Shirt Stains: Broken Nope ***NSFW***

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Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope so much nope. (NSFW)

brokenhopeshirtstains

It really takes a special shirt to have an entire edition of Shirt Stains dedicated to it. When I say special I mean in the “not allowed to use sharp scissors when doing arts and crafts” sort of way. Special like you’re a registered libertarian. Special like having to go around the neighborhood when you first move and informing people that you’re not allowed near their children.

We’ve had all sorts of terrible shirts on Shirt Stains, but this one really is deserving of being in a class all by itself. The front is perfectly fine. It’s just the bands name. Nice, simple, and neat. It’s not cartoonishly gigantic, it’s not hard to read, it’s not hideous colors. It’s perfectly acceptable. The back, though…my god the back.

According to all things depraved aka Urban Dictionary “docking” is “the act of placing the head of ones penis inside the foreskin of another’s penis”. Why would you do this? Well when a daddy and a daddy love each other very much, and at least one of them isn’t Jewish etc. Hey, whatever makes you happy, right? As long as you’re not hurting anyone, go for it. If we’re being honest, that’s not nearly as weird as some other things that people do. It’s not like the shirt has someone feeding a fat person for sexual gratification…not that there’s anything wrong with that. Would you want that on a shirt? Probably not, but Broken Hope sure does.

It’s important to note that this isn’t just a goofy one-off wordplay for a shirt. Oh, no. Broken Hope have thought long and hard (teehee) about this as they’ve also written a song called “The Docking Dead” off their album Omen of Disease. It’s typical hurgle gurgle death metal where the most memorable thing is the title.

This all really begs a whole host of questions. How did Broken Hope come up with this song title? Were they watching the Walking Dead? Did they have pants on? Who suggested it? How did the conversation go: Let’s write a song about touching weiners with a zombie? What happens if they get stuck? Did everyone agree to it? Did some band members (teehee) need an explanation of what “docking” means? How did the conversation go with the artist? Did they also need an explanation? Has anyone involved in The Walking Dead seen this shirt? Have your parents or significant others?

To be clear, I’m not offended by this shirt. Whatever, we live in a world where there’s a sub-genre of music called “pornogrind”. I just think it’s ridiculous that it’s actually being sold and people wear it. The artwork is actually good and very similar to the art of the comic book. Still, it’s absolutely batfuck crazy. I have to tip (teehe) my cap to Broken Hope for managing to make something utterly insane and getting people to pay $20 for it. That takes balls (teehee).

For your benefit, here are the following places where it is acceptable to wear this shirt:
Nowhere

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  • EsusMoose

    I think I speak for many when I say what the fuck?

  • Scrimm

    Lolbuttz at Broken Nope. I unfortunately have a friend who recently got this shirt. It’s also far from the only incredibly stupid lyrical topic from guitarist Jeremy Wagner.

    • Dr. Dubz

      Wait, you actually know someone who owns this shirt?

      • Scrimm

        Unfortunately yes I do. Would not be seen with them when wearing this/10

        • Dr. Dubz

          I just really want to know the thought process of someone who wears this shirt. Where does he work? Where does he go?

          • Dagon

            This is the t-shirt equivalent of body modification on your face.

          • Scrimm

            He’s reall a nice guy, just has an extremely warped and unfortunate sense of humor about certain things. As far as going places, mostly bars.

          • Dagon

            The key to having a warped and unfortunate sense of humor is to know when to hide it. I actually find the concept of docking hilarious as I find most ludicrous fetishes to be (see: balloons, food smashing, gifs of people stepping on the accelerator). I’d never get this shirt though.

          • Scrimm

            Agreed. I think most of us could probably say we have a warped sense of humor at times, but there’s a time and place for it. That shirt’s place is in the trash.

    • The problem here is two-fold:
      1. Your friend likes Broken Hope
      2. He bought that shirt

    • Your friend will not have Scrimm’s hugs wearing that!

  • Guacamole Jim
  • FeelTheDarknesses

    Sucks

  • Stockhausen

    washed up tuff guy band is spr tuff, spr srs n edgy, ur juss wimp who can’t tuff cuz borken horp R tuff n edgy lololol weeners

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain
    • Tyree

      Christ, I have not heard this album (Band in General) in ages. I’m surprised you like this actually.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Yup, love this album, got it when it came out.

        • Tyree

          Killer, I think I know what I’m listening to here this morning.

    • Dr. Dubz

      I think someone posted on FB that they just released a new song.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Yup, good track.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain
        • Dr. Dubz

          Hey @ndnthrashman:disqus, you shared, right?

          • The Battle Born NDN

            Indeed

        • Dr. Dubz

          I’ll give this a spin. It’s been a minute since I jammed Arcturus.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            I was pretty happy with the track.

        • Tyree

          Thanks duder.

  • The Battle Born NDN

    Shit’s dumb as fuck.

  • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

    Nope. Fuck that shit.

  • Tyree

    Shirt is garbage such as that fucking TV series. Not sure how some of you can stand to watch that shit.

  • Dagon

    I’m just chiming to say you don’t need to be Jewish to be circumcised.

    I loved this. So many pertinent questions. So many doubts. Definitely some of your best material.

    Is there a docking subreddit?

    • Dr. Dubz

      I’m not going to look for you, but you could try spacedicks.

      • Dagon

        Hahaha. I wonder if there’s a docking convention. Bronies of the fetish world.

    • I’m aware. I just wanted to make a joke. L’chaim!

      • Dagon

        There’s actually a movement out there putting money into research to give circumcised men their foreskins back, via surgery.

        Really? Nothing more important to work on?

        • Dr. Dubz

          I for one am alright without it. It’s more aesthetically pleasing.

          • Easier to draw, too.

          • Guacamole Jim

            I’m cool with that rascally bit of flesh being snipped before I can remember how much it must have hurt. Don’t miss it.

          • Dagon

            I feel the same way.

        • People are nuts (teehee). They think it will make them more of a “man” or a better lover or whateverthefuck.

          Probably dash of anti-semitism involved too for some.

          • Dagon

            The claim is that the foreskin is one of the most sensitive regions of the penis and by removing it you are nerfing down men’s sexual pleasure.

            I can barely last a full minute with the Ocean queen with mine removed, imagine if I still had it. Fucking PE

        • Stanley

          A lot of if depends on where you grow up too. Britons don’t typically go in for genital mutilation and so my willy is fully intact. If I had been born in the US, I most likely would be walking around a few ounces lighter.

          • Dr. Dubz

            Maybe you should consider it. Could help you cut down on your marathon time.

          • Stanley

            I’d probably consider some other weight-loss strategies first.

        • CyberneticOrganism

          Everything has a “movement” nowadays.

  • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

    On behalf of all Chicagoans, I apologize for this shirt. I love ’em, but we are talking about a band that came up with ‘Hobo Stew’.

    • is it any good?

      • Dr. Dubz

        A bit gamey

      • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

        It’s supreme lolbuttz. IMHO, they’re Chicago’s best death metal band, but Bowels Of Repugnance was fucking awful in general.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HeQiYRC8zUI

        • Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

          “They’re Chicago’s best death metal band.’

          Cianide, Usurper, and The Chasm would all like to speak to you bout that.

          Edit: I know its your opinion, but still…

          • Tyree

            Master.

          • Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

            Yeah them too.

          • Tyree

            Chicago breeds some sick bands.

          • Scrimm

            Cianide>>>>

          • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

            Good picks!

          • CyberneticOrganism

            They’re forgetting a little band called SOUL FIGHT!

            (not really, they were total lolpeenz)

  • Dagon

    Even though I sort of identify as libertarian I find the libertarian bashing very amusing. Most libertarians I see online are crazier than dockers.

    • KJM

      You gotta admit the US ones are a special kind of crazy.

    • Dr. Dubz

      Libertarian in the US means something else than it does in most other countries. Libertarianism, in the classic sense, leans toward Anarchism.

      • Dagon

        Yes. I am not an ancap, but I do tend to align with libertarians/classic liberal authors.

        • Guacamole Jim

          farking commie basturd

        • Dr. Dubz

          There was a time when a young Dubs purchased/read a lot of anarchist literature while trying to find his way. I think anarchism as a political ideology is too naive to ever work in real life.

          • Guacamole Jim

            I’ve only ever felt it would result in feudalism. Or total destruction, I suppose, but people would band together before that happened.

            [EDIT: Reading anarchist literature does give you some cool perspectives on life, though]

          • Dr. Dubz

            Yup, definitely gave me some stuff to ponder. I think some criticisms anarchists raise are valid (especially about the alienating effects of capitalism), but I don’t agree with their solution.

          • The Beargod

            I have a friend who’s practically an anarchist. It’s hard to say how serious he is with it though and how well he has even thought about things, but politically I’d classify him as an idiot ( I love him tho), but I am willing to admit that the few even remotely political conversations we have had have been partially very interesting and thought provoking.

          • KJM

            It requires that everyone is a perfect model citizen.

          • Dr. Dubz

            Screw that. Some of us are way more equal than others.

          • Dagon

            I’m more of a Friedman (Milton)/Hayek/Mises/Adam Smith kind of guy, not anarchistic at all lol.

          • Herr Schmitty

            I’m so glad you clarified Milton Friedman… because when you say Friedman alone, I think of New York Times writer Thomas Friedman, AKA the biggest dumbass liberal I know (and I’m a giant fucking liberal.)

          • KJM

            You are, of course, referring to Mr Thomas “suck on this!” Friedman.

          • Herr Schmitty

            Indeed, Mr. Thomas ‘The World is Flat’ Friedman. Had to read that shitty book in college, it broke my insides.

