Shirt Stains: Reefer Sadness

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Just say “Nope”

So 4/20 was this week, the annual celebration of people who need an excuse to be extra annoying about marijuana. Smoking pot specifically because the calendar says it’s April 20th is right up there with posting old photos just because it’s a Thursday and the internet dictates that you can only share said photos on Throwback Thursday. If you’re going to do something, do it. Preferably in the safety of your own home, far away from me. You were probably going to eat a lot of Funions and watch Tosh.0 anyway. Oh, and by the way, yes you totally look high and everyone knows.

Personally, I abstain from drugs (alcohol too!) so 4/20 is just another day except with more people listening to Sublime and 311. The marijuana legalization fight is heating up. Makes no difference to me. If it happens, fine. If it doesn’t, fine. What isn’t fine are these wacky-tobacky infused band shirts.

Suicide Silence – Eddie Hempmida

suicideweedlenceshirtstains

It’s no secret the purveyors of “hurgle gurgle core” (P.S. I’m trademarking that term) enjoy their herbal remedies. 2 members recently did an interview with B-Real from Cypress Hill while “hotboxing” and the band has a song creatively titled “Smoke”. So the band having a shirt with multiple pot leaves isn’t a shock. What is a shock is that there isn’t a Suicide Silence beaded door curtains or lava lamps.

The idea of having drugs on your shirt seems edgy only for the angry high-schooler and undergrad crowd, which conveniently plays right into SS’s fan wheelhouse.

“It’s got pot and a skull on it! Brutal shirt, Jayden!”

“Thanks, Hayden. Totes brutes. Let’s go wear flat-brimmed caps and yell at people over Xbox. And then maybe we can smooch, but it’ll be okay because we’re high and it won’t count.”

Not sure why the skullijuana is melting. Maybe it’s made out of leftover wizard candles and Hot Pocket cheese residue. The band was so excited for their Evil Bong-lite character that they covered part of their name with it. Why is their name in two different fonts? Dave’s not here, man. That’s why.

I do love the look on the model’s face. That’s a total “I really hope mom never sees this” look.

Morbid Angel – Illud Dankivium Insanus

morbidangeldrgsstains

(shirt courtesy of Tshirt Slayer)

Some bands play coy with their love of Mary Jane. Maybe a reference in a song here, a funny little comment during a live set there. Not Morbid Angel, according to this shirt. If it wasn’t for MA’s metal-looking logo, you could probably dance around Hempfest with impunity. You can twirl and hula hoop and hackey sack to your hearts content if it wasn’t for the inverted crucifix, inverted pentagram, pitchfork, and two devil tails. I suppose it does make sense, though. Marijuana is the Devil’s candy after all.

There really isn’t much else to say about the shirt other than it includes the highly unnecessary and (in my opinion the unnecessary repeating sleeve print. Pot. Morbid Angel. Pot Morbid Angel. Pot. We get it. Now that I look about it, pot leaves show up more on the shirt than the band name. That preference for doobie snacks might explain certain albums in Morbid Angel’s discography.

Pantera – Re-Spect Pot Waddaya*cough*cough* Oh man I have no idea what’s going on

panteradrgstains

I know what you’re thinking, but yes, Pantera did indulge in grass from time to time. Yup, even Diamond Darrell. Sorry to have to break it to some of you. Pantera loved putting pot on their shirts almost as much as skulls so it’s fitting that a shirt of there’s contains multiples of both. The only thing missing is a confederate flag. What, they couldn’t paint the stars and bars on one of the skulls? How else would people know about your “Southern Pride”? You’ll just have to point them to the “Git-R-Done” and “Getcha Pull” bumper stickers on your rusty pickup.

Ride for Dime! Smoke for Dime! Skull for Dime! Tattoo yourself for Dime! Brush your teeth with RC Cola for Dime! Eat Slim Jims on white bread for Dime! Subscribe to Kinky Clobber Magazine for Dime! Accept the fact that the South will never rise again for Dime!

