Shameful Self-(non)-Promotion

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Greetings from the shiny porcelain halls of the overworld, Toileteers! Today I have quick reviews for three heavy bands that deserve your attention. Introductory paragraphs are stupid, let’s get started.

TORRENTIAL DOWNPOUR

I know we posted about Torrential Downpour just a couple weeks ago, but THIS SHIT IS IMPORTANT. Not since Voivod has a metal band sounded more like an intercepted alien transmission. Listening to this unfamiliar soundscape, one is forced to ponder; is this a declaration of war? A political manifesto? A jingle advertising Neptunian breakfast cereal? I have no fucking idea, but it sounds cool as shit so I’m going to jam this until my ears bleed and I drown in a pool of my own body fluids.


POLYPHONY

Watchu kno ‘bout screamo? Hopefully you know that that term was invented to describe dissonant, frenetic hardcore bands that made every second of music they wrote challenge the listener emotionally and sonically. Jazz Lingo, the brand new release from New Jersey’s Polyphony, is 13 minutes long and every moment of it demands your attention. This shit right here, this is the reason you bother with bizarre time signatures and abstract composition. This is why you scream your words instead of speaking them. This is what intangible frenzy hammered into a shape discernable to human senses is like. Orchid and Circle Takes The Square would be proud.


AIRACOBRA

The Champaign, IL metro area is home to over 230,000 people but right now the only 4 of them that matter to me are the members of Airacobra, because as far as I am aware, they are the world’s first blackened nu-metal band. Bear with me here: I am NOT making fun of Airacobra when I point out their 90’s alt-metal influence. I. LOVE. THIS. Nu-metal is a dirty word and pretty well deserves to be one for its crimes against baseball caps in the late 90’s, but Airacobra combine symphonic keyboards and blackened vocal tendencies with bouncy riffs and satisfyingly sloppy bass tone in a way that makes me inexplicably nostalgic for the days of chain wallets and portable CD players. Jam the 2nd track on this demo (The Serpent  Delivers.) and tell me you don’t feel the same. Airacobra has found the jewels in the rough and knows how to party hard, and I’m 100% on board.


 

“Hey, HessianHunter…” I hear you stutter from behind your keyboards and phones, “These bands are totally dope and phat and tight and all, but why did you feature these completely disparate artists in the same post? Makes no sense. You take some crazy pills this morning or sumfin’?”

“Calm thyself, dear reader,” I croon soothingly from my chair, petting your furrowed brow as you curl up into my lap like a long-haired housecat, “I just want you to know why I’m leaving you for a while. You see, I’m going on an East Coast tour with my hella sick-rad prog/sludge band Maeth, and we’re playing shows with these bands and many others along the way. I won’t be able to write articles from the road, so you’ll have to get along without me for a little while.”

“But… but… you’ll come back, right?”

*Chortles gently* “Of course I’ll be back, Snookums. I just need to spend my mid-twenties being economically irresponsible and playing 11-minute songs about dead elephants to confused strangers in order to feel artistically validated. Someday you’ll understand. For now, sleep my pet… sshhhhhh…” *petting intensifies* “Sleeeeeeeeeeppppp…”

If you’re lucky enough to live in any of the below cities, you can see me before our sleepy little friend Snookums does. You just also have to tolerate drinking beer and listening to flute-laden doom metal as well. Your call, Sparky.

MAETH SUMMER TOUR 2014

8/15 Minneapolis, MN @ The Riverboat
8/16 Chicago, IL @ Quencher’s Saloon
8/17 Toledo, OH @ Frankie’s
8/18 Philadelphia, PA @ Millcreek Tavern
8/19 Montclair, NJ @ The Batcave
8/20 Brooklyn, NY @ St. Vitus
8/21 Worcester, MA @ Ralph’s
8/22 Lindenhurst, NY @ Brew Haus
8/23 Canton, OH @ The Buzzbin
8/24 Champaign, IL @ Thee Deathtower
8/25 ??????? (It’s a long drive home, anyone in Iowa or Wisconsin want to give us one last show?)

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  • Negrodamus

    Hessian Stunter, you will be sorely missed until the 26th or so. Good luck on tour!

  • Det. Flushin Bohl

    Torrential Downpour are fucking beastly. <3

    • Negrodamus

      The Dubya put me onto them, and commented just as I was responding to you HA.

  • W.

    I love that Torrential Downpour album. I bought the cd and one of the guys in the band sent me a really nice email. They mailed me some bonus swag too!