          • KJM

            OMG they make people read that hack in schools? Good God.

          • Herr Schmitty

            To my professor’s credit, he had us read it… so that we could destroy it in our criticism after the fact, and that was very much the point. So I can’t bitch too much.

          • KJM

            Ah, that’s much different then.

          • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

            Well, take a look at Syria or San Pedro Sula (Honduras) if you want an actual idea of what anarchy looks like. So yeah, doesn’t exactly work.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Y55iOtGQ_0

          • Dr. Dubz

            I’ve been to Honduras!

          • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

            How was it? Hopefully you didn’t go to that part!

          • Dr. Dubz

            I enjoyed it. Very hospitable people. The poverty there is depressing.

          • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

            I’ve heard that outside of that one town, it’s a gorgeous place. But, yeah, central America in general has a staggering amount of poverty.

      • I got into an argument with a Libertarian lady at work the other day. She called me a socialist without a trace of irony when I suggested that it’s unpatriotic to not pay your taxes.

        • say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it’s an ethos

          • Guacamole Jim

            Here’s where things can get totally misconstrued, but I’m gonna dive in regardless.

            I see a huge difference between the political ideology of National Socialism and the application of real-world Fascism. Mussolini started as a communist, who then rejected the unrealistic ideologies communism was based on, and created a new, pseudo-communist ideology, National Socialism. Basically, his original political views were aligned with the “extreme middle,” which isn’t really what Fascism became.

            Ideologically, the “extreme middle” appeals to me. High taxes for the rich, centralized control of large business, laws and regulations protecting the poor and middle classes from exploitation, et cetera.

            In reality, National Socialism is synonymous with Fascism, racism, and anti-Semitism, and has become an ideology based entirely off the beliefs of its most famous advocates (Hitler, Franco, Mussolini). It’s not the “extreme middle,” it’s extreme hate, and I distance myself from it as much as possible.

          • Dr. Dubz

            I think he was quoting The Big Lebowski, dude.

          • Tyree

            HAHAHAHA!

          • Guacamole Jim

            Weeeeeeeeeell there’s also that. Egg on my face.

          • ̿’ ̿’̵͇̿̿з=(•̪●)=ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿”̿ ̿

          • Scrimm

            Walter>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

          • Tyree
          • Scrimm

            This is one of the very few movies I could watch over and over, and have done so. By far my favorite non horror movie.

          • Tyree

            I always catch something new with each viewing too. Fun times!

          • Scrimm

            Same.

          • THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FIND A STRANGER IN THE ALPS!

        • Tell her Ayn Rand was a welfare queen.

          • Herr Schmitty

            That’s my favorite, especially since it’s actually true.

          • Total size queen too.

            /ToiletovHorrifyingMentalImages

          • Herr Schmitty

            Woah, I’ve never heard that one- that’s the real deal? No shit?

          • Uhh, I don’t know for sure, just bullshitting. I DID once read about an affair she had with a 20-something dude when she was well into her 50s or older.

          • Guacamole Jim
          • Guacamole Jim

            ZOMG
            OO
            M M
            G G

          • Scrimm

            There is a horrendously disgusting older lady who has harrassed me ever since I moved into my current place. I couldn’t even take my dog outside for the longest time. It’s awful.

          • Cougar Town is a modern reimagining of The Fountainhead.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            I liked that show. Shame it’s over.

          • The Beargod

            They were both married too, and had the consent of their respective spouses.

        • Dr. Dubz

          “I can’t even” when it comes to people not understanding that taxes support the infrastructure you need to maintain a country.

          • KJM

            And when they drive to/from work they’ll complain about the potholes in the road and why something isn’t done about them.

          • Dr. Dubz

            The road thing especially hits home for me as someone who has a career in the transportation industry. You don’t like taxes, and you don’t like toll roads? What?

          • Herr Schmitty

            “I don’t want to pay for anything I use, and I don’t want the government to help anyone that’s not me.”

            Oddly enough, it’s those same people that spend much of their political capital whining about ‘entitlements’ when they’re the most spoiled, whiny entitled sons of bitches in our entire fucking society. #ragestroke.

          • Dagon

            This is very far from everything I’ve read. I’m starting to think either I am a complete imbecile and did not understand a thing or maybe these people haven’t read a single book, lol.

          • Herr Schmitty

            You’re not an imbecile; it’s just hard to really know the exact conditions in a distant country. All you can do is read and stay open-minded, as any source you read has their own inherent biases.

            I know a little about Brazil from folks like you and our tattoo-artist friend, not to mention my buddy’s MMA trainers (Victor Huber represent!), but my knowledge is still quite limited. I know some things, but surely not enough to be confident that I ‘know’ what it’s like there.

          • Dr. Dubz

            I like it when Link reminds us of how bad things could be.

