Shirt Stains: Just Say Nü

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I’ve spoken about nu metal at some length, so there’s no need to get into the genre again. A gateway for some, an annoyance for others. The fashion was certainly questionable, though I do miss the girls wearing tank tops and UFO pants with their thongs sticking out. Oh, youth. But with the good, comes the Shirt Stains…

Korn – OhmygodIhateyoudadyoudon’tunderstandme

kornshirtstains

You knew Korn was going to be on this list, so we might as well start with them. I could have easily went with one of the cartoon caricature shirts that was prevalent in the nu metal years, but this one really spoke to me. And when I say “spoke to me,” I mean it screamed “ANGST ANGST ANGST FUCK YOU MOM AND DAD!!!”

I will say that it’s a shame that such quality artwork is wasted on something that will most likely be covered in congealed Taco Bell nacho cheese and Mountain Dew: Livewire. It does capture the “angry manbaby” phase of many Korn fans, complete with accidental impalement.

By the way, what band is this for again? I wish they would put the name on it somewhere. Preferably in giant red letters.


Twisted Method – Pervert Warning

twistedmethodshirtstains

What is it with nu metal bands and dolls? At least I think it’s a doll. I’m not entirely sure because of its deformed human head and the fact that it’s chest is blacked out. That implies that there are actual, human breasts on that thing. That would also imply that the people wearing the shirt are deviant sexual perverts that should be getting the bottom bunk in Ian Watkins’ cell. For some reason, this design makes me think of Social Distortion’s White Light! White Heat! White Trash! How unfortunate for Social D.

Twisted Method were a 4th-rate nu metal band that I somehow managed to see live. Twice. Not on purpose, I swear. The most memorable thing about them was that the singer wore goofy pants covered in what appeared to be sheep’s wool. You would think that a band trying to make it big would have capitalized on selling those to fans instead of this shirt that manages to make sex offenders uncomfortable. Legally, you can’t wear this shirt within 500 feet of any school, park, or movie theater showing the Spongebob Squarepants movie.


Coal Chamber – Awkward Yearbook Photos

coalchambershirtstains

Coal Chamber really embraced their nu-metalness. The goofy hair, the bad piercings, the songs about Rowboats. Y’know, the usual cliches and tropes. They have no shortage of bad shirts, but this one legitimately made me laugh out loud. Most people want to forget their awkward years. Coal Chamber wants you to wear their awkward years on their chest. D.A.R.E. shows this shirt to sixth graders to keep them off drugs.

Dez Fafara would probably laugh if you showed him this shirt today. I mean, he’s already rolling his eyes in that picture. He knows what’s up. A senior citizen with cataracts knows that this shirt is ridiculous. The worst part about it? It doesn’t say Coal Chamber on the front. Maybe it says it on the back, but by that point, you’ve passed out from a lack of oxygen for laughing too much.


Chimaira – Painting The Yellow To Brown

chimairashirtstains

This shirt probably comes later in Chimaira’s career when they shifted from nu metal to fairly straightforward metal. Some may cry foul, but for the sake of this article, I would just like to quote their song “Painting The White To Grey”:

Plastic always drastic
A vision of a psychopathic with a razor crawling through the attic
I know somewhere out there someone cares
Wanting me to get my head out of the clouds
As they think it’s time repair

That’s nu-metal as fuck, so the shirt stays. This design is what happens when a kindergartener throws up after eating too much paste and Play-Doh. The color scheme is hideous. Maybe that’s on purpose as Chimaira hopes to draw your eyes away from… well, I’m not really sure what I’m looking at. What is this, some sort of cyber-mannequin skeleton with joke-store teeth? Is that cauliflower behind it? And why is their name and symbol smack in the middle of the shirt? Wouldn’t it be better with the name above the picture and maybe the symbol on the back?

Now we probably know why band members kept leaving Chimaira.


Slipknot – Hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

slipknotshirtstains

I’d apologize for the poor quality of the picture, but I didn’t take it. My guess is that whoever took the picture was just so mad about Joey Jordinson getting kicked out of Slipknot that they could not stop shaking with rage.

Slipknot has plenty of shirts with their masks crammed on to them (and I’m sure I’ll induct them at some point), but this one just looks plain weird. I can’t even tell if everyone in the band is included. Corey Taylor’s post-ejaculation face takes up so much room, pushing everyone else to the sides. It doesn’t help that the ultra-edgy pentagram-thingy covers their faces.