    • Death

      Damn you! I never get any bonus swag.

      • W.

        It kinda seems that you have to buy physical media to get bonus stuff. Also, let’s play TF2 this weekend.

        • Death

          I’m most likely going to play it, if I have time.

          • W.

            You’re in Finland, right? Any idea what the time difference between us is?

          • Death

            Oh yeah. Finland is UTC+02:00 so there’s quite the difference.

          • W.

            That’s an 8 hour gap. Haha

          • Death

            Well, there’s a slight difference.

        • Negrodamus

          TF2?

          • Death

            Team Fortress 2 is a game

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            It’s a fun game. I enjoy it, even though I haven’t played it in a while. I’m redownloading it onto my computer.

          • Death

            I love it. It’s one of my favourite games and the best fps game.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I love playing as the Pyro. He’s just so funny. At the moment Steam is updating, so the download is paused but as soon as it’s done updating I’ll give it some playing because I haven’t played in a while and I’m a little rusty.

          • Death

            I’m coming with you

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            Have you sent a request? I haven’t gotten one and at the moment the download isn’t done yet. It’s at 15 percent. but I will be there when the download is done.

          • Death

            I would, but I can’t find vinblaster

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I forgot that is my in game name. The account is called levinesteven, no caps.

          • Death

            I added you.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I’ll be in the game as soon as it’s done downloading. It’s currently at 54%.

        • Kevin Nash and Friends

          I have TF2 and i would love to join you guys in a game of it. Add me on Steam. My Steam name is vinblaster, no caps. I’ll see you guys there.

          • W.

            Sweet. I’ll add you.

          • Death

            I’ll add you as well.

          • Death

            I can’t find anyone named vinblaster.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            Oh. I forgot. it’s levinesteven, no caps. Vinblaster is just the name in game

    • Scrimm

      Bonus swag and personalization is so nice.

      • W.

        It definitely gives them that special oomph.

    • Guest

      I like! Made me want to do this

      • W.

        They definitely deserve support.

    • Stockhausen

      That’s a fantastic album.

  • You should do a Texas date on the 25th

    • W.

      Agreed. But don’t go to Austin. It’s full of dirty hippies like Joe who eat hummus for breakfast. Come to Lubbock. Everyone here will give you a firm handshake.

      • Yes but the hawks will attack you as well.

        • W.

          We may have hawks here, but Austin only has sissy birds like peacocks and swallows.

        • Scrimm

          Jack Bauer you genius!! Going through this Archspire again, mind now fully blown. As a vocalist myself I could enunciate half as fast as this guy.

          • Haha have you seen the vocal playthrough vid for lucid collective somnambulation? Dude is not human lol.

          • Scrimm

            I just watched the vocal and guitar playthroughs. Guys like that make me want to quit doing both, I am a caveman next to guitarists like that lol. The guy is right about the air in the diaphragm, I can hold a scream for 20+ seconds like that.

          • Stockhausen

            That vocalist is INSANE.

          • Scrimm

            Fact. It’s like the guy from the old micro machines commercials joined a death metal band.

      • Stockhausen

        But Joe will buy you a beer and get an Orangutank shirt. But he’ll also force you to forget your video camera at the venue.

    • Howard Dean

      Joe, when’s your interview? You feeling good about it? How’d your show go last night?

      • Interview in a couple of hours, feeling good about it! The show, on the other hand, was a sloppy mess and one of the opening bands started rapping.

        • Howard Dean

          “…one of the opening bands started rapping.”

          That’s never a good thing. Unless the opening band is N.W.A.

          Good luck in the interview! Harness the power of byah!

        • Death

          Well at least there were two “p” and not one.

  • Death

    Here’s a nice song from last year in case you missed it.
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vHkfcqc4Hfw

  • Death

    Have any of you guys tried peeing with your foreskin smushed to the front of the penis?

    • W.

      Americans don’t have that problem because we are forced as babies to become hygienic.

      • Death

        Well don’t try it. 0/5 pee is everywhere.

        • W.

          Noted, amigo.

      • Howard Dean

        A little related weirdness for both of you, Death and Dubya,
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvsTmKzR-jM

        • Death

          This is beautiful *tear rolls down*.

        • Death

          I left work two hours ago so it’s safe for me

          • Howard Dean

            Damn. Gotta love that time difference. I’m only three hours into my workday. Meh.

