Ruin Your Friendships with Board Games and Metal

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Are you a socially awkward metalhead whose only relationships are with strangers on some weird, potentially poop-fetish site on the internet? This post isn’t for you. If, however, you have real, breathing and bleeding friends beyond the realm of cyberspace, this post is for you. If you have no friends but would like to acquire friends, this post may be for you.

If you do have friends, you’ve likely realized that some of them need something more than booze to grease the wheels of social interaction. Some normies need something far more stimulating than a beer and heated conversation about the minutiae of extreme music subgenres. Enter board games. These neat contraptions allow you to talk shop, drink beer, and test the depths of your friendships with the normies all at the same time. What a deal!

“But there are so many board games out there, Dubs,” you may be wondering. “Which ones are the absolute best, and what albums should I play while torturing my friends?” I’m glad you asked. In this post, I’ve collected an assortment of some of the best board games around, ranked by play time, strategic depth, and ability to demolish relationships. However, I’ve also included a suggested album for each game since I know you can’t spend much time with normies without getting that sweet brutality injected into your ears.


Acquire (1962)

Number of players: 3-6
Duration: 1.5 hours

Strategic Depth: 4/5
Chance to Ruin Relationships: 2/5

Acquire is the game of corporate greed. It is to Monopoly what Mgla is to Dimmu Borgir. Acquire requires cutthroat action and ruthless strategy at a far greater depth than many of the other games on this list. The goal is to make more money than anyone else by acquiring stock in hotel chains as new chains are opened across the board. The only way to make money is through mergers, and you want to absolutely ensure you are the majority shareholder of the smaller chain being absorbed or of the largest chain at the end of the game. Though there’s a bit of luck in which tiles you draw, this small amount of chance is offset by how you grow different hotels and which mergers you cause (or prevent in order to stifle your friends’ ability to make money). The game rewards forethought and careful planning, and for that reason, you may need a couple plays before you really get the hang of it.

Since this is a game of corporate greed, we’re going to channel Howard Beale’s “Mad as hell” speech from Network and jam Mouth of the Architect.

Side Note: If you ever stumble across the 1960s version of the game for cheap, buy it. It can be pretty expensive.

_____________________

Carcassonne (2000)

Number of players: 2-5 (6-8 with expansion)
Duration: 0.5-1.5 hours

Strategic Depth: 2/5
Chance to Ruin Relationships: 2/5

Carcassonne is a game of strategic tile placement named after a medieval fortified city in France. The object of the game is to carefully place a landscape tile in order to amass followers in varying types of features: roads, cities, fields, and cloisters. You amass points for completing new features, and at the end of the game, points are added together based on followers in each feature type. The strategic depth of the game comes from choosing ideal tile placements so that you gain more followers than your opponents. Features can be shared between players, though, so this game requires less scheming than some of the others on this list. That fact, plus the relatively short duration, makes it one of the more benign entries on this list that you may wish to consider if you’re seeking fun rather than a fistfight.

Since Carcassonne takes you back to a time of vassal states and corrupt land owners, I can think of no better soundtrack than the dungeon synth composed by our good friend Sequestered Keep. Now get thee to a nunnery.

_____________________

King of Tokyo (2011)

Number of players: 2-6
Duration: 0.5 hours

Strategic Depth: 2/5
Chance to Ruin Relationships: 2/5

King of Tokyo is a fast and frantic game all about giant, brawling Kaiju. The objective of this game is to acquire 20 victory points before any of your fellow monsters, and there are a handful of ways to do this. The biggest payback comes from occupying Tokyo; while there, you automatically gain victory points for your occupation every time your turn comes around. Alternatively, you can try to amass victory points through dice rolls or by purchasing special cards. Players take turns rolling six dice up to three times in order to choose between victory points, attacks, or energy. Good strategy requires a balance between these three roll types. Should you hoard energy to purchase cards that may make you a more powerful monster, or should you, as a monster outside Tokyo, just pummel the occupier until that Kaiju is dead? One of the trickiest elements of the game is that players outside Tokyo all only attack those inside Tokyo, and vice versa. The occupier may cede Tokyo to an attacking monster, thereby sacrificing potential victory points at the gain of healing and less attacks. In general, games go too quickly for players to develop grudges. My brothers-in-law, however, almost came to blows over the effect of a poison card, so tread carefully.

Since this game is all about giant monsters murdering each other to claim dominion over a major city, you’re going to need something short, burly, and heavy as all hell. Kongh should do the trick. They even have a grumpy gorilla on the cover. It’s perfect.

