors, or maybe it’s a lolbuttz deathcore brutal lyrics vs. hippies. It could be as simple as “here’s something for fans that don’t want black t-shirts.” I don’t know. I’m probably putting more thought into this than any of the bands.

Would you know that this shirt is for Within the Ruins if I didn’t tell you? I certainly wouldn’t have known. Yeah the swirly letters kind of look like “WIR”, but that could stand for anything: Wookie Ice Rectum, Witch Itch Rich, Welsh Iraqi Romanian. If you don’t know what Within The Ruins’s symbol is, this shirt has absolutely no meaning. It doesn’t serve to advertise the band. Then again, most people will be averting there eyes when looking directly at this technicolor monstrosity, so maybe that’s by design. I don’t think they could have had an uglier piece of merch.

Within The Temporary Blindness

withintheruinsshirtstains

I was wrong! It hurts. It hurts so bad. It’s like someone murdered Slimer and ritualistically spread him across a hoodie in hopes that Bill Murray will do a third Ghostbusters movie. This time, Within The Ruins have their name prominently displayed on their eye-molesting merch. Thankfully it serves as a sanctuary for the eyes, provided a bit of relief from the ocular onslaught. This hoodie glows in the dark whether or not it’s actually supposed to glow in the dark. If you’re ever caught in a horror-movie situation, make sure the person you like the least is wearing this. They’ll get picked off first. Maybe some of the hoodie will rub off on your killer/psycho/monster and you can stay one step ahead of her/him/it.

Your tush better indeed be elite if you’re wearing this hoodie. Why else would you put it exactly at the spot where this merch would cover? It’s like having a shirt that says “Guess” right over the stomach. It’s just going to invite unwanted attention. Hmm. Elite Tushy. If that’s not a porn site, it soon will be. This hoodie will be the first to buy a subscription.

Within The BDubs

bdubsstains

Within The Ruins likes to use other people’s intellectual property for their merch. A lot. While any one of these shirts could (and should) have been included, it would be wrong to not give special attention to the Buffalo Wild Wings Within The Ruins shirt. You can practically taste the Parmesan Garlic wings, the chili queso dip, and dessert nachos. Did you know the band likes beer? Well now you do because they told you twice. Also because they have this Pabst Blue Ribbon-style shirt. Jeez guys, would it kill you to come up with a few original designs? Oh, right. The turd pig from the first shirt. Never mind. Keep doing what you’re doing.

This shirt comes with 40 flat screen tvs, all showing you games that you don’t want to watch. If you stare into the void, this shirt spinkicks you in the back of the head. This shirt gives you truck nutz for your Honda Civic. This shirt folds into a fedora. This shirt wears camo pants to weddings. This shirt makes you regret going on social media after a major world event. This shirt uses the washing machine at 1 in the morning. This shirt says “Netflix and chill” and means it. This shirt has a BroBible sticker. This shirt follows Phil Labonte on Twitter. Wait, scratch that. This shirt is Phil Labonte.

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  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    Fuck. Those are poopy.

    • Stockhausen

      Rill poopy. And not in a good way.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Pooptastic poopiness.

  • This band has a talented guitarist, it’s too bad that he is in a djentalcore band

    • make your choice, bruv: stacks o’ paper or gud tunes

    • Waynecro

      I actually like a couple songs from Invade, but the band’s cover of “Carry on Wayward Son” is awful and the epitome of everything wrong with djentalcore.

      • Wow, i wasn’t aware they mad one. Of all the songs they could/should cover……

  • Dubs

    At the risk of being a knob, I’d maybe consider buying the blue one if it was for a grind band like Pig Destroyer.

  • ┼yree
  • CyberneticOrganism

    WITHIN THE RUINS BRAH! Seriously though that first shirt is fugly beyond measure.

  • ┼yree
    • Count_Breznak

      What a coincidence, seeing them tomorrow.

      Heh.

      • ┼yree

        Nice! Such a fun band. Never seen them live, I hear good things though.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    I want some tye dye. I wouldn’t buy tye dye of these bands though.

  • BEARD-SPLITTER

    This reminds me, i need to jump on some flannel for winter

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I need more flannel as well. The good thing about working at a clothing store is I get a discount on flannel and flannel pants as well as everything else.

    • ┼yree

      I’m rocking the flannel today. Muthafuckin 31 degrees this morning.

      EDIT: Winter is coming.