Cephalic Carnage – I think they’re trying to tell us something

CephalicCarnageshirtstains

Cephalic Carnage’s love of Satan Sticks is well known, but just in case you didn’t know, the decided to make this…shirt? Yeah, I guess we can call it a shirt. The only that would make this more pro-pot were if it were made entirely out of recycled copies of High Times and leftover Zig-Zag papers. This band loves pot so much that they made the name completely illegible just so they could have more pot on it. Ron Paul doesn’t love smoke as much as these guys.

I though stoners were supposed to be a calm bunch. Kill for weed? Is that necessary? How about “Sit down and have a mature conversation for weed” or maybe “Lobby your local lawmakers for weed”? Choking pig cops in the name of ganja seems a bit extreme. The design really has a missed opportunity in that the bong-masked fellow isn’t a wolf. Wouldn’t it make sense and be far more creative of having the big bad wolf choking the three little pigs? Perhaps they thought of the idea, but someone rang the doorbell and one of them answered the phone, thus causing intense amounts of giggling and coughing, forever rendering the idea lost to the sands of time.

Emmure – Goofballs in Disguise

emmuredrgstains

Purple Haze and Emmure go together like bros and reading. Much like Suicide Silence, Emmure is appealing to the angry stoner demographic, but this time, they cram in cartoons too. Nothing says “Unstoppable Unbreakable” like watching cartoons and smoking the reefer. The only thing you’re going to break is the couch after stuffing yourself with Cheez Whiz stuffed chili burritos and Mr. Pibb. Also, you can’t really be unstoppable if you haven’t even moved in the past few hours.

I hope Emmure and Victory Records are prepared for the Optimus Prime-sized reaming they could receive from the creators of Transformers. They would’ve been better off stealing the Go-Bots symbol. I suppose they used a well-known logo to draw attention away from the hilariously terrible blunts they photoshopped on to the shirt. “No one will notice, dude because they’ll be all like “Whoooa Decepticions!’ and their minds are going to be so blown! Heh heh heh heh…heh heh heh…heh see you suck his dick…heh heh”.

If D.A.R.E. Was smart, they would just show these shirts to kids. It would keep them off drugs forever.

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  • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

    I hate that Emmure uses Transformers because that gives Transformers a bad name. I love Transformers and always will so that shirt angers me greatly.

    • I hate that Emmure exists in general

      • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

        I completely agree with you on that. They suck in every way possible.

        • thexenosapien

          But do they suck your fuck?

          • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

            No. They’re not allowed anywhere near my fuck because I hate them so much.

    • If you think that shirt gives Transfomers a bad name, you’re gonna freak when you find out Michael Bay made four Transformers movies.

  • Dagon
  • Woah, and I thought that the Misogyny edition was awful…

    I don’t envy your job in this column, but I thank you and I admire you for sharing this pieces of crap, 365. You’re the best straight-edge zombie ever!

    • sweetooth0

      Now imagine if they had a misogynistic 420 shirt!! The universe might impode

  • Dr. W.’s Tentacles

    Imma buy that MA shirt and wear it around Filthydelphia.

  • Sacritastic

    These bong gas masks are good if you want to vomit violently while choking on your own barf.

    Edit: No personal experience, but I witnessed it twice.

    • sweetooth0

      Friends of mine had one they called “The Death”. It was an apt title

  • I kinda like the design on the Pantera shirt…

  • Dagon

    Marijuana supporters can be as annoying as people who’ve taken Atheism as their religion. Or bitcoin whackjobs like meself.

    I lik 365’s stance on this.

    • Óðhinn

      Or Christians.

      • Dagon

        Or Gamers.

      • Pagliacci is Kvlt O)))

        Leave Molenaar out of this.

      • Tyree

        Humans.

        • Scrimm

          Drummers.

          • Tyree

            Yup, fucking assholes.

    • M’fishgod
      *tips fedora

    • Lacertilian

      Both of those types of people are usually less harmful to society than those who engage in the opposite activites – Anti-drug types (including anti-vax types) & people who’ve taken religion as their religion.
      Annoying maybe true but they’re most likely getting aggressively vehement to enact a change in policy or social mindset which was instilled through some antiquated superstition/belief.