          • Herr Schmitty

            I think over on FB the posts I pay the very most attention to tend to be posts about the regional conditions/trends/culture of our non-American Toilet Brothers.

            I also have a taste of how bad it can be from living at a prison with a Death Row unit though too, so I’ve got a little first hand experience outside of my life o’ luxury 😉

          • Dr. Dubz

            Good point!

          • Dr. Dubz

            I was very proud of my state recently for signing in a bill called Prop 1 (I think) that took money out of the government’s stupid rainy day fund and dumped a ton into road maintenance.

          • Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

            Phil Labonte is a libertarian. I would like to think he just makes them look really bad. And that most libertarians are not as nuts as he is, but who knows.

          • Herr Schmitty

            Most are not as nuts as he is. I think most Libertarians are just selfish; they want certain services (that they use themselves) to remain, and anything else can go. They don’t want to pay taxes, and they don’t want people in bad circumstances to get help from any source but ‘charity’… despite charity being woefully underfunded in the US.

            That in itself, though, is a perversion of what true Libertarianism really is. As W pointed out elsewhere in the thread, pure Libertarianism is near-synonymous with Anarchy… no government, no rules, no regulations (except to protect our precious property!), just Mad Max style freedumb!

          • Dagon

            It’s either one or the other, obviously. I’d rather have toll roads than pay taxes. In Southern Brazil the toll roads are much better than the ones near my area (North), which have no tolls.

          • Dr. Dubz

            The toll roads here are great too, although they can feel like they’re adding up. What people don’t get is that in one way or another, you’re paying to use a road. If you don’t want to pay more taxes to add capacity to the road, you’re going to be paying more in delay and congestion.

          • Dagon

            At least when you pay a toll you know exactly how much you’re paying and you’re paying as much as you use. My money funds roads I will never travel through.

          • KJM

            Check this out. In MA we have the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority(MBTA, usually referred to as “The T”)an antiquated yet extensive public transit system. However, it really only covers Metro Boston/Eastern MA and not Central or Western MA. Taxpayers in those areas resent tax money going toward The T.

            However, it seems to me that if public transit(and this can include public roads as well) isn’t well kept up and employees in the service area can’t get to work, corporations may decide to take their business elsewhere which drags the state economy down and affects everybody regardless of if you use public transport or not.

        • Herr Schmitty

          These are the Libertarians I’m arguing with right now. Violence should be the solution.

          “I’m merely exercising my god-given freedom to cave in your stupid face!”
          ETA: Fucking embed codes.

      • What Libertarian means in the US? It’s a political party?

    • Herr Schmitty

      I have been neck deep in arguing with self-proclaimed Libertarians for the last two days on a buddy’s FB page. The ones I’m dealing with are basically unhappy Republicans that just want to call themselves something else so they can claim that ‘both sides’ (Democrat/Republican) are corrupt and they’re super special snowflakes that know better… but have no idea how to fix our fucked up country.

      It’s one thing to condemn something that sucks. It’s quite another to pretend to know a better path but have no way to articulate said path… much less implement it.

      • Dagon

        I am in no way trying to say America doesn’t have its problems but I always find it a bit funny (in a sad way) when I see people saying “our fucked up country”.

        You guys have no idea.

        • Herr Schmitty

          Yes and no. One the one hand, I can’t say shit to you; you live in Brazil. South America has some of the highest murder rates in the world.

          That said, for majority ethnic-European western countries, we have the highest murder rate, extraordinarily corrupt law enforcement and a regressive movement seeking to rule the country via Christian scripture. Versus the countries most similar to us culturally, we’re definitely among the most fucked up.

        • KJM

          Trust me, I do. I know The US is riding high compared to other countries. That’s the main reason I speak up for my views and I(and my family) get involved whenever possible. I like civilization.

          • JamesGrimm

            “I like civilization.” -KJM 2015

          • That’s leadership I can get behind. KJM 4 prez!

      • KJM

        And their solution for everything is “leave it to the states”. Marriage Equality? Leave it to the states! Reproductive freedom? Leave it to the states!

        • Dagon

          Aren’t decentralized solutions better, though? I think federal law on such issues is uncalled for.

          • KJM

            Is it fair for a gay couple to be required to move because their state doesn’t believe their relationship is valid? Should a rape survivor have to travel to another state to get an abortion because their state believes that “every sperm is sacred”? This kind of decentralization is why I don’t even like leaving Massachusetts for a day trip.

          • Herr Schmitty

            #preach.

          • more beer

            None of that is okay. But there are other places besides Massachusetts that are cool with such things. Stay out of Utah and Wyoming that`s for sure.

          • Guacamole Jim

            What the hell is up with the new “Religious Freedoms” bill (or whatever)? So people can refuse service to gay people because they’re gay?

          • Dr. Dubz

            It’s an Indiana thing. As I’ve said multiple times, Indiana is one of the most redneck states around.

