I Deicide not to wear this shirt.
Is your Satan Sense tingling? It should be every time Deicide and Glen Benton are involved. Since the late 80’s, Benton and company have been spewing forth their pro-Satan, anti-Christian message to a receptive audience. Heavy metal is often viewed as a rebellion towards the mainstream. Death metal more so. In many ways, Deicide is the essence of what every uptight person believes about metal: rude, brash, love-hating Christ-punchers. It probably helps that Benton routinely brands his forehead with an inverted crucifix.
Wacky Uncle Glen, who also served as a vocalist for the ever-rotating cast of Vital Remains for two albums, has made no bones about his feelings towards the largest religion in the world. What type of blasphemous, unholy, sure-to-offend t-shirt would Benton’s face adorn? This:
What? No, I’m sorry. I meant to say “WWWWHHHHHAAAAAATTT?!” I thought maybe he’d be giving a handy to Lucifer or maybe putting Mother Theresa in a headlock. Instead we get a grainy, low-quality picture of Benton’s floating disembodied head with a pained look on his face that says “Why did I eat that gas station sushi?” He doesn’t look evil. He just looks like he’s hoping he makes it to the bathroom before it’s too late.
Of course, that all pales in comparison to the deep and meaningful message of “Fuck Ya’ Momma!” Is this something that Benton says often like a catchphrase? Is this the name of Deicide’s newest album? Was Benton’s brain ruined by participating in the Roadrunner United concert? The Gothic style font is the cherry on this shit sundae.
I love that the listing says “Yo” but the shirt says “Ya’.” A subtle, but important distinction. Beelzebub demands proper slang. Only $5.00? What a steal! There are plenty of metal-heads out there that would embarrass themselves and their entire family for at least twice that price. I took that screenshot over the weekend and the shirt is now back to $19.95. His Goatship is straight gangsta.