_____________________

Ticket to Ride (2004)

Number of players: 2-5
Duration: 0.75-1.5 hours

Strategic Depth: 3/5
Chance to Ruin Relationships: 4/5

Ticket to ride is the perfect game for you globetrotting adventurous types. The game board is a map, and the primary objective is to traverse across that map, linking together routes in order to reach a final, secret destination (or two). At the beginning of the game, each player draws destination ticket cards and must keep at least two of these for the end game. Points are awarded by securing routes to your destinations with plastic train pieces as you draw and play railway car cards. The strategic key to this game is to keep your final destination a secret and to use sleight of hand to deceive the other players regarding your ultimate goal. Players who reach their destination(s) earn even more points, so stretch those rails as long as possible! This game can be extremely frustrating if other players steal a route you need without it even being critical to their destinations. I’ve seen marriages get put on the rocks due to this game. It’s incredibly fun but can be incredibly obnoxious if you invite that one friend who just likes to troll people.

Although there are a number of different versions of this game, I’ve featured the European edition here, so let’s take it back to the old country with some classic tunes from Accept.

_____________________

Catan: Cities and Knights (1998)

Number of players: 3-4 (5-6 expanded)
Duration: 3 hours

Strategic Depth: 4/5
Chance to Ruin Relationships: 4/5

Vanilla Catan is boring, so let’s focus on the far superior Cities and Knights expansion. Although it mostly follows the rules of basic Catan and the previous Sefarers expansion, it adds in enough unique elements to provide a distinct experience from its predecessor. The goal of Cities and Knights is to be the first to acquire 13 victory points. There are a few ways to do so. First, you can use your resource cards to construct settlements or to upgrade your settlements to cities. Cities will net you the highly prized (and new from vanilla Catan) commodity cards that enable you to upgrade your calendar, snag progress cards, and develop toward a metropolis, so these are a must. Second, the progress cards, gained through lucky rolls of the dice after you’ve upgraded your calendar, can gain you extra victory points. Third, you can stave off barbarian invasions (controlled by fateful rolls of the dice) by fielding more knights than other players, earning you more sweet victory points. Fourth, the prize for connecting the longest road network remains intact from vanilla Catan, so using your brick and wood to lay down a groove is still a viable option. Last, and most impressive, is being the first to convert your city into a metropolis, thereby cementing your glory over the plebeian competitors whose cities got razed in the first barbarian attack. Those familiar with Catan have likely noticed a number of differences from the base model already, but the extra strategic depth to this expansion comes from the need for wheat/sheep/stone to field and activate knights. Keeping knights in the field will keep your cities from being leveled, allowing you to acquire more commodities and to upgrade your calendar more quickly. Gearing toward these resources while not neglecting wood and brick changes things up quite a bit, so if you’re used to the base model, you’ll want to rethink your initial placements. As always, the dice can be against you. Even more frustrating, though, is when one of your dillhole competitors deactivates a knight at the last moment, forfeiting Catan’s defense so that everyone else’s cities get burned. Everyone hates that guy. Don’t be that guy. For optimal fun, I suggest playing with a total of four people and with the 5-6 player expansion. Buying all of the Catan sets to build up to that expansion will cost you a lot of cheddar, though, so you may need to budget.

Since this game features a looming threat from barbarians, I suggest you get down with Doomsword. Just play all of their albums and laugh as the peasants are tormented.

Side Note: Don’t ever trade anything. Ever.

_____________________

Pandemic (2007)

Number of players: 2-4
Duration: 0.75 hours

Strategic Depth: 4/5
Chance to Ruin Relationships: 0/5

Pandemic is one of the most interesting selections on this list because rather than playing against each other, players must cooperate to beat the board. Each player fills a distinct role: researcher, doctor, soldier, etc. These particular roles offer various benefits, such as the ability to cure all outbreaks in a city or to travel to research centers quickly, and players must coordinate to take advantage of these talents to combat the immense odds stacked against them. And trust me, the odds are bad. There are a lot of ways to lose in Pandemic. If seven outbreaks occur, all disease cubes of a particular color run out, or all player cards are drawn, the game is over. If, however, you manage to travel the world, preventing all outbreaks and curing all four diseases threatening to wipe out humanity, you and your teammates win. It’s a difficult goal to accomplish, but the reward for pulling off great teamwork and strategy is well worth it.

Since you’ll be facing the last days of humanity, why not go whole hog and jam out to some brutal death metal via Pathology.

