You Pick the Sexiest Dude in Metal: THE FUCKABLE FINALS

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We’ve gone through thirty two dudes to bring you down to this final round of hot man-on-man action! Today you’ve gotta make your selection, who is THE sexiest dude in all of metal?

Inspired by Revolver Magazine, who, against all odds and relevance, just published their annual collection of the “25 HOTTEST CHICKS IN HARD ROCK”, we’ve decided to reduce humanity to its basest, most bangable instincts. The TovH writing staff made our selections for 32 of our favorite heavy metal hunks and we’ve placed them all in sweaty head-to-head competition against each other for our own carnal amusement. We’ve decided to include metal guys young and old, in addition to a couple of dearly departed, especially sexy dudes. Which hottie will take home the crown of Sexiest Dude in Metal? It’s up to you, the reader. Make your picks and then put your bold predictions for the tournament in the comments.

Before we get the new contests, let’s look at the results of the last round of voting!

Peter Steele (195) vs Chuck Schuldiner (166)
Doug Moore (183) vs Andy Williams (173)

It was a tough battle for all of our worthy competitors. Notice that the vote totals are much, much lower after I required captcha for all votes. Was there collusion all along the tourney or are you guys just really, really lazy?🤔🤔🤔


Peter Steele (Type O Negative)

Despite the fact that he’s been dead for seven years, it’s hardly a surprise that the 6′ 7″ Type O Negative frontman made it to the championship round of this contest. Peter Steele was gothic sexiness incarnate. Tall, pale, and with a monster dong, Peter was the ideal vampiric man. From his work in Fallout and Carnivore, through his long career with Type 0 Negative, Peter proved himself as a great musician and an undeniable sexy dude. He earned his top seed in the bracket. Will he pull through and win the title?

VS.

DOUG MOORE (PYRRHON)

Doug Moore is the Cinderella story of this sexy dude search. Pyrrhon is both the newest and least accessible band represented in this competition and yet Doug has thoroughly slayed his competition. He laid waste to a Megadeth guitarist, a sexy and stylish Animal As Leader, and most impressively, Greg fuckin’ Puciato. With a long resume that includes fronting Pyrrhon, Seputus, Weeping Sores, editing Invisible Oranges, and getting swole af, can Doug Moore pull off the upset and claim the crown of sexiest dude in metal? Dear reader, you must decide.

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 17-07-2017 00:00:00
end_date 23-07-2017 23:59:59
Poll Results:
Peter Steele vs Doug Moore
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  • Lacertilian

    Mrs Lizard’s Final Verdict –

    Peter Steele – “oohh, is that weird goth dude? Well he’s much more impressive in this picture, he’s got that kind of steely brunette look.
    [Me: You know his last name is Steele, right?]
    *she stares at me blankly*
    [Me: You said ‘steely look’]
    Did I? Hah. Who’s he versing?
    [Me: Doug]
    *sees second pic*
    Oh my god. What the futch? Who is that?
    [Me: Same guy]
    Ok, wow. I feel like some of my criticisms were…unwarrented now.
    [Me: Why? Does he look hot?]
    He looks bettahh. Douggy got competition, hahaha.
    *scrolls to final pic*
    Ugh. Seriously, this guy. For serious, if I had to judge based on this dumbarse picture, he’d lose. [Me: You have been].
    I knooow. That’s what I’m saying to you.
    Whyy is there an animal in his hair? Do you metal people like animals in your hair?

    Doug Moore – *laughs internally*
    *whispers* He looks like Jesus heheh.
    Oh no, you know, this is a weird connection but he reminds me of Christian Bale. Does that mean I think Christian Bale looks like Jesus?
    Move on.
    *scrolls to second pic*
    *stares at me*
    [Me: What?]
    You’re my husband, I can’t say anything.
    [Me: laughs]
    Isn’t he married, I can’t say anything in public either! That would be rude to his lady.
    …I’m just focusing on all the sweaty muscles happening on his body.
    *scrolls to third pic*
    Oooh, tough decision.
    [Me Why?]
    Because Joe put in new pics of Peter Steele so he actually looked like a normal person.
    [Me: Just vote Doug]
    Yeaah, sweaty hot bod wins.
    I’m at peace with my choice. I hope he wins. Can we ask the nerds to do their cheaty vote thing? [Me: There’s a captcha on it again]
    Oh good.
    [Me: Well then they can’t cheat]
    I don’t want people to really cheat, cheating’s bad *innocent smile*
    [Me: *deadpan stare]
    *whispers* Hot bod wins.

    • Eliza

      Getting to know Mrs. Lizard’s opinions was one of the best things about this competition.

      • Lacertilian

        *laughs* “Anytime!” – Mrs Lizard

    • Caroline Harrison

      Doug’s lady friend here. You can tell Mrs. Lizard that I have been thoroughly delighted by her commentary throughout the entire process.

      • Lacertilian

        *giggles* “And I have been thoroughly delighted by that shirtless sweaty picture. Thank you!” – Mrs Liz

  • Dumpster Lung

    “Oh, so THAT’s why Doug was in this contest.”

    No Schuldiner, though. Damn.

  • Brock Samson

    Doug because he’s alive

    • Eliza

      That’s kinda reasonable, but it’s also not correct.

  • Señor Jefe El Rossover

    Bullshit

  • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

    Peter Steele’s penis shall live forever

  • Eliza

    Regardless of what the outcome is, this competition has been a pretty good time, i f y o u k n o w w h a t i m e a n.
    https://media.tenor.com/images/f82574fa9c59198237201ee14c45b272/tenor.gif

  • Doug’s f*ckin’ beautiful

  • Guacamole Jim

    No contest. Fuck that weird vampire creepy motherfucker, DOUG MOORE FOR THE GOLD!!!

  • Orfleksson

    Jacked Brooding Tommy Wiseau vs. Sweaty Sexy Beast

    I vote Doug

  • Howard Dean

    Doug Moore: The choice of metal dudes affiliated with niche underground death metal.

    Peter Steele: The choice of the other 7,519,012,795 people on Earth.

  • Bert Banana

    Dag B…i aint consenting to necrophiliac tendecies

  • Me

    Winner is Elliot Desgagnes from Beneath the Massacre.