          • Guacamole Jim

            Wow. It’s pretty unbelievable, especially from a Canadian standpoint (since, as a society, we’re typically more liberal than most of the US, I think). Seems like it’s doing the opposite of what the law is supposed to do..

          • CyberneticOrganism

            It’s ridiculous, barely-concealed discrimination.

            “I ain’t bakin’ you lesbians no weddin’ cake ‘cuz JESUS! AMEN!”

          • Guacamole Jim
          • CyberneticOrganism

            “So you gon’ git yer tits out ‘r whut?!”

            *slams four 70 degree Bud Lites*

          • Tyree
          • nope, not even once

          • Don’t be a pussy, BRO.

          • more beer

            I`m getting sick just looking at that!

          • Tyree

            I’ve drank one before. Gagged the whole time. The last few sips are the worst.

          • more beer

            You are braver than me. Being the beer snob that I am I can not see myself putting one of those to my lips ever.

          • Tyree

            It was more of a dare then anything. Plus I think I got money doing it. No one thought I’d do it.

          • more beer

            Money talks.

          • Scrimm

            Fucking love red beers, but I make my own.

          • Tyree

            I do like me a nice spicy bloody mary.

          • Scrimm

            Those too. Damn, I’m thirsty now.

          • more beer

            Reds and amber’s are very good. If they turn that color from the brewing process. Not good if it`s from dumping tomato juice in them.

          • Guacamole Jim

            Okay, confession time: I actually kinda enjoy beer & clamato. Great for a hangover.

          • Tyree

            That’s when I drank one.

          • Scrimm

            Me too. Just not those.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Gah!

          • Dagon

            I honestly believe if you have a bakery you should be able to decide who you’re going to serve. It is your loss. And I hope your bakery closes after everyone who’s not homophobic stops shopping there.

          • KJM

            And in states where many people have homophobic and racist attitudes, that kind of business will continue to thrive.

            I mean seriously, are you going to make customers fill out religious surveys to decide if they’re pure and good enough to do business with you?

          • Dagon

            You have a point. I would never go to such a business.

          • KJM

            I would also think any business owner would view such a policy as shooting themselves in the foot.

          • you would THINK that. but i bet a lot of reverse-thinking people started giving more support to a brand like Chick-Fil-A after that one controversy…

          • KJM

            They did, sadly enough.

          • KJM

            Either this has to stop or The US has to finally give up on the whole “one country” thing and go with being 50 separate ones.

          • “Oh fuck”

            -Everyone in Mississippi

          • Tyree
          • Dr. Dubz

            There is an alarmingly high number of Texans who would be okay with that. I like to look for secede bumper stickers. Makes it easy to find people without a clue.

          • Tyree

            Ever been to West Virginia?

          • Dr. Dubz

            I have not, haha

          • Tyree

            That’s a whole new world sir.

          • Herr Schmitty

            Yes- and not just gay, but also black or transgender or whatever other excuse you want to come up with.

            “My invisible sky deity said I am allowed to hate and look down on you, get out of here.”

          • Guacamole Jim

            As a person who believes in the invisible sky deity, that shit makes me pretty hoppin’ mad.

          • Herr Schmitty

            No disrespect! You and Dubz are both examples of the kind of Christians that I like and respect.

            Believe what you want, live how you want, just don’t inject your fucking beliefs in to everyone else’s life and make life worse for them!

          • Dr. Dubz

            I’m pretty politically liberal. My church is actually really cool and had a race discussion after the whole Missouri thing where a white, black, and Latino pastor all sat on stage and talked about trying to understand how everyone viewed the situation and how race issues are still a thing in the US. it was very progressive, especially considering our geographic location.

          • Scrimm

            That’s how I roll as well.

          • as a wee detective, i was unsettled of the fact that i was a Catholic simply because i was born into it. so later in life i picked a faith that actually made sense to me, and because of that i found inner peace (versus inner struggle). everyone needs to do that.

          • Guacamole Jim

            I think there comes a time in the life of any person raised in a religious family where they have to confront the faith of their parents and understand it on their own terms. There was for me, for sure. Several years later I’ve found myself out of the evangelical church and in with the Anglicans, who worship very traditionally and understand the Bible very liberally. Complete opposite of my upbringing, but I needed it.

          • Dr. Dubz

            I walked away from my faith in undergrad but came back to it in grad school. I also switched camp to a denomination very different from my upbringing and have interesting conversations with my parents about that. They’re good people, but we don’t see eye to eye on a number of things.

          • more beer

            That is some crazy shit. Some politician where I live yesterday said baby`s are getting cut out of their mothers wombs because we have offended god with reproductive rights issues. Not because some sick bitch did but it`s gods will. it`s fucking scary.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            I wish we could have a complete do-over with all politicians. Fire ’em all, pick out a whole new set. The amount of religious nutbaggery in positions of power is fucking stupefying.