Joey Jordinson looks like he’s melting, the big-nosed one looks like it’s sliding off the shirt, and I have no idea what’s going on in the top right corner. Is he in the band or a bad horror movie from knockoff masters The Asylum? I don’t know, but looking at it is giving me vertigo and making me nauseous. If People = Shit, then Slipknot Shirt = Explosive Diarrhea.

(Photo VIA)

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  • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

    Curse you! You know I love nu metal!

    • KJM

      I like Korn’s 1st few albums and some SOAD(does RATM count?)but that’s about it.

      • Akercocke ov Steele

        I kinda like some SOAD and really like Maximum the Hormone (Apparently they’re Nu-metal) other than that, F.L.U.S.H.

        • Tom Waits For Better Days

          MtH has some really awesome songs. Check out For the Imperium for something a little similarly odd.
          (Didn’t know MtH went as Nu-metal)

      • HessianHunter

        Yeah, RATM counts. Them and Candiria are the only artists I’ve heard do rap-rock consistently well.

        • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

          Candiria >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    • Death

      Do you own all those shirts?

    • Elite Extremöphile

      You seem to be fighting a losing battle here, but I applaud you for your honesty.

  • Tyree

    Wow. Look at all of these shitty people with their shitty bands and shitty shirt designs. Time to die.

    http://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0khl71IK81qepf8yo1_500.gif

    • KJM

      All these shitty t shirt designs will one day be forgotten, just like tears in rain…

      • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

        I won’t forget them. Nu metal will never be forgotten as long as I am alive.

        • Then I’m afraid I must kill you.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

            I’m not going to stop loving Motograter, Union Underground or other underground nu metal acts. I will never stop loving nu metal.

          • I’m sorry you feel this way.

          • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

            I hate to say it, but I think Jack might be write here.

          • The Prophet Mohammed

            I’m an atheist and I actually feel compelled to pray for you.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

            Don’t pray for me. I will never stop loving the music that was my gateway to metal.

          • more beer

            Stand by your atheist convictions, as he stands by his nu metal convictions.(which I don`t understand but he stands by them). But prayer is not the answer.

          • I can help. I am well versed in the art of killing/shouting to death.

          • Death

            I would appreciate if you used your inside voice when talking to me.

          • Don’t be such an Arthropod!

          • Death

            I am an amphibian, thank you very much!

          • Bullshit, amphibians actually like music.

          • Death

            It just so happens that I DO like music.

          • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

            Ghost Brigade and Circles doesn’t count.

          • Death

            It’s Circle, you fuck! I also like a lot of other stuff.

          • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

            Corgis count doe.

          • Lacertilian

            Fuck living in water, nothing good ever came from it.
            Come join us terrestrial cold blooded-types.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            If only that were real.

    • Sadboys 2014

    • I actually had the Blade Runner ‘Wake Up, Time To Die’ shirt back in high school. Thankfully I also listened to good music that I still listen to back then, and the nu metal thing flew over my head completely. Goddamn, I rule!

      • Virgil the Ghost Poet

        No! I Rule!

  • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

    There’s not enough Motograter here.

  • Things:
    (A) This post brought back uncomfortable memories of myself as a youth wearing giant pants and a Korn tshirt.
    (B) Social D is a sweet band.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

      I wish I had shirts like that Korn shirt and the Chimaira shirt. I regret not seeing Chimaira when they came near me in February.

    • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

      Social D >>>>>>

  • RustyShackleford

    ARE YOU HATING ON MOUNTAIN DEW LIVEWIRE CAUSE IF SO WE’RE GONNA HAVE SOME ISSUES. YEP.

  • Tom Waits For Better Days

    Oh god, take ’em away.

  • Lol’d at the “Slipknot – Hurrrrrrrr” title.

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    both at the same time – full vol

    http://youtu.be/Hkth1ruOnZQ

    http://youtu.be/HqhT13aQrCc

  • IronLawnmower

    Korn were probably less “Fuck you dad” and more “You fucked me dad”

    • Or more “why did I enjoy it when you fucked me dad I hate myself life sucks bla bla”

      • America’s favorite middle-aged multimillionaires pretending to be angsty 7th graders, who are furious that mom and dad didn’t buy them those $200 Paco jeans for Christmas.

        • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

          JNCO >>>>>>>>>>>>>>

          • What in tarnations is JNCO?!

          • HessianHunter

            The greatest denim brand that God’s green Earth has ever seen.

          • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

            Makes juggalos look like poseurs.

      • HessianHunter

        Not really an ok joke to make, can’t let that one slide dude. There are SO SO SO many things to make fun of Jonathan Davis for, but getting molested as a kid isn’t one of them.