      • BEARD-SPLITTER

        Bout the same here, finally going to cool off this weekend, as days are still getting too warm.

        There might be some snow headed your way

        • ┼yree

          I saw that. It may go north of us. We’ll see I guess. Looks like
          Chicago, Detroit, Milwaukee area is going to get it though.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Fuck yes, getting snow this weekend. Die everything.

    • KJM, Shake Zula

      All I need is my insulated black hoodie and my jacket.

  • Stanley

    Some dude that stood at the front the whole time posted this pretty good footage of the Mgła show in Oakland that I went to. It’s amazing how good it sounds considering the fact they showed up late, did a 10 min sound check and used the other band’s equipment.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7KGpM3ZAsU

    • ┼yree

      Damn, that is up close! Will check out later tonight over some beer.

      • Stanley

        Also, someone just uploaded the tab for Exercises I to Ultimate Guitar. It’s not quite right, but pretty close. I’ll be learning that this evening.

        • ┼yree

          Nice. Sounds like a good way to spend a Friday night.

      • Stanley

        I remember you posting a video for one legged blasting. As far as I can tell, that’s how Darkside plays. One legged all the way.

        • ┼yree

          So much more power that way. It sounds more pronounced plus it sounds WAY heavier. The speed is not as fast as the two footed technique but the outcome is far more rewarding. It’s an endurance test for sure for the one footed blast. I respect drummers that can do it really well.

          • Stanley

            Yeah, maybe that’s how he gets away with it as while there’s loads of blasting in their songs, it’s not as fast as your average crazy death metal drummer.

          • ┼yree

            No, but he does it for long periods of time. It’s difficult to blast even at his speed one footed and still be tight. Dude it simply a beast; plus having a small figure probably helps too. Damn my long legs!

          • Stanley

            Don’t get me wrong, the guy is as tight as a gnat’s chuff. Here’s the little man.

          • ┼yree

            Hahaha! A Slipknot Joey Jordison signature snare. That’s unexpected! I’m assuming that’s not his kit though?

          • “I just rly liek Slipknot. I’m pretty much a huge Maggot, you guys.”
            -Mglaman

          • ┼yree
          • CyberneticOrganism

            fuck middle school

          • Stanley

            It’s not their stuff. I think the only stuff they brought with them were their guitars and vocal mics. Sempiternal dusk opened with this kit, although there were much more pieces. Then Sempiternal Dusk morphed into Weregoat buy tying bones around there necks and splashing blood on there faces. They still used the same kit as they have the same drummer. Then it was Mgła’s turn and they just removed a bunch of stuff and you are left with what you see.

          • ┼yree

            Remove all the bullshit and fat basically.

    • this is good footage, but when someone’s recording via cellphone from way back (i.e. right in front of my view) CUT IT OUT, YOU’RE NEVER GONNA FUCKING WATCH THIS

      • BEARD-SPLITTER

        Just get on the side of the stage and take pics!

      • BUT MCNULTY!!! HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO SHOW ALL MY INTERNET FRIENDS HOW MUCH FUN IM HAVING!?

        • “i’m so cool, i have friends”
          -you

          • BEARD-SPLITTER

            -KJM

            ftfy

      • Stanley

        The dude that filmed this was quite unobtrusive, but obviously I noticed him. Totally agree with you, though. It sucks when people yank out their cell phone and stick it straight in your line of view. I think it’s less of a problem at smaller shows as people are there to actually see the band(s). At larger shows (e.g. Ghost), it seems like every other person has their phone in the air. It gets right up my nought.

        • yup, i was certainly referencing Ghost. speaking of, currently jamming Purson. did you like them?

          • Stanley

            I thoroughly enjoyed looking at her.

    • 365chaosriddendays

      The random dude did a pretty good job, the quality is enjoyable and MGLA rules hard!

  • ┼yree
    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      Got ‘dem shits on vinyl.

      • ┼yree

        You son of a bitch. That’s bad ass dude!

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          It’s a reissue.

          • ┼yree

            What Ev.

  • I seriously cannot decipher one deathcore band from another. They literally all sound like the same medicore chugfest to me. Whoever wears this merch in public should be pointed at, laughed at and ridiculed.

  • I’d probably buy a BDubs design if it was put out by a vegan straightedge band.
    BEER?
    WINGS?
    SELLOUT.
    MURDER.