    • AirWaves

      True, vast majority of marijuana supporters are normal people though, who smoke weed like once every 2 weeks. Then there are those who are not annoying at all cuz they are stoned all the time and are unable to be annoying.

  • Rho Stone

    When did weed went from “something that feels good and makes cheech and chong funnier” to a more or less glamour item? Because when I think Morbid Angel I definitely think weed, I totally listen to altars of madness high and don’t get all disoriented and paranoid.

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain
  • Scrimm

    YES, WEED.

    • KJM

      Damn right.

      • more beer

        I third that!

  • thexenosapien

    I don’t wanna be “that guy” but if you listened to cephalic carnage you’d know that kill for weed is a song of theirs.

    • ¯_(ツ)_/¯

    • more beer

      I saw them do that song last week.

    • sweetooth0

      and also probably ironic..although they do enjoy their ganja

  • tertius_decimus

    Cephalic Carnage (music, not t-shirt) is rad. Also, kinda like that chick in Suicide Whatever t-shirt.

    • Dr. W.’s Tentacles

      I remember buying Xenosapien back in the day and subjecting my not metalhead friends to it. Fun times.

      • tertius_decimus

        My favorite album! Guess, what their reactions were like.

    • thexenosapien

      CC are amazing and I personally think they need more exposure. Somebody expose them!

      • Would be a lot easier to do if they released something new. It’s been a while.

    • old_man_doom

      Upvotes for CC, upvotes for the attractive woman with unfortunate clothing taste.

  • thexenosapien

    I now feel it is my patriotic duty to share this. Smoke weed, drink beer, flush toilets!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAtAZ4Jw4zk

    • Man, I didn’t really like this last time I listened to it. Taste is a funny thing.

    • old_man_doom

      Oh, how I love this fucking song. THE SMELL OF SOULS

    • Lacertilian

      Should have said smoke DMT based on the song’s content & name.

    • Scrimm

      Downvoted.

      • Dr. W.’s Tentacles

        Scrimm, I had like 7 cups of coffee the other day and didn’t feel a thing. I think I have a problem.

        • Scrimm

          That’s crazy man. If I have more than one I get all wired.

          • Dr. W.’s Tentacles

            I should probably cut back.

          • Scrimm

            Might be a good idea. I can’t really drink it anymore cause massive heartburn.

          • Dagon

            Gotta start taking those proton pump inhibitors. It’s the only way.

            I bet they can be pretty cheap in the US.

          • Call the Slambulance

            I’d just set up a weekend to drink none, then go back to a cup per day. The first day is brutal, as all you want to do is sleep, but it’s incredible how different my body feels after only 24 hours. It’s really pretty interesting.

          • Dr. W.’s Tentacles

            I might try it.

          • For me, coffee just makes me talk A LOT. I don’t feel more energized but I will talk any human being out of the room.

        • Switch to cocaine!

        • Dean the P.I. Staker

          I’m the same way. Most days I drink it nearly continuously from 5:30am until dinner. Total cup intake depends on the day, though a half dozen is pretty average.

          The only thing I ever feel with coffee is a pretty sizeable headache if I don’t have a cup within a few hours of waking. Total addict. Chasing that dragon, warding off the DTs.

          • Dr. W.’s Tentacles

            The amount can vary for me, but I definitely NEED those two morning cups. Otherwise my day just doesn’t start right.

          • Dean the P.I. Staker

            I’ve only ever overdone it with coffee on a few occasions. It was before I had a Keurig, and would have to brew full pots. I remember killing a couple pots one afternoon when I was working on something. Made me feel like shit (extremely nauseated) and actually had a paradoxical effect (made me very sleepy). Weird. I nkw try to avoid that point of near caffeine overdose.

          • ChuggaChuggaDeedleyDoo

            I just take caffeine pills and have cut out the coffee consumption middle man entirely

          • Scrimm

            Damn.

          • Lacertilian

            You drink straight black like Dubya?
            I’m interested in this as I have been doing morning coffee more & more and now I get morning headaches often.
            Just wanna know if it’s a sugar thing or caffeine.

