Shirt Stains: Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt!

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ooooooOOOOoooooOOOOOOHHHHHH YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Whether you’re riding the wings of a golden dragon through the gates of the Dreamlands or waiting for your lost love to return from their journey the to 5 Frozen Seas, we can all agree that power metal is over-the-top. That’s part of the fun, isn’t it? Fighting orcs, traveling to distant lands, drinking mead out of various objects. Doing those things sound like a lot of fun. Wearing those things, though…

Helloween – I Really Hope I’m Not Metal

helloweenshirtstains

Okay, who put a bag of Skittles in the washing machine? People sometimes want a shirt color other than black, and Helloween were so happy to oblige that they decided to make their shirt two separate colors. Dear European readers, please tell me this isn’t a “thing.” If you sent this back into the 80’s, the US and the Soviet Union would launch preemptive strikes against themselves to prevent this from happening.

Let’s not forget about that picture, though. Super Christian Pumpkin Elvis With Green Nipples. I think I’d actually watch that show if it was on TV. And if I had been up for 48 hours straight, subsisting on nothing but cheese cubes and Steven Seagal’s “Asian Experience” flavored energy drink. And yes, that is a real thing that actually exists. It probably tastes the same way this shirt looks.

This shirt has the temerity to ask “Are you metal?” F you, shirt. You look like something that gets used to clean up after adult webchats in third-world countries. You look like Charles Manson’s pitch for a Saturday morning cartoon. If this is what’s considered “metal,” I hope I’m not metal.

 

Dragonforce – In Your Chest

dfshirtstains

You’re really asking for it if you buy this shirt. This is the metal version of a “Kick Me” sign. I don’t really wish harm to anyone, but if you see someone wearing this shirt, you have my permission to punch them as hard as possible in the chest. Don’t worry, you won’t get in trouble. Just say that you were giving them a fist bump. No jury in the world would convict you. Not even Texas and they execute people so frequently that they’re going to replace the star on their flag with a hypodermic needle.

This is the opposite of the Helloween shirt in terms of color. Is the fist bleeding or is it just gripping a bunch of raspberries too hard? Seems like a waste. Those berries could have been used for jam, guys.

Now that I think about it, this shirt isn’t even accurate. Under the fist, it says “In Your Face,” but it’s not in our faces. It’s pointed towards our chest. Or junk if you’re really tall. Unless the shirt is meant to be directed at the little kids that discovered Dragonforce through Guitar Hero. That’s totally what it is! Dragonforce can’t get money out of them anymore, so they have to threaten kids with face punches. Make sure you download their new Guitar Hero track “Operation: Give Me Your Juice Money, Dweeb.”

Moses Bandwidth – From Indonesia With Genre Confusion

mosesbandsomethingshirtstains

When I first found this hoodie, I was all set to include it with the Grind Your Gears edition of Shirt Stains. I mean, look at that logo. All of four of them. Just in case you might forget. A band with that logo should be doing songs about grinding corpses and grinding bastards and grinding various other people, places, and things. I’m disappointed it’s not because I would’ve loved to hear the explanation for this picture.

The front of this hoodie is the epitome of power metal cheese. And why are so many power/symphonic metal works of art in blue and yellow? It’s just strange. The rose, the skull, the damsel in a dress. All that’s missing is an ax or hammer. Where did that skull exactly come from. Is that what happens when you don’t write back to her? Is this the gothic version of Fatal Attraction? “I WILL NOT BE IGNORED, MOZART!”

Surat Untuk Mozart” translates to “Letter To Mozart.” I can’t read the back of this hoodie, but I hope it goes something along the lines of “Dearest Mozart. Do you like me? Yes, no, maybe. Please circle one.”