    • ┼yree

      Buy the shirt and put different kinds of stains all over it.

      • BEARD-SPLITTER

        Aka give it the crusty treatment

        • ┼yree

          Correct.

    • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril

      ….

  • I think I love that tie-dye tank top.

  • Stockhausen

    That description of the BDubs shirt is top men.

  • ┼yree
  • COAL ROLL

    is that bdubs shirt for real, because I will buy that and wear it with no shame

    *slams Monster*
    *coal rolls Cumby’s parking lot*
    *goes back to work mowing lawns*

    • CyberneticOrganism

      *listens to Within The Ruins*
      *sends dick pic to girlfriend’s mom*

      • COAL ROLL

        *and little sister*

        • *goes to the library of congress*
          where all the hot librarians at?

      • ┼yree

        He has a girlfriend? How generous of you.

      • Old Man Doom

        Holy fuck. I laughed at this way fucking more than I should have. Savage.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I love the Icees at Cumbys.

  • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril

    Anyone else ever read the history of Victory Records? The guy is a laughing stock in Chicago, and his track record with bands isn’t exactly pristine. Streetlight Manifesto, A Day To Remember, and other emo bands they’ve signed have sued them, and the stories from others who’ve worked for them aren’t exactly good.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      All the good bands they have aren’t promoted well.

      • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril

        The ones they have now they don’t promote worth a fuck, like Jungle Rot (who I love, btw). The bands they did promote and sold ended up suing them for shitloads of back pay. I’ll put it this way, Tony is a fucking laughing stock on northside Chicago. I remember him when I was doing work for Van Richter Records way back when, and he’d come into Metal Haven and Reckless Records trying to act like a hardass while trying to sell his stuff over there.

        • Richter >>>>>>>>>>>

          • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril

            The Wire = McNulty

          • did you think i was a real person this whole time?

          • ME GORAK B.C.™

            YOU NOT!?!?!?!? NEXT PEOPLE GONNA SAY ME NOT REAL CAVEMAN!!!!! OR HIM NOT REAL LEADER OV BEST KOREA!!!!!!!!!

          • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril
          • ME GORAK B.C.™
          • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril

            #FrozenCaveMan

          • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril

            Dunno, haven’t watched the show yet. In other news, listening to the new Adele, and holy fucking shit is it good!

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQHsXMglC9A

          • toilet ov sad feels

          • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril

            Yeah, I had to put something happier on afterwards. My roomy recommended it, and damn if it doesn’t bring out the feels. Adele said for a while she was going for a happy and poppy CD, but this definitely isn’t it.

          • didn’t mean to give a negative connotation… ADELE ROCKS!!!

          • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril

            Indeed she does, but damn does it bring on the sadness! Pretty much makes me want some more melancholy music right now. #ToiletOvVoid

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VB3eiZATeLM

          • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril

            Some thinking man’s industrial:

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUxIwACl2yo

            The lyrics:

            White walls . cold light . beeping sounds

            people gathering around . a beautiful tune somewhere

            frantic voices becoming softer . drowned by the swirling melody . filling my head

            sight becoming blurred . a tunnel of light attracting me . I pass through

            a feeling of freedom flows to me . freedom flows through me

            I see a lovely being smiling gently . welcome back my dear

            a voice like chimes . I’ve been waiting for you

            are you willing . I don’t know

            I still have so much to do . I’d like to stay and rest

            but my children are so young . they need me as their guiding hand . it’s your choice it

            answers

            by now I’ve recognized the being . and look forward to see it again

            with new energy and a will not to forget . I make my way back

            a flash of light . beeping sounds coming back to me

            I focuse my view on reliefed looking faces . I smile in remembrance

          • Old Man Doom

            I haven’t listened much, but I love the Skyfall theme that she performed.

          • A Chili Dog In Each Nostril
        • Waynecro

          JUNGLE ROT!!!

    • more beer

      Back in the day they had Snapcase, Earth crisis, Integrity, Blood for Blood, OS101, Bad Brains. It used to be more of a hardcore label than what it is now. But if you fuck your bands over that’s what happens. You end up with a lot of crappy bands.

  • Waynecro

    Hilarious and awesome as always, you consistently magnificent bastard!

  • Boss the “Inspectah” Ross

    Wat?

  • Lacertilian

    Holy shit, one of your best yet man.
    I was cracking up the whole time.