          • Dean the P.I. Staker

            Yep, just black–no cream or sugar/sweetener for me. I really enjoy the natural bitterness and flavor of coffee.

        • AirWaves

          Coffee makes me sleepy. Tea is the way.

  • Mother Shabubu III

    Maybe it’s because growing up everyone I knew who smoked were into ICP, nu metal and Cottonmouth Kings, but people who are really into weed just make it seem so lame.

    • Dr. W.’s Tentacles

      Most of my friends who smoked in college were super lazy and unreliable.

      • Dagon

        Some dudes still want to act like marijuana turns them into geniuses. FOH with that shit.

    • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

      I like nu metal. I despise the other two artists. I don’t smoke weed but I do admit stoner metal is awesome.

      • Mother Shabubu III

        I think a lot of it is boring. I’d rather just listen to Sabbath considering a chunk of stoner bands sound like slower, fuzzier versions of them. But to each his own.

      • Lacertilian

        You’re an original entity though JJD.

    • KJM

      In all my years of smoking, I’ve never met anyone who liked any of that music. Maybe it’s a generation gap thing.

      • Mother Shabubu III

        More like growing up in a boring, generic, shitheap town.

        • KJM

          That’ll do it.

  • Dagon
    • I couldn’t continue watching this, sorry.

    • Rho Stone

      that was unreal, thing must have smelled of diapers and shame

    • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

      I’m not going to watch this. It’s even worse than that Tumblr convention that happened.

      • can’t be worse than Michael Bay’s Transformers films

        • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

          Jimmy plz!

        • Scrimm

          This is true.

      • Rho Stone

        You can’t say tumblr convention and not pass a link. I DEMAND YOU SHOW ME THE UNPRIVILEGED OTHERKIN

        • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater
          • Rho Stone

            that was the lamest thing ever, but I don’t know what I was expecting being a tumblr organized thing

        • Dagon

          If it’s a convention with people from the tumblrs I browse, I do need dat link.

          • Ahmed Johnson The Reef Eater

            It’s below.

    • don’t listen to the other flushers… dis rules

    • This is painful to watch. These kids have 0 social skills.

    • Vladimir Poutine

      Dear Mother Russia ov God. This is Western decadence in its purest form.

  • Tyree
  • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes
  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
    • the amount of thought you put into these is astounding

      • Guacamole Jim

        He’s on another plane.

        • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

          yall are both cool–and through the coolness of the earth–and this gathering of souls—-are true superstars

          • Guacamole Jim

            This made me unreasonably happy.

    • Guppusmaximus

      I think Lil Bu…I mean Wayne has that problem where he’s only around people who tell him he’s awesome. That has to be some of the shittiest rapping I have ever heard in my life. I need to rinse my brain…

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vgBqe0WDDo

      • The Beargod

        Lil Bub>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

        • Sir Tapir the Based™

          Lil B>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
          Thank you Based God.

      • Dr. W.’s Tentacles

        I don’t know who’s worse: Wayne or Drake?

        • Guppusmaximus

          So true… it seems like the mainstream forgot what passionate rap with a real message sounds like.

        • I’m of the (relatively common rap nerd) opinion that Lil Wayne is garbage but I actually really like A Milli.

  • Dean the P.I. Staker

    4/20? Cheesy metal band shirts? I was expecting more 88’s, wolf’s hooks, triumphant eagles, panzers, and pagan sunwheels.

    http://paganwardistro.com/imagens/NSBM-MODEL.jpg

    http://i.ytimg.com/vi/OXaK27NsbqM/hqdefault.jpg

    • Funny you should mention that. It’s in the works.

    • I like it. It’s like a big sign that says “take my lunch money and hang me by my underwear on the tetherball court”.

      • Dean the P.I. Staker

        “Tetherball is for race traitors and the untermensch! Prepare for trve volkisch combat, mongoloid!”

        [gets pantsed, hung by the underwear]

    • KJM

      And I guarantee you 90% of the people who wear these shirts identify as “straight-edge”.

      • I’ve never heard of crossover between NSBM and SXE circles.

