Shirt Stains: There Are No Words (Well, maybe a few)

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The shirt that broke 365 Days Of Horror.

100kleagues

Just when you think you’ve seen it all, something comes along to knock you right on your ass. Or on your nutsack. Or under your nutsack. Whatever, you know what I mean. We’ve covered all sorts of bad shirts and merchandise for Shirt Stains: neon, hockey jerseys, shirts with skulls on them, undies, Kraken-ginas. It’s all a rich tapestry. The point is that, collectively, we’ve seen all sorts of stuff when it comes to band gear. This shirt makes everything else pale in comparison.

When you name you’re band “100,000 Leagues Under My Nutsack” you’re going for a very specific audience. What that audience is, I’m not exactly sure. 15-year olds that get lunch detention for shouting “That’s what she said” during chemistry class? Future Sociopaths of America members? With a name like that, there are two ways to go musically: stupid, goofy comedy or absurd pornogrind. Judging by song titles like “Legend Of The Chrome Nipple,” “Phuk,” “Ace Freehley’s Attack On The Meat People,” and “The Land of Ziggity Boo” you can tell it’s the former and not the latter. Of course, they also have a song called “Babe I’m Gonna Rape You” which makes my soul dry heave.

Comedy is certainly in the ear of the beholder when enduring this Cleveland band. You might not like comedic bands such as Psychostick or Tenacious D, but at least you get what they’re trying to do. Their comedy may not be your cup of tea, but it’s still trying to be funny. I have no idea what 100k (I can’t type that name out anymore) are trying to do. Not everyone can be funny. We all know at least one person who thinks they are hilarious and you just have to force out a chuckle or crack a pained smile just to get them to stop from making any more Austin Powers references. That’s what this band is and that’s what this represents. If you want to be funny, be at least a little funny. Unless, of course, this band isn’t a comedy act. If that’s the case, then Joe help us all. At least this shirt is doing Cleveland proud.

All of that brings us to this shirt which is somehow still available for purchase at the low, low price of $15.99 (plus shipping). An atomic explosion made to look like a pair of testicles that really look like two dried out potatoes below a piece of broccoli. And it has devil horns because why not. And the 0’s all have eyes because why not. And the word “nutsack” is in a different, sloppy, more difficult to read font because why not. This is like one big joke that was never funny to begin with taken way past its logical end. I’d say If you ever see someone wearing this shirt in public, you should shame them loudly and profusely, but we all know you’ll never see someone wearing this.

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  • Dubbbz
    • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

      Never gets old, never ceases to make me laugh. And I would still fall for that joke.

      • BobLoblaw

        You like Wendy’s?

        • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

          Yes (for purposes of the joke)

          • BobLoblaw

            Whendeeznuts in yo mouth? Ohhh!!!

          • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

            haha…yea bueeeey!

    • You’ll Cowards Don’t Never Be One Of Us

  • Waynecro

    Goddamnit. Now I’m going to spend the rest of my life looking for someone wearing this shirt at the concerts I go to.

  • JWEG
    • Mother Shabubu

      Hold on, let me wipe the pyramid brick dust off this ancient meme.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      This is a top shelf meme

      • JWEG

        Sometimes you just have to respect the classics.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    This is the worst shirt I’ve ever seen.

  • Mother Shabubu

    If you travel 100,000 leagues under my nutsack, you’ll find these three lumps.

    • 100,000 leagues under some super-droopy dad nutsack.

      • Dubbbz

        Is it lonely up there on your pert, virile nut-pedestal?

        • This comment might be my favorite ever on this site.

          • Dubbbz

            I’m putting this on my CV.

          • People who say CV and not resumé <<<<

          • Dubbbz

            Only Vitae are accepted in Academia.

          • Portfolios >>>

          • Dubbbz

            I’ll allow you and your non-droopy balls portfolio if you’ll give me and my swollen prostate CV.

          • You should get that looked at, prostate cancer ain’t no joke.

            But…deal.

          • Maybe our readers assume you’re old as shit because you keep talking about your saggy balls and ancient prostate.

          • JWEG

            I will probably have to update my CV shortly.

            The department is finally officially posting the joerb I’ve been doing for the last three years without a proper title, which means it will go ‘live’ some time in the next few weeks.

            Could be tomorrow. Could be July 1.

          • Dubbbz

            I update mine every few months. I need to make sure it’s ready to go when I start emailing people this summer.

          • (Until this very moment and the resulting google search, I had no idea a CV was actually different than a resumé. SHAME.)

          • Dubbbz

            That’s exactly why I have a CV and you have a resumé.

          • FUQQQQQQQQQQQQ

            Gnarly burn, brohovski.

          • PLEB SPOTTED

          • JWEG

            Side note: thanks to one particular Latin prof’s Germanic pronunciation style I read all Latin words starting with “V” as “W” instead.

            Product idea: “Curriculum Wheaties: the Breakfast of Academic Decathlon Champions”

          • Dubbbz

            You just found yourself an investor.

    • Abradolf Lincler

      that guy on the right is the most pervy

      • Mother Shabubu

        The guy on the left looks like Guy Fieri if he forgot to dye and style his beard and hair.

      • JWEG

        The Creepy Uncle vibe is strong in all of them.

      • nvr trst someone w/ a shaved head

        • Dubbbz

          You will never be one of us.

        • JWEG

          …Like adult diapers, it “depends”.

        • Abradolf Lincler

          uh oh

    • Ernest Goes To The Toilet

      Mikael Ackerfelt joined a Future Pop band?!

      • Eliza

        No, it’s his cousin that feel underappreciated.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Cringe Level: 9/10

      • Mother Shabubu

        It’s hard to be lamer than Psychostick, but they found a way.

  • more beer

    You guys have a good weekend. I am heading out to this.

    • Abradolf Lincler

      stay trill, mb

    • Dubbbz

      Have a good time, dude.

      • more beer

        Thank you sir.

    • Ernest Goes To The Toilet

      Have fun with Vaginal Bea Trap! (never heard of them before, but the name sounds ever so classy)

      • I saw them last week. They were fun.

      • more beer

        They playing tomorrow. I thought of you and your top bunk. During Cheese Grater Mastrubation.

        • Ernest Goes To The Toilet

          *wipes tear from eye and slow claps*

          Good to be the first thing that comes to mind when hearing a song title that screams “high art” like that!

          • more beer

            Yea I figured you would be feeling the love there.

    • I love the “Dankest Fest In The US” tagline.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      Have fun more beer!

  • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

    Had me at giant scrotum….

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Ziggity Boo sounds like a racist term for Africa. In other words this band is abysmal.

    • Ernest Goes To The Toilet

      I had to look it up, but apparently it means drunk and nonsensical. I was thinking it was those extremely racist Al Jolsen-esque toys from the 50’s.

    • Count_Breznak

      That’s a very amercia colegg-like reasoning.

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    I’d wear it if the nuts were more realistic.

  • At first glance, this shirt resembles a shirt I recently bought from some toilet-themed metal blog.

  • Ernest Goes To The Toilet

    The song titles sounded sophisticated and promising up until that last one.Fllllllllluuuuuush!

  • Eliza

    I burst out laughing when I say this shirt, and had to control myself, cause I wouldn’t know how to explain this to someone.

  • Who is ready for a beer? I am ready.

    GL

    • Abradolf Lincler

      MOTHER FUCKING ME
      IF I HAD ONE RIGHT NOW ID BREAK IT OVER A FLORIDIANS HEAD

    • Stanley

      I was born ready, GL.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      *raises hand

  • tertius_decimus