          • Herr Schmitty

            Rise of the Tea Party. Pushed both political parties further right… with some particularly disastrous consequences for moderate Republicans, who are continuously losing primaries to their nuttier, more violent, dumber far-right brethren.

            Pseudo-Fascism.

          • KJM

            The problem began when Reagan was elected really.

          • KJM

            The problem is that with a “throw all the bums out” approach, you lose the few that are actually doing a good job.

          • more beer

            It truly is. Do your research look at independent candidates make sure they aren`t fucking crazy and vote against the major party’s. That`s what I do.

          • Dr. Dubz

            Dude, I heard about that. That was stupid. I thought they also said it had to do with weed.

          • more beer

            I only caught the tail end but that was the gist of it. The weed thing I think was some kid from Wyoming came to Colorado ate way too many edibles and shot himself in the head. I don`t blame the weed for his death I blame the bullet to the brain. But you know they always try to blame someones actions on something else. It`s the new american way.

          • Dr. Dubz

            I’ve heard conflicting reports regarding the effects of legalization on road safety. Have crashes gone up or down?

          • more beer

            Down. It`s all hype plus dui`s have gone down here since legalization.

          • Dr. Dubz

            I would have just dug into the statistics myself, but the FARS system only has fatal crashes up to 2013, so you wouldn’t get a good idea of the impacts yet.

          • more beer

            I just know what they have said on the new here. But weed wasn`t legal until 2014.

          • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

            They’ll pull that one quick. Gamecon and several other businesses are threatening to pull out because of that. Yet another reason why us Chicagoans laugh at the redneck wasteland that is Indiana. Remember, Indiana is the place that gave us (cue dramatic music)……. John Mellencamp:

            http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/ultimateclassicrock.com/files/2013/06/169999356.jpg

          • KJM

            I know. I’m just being a bit dramatic to make a point.

            My real point is that a marriage isn’t something that should vary from state to state. If you’re an American citizen and you get married in MA, your marriage should be viewed as valid in AZ, UT or WY.

          • more beer

            I agree. But there are some crazy religious people out there. Google this name it`s some crazy shit. Daniel Ben Jordan. I worked for his kids for about 6 months talk about some nuts.

          • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

            Gotta love how the most overtly Christian people don’t even bother with half of what Christ was talking about in the first place (humility, peace, being non-judgemental).

          • more beer

            Google the guy I told KJM to google. Daniel Ben Jordan. I worked for his family for a while. It’s some crazy shit!

          • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

            Checking it out now.

          • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

            Read the first article, and wow………… just wow. Sorry you had to deal with that pack of quasi-Sharia law nutcases.

          • more beer

            They were actually really nice. Greedy but nice. They always paid me what I was owed on time. They treated me very decently. I bought my truck from them and they let me make payments. Which was cool. But their beliefs were batshit fucking crazy. A little too much for me to deal with. So i got out of there pretty quickly. The scary shit is even the kids believe thay shit. One article is all you need to know by the way.

          • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

            The ones around Hyde Park were nice enough, but hearing a conversion speech every two seconds drove me up the wall. Most of my best friend’s family is Mormon, and kept religion away from me. I’m one of those good atheists, in that I’ll strongly disagree with religion, but as long as you’re not shovey with it, I couldn’t care less.

          • more beer

            I`m typically pretty nice about also. But if you push that shit on me I will tell you fuck you and your invisible friend.

          • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair
          • more beer

            I love pasta!

          • more beer

            Shit I may have been dyslexic with his name but it is nuts

          • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

            Jim Jeffies summed up religion to me perfectly.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3NxUDJRtdA

          • more beer

            I’m sure they are friends!

          • i just think that government shouldn’t be involved in marriage, period.

          • KJM

            No, it shouldn’t. However, since the anti-equality states are more than happy to treat LGBT marriage as legally invalid, gov’ts need to step in.

          • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

            Utah’s upper court actually legalized gay marriage there, but you know like hell that certain people are fighting that. Because jimmy rustling.

          • more beer

            Yep especially all those LDS phsycos!

          • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

            What’s LDS?

          • more beer

            Latter Day Saints. The Mormons. Not quite as much fun as LSD!

          • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

            Orgasmo. That’s all I have to say on that!

          • Dagon

            I never really thought about the validity of a marriage license issued, say, in California on another state. That’s actually an interesting point.

          • KJM

            It basically turns going to another state into going to another country.

          • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

            Thankfully, bit by bit, gay marriage nationwide is becoming legal. And, trust me, society is far more accepting of gay/lesbian/bi lifestyle than when I was growing up.

          • KJM

            I’m proud that Massachusetts was the first state to get it done.

          • Herr Schmitty

            Unfortunately, in the United States we have certain states/areas of the country that still believe that black people should be either forced back into slavery or deported to Africa, or that it’s totally cool to refuse to serve gay people or otherwise discriminate.