Nightwish – Help me! Heeelllpppp meeeeeeeee!

nightwishshirtstains

Nightwish has no shortage of silly, cheesey, and just downright bad merchandise, but most of those tend to, y’know, make sense. Just what the heck is going on here. Is that woman actually stuck in the spider web? Is she naked? Why is she naked? Was she naked before she got stuck in the web? If so, why? What does this have to do with Nightwish? What’s in her hand? Why is the moon so big? Why are there ugly yellow flowers? What? Why? How? These are the questions that keep Stephen Hawking up at night.

This shirt comes from the All That Remains “School Of Fuck It, Use Everything.” The colors are just downright putrid. These are the same colors as your puke when you binge on Cracker Barrell and Smirnoff Green Apple vodka. Is “Dreamhouse” a Nightwish song? A Google search didn’t turn anything up. And what kind of dream house is this? Barbie’s dream house is better and closer to reality. And far less offensive to the color spectrum.

Scelerata – 404 Error Not Found

Sceleratashirtstains

Scelerata is a Brazilian power metal band who apparently toured their home country enough to warrant a shirt. Judging by this shirt, Scelerata is Portuguese for “Murderous Clown Skeleton That Pisses On Your Ability To Comprehend.” Everything about this shirt is unintentionally funny. Look how fucking psyched that clown corpse is. He’s all “Heh heh heh me and Snipey are goin on uh date. We’re gunna go to Golden Corral and get some taters and fill-et mig-none. We’s gunna kiss and everything. Ahuhuhuhuh.”

Why is the rest of his body a skeleton, but his face is still, well, a face? Is that a heart hanging down near his stomach? Does he have hair or are those spikes coming out of the back of his head? Are those wings? How can he pull the trigger if he’s all boney? What’s that doll doing back there?

This shirt is used when Rorschach tests yield no results. Homeless people donate this shirt. This shirt has a 24 episode deal with MTV. Donald Trump was seen at a Knicks game wearing this shirt. Jaden Smith has conversations with this shirt.

(Photo VIA)

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  • NefariousDude

    I am always tempted to purchase some of these shirts to wear in public for the lulz

    • NefariousDude

      But alas, I am never in public and these shirts are terrible

      • Death

        Also, if you wore a shirt we wouldn’t see your amazing mreasts.

        • NefariousDude

          Fuck, almost forgot about that.

  • These feels like the right time to break out this Joe classic.

  • NefariousDude

    REQUEST: Bra Stains article

  • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

    What’s a shirt?

    • NefariousDude

      Probably that thing you had for breakfast you omnivorous bastard

      • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

        Pretty sure that was grass (mixed with the blood of slain posers of course).

        • NefariousDude

          Its important to have a balanced meal at the start of the day

    • Stockhausen

      Matt Pike’s nemesis.

      • VVorld Peace

        Is that Matt Pike’s cousin?

        • Stockhausen

          Don’t know what you’re talking about.

          • VVorld Peace

            I had a feeling that you, being the poltroon you are, would attempt to hide your shame, so I took out some insurance.

            http://i.imgur.com/x41DA8O.png

          • Stockhausen

            You are a crafty wizard after my own heart/butt, and I thought you would do that. My only defense is that I was trying to cram in that text before the light turned green, and wasn’t really looking at what I was typing.

          • VVorld Peace

            Don’t text and drive! I don’t want you to die!

          • Stockhausen

            I get my fix at red lights, which probably still isn’t responsible.

      • Or his nipple’s Saturday Night Thing.

  • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

    Wait. People buy dragonforce shirts????

    • NefariousDude

      Once you are a certified Virgin Herman li visits you in your dreams and you wake up with it on.

      • VVorld Peace

        “Once you are a certified virgin?” Doesn’t it work opposite of that?

        • Nah, dog. I’ve got my papers and everything. It came with an autographed Steve Vai poster.

          • VVorld Peace

            “Oh Uncle Hank, I stopped being a virgin the first time I had sex.”

          • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

            Reverse virginity is real.

          • JWG

            So are reverse vampires.

        • NefariousDude

          It’s a chicken/egg scenario and now my head hurts

  • Glock Jim

    That Helloween one was atrocious.

    • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

      Looks like something a terrible crackhead parent would give to their 6 year old son.

    • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

      That’s a kiddies outfit, it doesn’t count really.
      (Please, God, let it be a kiddies outfit)

      • Glock Jim

        Would you ever let your kid wear that??

        • VVorld Peace

          Strapping Young Lad! probably would.

        • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

          No. On the other hand I’ve no kids, so what do I know.

  • Miguel Serra

    the nightwish one looks so bad quality… Must get off the painting with the first laundry.

    • old_man_doom

      Holy shit, your avatar

      • Miguel Serra

        I’m now a negative leader. I need to check the appeareance

    • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

      Only now do I bask in the light of knowing. Ig fills me not with joy but with shame for I sought not it’s grandeur until this very hour, and the answer stares into my face, screaming as if I was the hideous creator responsible for it’s woes. And thusly it informed me, you have HoboHipz

      • VVorld Peace

        Si, es senor Enlace.

      • Miguel Serra

        Ayayayayay, muchacho!

  • Those long sleeves with the band logo, why? They look like the profession shirts from Idiocracy

    • So good

    • The Satan Ov Hell

      I swear shirts with band-logos on the sleeves are the worst things.

      • Drewcifer

        I don’t usually mind it, I think it looks cool mostly, but I do have a Last In Line shirt that just says “DIO DIO DIO DIO DIO DIO DIO DIO” down the Left Sleeve. its a travesty.

    • Stockhausen

      I’m going to start a band with a super long name and print short sleeve shirts with the name on the sleeve, so you have to get it real small to cram it in there. Then I’m sending you a box.

  • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

    Would wear the nightwish shirt / 10

    • Death

      Only because Dawkins is their friendo?

      • KJM

        “You don’t have to do this…”

        • Death

          “People always say the same thing”

  • Howard Dean

    I find this siqq Slayer shirt at a dive bar. Kerry King approved of it. SLAAAAYYYYYEEEEEEERRRRRRRR

    http://www.aphotoeditor.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/15.slayerback.jpg

    • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

      superficial cutz. what a scrub.

    • The Satan Ov Hell
    • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

      Him and his girl must’ve been making love to “Raining Blood”

    • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

      Used to be edgy in 1980..now not so much…lol!

    • Paris Hilton

      You were at that dive bar show! IT FUCKING RULED!! The only thing that sucked though is I got there a half hour early and had to help $layer move the pool table and jukebox before the show. The chicken fries were soggy too. 6.5/10 wood go again,

  • Ah, yes, Scelerata. I think there’s one really good song on this album, and the rest are ok to good (being generous.) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V278G4lxd3U

    • EsusMoose

      The art reminds me of a terminator version of a juggalo, their mission would probably be to find all the meth and bring it back to their juggalo overlords

      • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

        Perfect description. The whole juggalo thing cracks me up

        • Death

          “Craks” lol. It’s funny because they do crack.

  • old_man_doom

    “This shirt has a 24 episode deal with MTV. ” I died.

  • JWG

    I have to go watch the Fly again now. And Return of the Fly just for the heck of it.

    I learned nothing else from this page. Sorry. 😐

    • KJM

      I always thought it odd that the first movie was in color and the next in B&W.

      • JWG

        I think it was purely a budget-saving decision. Although the only source on that I’ve bothered to consult was Rotten Tomatoes, I’m inclined t o believe it.
        I actually kind of like the look of RotF more because of the black and white, and that the fly costume seemed to have gone through an upgrade. But it’s otherwise kind of a mess.

  • Death
    • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

      I am quite excited for this too, lad.

    • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

      You, dear fiend, are running a little late.
      *Gets excited nevertheless*

      • Death

        What do you mean late, mate?

        • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

          I would’ve preferred if you came earlier.

          With all these announcements, my needs regarding them were already being taken care of.

          • Death

            I came here right after I saw that thing. Nothing I do is good enough for you! And I was thinking about re-clawing you!

