Shirt Stains: So It Has Come To This: A Toilet Ov Hell Bootleg

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Dear Penthouse,

I never thought it could happen to me…

What is the measure of success? Some think it’s the amount of money you have. Others think it’s the amount of power you wield. Perhaps it’s swimming in an Olympic-sized pool filled with Jell-O. Maybe it’s getting a lot of clicks on your website or being noticed by senpai. How about someone selling your work as their own?

During a vanity Google search of Toilet Ov Hell to see who is praising us (Hi, Twitter friends! We love you!) and who is doing a hilariously terrible job of shitting on us (‘Sup DMU!) I came across this ad:

You see that? That sponsored ad is selling our most recent t-shirt design. Yeah, none of us are connected to Teevfan.com. Someone in their infinitely poor wisdom is trying to make a few bucks off our little toilet-based SJW blog. The fact that someone, somewhere thinks that this is a money-making venture definitely counts as us “making it”. It’s both extremely funny and extremely enraging.

It’s funny because this website is actually selling the shirt for more than for what we were selling. It’s enraging because websites like Google and Facebook don’t do a thing to stop this from happening. It’s funny because this website is too lazy to do anything different with the shirt. It’s enraging because people that are fans of this website are getting duped by some scummy jack-o-lantern fucker. It’s funny because they also offer a pink tank top, oh excuse me, a pink “canvas flowy racerback tank” for almost $27. It’s enraging because our friend sweettooth0 worked very hard on this design and will receive zero credit or compensation from these bootlegs.

On the one hand, I’m a little disappointed that this isn’t one of those full-on pants-crappingly weird bootlegs we’ve covered before. Who wouldn’t want a shirt with Snoopy saying “I Miss Joe Thrashnkill” or a ghetto Bart Simpson saying “Toilet Ov Hell Is For Cucks”? That’s a license to print money. On the other hand, we dodged a bullet by not being associated with Minions or Rick and Morty fans. So what else is this thieving garbage jizz of a website selling? Let’s take a look.

If there’s one thing Disney loves, it’s having their copyrighted material used without their consent.

Same with Major League Baseball.

See? I told you we dodged the Minions bullet.

You have no idea, bootleg National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation shirt.

*shudder*

Of course they also sell these types of shirts.

I’m not sure if there is any way to solve this. At least we’re not in a situation like some bands that need merch money to keep going out on the road. Is there someone at Google we can message? Where do we send the tendies-shaped dog doo? The best solution may be to start reselling our shirts soon. What do you think?

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  • “Ghetto Bart Simpson saying “Toilet Ov Hell Is For Cucks”. Holy crap, I want this so bad at my wardrobe! Please, Joe!!!

    • KJM, Blood Farmer

      Same.

    • KJM, Blood Farmer

      Also, Bart must have a small tattoo that says “I <3 DMU".

    • Need this

    • Freedom Jew
      • God

        I HAVE A MIGHTY NEED

        • Freedom Jew

          Just trying to give back. Plz no moar destruction of temples or genocides. Thx in advance.

          • God

            No promises

      • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

        That Bart Simpson is black. DMU won’t like it

        • Freedom Jew

          There’s no safe spaces in metal, bro m/ m/

          • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

            Don’t have an Outlaw Metal Alpha cow, man!

        • Óðinn

          The real Bart Simpson was black.

    • Eliza

      A meme shirt worth wearing.

  • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

    Never underestimate a 31 year old Mexican who probably will be deported next year who posts in The Toilet Ov Hell

  • Eliza

    Things have truly come full circle.

  • “being noticed by senpai”

    365 confirmed for weeb

    • God

      HELL YEAH MFER!

    • Eliza

      I love how perfectly antithetical the phrase “cuss words” is to the whole message. Overall 10/10 product.

      • God

        “How can I let people know I like to cuss without actually saying the fuck word?”

        • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

          FUCK!!!!!!! ME NOT KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

        Just because you run on cuss words doesn’t mean that you have to be vulgar with your mug

      • themaleshoegaze

        The skeleton’s raised index finger is tastefully in line with the polite restraint of the “cuss word”-ing-choice.

        That, or the skeleton is at a Youth Crew-HC-show.

        • Eliza

          I didn’t even notice that. This is a precious gem.

        • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

          He’s not raising his index finger. He’s throwing the horns

          • Eliza

            I had to check it again, but that apparently the case. Still funny.

          • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

            At first I thought he was doing a “come here” motion with his finger, which I thought was pretty disturbing. I mean, I ain’t going anywhere near a coffee addicted skeleton with missing teeth that listens to that awful metal music and cusses. But I looked closely and saw he has just throwing the horns. I still wouldn’t go anywhere near him

          • themaleshoegaze

            True, didn’t see that at first glance! Maybe it’s an Integrity show?!

  • Freedom Jew
    • VVizardface Kelly

      Bonus points for inventing “vaping my dick off”

    • GoatForest

      No. Noooooooo!

    • Óðinn

      I could go for a craft beer. I’ll pass on Pantera and vaping though.

  • sweetooth0

    I have to admit I feel a little bit honored they decided to bootleg my design, ha ha ha. Unless of course they make a ton of money with it, in which case fuck those fuckers!!

    • If they make money with it, call me and I will hex the fuck out of them!

  • Rolderathis

    That Batman shirt gave me a neckbeard

  • GoatForest

    I’m a Rick and Morty fan, and I associate with you…