            Unfortunately, the Federal Gov. has to step in, on numerous issues, to tell the most angry, violent, irrational people in our country to chill the fuck out and grow up on the regular.

          • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

            More than anything, gays have become the favorite target for local and state governments. They tend to keep the anti-black thing under the surface (barely). Their discrimination of gays is blatently open (look at Indiana’s new law). For the most part, Republicans need someone to fuck with, and they know that black people simply won’t deal with it. So they go for the next convenient target.

    • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

      Pretty much any political types tend to come off as nuts over here. Nanny State campus liberals, borderline Shiria law conservatives aching for the return of Jim Crow, and libertarians who are well fed middle class people who would shit themselves if anarchy actually kicked in like they want.

      Not everywhere is blessed enough to have a Supreme Leader like me!

      • Herr Schmitty

        Oh man, if the people I know that are Libertarians actually got exactly what they wanted, I’d be charging them up the wazoo to be their security. They’d need it, and I’d exploit them. Free market, right?!

        • Dr. Dubz

          Dude, I have these two friends who constantly talk about wanting the police force to be privatized. They really don’t see how that could be a bad idea.

          • EsusMoose

            I think they know what they’re getting https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rVFi6qkPHE

          • KJM

            Your door is about to be kicked in by home invaders and the cops are checking to see if your credit is good before they’ll help. USA! USA! USA!

          • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

            Eh, but we have a long ways to go before it gets that bad. Very very sure Link has to put up with far worse than we’ve ever had to put up with. He’s right next to Caracas, which has been in total chaos for quite a while. And our one friend here is in the Ukraine, which is a total warzone. My ex fiance was from Colombia and had more than enough horror stories about growing up in the middle of the guerrilla fighting and the cartels.

            America’s still got a long way to go before it hits rock bottom.

          • Herr Schmitty

            I’ve seen what happens when we privatize the prison system. What do we do? We have lobbyists pushing for tougher laws, longer sentences and more/new laws that carry prison time.

            Why? Because if the prisons are empty, the private company turns no profit.

            Speaking from personal experience, the Florida prison system (and a number of others) is already neo-slavery. We lock everyone up, then force them to do unpaid manual labor. Of the scant few ‘paying’ jobs available, guys make 20 and 30 cents per hour for companies like PRIDE with huge profit margins… and then pay taxes on what little take-home pay they earned.

            Privatizing the police force would exacerbate the above 10X over- fucking crazy.

          • Really, really, really good point.

          • Herr Schmitty

            Rick Scott’s Modern Florida is basically the above in action. It’s… not good times. Some of these things are already being tried out, and they’ve already got a handful of private prisons in Florida… and supposedly efforts are underway to privatize more of them. Meanwhile, Scott closed some 12 or 13 camps in 2012 while I was still in the system, including one of the ones I was at… at which point I was moved to death-row-having Florida State Prison.

            And sure as shooting, Scott has cultivated this intentionally. Two of his biggest backers are big sugar and privatized incarceration, and he’s incredibly eager to hook them up at the expense of everybody else.

          • Dr. Dubz

            It seems to me that police forces would basically become private armies for corporations.

          • Herr Schmitty

            Because they absolutely would. You sure as fuck wouldn’t see the police serving many, many areas of the country… notably the ones that are poor and/or ethnic.

          • KJM

            Places like that would become open air hard drug markets and literal war zones, not to mention they would end up with walls and security checkpoints. You’d see disclaimer signs everywhere saying things like “The Police cannot guarantee your safety beyond this point”.

          • more beer

            Sounds like a lot of New York in the 80`s without the signs.

          • KJM

            Especially the South Bronx.

          • more beer

            I lived in a place down there the cops were afraid to go into. They stopped me asked where I was going. Then said aren’t you afraid? I told them nope everyone here knows me and think I’m just poor. Then told them they should be afraid they hate cops here.

          • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair
          • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

            Just like now!

          • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

            Read up on Article 1083. It’s kinda sorta like that already.

          • Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

            Lmao @ this. People already think the police are equivalent to the military. If they were privatized, it would be the truth. And that’s not a good thing. At all.

          • Herr Schmitty

            Blackwater: Homeland edition.

            Should we ever see that day, tough as it’d be for me to do, I’m leaving this damned country. Not kidding.

          • KJM

            Commander Adama says it all.
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwrSlzZC31w

        • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

          Yeah, but it’d be anarchy. Who needs money when you could simply steal everything at that point??

          • KJM

            That’s why they all want a fuckload of guns.

  • KJM

    TWD, Game Of Thrones, Doctor Who, The Strain, Agents Of SHIELD, Adult Swim.

    Besides those shows TV is pretty much useless, especially the sitcoms and so-called “reality” TV. I just hope Vince Vaughn doesn’t ruin True Detective this year. I’m not exactly nuts about Colin Farrell either.