        • The Beargod

          Well part of the Nazi-imagery was always healthy body, healthy mind. They’re all supposed to be SXE in a way.

        • KJM

          I have, especially in the Boston skinhead scene during the 80s.

          • That’s so weird. The straightedge kids I hung out with were super anti-racist n’ shit.

          • KJM

            Maybe it’s a generational thing.

          • Dagon

            It’s not that NS dudes are SxE as well, it’s just that they also don’t do drugs.

          • Óðhinn

            “the best thing about skinheads is they’re biodegradable”

        • I remember from somewhere Varg decrying drug use as ‘n****r behavior.’

          • No that you mention it, I remember that too. Man that guy really sucks.

          • Dr. W.’s Tentacles

            He said the same thing about playing the guitar.

          • KJM

            Exactly.

  • Be like this Guy and stay off drugs kids!

    http://returntothepit.com/rttppics/the_red_chord044_1023229.jpg

    • Mother Shabubu III

      I heard a story from my friend, there were these dudes were talking about burning some joints at a Red Chord show and Guy told them “there will be the burning of nothing”. Kinda makes sense he’s a popo now.

  • KJM

    Self-righteous straight-edge people are annoying too. Sayin’.

  • KJM

    There’s a difference between people who choose a sober lifestyle and then there are “straight-edge” ones who feel the need to remind you every second of the day how wonderful they are just because they don’t smoke or drink.

  • NefariousDude

    I’m one of the biggest stoners I know yet I think “pot culture” stuff is some of the tackiest shit around.

    • KJM

      Oh it is. I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing any kind of pot clothing.

    • AirWaves

      Most of the people I used to get high in high school with are the same way nowadays. Except vast majority of us cut it down massively. Oh the good old days of being high in school. Can’t say I miss them, though.

      I know exactly what you mean though, the WOW ITS 4/20 WE NEED TO GET HIGH DUUUUUUDE shit is getting old.

  • KJM

    I also happen to think 311 and Sublime suck big bouncy buffalo balls.

  • JWG

    Not quite ‘drugs’ but still worth noting. I have a Captain Morgan shirt that actually gets more negativity, horrified glances, and snide remarks than any single one of my formerly-owned metal and horror shirts.

    You may think a pot symbol on a shirt is just teenager-level edgy, but I seriously believe that if I wore one around my neighbourhood someone would literally lodge a complaint with the local PD.

  • KJM

    I don’t smoke tobacco(quit 18 years ago) and I don’t allow it in my apartment, but I don’t view myself as “better” than those who still smoke cigarettes, and I certainly don’t get freako at shows when I’m around tons of people who smell like beer can ashtrays.

    • Dr. W.’s Tentacles

      Reeking of cigarette smoke is one of my least favorite things about going to shows here.

      • Tyree

        I enjoy playing pool, but all the places with pool tables here allow smoking. I usually always come back home reeking of smoke.

        • Dr. W.’s Tentacles

          Yah, there’s like one bar here that doesn’t have inside smoking. That’s the only bar I go to just because I’d rather not have to wash another set of clothes every single time I go out.

          • Tyree

            Actually all the bars here in PA don’t allow smoking anymore. Only the bars that don’t serve food allow smoking.

          • KJM

            MA doesn’t allow smoking in bars or restaurants at all.

          • Dr. W.’s Tentacles

            I wish my town would get on board with that.

          • Tyree

            So, there is smoking everywhere then?

          • Dr. W.’s Tentacles

            In all the bars, yes. I think some restaurants still allow it in some sections, but I could be wrong on that.

          • Tyree

            It’s strange to think that it used to be like that around here.

          • KJM

            It honestly doesn’t matter to me because I don’t drink, and people who smoke tobacco smell like it 24/7 anyway.

    • Guppusmaximus

      I don’t view myself as better but I wish we would overcome this “it’s my body” attitude because at the end of the day the poor choices we make eventually affect others.

      • KJM

        How does my smoking pot in the privacy of my own home affect you?

        • I think he’s referring to cigarette smoking and the toll it takes on society with elevated risks for all kinds of shit.