          • Death

            Best of luck to your work day.

          • Howard Dean

            Thanks. Enjoy the early (by east coast ‘merica time) start to the weekend. May it be a glorious Finnish weekend for Death.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1rJnWeM_00

          • Scrimm

            Those Finns 🙂

          • Death

            Damn fever is coming. I’m feeling it.

    • Mr.CustodialArts

      Yeah. It was fun.

      • Death

        You liked it? There was half a meter of piss on my bathroom floor.

        • Mr.CustodialArts

          I was 5 at the time, so there wasn’t much of a mess. Plus, being fucking 5, I didn’t have to clean it up anyway.

          • Death

            I was not 5 when I did it…

  • Howard Dean

    “I just need to spend my mid-twenties being economically irresponsible and playing 11-minute songs about dead elephants to confused strangers in order to feel artistically validated.”

    One of the greatest/funniest sentences I’ve ever read. 10/10 byahs! on that one, Mr. Jaeger ov Hess. Byyyyyyaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!

    • Death
      • Hmm risky click of the day?

        • Death

          Proud to be Finnish because of this song.

    • Stockhausen

      I loved that and would have laughed out loud if I wasn’t surrounded by angry teachers.

      • Howard Dean

        Angry teachers need moar humor.

        • Stockhausen

          This is true. They are justified, because our sate department of education is megalol-level terrible.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I loved school because I was very popular there. I haven’t been in high school since I was 18 and I’m 25. I still have most of my friends from then as well as a few from college. Now I’m the boss of car salesmen at a luxury car dealership in New Jersey. I live in Mahwah, so I’m also right near NYC. I went to high school in Poughkeepsie though because my parents live there. If you’re wondering I do not own the dealership.

          • Death

            But you own our hearts.

          • W.

            Is it as bad as the education system in Texas?

    • JWG

      Dead elephants can’t be “marching” though. How do you even riff?

      • Howard Dean

        I riff with the dead carcasses of elephants. I literally pick them up and smash them together until they play guitar chords.

        -100 points for a Poserberg reference.

        • JWG

          I was doing so well, too.

          If I were more artistically talented I’d present a drawing of an elephant-carcass repurposed as a giant drum kit for a gang of primates. I feel like that would make an excellent album cover, if it hasn’t already been done.

  • Scrimm

    Have fun on tour HH.

  • Randall Thor

    East Coast tour? no NC date 🙁

  • Kevin Nash and Friends

    I hope your tour is fun HH. My weekend is going to be fun, going to bars and such to get wasted to help me forget about my girlfriend breaking up with me.

    • W.

      Sorry, amigo!

      • Kevin Nash and Friends

        It’s fine. I’m sure I’ll get over it quick. I’m sure I’ll find somebody else because there is something about me that women just love and can’t get enough of me. It’s not how I look and it has nothing to do with anything sexually, there’s something about my personality that women just love. I have a feeling it’s because I’m not a douchebag because I’m truly a nice guy and a gentleman to women.

        • Death

          You most likely have charisma and confidence as well.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I do. I happened to meet Torrie Wilson in a bar somewhere in New York City and she bought me a drink. I didn’t know it was her and I was with my girlfriend. She noticed who it was because she likes wrestling as well. I went to thank her for the drink and we talked for a while. She wanted me to come to her place, but I had to decline because my girlfriend was there. I did introduce them though. They got along fine even after she tried to get me back to her apartment to have sex.

          • Howard Dean
          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            Yeah, the very same. I usually run into famous people in NYC. I met David Bowie once in an Urban Outfitters and I met Will Smith in one of my favorite restaurants, Plataforma. Plataforma is a Brazilian BBQ which has all you can eat steak and other meats. I go there every so often and when I went there in April I met Will Smith, Hell, whenever I would go on vacation to Universal in Florida when they filmed Impact Wrestling I met a ton of wrestlers. I met Ric Flair, Hulk Hogan and Abyss at the Hard Rock there and I met Scott Hall, Scott Steiner and Syxx at the Nascar restaurant. I went on the Hulk roller coaster and sat next to Booker T and I also went on the Popeye ride and was in the same vehicle as Mick Foley, Kurt Angle, Jeff and Matt Hardy and Petey Williams.

          • Howard Dean

            Maybe you should try to run into Torrie Wilson in a bar again this weekend? Sounds like a solid plan to me. 🙂

            Also: Ric Flair?! Byaaaaah! My running mate! The living legend! The world champion! Woo!