    • Herr Schmitty

      NESN and CSN are the only channels we need, bro. Celtics and Bruins games for life, bro! DO YOU NOT SPORTS, BRO!??!

    • add Better Call Saul to that list!!

      • more beer

        I was gonna tell him to add that. I am a little biased though. When I lived in Albuquerque Skip one of the film editors on that and Breaking Bad lived next to my weed dealer. I`ve smoked quite a bit of bud with him he`s a pretty cool guy.

      • KJM

        I don’t see that happening. I don’t even care for Breaking Bad.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      I’m with ya on Trve Detective, Vince Vaughn is the patron saint of Bros everywhere.

      At least we’ll always have the 1st season.

      • Who knows, maybe he gets better. I used to hate McConaughey back when he was a shirtless Bro also.

      • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

        Vince Vaughn (outside of Wedding Crashers) is yet another thing I have to apologize for on behalf of all Chicagoans.

    • DARKBEARD

      Ncis, comedy bang bang, impractical jokers, kroll show, your list is very short kj

      • CBB >>>>>>

        • DARKBEARD

          That’s my jam mcnutty

      • KJM

        I just don’t have much use for TV. If I didn’t have a disabled parent living with me, I’d get rid of cable tv altogether.

        • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

          TOH >>>>>>>>>>>> TV

    • Maik Beninton

      The last series I was following, aside from sitcoms, was Boardwalk Empire. But there wasn’t much going on so I didn’t watch the last season.

      • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

        I’m sloooooooooooowly catching up GOT, but the last series I actually followed long term was Fringe. I was really loving Touch but it got cancelled midseason. And gave up on watching basic TV after Craig Ferguson called it quits on late night.

        • Maik Beninton

          I’ve tried to watch The Walking Dead, but it gets aired late (23:oo) and I missed a lot of episodes.

          • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

            I saw the first 3 episodes via Redbox, and never caught up on it. As much as I don’t like horror in general, it looked pretty good.

  • Thank you, I learned something today about something I’d rather not know about.

  • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

    I will never listen to this song the same way ever again.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PyxLaHmOaYM

    • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

      Why Broken Nope? Why have they ruined Otis Redding?

      • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

        Read the article and think about the term ‘docking’.

  • Celtic Frosty

    Foreskin = gentile weiner trap

  • Edward/Breegrodamus

    OT: I just picked up two tickets to the Death Grips show in Minneapolis at the end of June.

    REDEMPTION

    • EsusMoose

      I just got mine too but for Madison!

      • Edward/Breegrodamus

        WHY A BITCH GOTTA LIE

        • EsusMoose

          IBREAKMIRRORSWITHMYFACEINTHEUNITEDSTATES

    • CT-12

      I’ve gotta wait to use my friend’s computer because mine is too fucked to even access the site to buy the tix. 🙁

      • Edward/Breegrodamus

        Sad. I hope they are still available! I wasn’t missing them this time.

        • CT-12

          Got em!

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Now we both just have to hope they show up, lol

  • The Beargod

    Would buy this shirt and wear it, daily…
    …Underneath a vest so that the back can not be seen.

    • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

      How do you say ‘docking’ (as in that term, not docking a ship) in Finnish?

      • The Beargod

        There’s no such fucked up term in Finnish.

        I guess you’d just say docking as in docking a ship. Telakoitua/telakoituminen

        • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

          As far as I know, there’s no word for it in Spanish or Icelandic either. I guess we have to come up with funny terms for it!

  • EsusMoose

    So facebook is down(for me) and we’ve blown this up in less than an hour, as Dr.W would say Mission accomplished

    • i need to alert GL about this. he’d have a field day!!!

    • The Beargod

      Down fer me too.

      • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

        It’s working on my end.

        • The Beargod

          I got it working a minute ago too. Was down fer hours.

          • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

            Finland broke the internet.

    • Dumptruck Full Of Nose Hair

      Our butts broke the internet.

  • Hubert, Goat Among Insects

    More like Broken Nope huehuehuehue

  • Pffft, frottage is where it’s really at.

  • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

    I have no words. I just hope the artist was well paid, and knew how to use the name Alan Smithee.

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    tax payer funded—citizen harassment propaganda—for u.n. agenda 21/totalitarian police state
    —-
    using homosexual sex/rape -as an implied police tactic –in “propaganda”

    a cop “rape-ing” a citizen –metaphorically—-

    -in the end–this does no honor to ” the law”——-and actualyl weakens the structure of justice—–(a short term “clinton-like” solution—to having authority over citizens)

    a great metaphor–for the rockefeller/clinton douchebags—-who do stupid shit–like make t-shirts–implying the cops can rape the citizens

    a shining star badge—–thats the best way to get the citizens respect—and cooperation
    —without the rape connotations on any level