          • VVorld Peace

            You’re the monster who de-clawed my precious little bear?

          • Death

            Maybe…

          • VVorld Peace
          • Death

            ….

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            I’m sorry bae, you can come whenever you want. First, last, both. I need my claws!

          • Death

            Do you promise not to maul (NOTE! We’re going with this definition of “to maul”: To injure or mutilate, as by scratching or beating) me?

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            I promas.

          • Death

            Ok *re-claws the bear*

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            Yey! Rrööööäääärrr!

          • Death

            No screaming indoors!

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

            Can Thin Lizzy be played indoors and sung at a high volume?

          • Death

            Never. Not even outdoors.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

            Thin Lizzy is good though! How about Queen? Can they be played indoors and sung at a high volume?

          • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

            I might get a lot of crap for this, but damn I hate Queen. I appreciate their influence and all that, but I just hate their music.

          • Death

            I harbor severe discontent towards Queen.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            Sorry.

    • Æ (Justin Nowlin)

      That is a terrific shirt!

    • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

      kick ass jjmn

    • Mother Shabubu III
      • anthony bourdain is great!!!

        • Death
          • “this video is not available in your country.” :

          • Death

            GOD FUCKING DAMMIT FINLAND

          • Glock Jim

            No wonder you’re so unhappy.

            Actually, this is pretty much just like Canada.

          • Death

            Just saying, Helsinki DOES NOT show Finland well. Andrew Zimmern’s Finland episode of Bizzare Foods shows it a lot better.

          • Glock Jim

            I take it you’re not from Helsinki then? I’ll check that episode out. I’ve had some exposure to Finnish foods, but not a lot. My great grandmother (we called her aiti, which I think is Finnish for mom) was from Finland, so some food traditions got passed down. My mom still makes Finnish food on occasion. Plus we drink a ton of coffee, and at an early age.

          • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

            He’s adamant about not living in helsinki (he lives in helsinki)

          • Death

            Äiti does mean mom, you’re right. You’re Canadian, right? I have some distant relatives from my father’s side that live there. My grandfather’s uncle moved there and started a family. Honestly, I am not a big fan of most Finnish food. Reindeer is great.

    • Lacertilian

      Where can you get these?
      My wife is getting into the Krampus spirit now after being a lifelover for such a long time, until that shit got flushed.

      • http://6dollarshirts.com/t-shirts/Merry-Krampus-T-Shirt-p-12207.html
        though i’m not sure what $6 USD would be in Australian… 15 pesos?

        • Lacertilian

          We were around and above parity a year or two ago, now under the recently elected conservative government it has dwindled to US$0.80 – AUD$1, expected to fall further.

          Two elections ago, the right-wing here had a pre-election promise of a stronger $ under them, then after losing the election during their time in opposition they said a strong AU$ was bad for business.
          Fucking transparent tools want it both ways.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

      I’m thinking about finally making a wrestling podcast as I’ve always wanted to do that.

  • Stockhausen

    It won’t be long until this is a thing.

    • Paris Hilton

      The sad thing is I would probably wear that

      • Stockhausen

        You do love showing off your cleavage/chest hair.

    • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

      the “drop-v”

  • Paris Hilton

    That Nightwish shirt is one of the best forms of birth control known to man. It somehow has a 110% effectiveness rate. That doesn’t even make biological sense, but here we are.

    • …Ellipsis…

      Nightwish: Preserving your virginity since 1996.

      • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

        Since i’m no longer a virgin already, will that shirt reverse virginity me? Or am i immune because pirate/scurvy?

        • …Ellipsis…

          I’m no expert on virginity *laughs nervously*, but I think pirates are immune from even this level of sex repellent…

  • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

    Now that’s some nasty shirtage!

  • KJM

    Can’t pick just one song so here’s a few

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sff16qcU9Og

    • Death

      Wrong article???

      • KJM

        So I’m a little late? I was busy collecting money for “merch”.

        • Death

          Did you get any moneyz?