        • Wait what? did he actually get molested? I had no idea!

          • HessianHunter

            Yes, he actually did.

          • Shit, comment edited.

          • IronLawnmower

            Only place on the internet where this happens instead of some sort of angry MAH FREEH SPEESH meltdown

  • I never liked korn. I can’t fucking stand his voice, sounds like hes constipated.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan’s Spooky To

      I don’t like them much either. I prefer the underground nu metal bands.

    • everyone was about Korn this, Slipknot that.. And Link was praising System of a Down because they were decent musically and they were politically more mature.

      • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

        Serj’s “political” ranting drives me nuts but SOAD was alright otherwise.

        • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

          This. I’ll also vouch for Deftones as my fav. nu-metal band.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            Deftones I like, well the newer ones at least.

          • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

            Palms >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> just btw

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            I listened to it. A couple of really good songs, but some boring ones too.

          • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

            Honestly i’ll blame that on the disparate influences of Isis and Deftones in their sound. Hopefully they’re going to release something else, I think a sophomore release will improve them.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            I bet they will. Crosses did.

          • Eh, I fucking hate nu metal, but oddly enough like King 810. Alot more for the gimmick than the music, though,

          • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

            I dont really know what to say to that, KJU

          • You can beg me not to crush Seth Rogan like a wiggly little worm for threatening to kill me!

          • i am hesitant to call them nu-metal. but IF they are, then they’re the only good nu-metal band still putting out great music

        • Death

          You’re a phony! A big fat phony!

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            Nope, this is Tom Waits. I got bored to eternal name changes and now have two accounts this and Tom Waitf Better Days.

          • Death

            I won’t believe you until the real guy confirms it.

          • Tom Waits For Better Days

            It is as he (I) says.

        • Elite Extremöphile

          To be fair, his ancestors were victims of arguably the first modern genocide, that’d probably steam me up something fierce.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            But he has no fucking clur how to deal with it and doesn’t come off as a smart one. He seems to go on how he’s people had all the woes in the world and we who live now are reaponsible for them. Something I’ve always hated in people who’s ancestors have been through shit. They weren’t even if they act so.

          • Elite Extremöphile

            Normally, I’d agree with you on the last part, but the Armenian genocide is a bit different in that the government of Turkey (who started it) still denies to this day that it never happened. It’s some really fucked up stuff. I think he tries to talk about it a lot because compared to the Holocaust, fucking no one knows about the Armenian genocide. I think he goes on not for pity, but to spread the horrors of it so it won’t happen again.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            Well yeah, I gotta agree Turkey denieing that is pretty fucked up. Still he met Diamanda Galas (coming from a persecuted background as well) and made it clear her ancestor’s woes don’t mean anything. I’ve disliked him ever since

          • DG blows ANYTHING he’s ever done out of the water, especially ‘Plague Mass’ and her stuff with Rotting Christ. The stuff with John Paul Jones, not quite so much.
            DG has one of those voices that is truly spine-tingling.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            She really is something.

          • Elite Extremöphile

            Yeah, that’s pretty dickish, not to mention hypocritical.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            Hypocrisy is what rubs me the wrong way in that. It always does.

          • That or he really doesn’t have anything else to talk about, and desperate for something to warble on about.

          • I think you got a point, bro. He was too preachy. That’s the danger you pass if you want to make political statements, you can be very shallow if you don’t take your chance to think in the context

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            On the other hand I think people, even Serj, should bring these things up and be political, rather than care if they piss me off in the process.

          • Hell, watch the episode of ‘Parts Unknown’ where Bourdain goes to the Congo and explains the Congoese genocide under the Belgians. An estimated 25 million were killed, literally worked to death, etc. and no one ever really mentions it.

          • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

            Anthony Bourdain >>>>>>>>>>>>>>
            Ex heron addicts eating food >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

          • He did ALOT more than just heroin back in the day! He goes into detail in ‘Kitchen Confidential’ about how far down he got into crack when it first came out and no one knew the dangers.

          • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

            I have a very short list of heroes. Anthony Bourdain is one of them.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            I know it. It’s actually tought in school history lessons in here. But overall no one seems to know of it. That’s pretty sick.

      • Elite Extremöphile

        I never really thought they deserved to be lumped in with the whole nu metal scene. They never really had much in common with korn or slipknot.

        • neither I, but some people tought that Chop Suey was rapping lol

          • Elite Extremöphile

            some people are silly

          • your avatar never NEVER fails to make me laugh. so there’s that!

