Shirt Stains: Ghost Is DTF Your Wallet


Gross B.C.

You remember the band Ghost, right? Sure you do. They’re the favorite metal band of people who don’t like metal, kind of like how Paranormal Activity was the favorite horror movie of people who don’t like horror movies. The band is currently touring the U.S. as direct support for Iron Maiden. Why? I don’t know. My guess is because Iron Maiden wanted an opener that was guaranteed to not outshine their set.

The news of Ghost releasing their own personalized set of dildos and butt plugs was covered by many metal blogs a few years ago, but a) What kind of column would Shirt Stains be if we never talked about it and b) People be screwed by vocalist Papa Emeritus has taken on a new meaning. For you see, the King of Juggalo cosplay is currently being sued by his former bandmates for lying about revenue and stiffing them on pay. Ol’ P-Dawg responded to the lawsuit while unmasking a list of former band members that would make The Faceless mastermind Michael Keene’s shlort jizz-twitch with delight. He’s also claiming that Ghost is now a solo project, so basically good luck to any current and future musicians working with him.


What better way to promote a gimmick band than with a gimmick product. Did people really shell out $200 for the deluxe box set? I have no idea since the site promoting it no longer works. It is entirely possible that fans of Ghosts or fans of wasting money for “the lulz” purchased this box set that included a shirt, a box that looks like a Bible, a dildo that looks like Papa Emeritus, a butt plug, an emblem, and a “divorce paper”. Maybe someone really needed a conversation piece for all the elegant wine and cheese parties they throw.

$200 too much to spend for a romp in the Garden Of Earthly Delights with a few trinkets and toys that are probably as boring to have jammed into your sex holes as it is for Ghost’s music to be jammed into your ear holes? Dry your eyes and other orifices because you can get a gold Papa Emeritus dildo for the low, low price of $100.

You see that? This is a VERY limited holiday edition. Which holiday? I’m not sure, but it is still available for purchase so you still you have time to make it a very memorable Father’s Day.

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