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            Maybe I will. Funny story about Ric, he got banned from the Hard Rock not long after I met him there because he would get very drunk and make an ass of himself. He would also not pay for his drinks. I think Torrie Wilson is married now, but I could be wrong. I know Stacy Keibler lives somewhere in NYC and is single now that her and George Clooney broke it off. Maybe if I’m lucky I will see her. What’s even better is when the Torrie thing happened I had just turned 21 a few weeks before and she was even more attractive than in that picture. At that point I had been with my girlfriend for about a month, so I didn’t want to ruin our relationship so quickly.

          • Scrimm

            Damn you meet girls like that and I meet this guy.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I don’t know who that is. I’ve met people who don’t matter anymore like Korn, Limp Bizkit and this one nu metal band who no one remembers called Primer 55. The only asshole I have ever met is the singer from the band 40 Below Summer who even though he was performing a bar and grill thought he was still a rock star. I do admit that at one point him and his band were pretty big during the nu metal boom, but by then he was performing for me and 5 other people.

          • Scrimm

            That is the mighty Stephen King.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            My god, how did I not know that? I should have known that. I love his books, especially the Dark Tower books. Hell, I loved Dreamcatcher and the movie of it!

          • Scrimm

            Lol me too. Almost crapped myself when I saw him. My favorite book of his is actually his biography/writing book on writing. I’ve always wanted to write but was never able to do it until I read that book.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I liked his detective book that came out last year. It was called Joyland and it was awesome. Anyway, I’m feeling sick. it’s probably from the hangover I got from drinking heavily the last two days. It’s even more inconvenient that I’m at work right now.

          • Scrimm

            Yeah Joyland was a fun book. Hope you feel better man.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I probably will feel better once I get home from my job. After that, I’m going to the city and going to the bars I frequent. I’m lucky that I have a friend who has apartments near the bars I go to because I don’t want to get killed by drunk driving. It would be extremely painful considering I drive a 1st generation Dodge Viper as my main car. I also have a 1992 Jaguar XJ40 that I use to drive to work because driving a Dodge Viper to a Jaguar dealership would make my boss mad.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            Also, I never said I met Stacy Keibler. I have heard of her going to certain bars I go to, but whenever I’m there she is not.

          • Cock of Steele

            David Ellefon’s son went to my high school, so I met him a couple times. Great guy. Sum total of my life of awesomeness.

          • Scrimm

            Better than seeing Kerry King.

          • Cock of Steele

            I bet he tried to be all scary and stuff.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            When I saw Slayer and met them Kerry didn’t try to be scary. He just didn’t want to be near us at 11 pm at night. I saw them on the tour for Christ Illusion when it came to Poughkeepsie in 2007. Jeff and Dave hung out with me and about 10-15 fans for about two hours, answering all our questions and generally being really nice guys. Tom stayed for about half an hour and then he went in the tour bus probably to go to sleep. Kerry stayed for about 5 minutes and then he went in the bus. He got bored of talking to us, but it’s fine because he probably wanted to sleep.

          • Scrimm

            He used to live near me and i’d see him in the grocery store. That’s exactly how he acted.

          • Cock of Steele

            He used to live in Arizona too?

          • Scrimm

            Yeah, late 90’s. I heard other members too but he’s the only one I ever saw. He used to come on the metal show on the radio on sunday nights sometimes, talked shit to people when they called in and requested death metal.

          • Cock of Steele

            Yeah sounds like him.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I met him and Slayer once. They were at a concert near where my parents live in Poughkeepsie and I went. This was back in 2007, so it was the original lineup. After the show, I went to the back of the venue to see if their tour bus was still there and I hung out with Jeff and Dave for about two hours. There was a crowd of about 10-15 people with me and it was awesome. Tom was there for about a half an hour and Kerry was there for 5 minutes until he got bored of us.

          • Scrimm

            lol sounds about right.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I don’t have to go to a bar to meet her. We’re going out to dinner tomorrow night. Apparently I had sex with her yesterday when I was extremely drunk and she said I was amazing in bed, so she wanted to go out with me.

          • W.

            Wooooo!

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            You didn’t happen to read who I had sex with last night, did you? I was talking with Death about it.

    • Guacamole Jim

      Sorry to hear that, mate! Flush her!!

      • Kevin Nash and Friends

        I don’t want to flush her. She was perfect and it saddens me that I didn’t get to propose to her as I was going to do on Wednesday.