          • KJM

            Lotza moneys, fundage and such, and up my nose it goes! Ahem.. I mean… I gotta go buy some “shirts”.

          • Death

            So, you gonna pay your debts soon? Time’s running out, old man. I’m getting sick of waiting.

          • KJM

            Don’t worry, I’ll have that money next week. I swear on my mutha.

          • Death

            You always say that.
            *pulls out baseball bat and starts beating KJM with it*
            I WANT MY FUCKING MONEY!

          • KJM

            NOOOOO!!

          • Death

            You got till 5!

          • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

            arrives late to scene because high
            has unloaded gun
            powder on nose

          • Death

            Go away addict, I don’t have beef with you! You don’t loan crack money from me.

          • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

          • Death

            Leave before you get your tiny purple ass whacked!

          • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

            *crushes death’s head in bicep*

          • Death

            *it doesn’t affect Death*
            Death used shoot Blackbeard’s kneecaps
            *it’s super effective*

          • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

            *casts invulnerability interrupt
            *backsteps
            *chugs estus f@gg0t

          • Death

            *Blackbeard is paralyzed and can not move*
            Death used lynch that fucker
            *it’s super effective*
            *Blackbeard fainted*
            *Death gained 7089 exp*

          • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

            *uses hax
            *revives self
            *gives self infinite health
            *posts song better than anything @metaphysicalanus:disqus listens to:
            http://youtu.be/eyhAH8TJiuk

          • Death

            *seeing as blackbeard has been defeated, Death chooses to eat some tasty rye bread. Also, that song is horrble*

          • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

            poseurhackk

          • KJM

            But it’s already quarter past seven!

          • Death

            5 in Finnish time! It’s 2:19 now, so I would hurry.

          • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

            finnish clock is made of runic symbols
            cannot read

          • Death

            Why don’t you go back to r/atheism and snort some shit.

    • Lacertilian

      Video not available.
      The cover made me click.
      Grrrrr…

  • KJM
  • KJM
  • KJM
  • Mother Shabubu III

    That Dragonforce Dragonfist shirt should be photoshopped. Make the blood brown and make it say “in your ass”. Because fisting.

  • KJM
  • KJM
    • CT-12

      Bought this album for my GF for Christmas after seeing how hard you repped it and finally checking it out. I’m expecting Wo Fat will be her next obsession.

      • KJM

        Excellent.

        • Gluteus_Maximus_Rage

          I too saw you talking about Wo Fat and have since Spotifizzled all their stuff. I’m fuckin’ diggin’ it with a 20ft shovel. Thanks very much, champ!

          • KJM

            Excellent. I’m always glad to point people towards good stuff and even happier when people put their money down.

    • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

      I just learned Wo Fat will be playing at a venue near me soon. That makes me one very happy nipple.

  • KJM
    • VVorld Peace

      I see what you’re doing here, and I’m okay with that.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88HJnar9e8w

      • KJM

        I can’t pick just one favorite song of the year so I’m doing a song from each of my favorite albums.

        • VVorld Peace

          Oh, I thought you were doing drug music.

          • KJM

            To be fair, the two coincide often.

      • Lacertilian

        JESUS ON THE DASHBOARD

  • KJM
    • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

      I see your Orange Goblin and raise you Savage Resurrection.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbVG01_S94U

      • Death

        I see your scrub picks and raise you this
        https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZshPeNChASk

        • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

          I see your Old Man Gloom and raise you this.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OM0P4OGkwxA

          • Death

            Old Man Gloom >>>>>>>> Ghost Brigade every day son. You gotta try harder.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

            Electric Wizard>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Old Man Gloom.

          • Death

            I see you have decided to choose a wrong opinion. Scrub

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

            No I haven’t. I chose the secret option known as Electric Wizard.

          • Death

            Electric Wizard is never better than Old Man Gloom

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

            Yes it is. Their new album is most definitely better than Old Man Gloom.

          • Death

            HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

            Surely you jest. Electric Wizard levels Old Man Gloom with dynamite.

