Send Your Shit to the Toilet ov Hell

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Want to send us something? This is how we handle Toilet ov Hell submissions.

The Toilet ov Hell email has long been here for you like a trusty friend, in bad times and good, siqqness and lameness, flat broke and somehow even poorer. At any time, day or night, you can shoot me an email at toiletovhell@gmail.com and I will read it and immediately respond. Or immediately forget to respond. Our email address currently gets hundreds of emails a week so I occasionally mess up and let cool shit slide by the wayside. I’m working on getting better at replying to your mail, so don’t be afraid to send a follow-up email if you haven’t heard from me (I will appreciate the reminder).

Today, we are announcing a new way to reach out and touch the Toilet. We now have a terrestrial place to send your band’s physical promos, hand-scrawled manifestos, and top-shelf liquor. If you want to send an item to Toilet ov Hell, please mail it to:

TovH
PO Box 303038
Austin, TX 78705 

Once I receive your mail, I’ll be sure to send items to the writer that will best cover the promos. Or in the case of top-shelf liquor, greedily horde it for my own monstrous purposes.

To recap:

  • As always, the best place to send your band submissions, tips, and general inquiries is at toiletovhell@gmail.com.
  • If you have anything else…

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  • Boss the Ross

    Very cool!

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    I’d like to submit Exhibit A.

    • Maik Beninton™

      Send gorilla poop.

    • Look at that happy little shit.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Happy Shits make the world go ’round.

  • Oh man, that video is sweaty.

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    So now I guess you’ll be getting terrifying erotic fan sculptures and not just terrifying erotic fan art and fiction?

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      I think as long as it is erotic and intriguing, then it will be accepted.

    • Dubs

      If he’s getting erotic fan fiction in email, he isn’t sharing it with the rest of us. Jerk.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        The Great Porn Hoarding of 2016.

      • “And W looked up into Joe’s eyes as Joe’s soft baby hands caressed him. W blushed, before looking up and speaking, softly, into Joe’s ear: ‘Can I give you a bloey joey?'”

  • DVRKBEVRD

    huge mistake

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      He’s going to get a lot of shit.

    • This is why I got a PO Box instead of giving the internet my actual address.

      • RepostedAvengedSevenfoldFan2

        you will get a visit from m shadows soon and he will kick your small bieber ass!!!

        -98airsoftsweden, 1 day ago

      • DVRKBEVRD

        the people at the post office are going to hate you

        *starts boxing up illegal substances to mail to joe

        • Hey! All illegal mail goes to me.

          • DVRKBEVRD

            Sending all the unwanted stuff to Joe.

          • Yah, send him all the ammo, C4, and PEDs.

          • DVRKBEVRD

            You don’t want any of the ammo? I was going to send him dirty bundles of clothes and bloody murder weapons

          • Ok, just a semi auto handgun with a bunch of clips, nothing major.

          • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

            Is that you, OJ?

      • CyberneticOrganism

        You do NOT want to see the mailed press kit for My Dick’s new album

        • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

          I do! Hook a brutha up!

          • CyberneticOrganism
          • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

            Lol, saw this on Fark a while back. Pretty sure the Bundy Ranchers got sent quite a few of these to go along with the barrel of lube and gummy dicks.

  • So if I send you a “life-sized” dragon dildo would you post about it?

    • How big is a dragon dick IRL?

      • I’m not googling that at work and you shouldn’t either

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          I did. It was erotic.

        • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

          I’m not at work so I did google it. Not that informative unfortunately, though I do appreciate that there are people like this “Is there any mod that gives dragons true-to-life reptilian genitalia?” in the world.

          • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

            I am unsure what to make of the presence of Alien models among the available selection of reusable dragon penis sleeves.

      • BobLoblaw

        As big as your imagination Joe.

        • DEAD

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            You rang?

          • I want that shirt.

          • BobLoblaw

            The wraith?

      • if you have to ask…

      • Salvador Dalí Lama

        With a lot of lube, anything is possible.

      • BobLoblaw

        A ToH classic.

    • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

      Or gummi dildos and lube, a la the Bundy Ranchers.

  • RepostedAvengedSevenfoldFan2

    There are so many things i love about Avenged….. but i think what i love MOST about them….. is a small thing…. but i love their hugs <3

    – Mekinzi on February 16, 2012 at 8:38 PM

    • CyberneticOrganism

      We all do, Mekinzi. We all do.

  • 1 week from today…

  • Stanley

    When is the eBay shop opening?

  • DoYouThinkHeSaurus

    Excellent featured image, boss.

    • Dubs

      Isn’t this supposed to be a quotation?

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    Do we have to be in bands to send you hand scrawled manifestos?

    • If you have a rambling, incoherent manifesto you’re dying to write, please send it along.

  • J.R.™

    I’m ordering your P.O. Box 37 pizzas

    • BobLoblaw

      Im sending some egg salad sandwiches with standard delivery.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        I will send some delicious Chinese food from my favorite place down the street. It will be useless and moldy by the time it arrives, but still.

        • BobLoblaw

          I thought of saying that at first but remembered a Venture Bros episode.

  • New Qrixkuor album is in the works finally. Their demo was incredible, jammed it this weekend actually.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmuBCUs6Gc4

    • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

      Great chasmic sound here…

      • Definitely! Menacing stuff.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      This sounds like someone playing an album through a small stereo a quarter mile down a sewer pipe.

  • Also, that new Inverloch album is perfection. Wish it was a bit longer, but hey. Fuck it.

    Highly recommended.

    • Boss the Ross

      Did you get the vinyl?

        • Boss the Ross

          Ha! Black or gold/silver? I’m thinking about ordering it.

          • Black, I hate that Relapse tie dye vinyl.

          • Boss the Ross

            Aesthetic or sound?

          • I swear that the different colors make a difference in sound. They probably don’t, but I feel more comfortable with a solid color or just plain black. Just a strange superstition I have.

          • Boss the Ross

            Not overly strange, the marbled stuff like that tend to alter the sound a bit.
            Thanks man!

          • No problem Boss.

          • Boss the Ross

            I’m always down for some crushing vinyl. I still need to order the new Altarage, but the shipping cost is pretty steep.

          • From Iron Bonehead? Usually their shipping isn’t too bad. For overseas that is.

          • Boss the Ross

            I need to research some more.
            Their bandcamp has $22 shipping. It’s hard for me to pay more on shipping than my product. Though i may have to. Oh well.

          • Holy shit!!! Try their online webshop.

          • RJA

            I’ve found in my years buying vinyl that I can just wait for Hell’s Headbangers to have it. It takes a lot of patience but they will ultimately get everything. They just got in the Genocide Shrines from last year on vinly – like 16$. I save a lot of money being patient as hard as that is.

          • Good point.

          • Boss the Ross

            Thanks a lot man! I’ll probably get it digitally for now and wait it out.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    I’m gonna mail you a bad band

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8KrTC_o48o

    • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

      Hey now, I actually like MC 900 Foot Jesus, and owned ‘One Step Ahead Of The Spider’ back in ancient times (1995)! That was definitely the worst song on the CD though.

  • Scrimm

    If we send liquor do we get a better review?

  • Maik Beninton™
  • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

    I already know what I’m sending!!!

    https://media.giphy.com/media/7jxYLIKM5gOc0/giphy.gif

    • Dubs

      Joe will send you a ban in return.

      • Stiff Bologna In The Corn Pipe

        And a call to the authorities. :-p