          • KJM

            Yeah, but you can say that about all kinds of unhealthy habits. What are we gonna do, have a ‘Demolition Man’ type society where anything remotely unhealthy or dangerous is banned?

          • I don’t think anyone is suggesting that in the least.

          • KJM

            I would hope not.

          • sweetooth0

            Funny thing is, the folks who make those “poor life choices” will die sooner, so the medical bills thing is hogwash. How much medical tax dollars will go into keeping some 120 year old geriatric alive another year?

            I saw live fast, die young and leave a flesh eating corpse

          • KJM

            I do not want to live to be anywhere near that old. I’m 48 and I’m totally cool with the notion of passing away by the time I’m in my mid 70s or even earlier.

          • sweetooth0

            as soon as I can’t hold in my own shit and piss and have to sit around in a diaper, fuck living

          • KJM

            Actually it would appear somebody is suggesting that…

        • Guppusmaximus

          Are you suggesting that they are absolutely no negative ramifications health-wise from inhaling a foreign substance into your lungs?!

          • KJM

            No I’m not suggesting that. I’m asking how my smoking pot in the privacy of my own home affects you.

          • Guppusmaximus

            Most people might think it’s a stretch and that’s fine but I believe that when people make choices that poorly impact their health at some point it will put undue stress on our Medical Industry and in some cases affect the taxpayer because the patient might not be able to afford the treatment.

            Edit: It happens with Alcohol. It’s considered a disease and people can receive money from the Gov’t. for it.

          • KJM

            I see a doctor several times a year for my thyroid and I can assure you that I have no health issues stemming from my pot use, nor does anybody I know who smokes pot and not tobacco.

            And yeah, that’s a huge stretch seeing as that argument can be applied to any remotely unhealthy activity. You’re more likely to have extreme health issues from eating bad food and breathing in exhaust fumes than from smoking pot. I’m not saying it’s a healthy activity but the dangers have been greatly exaggerated by our wonderful media.

          • Guppusmaximus

            My argument doesn’t single out pot smoking. I am applying it to ALL poor choices, diet included. I could definitely see the argument that overall air quality could pose more health threats than smoking pot but if you live in an area with poor air quality and you smoke pot it probably only adds to the problem. Hell, you’re right, processed foods with preservatives & high sodium would probably kill you first but then again my argument wasn’t focused on Marijuana alone.

          • KJM

            Every one of us will make poor choices in life at some point. There’s nothing for it. All we can do is hope our good choices offset that somehow.

      • KJM

        There’s also the inference in this post that sober people don’t make poor choices.

        • Sir Tapir the Based™

          I wish that would be true.

          • KJM

            We all make bad choices. None of us are perfect nor will we ever be, and we shouldn’t kill ourselves trying to do such.

          • Sir Tapir the Based™

            Except Lil B. He’s perfect.

        • Guppusmaximus

          I guess I only skimmed the article because I could really care less about the clothes people choose to wear even if it does affect my judgement of them to a degree. I agree, I don’t think sober people are impervious to poor choices ( I had McDonald’s chicken nuggets last night) but I do think that a clear mind allows for a greater percentage of poor choices not to be made…just my .02

          • KJM

            I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing any of that crap. I’m a 48 year old man.

  • Super Nintendo Chalmers

    Weed is for normies.

    Krokodil is for the rest of us.

  • Lacertilian

    “Makes no difference to me. If it happens, fine. If it doesn’t, fine”

    I hope you don’t apply this logic to other political matters.

  • Vagengers: Anal Of Urethra

    And no 4/20 shirt stains article would be complete without these morons:

    http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/MTYwMFgxMjAw/z/riAAAMXQlrxRZ4-u/$T2eC16dHJIkE9qU3lQoTBRZ4-uOdiQ~~60_35.JPG

  • Guest

    I saw one of those gas mask bong things in Amsterdam. Wouldn’t it get a bunch of smoke in your eyes?

  • OldMetalHead

    I saw those gas mask bong things in Amsterdam when I was there. Wouldn’t it force a bunch of smoke in your eyes?
    http://www.smokersheavenshop.co.uk/images/P/1-MaskGreen.jpg