          • Death

            Never ever

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

            I can argue about this all night. Electric Wizard was in my opinion better than Old Man Gloom.

          • Death

            Your opinion sucks

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

            It’s my opinion and it’s not being changed. I consider Electric Prunes and New Riders Of The Purple Sage better than Old Man Gloom. Hell, I consider A Flock Of Seagulls better than Old Man Gloom!

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyPYM5uUViI

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIpfWORQWhU

          • Death

            Never ever talk to me again

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

            I’m going to keep on talking to you. You need to lighten up and accept this music as your future. One day I will turn you into a lifelover like myself!

          • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

            both of you sound like posers.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

            I am an unabashed poser. Look at my music taste! It’s the kind of thing that would make IMNs have coronaries whenever I say I like metal. Not many metalheads like A Flock Of Seagulls or The Electric Prunes. I am one of the few metalheads who love all kinds of music from Kenny Rogers to Mayhem, from Electric Wizard to Duran Duran.

          • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

            tell @metaphysicalanus:disqus he can take this and shove it up his scurb butt:
            http://youtu.be/bEi36-aAPv0

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

            Who is this band? I like them a lot.

          • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

            Its a band of frenchies that OMG wants to be like.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

            These guys make Electric Wizard look like the Jonas Brothers.

          • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

            these guys make @Death look like the gayest jonas brother

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

            Is this song from the recent album of theirs? I might pick up that album if that is a song from it.

          • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

            All of their albums are made free for download from the Denovali records website, JJD. So, go you!

            their latest record is Animale(s) which is a double LP (dope). but that track is from their 2010 album Morte(s) Nee(s)

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

            I’m doing it right now.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

            I downloaded all of them.

          • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

            You’re welcome. I’ve never seen anything about them touring the US but they might have. If you really like it, I would (as always) encourage you to buy the vinyls or some merch. At least you’ll be rocking something cvlt that not many in Murica knows about

          • Goddamn, this shit is thick sounding as hell! Loving it.

          • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

            These frenchman do bring it pretty hard.

          • Boogying on over to youtube and checking out their ‘Misanthrope’ album right now, plus their other stuff. Merci poopoo, mon cherry! Or something like that.

          • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

            Like i told JJD, all their albums are available for free from Denovali Records’ website.

          • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

            everyone around here is so intent on giving me an erection

          • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

            Old Man Gloom > Old Man Gloom

          • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

            I dont know about this one, death.

          • Death

            Your opinion is always invalid

          • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

            That’s stupid for this particular subject, when both of us each like these bands.

          • Death

            But I don’t like you and you don’t like me

          • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

            Meh, you’re ok i guess.

          • Death

            I’m offended

          • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

            Then, I h8 u m8

          • Death

            Good, everything is going as I have planned

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

            But I love you!

          • FeelTheDarkness
          • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

            I agree. We have our winner.

          • I see your Sabbath, and raise you Pentagram (perhaps the first real metal band).

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1yfL26HkO8

          • FeelTheDarkness

            Nah, Sabbath still beats them.
            History just shows it.

          • Nuh uh! Nyeah!!!! *takes ball and goes home*

          • FeelTheDarkness

            Lolbuttz!

      • Lacertilian

        Never heard this, it’s pretty sweet.
        Did you check out Leaf Hound’s ‘Growers Of Mushroom’ yet?
        If not, I demand @James_Jimmy_McNulty:disqus take you to the interrogation room.

        • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

          I’ll check it out right now.

  • KJM
    • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

      Here’s a song I like. It’s a song that I like off the album Forbidden by Black Sabbath. It’s also the one good song on the album.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4IwON_FEAA

    • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

      Witch Mountain is Fenriz’s blog’s band of the week.

      • KJM

        I wonder who will replace Uta.

        • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

          Me

  • KJM
    • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

      There’s not enough Electric Prunes in your song choices. Here’s a live set of theirs from Stockholm.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAzA8f2sFB8

      • KJM

        The Electric Prunes didn’t put out an album this year. These are all my favorite tracks from this year.

        • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

          I thought you were just putting good stoner music.

          • KJM

            Good stoner music from 2014

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

            Oh. On that subject put the new Electric Wizard album and the Ghost Brigade album as they are my top 2 stoner albums of the year.

          • Death

            Ghost Brigade is not stoner

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

            Their new album is stoner to me. It’s also my number 1 album of the year if you haven’t seen my list.

          • Death

            BUT IT’S NOT FUCKING STONER. I could saybthat Darkthrone sounds like tech death to me, but that wouldn’t be true. Just because something is not fast doesn’t mean it’s stoner.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

            I listened to it again and it is not stoner metal. It is very doomy though.

          • Darkthrone just sounds like doo doo. I’ve gotten alot of flack from friends back home for saying that since they’re huge fans (a couple of friends covered their one song). I really really tried to get into them, but it just sounds like splattery diarrhea recorded on a handheld mini-cassette recorder in a wind tunnel.

          • Isn’t Orchid’s new one from 2014? If you want a band that wears their Sabbath influence like a facial tattoo, Orchid’s your band! I think Sleep put out a new track this year too.

  • KJM
    • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

      They’re apparently touring. They’re going to Webster Hall near me and they’re going to The Royale in Boston when it comes to Massachusetts shows.

      • KJM

        They are?

        • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

          I saw it on their Facebook. It was announced two hours ago that they were doing a US tour.

          • KJM

            Yay! April 3rd!

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

            April 4th for me. I’m excited for this show already.

          • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

            No where even remotely close to here.

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    rhandy rhoads and dolly parton—-together again

    (both vidz at once–full vol)

    http://youtu.be/hWvp9Cd6HUo

    http://youtu.be/1yyNT7afVSs

  • Xan

    I’m too lazy to find the picture, but Eluveitie have a terrible shirt that says, “Folk Fucking Metal.” I’m a lover of folk metal but I’ll readily admit that there is definitely nothing cool about folk metal. It’s like a nerdier version of power metal. I’d be too afraid of being punched by the dude wearing the DragonForce “In Your Face!” shirt to wear that.

    • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

      also the connotation of incest.

  • Biggest question with the Nightwish shirt is………. WHERE THE FUCK IS THE SPIDER?!?! Is it hanging out at the Denny’s up the street or something?

    • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

      the spider is the vagina, KJU

  • KJM
  • KJM
    • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

      I love this band. They’re extremely heavy for the 70’s.

  • KJM
  • Akercocke ov Steele

    That Helloween shirt looks like something a 7 year old would wear.

  • Lacertilian

    Where do you find this shit 365?
    It’s ridiculous.
    Also, saying Fuck You to that shirt made my day.

  • Got these two beauties in the mail today.

    http://www.defunkd.com/public/upload/images/product_images/big/mvtgjunkie_40741326994509.JPG

    Was about to get the ‘Punk’s Not Dead’ one, but then I’d be confused for the countless mall kids who wear those fucking things without ever heard one Exploited song and think New Found Glory’s punk. *throws them in the locker, never to be seen again*.

    http://www.hellsinkishop.com/images/products/paidat/2/6145_orig.jpg

    Meant to get this at their concert a little while back, but was short on cash.

    • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

      Wintersun >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

      jelly you got to see in concert/10

      • Twas awesome, and a long as hell time in the making! Looks like it’ll be just as long for the next US tour and Time II.

        • BLVKKBEVRD THE EPONYMOVS

          Worth it

        • Count_Breznak

          The shirt ist just a compromise, tho.

          • How so? Saw the concert, and now I have the shirt I wanted from there, and got it on the cheap. Win win for me!

          • Count_Breznak

            It was to be made of real polarbear leather, and real Greenland glacier inlays, but Nuclear Blast didn’t want to pay up.

  • Tyree

    I’m your huckleberry.