Shirt Stains: Fidget Spinners

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Shredding, fidget spinning, same thing.

I’m old. Well, maybe not in comparison to some of you AARPers-in-waiting that frequent a toilet-based music blog instead of refinancing your mortgage or checking your 401(k), but you know what I mean. It’s okay, though. I’ve fully accepted that I am no longer “with it”. Youtube stars, Instagram influencers, Kik, and other random words and things that sound made-up or too ridiculous to be true. When Fidget Spinners recently became a thing, I knew I was completely out of it.

I’m not sure where I heard about fidget spinners first, but it was probably from an even older crank that was complaining about these new-fangled dealie-mabobs that kids are bringing to school and probably using to sext each other. I’ve seen kiosks at the mall and random pop-up stands on the side of the road selling these little hunks of plastic and metal. I don’t get the appeal and I also don’t get the outrage, but it’s fine. You know why? It’s fine because none of it matters and it eventually goes away. Just ask pogs, Beanie Babies, Furbies, Silly Bandz, Beyblade things and countless other toys that were super popular for a few months and then migrated to the bottom of desk drawers and garbage bins.

Of course, whenever there’s a trend, there’s a chance for companies and brands to cash-in while the rage is still rolling. Bands are no different.

 

Is anyone in the world surprised that there’s a Misfits fidget spinner? At this point we’re not far away from getting the official Misfits can of air or the official doll made out of Jerry Only’s pubic hair. They cram their name and logo on just about anything, so why not a spinning piece of plastic that has no medical benefits and makes kids even more annoying than usual? This wonderful waste of money is currently available for purchase on the Misfits webstore for $14.99. At least now Misfits fans have something to keep them busy until the next time someone ponies up thousands and thousands of dollars to have them reunite.

I haven’t done a lot of research (again, old and don’t care), but that may be the only “official” band fidget spinner out there right now. That hasn’t stopped a bunch of randos trying to make a quick buck by throwing on a band name or logo onto the thing. Here’s a small sampling of stuff that is on sale right now on Amazon. Get one before the sellers get sued to kingdom come.

KISS

Metallica

Nirvana

Five Finger Death Punch

Korn (quality photoshopping, btw)

Tool

You get the picture. I’m sure all of those bands, their managers, their labels, and their estates would be thrilled to know that their intellectual property is being easily sold on Amazon. Maybe they’ll be coming to a Whole Foods near you soon! This does leave me with some hope that we’ll get some trve fidget spinners. I can easily see some stangry metal types waiting in line at a show spinning around a Burzum, Destroyer 666, or obscure band #3 playing the second stage at Maryland Death Fest . Then they’d get mad if they saw someone using a Deafheaven one. The fidget spinning circle would be complete. It’s kind of beautiful in a disgusting sort of way.