          • Elite Extremöphile

            it’s my favorite picture on the internet!

        • HessianHunter

          SOAD are def nu-metal, they were just really good at it. Be honest, they are much more similar to Korn and Slipknot than they are to Judas Priest or Testament. Weird vocals, funk beats, down tuned chromatic riffs, etc.

      • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

        The first album and Toxicity are great. Flush everything else they’ve done. And Serj’s solo material is just god-awful.

        • every post-SOAD is very flushable (except Scars on Broadway, I kinda liked that 😛 because Daron was my first guitar hero lol)

        • Hypnotize was the first original album I’ve ever buyed #LinkFacts

          • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

            Hypnotize/Mesmerize had a few decent tracks, but overall it was a bloated double-album of self-righteous drek. They were trying too hard to capitalize on their schtick of “music with a message: war is bad; fuck George Bush!!” It felt disingenuous and contrived. Lamb of God are guilty of it too. Ashes of the Wake might as well have been titled “FUCK BUSH AND HIS WAR FOR OIL!!” I hated Bush too (no offense VV <3) but it got old real quick.

          • The Prophet Mohammed

            I’m glad somebody else thought those albums were bloated. I love a good double album release as much as the next guy but those were crap.

          • VV.

            None taken. My self-loathing fuels my writing for this blog.

          • so before that you just purchased covers albums?

          • just pirate music, mate. We had bad economics time in my teen age. So I went to the local market and buyed a lot of pirated CD. That way I discovered a lot of music 😛

          • DUDE, shhhhhhhhhh, you’re gonna get Venezuela in trouble with the RIAA

          • Dental_Damnation

            They don’t have jurisdiction in Vuvuzela!

          • in Vuvuzela, CD’s pirated by cops protest YOU

          • dude.. Venezuela is so openly pirate that the pirate merchants protest when they get confiscated their CD by the cops…

    • tertius_decimus
      • So they want to sound worse than Korn?

        • tertius_decimus

          They actually do.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Amen, fucking worst vocalist of all time

    • Lacertilian

      It’s sad when the best part of the band was that one time they played bagpipes.

  • BLVKKBEVRD DVRKWORK

    Completely OT: just figured i’d share with you fellas that I just took a new jerb with a national glass repair company. So
    http://s4.hulkshare.com/song_images/original/f/f/6/ff6569a7c9289d6bfff9d7598dc5b32b.jpg?dd=-62169985172

  • Elite Extremöphile

    The thought of slipknot (now a group of middle aged men) still thinking that they’re perceived as “scary” makes me lolbuttz.

    • EsusMoose

      Most probably have gotten past that, except the clown, dude with nails, robot monkey thing, the giant,etc. Okay maybe Cory and Jim root have gotten past but do you blame them? They’re from Iowa, there’s not much to do there, attempting to be scary gives them a much needed pass time.

      • Vriezen

        My theory is that no one was ever scared of their costumes until they spoke the line.. “We’re from Iowa”

    • Vriezen

      I thought they were scarier without their masks..

  • Stockhausen

    Hey 365, you were asking about what band the first shirt is for. I figured it out. It’s Korn.

  • HessianHunter

    Maximum The Hormone. Best nu-metal band. No contest.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmj89yJhzLw

  • Mother Shabubu III

    I FORGOT ABOUT THE JONATHAN DAVIS TITS MICROPHONE STAND.

    That cartoon at the top makes me ashamed of my fifth-eighth grade self. I’m going back in time to beat him with a steel dildo, brb.

  • Dental_Damnation

    Hahaha I have a slipknot one with all of their faces equally spaced on it and the sleeves cut off. It’s been saved from the donation bin 3 times! It’s just so bad I can’t part with it.

  • Paris Hilton

    “Welcome to My Twisted Mind”

  • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

    Coal-lol chamber! Is Dez top left?

    • Lacertilian

      He is all of them and none of them simultaneously.

      • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

        and inside each of us….(eew)

  • Paris Hilton

    Nu Metal was a vehicle into heavier music for me, as god awful as much of it was. This song was my shit as a confused, awkward, testosterone-riddled middleschooler. Brings me back to lifting shitty weights in my basement.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpVH4cSlrlw

  • Lacertilian

    @365daysofhorror:disqus YUK!
    *vomits lucnh into mouth*

  • Johnny James McCrunchy

    I didn’t know that Edward Furlong was in Coal Chamber at some point

    • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

      Oh Ed, what happened to you…?
      …Oh that’s right, HEROIN and COCAINE happened to you….