        • Guacamole Jim

          Aw, brutal man! Sorry if that comment was insensitive.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            It’s fine. I’m going to be going to some bars and maybe I’ll meet somebody there.

          • Death

            Best of luck to you, my friend.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I hope I have luck. I usually run into attractive women at bars and they’re drawn to me, so who knows what will happen.

          • Death

            Well you’re lucky that women like you. Some of us don’t have that kind of thing.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I know. Some of my best friends have that problem. I’m out of place in my group of guy friends as I have more success with women than most of them and I run into famous people more often then they do. Hell, I went to Universal once and saw Journey as I love them and I met the band following the show at Margaritaville and when I saw Santana there they stayed in the same hotel on site as me.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            Game is almost done downloading. It’s at 96%, so I’ll be in game soon.

          • Death

            I’m sorry, but I can’t play now. I feel super sick and I have to go and lie down. Fever strikes.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            It’s fine. My stomach is killing me, probably because of my heavy drinking since Wednesday. I’m hungover and it hurts. I’ll see you at some point in game, I’m feeling like I’m going to get sick and I need to rush to the bathroom.

          • Death

            I’ll join when I see you playing.

        • Negrodamus

          Damn, I am sorry to hear that KN!

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            It’s fine. I’m sure I’ll get better soon.

          • Negrodamus

            Listen to a lot of metal, drown your sorrows in it. That’s what I did after my last horrendous break up!

          • Scrimm

            YES. I also turned my pain into creativity, I don’t know if I would have ever been able to Music or books I have if that hadn’t happened.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            At the moment, I’m listening to Celtic Frost then I’m going to switch to Ghost.

        • Scrimm

          I’ve been right there man, I feel for you.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            Well then you know what it feels like to lose someone who was everything to you.

          • Scrimm

            Yeah I do man. And the way it went down was BAD. Even years later there’s moments where it hits me pretty hard. It’s cool now though, I know given the chance I’d go through it all again, cause even as bad as it got the time I did have was worth it.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            It didn’t end with a fight or anything. We were at Planet Hollywood and as we were eating, she said she wanted to break up. I was shocked at first, but I listened to her give the reasons why. The reason was she thought the love was going and she didn’t want to be in a relationship without love, she asked me if I understood so I said “I get what you’re getting at. I would do the same if it was the other way around. You’re free to live your life now. I hope you find someone who is perfect for you.”

          • Scrimm

            Damn, sorry bro. You were a big man about it. Mine didn’t end with fights either, she wouldn’t even let me speak when she did it. Over the fucking internet. Told me the night before how glad she was we were together and wanted it to stay that was and then BOOM. No closure at all.

          • Death

            What you did was respectable.

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            Man, i am living the life now, not only do i have a delightful cardboard stand up of taylor momsen i have a signed stand up of june 2006 penthouse pet shay laren. I am never truly lonely.

  • Mr.CustodialArts

    Is it possible to chortle “gently?” Why suppress glee?

    • Kevin Nash and Friends

      I’ve never heard of a gentle chortle. Usually when I think of chortling I think of Australian people from the song Down Under by Men At Work.

      • Mr.CustodialArts

        Vegemite sandwiches bring the chortles.

        • Kevin Nash and Friends

          Do you come from a land down under? Where women glow and men plunder? Did you hear, did you hear the thunder? You better run, you’d better take cover.

        • Kevin Nash and Friends

          Also, Vegemite is absolutely disgusting. It made me sick when I ate a Vegemite sandwich.

      • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

        i never turn off a men at work song when it comes on sirius xm, am i poser and a bad person ?

        • Christian Molenaar

          No, they slay.

        • Kevin Nash and Friends

          No. I love Men At Work. I have their first two albums on vinyl. I haven’t found the third and final one yet. Also, you might want to know that War Machine has been arrested by US Marshals. He’s going to be going away for a long time unless he gets killed by the inmates wherever he is.

  • We will miss you, HH.

    • HessianHunter

      ima miss u 2, bbs

  • Death

    I’m gonna smoke meth and do math while listening to Maeth. Sweet stuff dude!

    • HessianHunter

      That may or may not be how we write all of our music

      • Death

        That may or may not be a great way to write music.

        • Cock of Steele

          That’s the Dillinger escape Plan method

          • Howard Dean

            And the classic-era lineup Obituary method. Well, at least the meth part.

          • Cock of Steele

            Obituary sure are a pioneering meth metal group.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I would listen to some metal right now, but my boss is calling me from his office telling me someone is out here for me.

          • Howard Dean

            Is it Torrie Wilson? Or Trish Stratus? Don’t tear your quad getting out there too quickly!!

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            It was Torrie.

    • Kevin Nash and Friends

      I’m don’t do drugs. I drink and that’s about it. It wouldn’t look good to my boss if I did drugs.

      • (you’re not supposed to do the drugs around your boss)

        • Death

          (What if your boss is your dealer?)

        • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

          this is how far axl’s dick is up vince’s ass. Would jack palance ( academy award winner for city slickers) lie ? Here he is in a guest appearance on early 80’s sci fi smash buck rogers in the 25th century. Now if that isn’t cred i don’t know what is.

          • Death

        • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

          axl’s date didn’t go very well last night, even though he payed for a sci fi themed escort. Even she has to draw the line somewhere !

      • Death

        (I don’t drink or do drugs but don’t tell anyone. I have street cred to keep)

        • Kevin Nash and Friends

          It’s fine Death. I was straight edge until i was 21, because not drinking when you’re 21 is lunacy.

    • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

      doesn’t apply nor is it meant as an insult. I just like it and want to use it after saving it for months.

      • Kevin Nash and Friends

        Well conan, I will be doing that tonight at her place. I will also be spending the day with her, Ric and Bret tomorrow. Anyone have questions for Ric and Bret?

  • Stockhausen

    Playing with Torrential Downpour? That’s awesome, have a fantastically sweaty and odorous tour (those are the best)!

    • HessianHunter

      Yeah it’s gonna get gross reaaaally quick. We all turn into weirdo freaks when we perform and end up sweaty as a Rush Limbaugh in a sauna.

  • HessianHunter

    I would like to add that even if the entire rest of the tour eats sour donky nads, we’re playing motherfucking SAINT VITUS. I can’t wait. The only bucket list venues to play are Now That’s Class in Cleveland and 7th Street Entry back here in Minneapolis.

    • Negrodamus

      First Avenue & 7th Street Entry!

  • Xan

    For CROM!

    • Death

      For Hadit and Nuit!

      • Kevin Nash and Friends

        For Friday! Yesterday I went to a bar and even though I’m less hungover than I was two hours ago, my head is still killing me. Odd things is, when I woke up this morning there was a woman in my bed. I didn’t remember her name or how she got here, but she was there. She looked familiar though, like I’d seen her somewhere before.

        • Death

          Did the nasty?

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            Yeah, and you’re not going to believe with who. I didn’t really get to look at her, but she just walked into my workplace and I couldn’t believe it. I’m so fucking giddy right now.

          • Death

            Oh shit mate! Who was it?

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            Torrie Wilson. I don’t know how it happened, but it did and I somehow have no memory of it. I must have been extremely drunk. She walked into my office a few minutes ago and asked me if I knew who she was. I didn’t remember but then she said that she was Torrie Wilson. She said I was amazing in bed and she wanted to go out tomorrow night if I was available. She also said she was sorry about my girlfriend leaving me and that she’s missing out.

          • Death

            Lucky bastard!

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I know, right? Well, she just left my office and we’re going to this Brazilian BBQ place I like called Plataforma. She said she was going to invite some of her friends including but not limited to Stacy Keibler, Trish Stratus and Chris Jericho!

          • Death

            Have a good time dude. I have to grade some damn essays.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            I feel bad that you have to grade essays. She also said she’s going to be at my place when I get out of work and we’re going to her grandparent’s house because it’s her grandfather’s birthday. He’s apparently turning 99. She also said after that we’re going to her place to have a little fun. Oh Yeah!

          • Death

            99? That’s quite old.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            Well, he’s old but who am I to judge? I have a grandfather who’s 89 and my other grandfather is turning 75 on Sunday. My family is having a party for him tonight which I will be attending after we’re done at her family’s house.

          • Death

            All of my grandparents are already dead.

          • Kevin Nash and Friends

            My mom’s mom is the only grandparent I have who’s dead. She died 10 years ago. She was a great woman.

  • is it safe to assume it’s Mr. Bojangles on your lap?

  • Check out The Busted Lift in Dubuque, IA for a potential last show venue. It’s on the way back from Champaign, IL, and you can take highway 52 back up to the cities.

  • Renan Ribeiro

    You guys are awesome. The guitar tones and the dual drumming really stood out!