_____________________

Dominion (2008)

Number of players: 2-4 (up to 6 with intrigue expansion)
Duration: 0.5 hours

Strategic Depth: 4/5
Chance to Ruin Relationships: 3/5

I might be cheating a bit by including Dominion on a list of board games as there is no board to be found, but oh well. Dominion is a kooky little card game that you might get if you spliced Catan with Magic; the goal is to strategically build a deck of cards in order to gain victory cards. How you build your deck, though, is entirely up to you. The base version of the game comes with 25 different types of Kingdom cards (your action cards that can allow you to mine for more treasure cards that you need to purchase victory cards, to draw more cards, or to curse other players), but any one game only uses 10 of those 25 types. Therefore, there is a huge variety to the types of cards that can deployed, and crafty players will find unique card combinations that allow them to string together card draws, reshuffles, purchases, and treasure acquisition in order to gain victory points faster. Each turn consists of playing one action card (unless that card grants you more actions) from the five cards in your hand, purchasing one card with the treasure cards in your hand (unless you gain extra purchases), and discarding unused cards. All discarded cards eventually make their way back into your deck, so unless you have an action that allows you to trash a worthless card, you need to strategically balance acquiring low value cards and high value cards. This game would get one more point for strategic depth if it didn’t rely on luck of the draw as much. It can also be completely non-combative unless you’re playing with curse cards. If that’s the case, things get heinous quickly. There are a number of expansions available that can add even more depth to your experience.

Since there’s no way to not feel like a total goober playing a Magic-esque card game, let’s go full dork and jam some power metal while we strive for dominion. I think Cellador will do nicely.

_____________________

Mexican Train (Dominoes)

Number of players: 2-6
Duration: 2.0-3.0 hours

Strategic Depth: 3/5
Chance to Ruin Relationships: 4/5

Ah, Mexican Train, the great scourge of relationships in the House of W. This Domino variant has been a staple of holiday gatherings in my family for years and years, and I’ve recently been subjecting introducing my friends here in Texas to its glory. On the surface, it’s a pretty simple game. Every player draws twelve dominoes, each with two sides indicating different numbers, and takes turn playing dominoes on their trains until one player clears his or her hand. There are 91 dominoes in a set, with numbers ranging from twelve to zero. The player who draws the double domino of the number of that round (beginning with twelve and counting down to zero) starts the play and may establish his or her own train or the Mexican train. trains are built by connecting domino ends of the same number. The trick to playing though is to use doubles strategically; if a double is played, it must be satisfied, either by you or the next player if you don’t have a domino of that number. You can use doubles to play two dominoes at a time, quickly working through your hand, or to trainwreck your neighbor’s set; if you cannot play, your train becomes public, allowing anyone to play on it and potentially ruin your strategy. Bitter tears have been wept over unsatisfied doubles.

If the dominoes just aren’t turning up for you, you’ll likely find your sanity running off the rails (huehuehue). Perhaps you’re riding a ‘Crazy Train”?

_____________________

Diplomacy (1954)

Number of players: 2-7
Duration: 12.0 hours

Strategic Depth: 5/5
Chance to Ruin Relationships: 5/5

This is it, the ultimate strategic game for crushing your friends and ruining your relationships. There are no dice or random draws in this game, just cold, ruthless intrigue. The goal of diplomacy is to negotiate your units, on land and by sea, into territories across Europe to acquire supply centers. Each round is conducted in two sets of three phases. First is the long negotiation phase. Diplomacy, unlike most games, places a heavy emphasis on, well, diplomacy. It is in your interest to talk to the other players, secretly or within earshot, in order to forge alliances, manipulate each other, and betray your allies. You typically want to play the long con here; keep allies around until they no longer benefit you. After the negotiations conclude (how long this take depends on what sort of timer, if any, you set), every player writes his moves secretly on a slip of paper and turns these into the game master. The rules are then read aloud, and the deceit and betrayals are laid bare. It takes a greater number of units than occupying forces to take a territory, so if your ally unexpectedly pulled out his fleet to move on a different territory, you’re suddenly up a creek. If you can hang onto a new territory for two cycles, it is yours, rewarding you with a new unit. There are 34 supply centers in total, and controlling 18 will earn you the victory. Losing all your supply centers due to the machinations of the backstabbing bastards you used to trust, though, will eject you from the game. If you want a game that requires extreme planning, cunning, and subterfuge, grab your knife and find a friendly back to stab; Diplomacy is probably the game for you.

Diplomacy is a purely cerebral test of guile and wit. To that end, only intelligent, intricate music will suffice. Listen to Cult of Luna‘s discography on repeat.


What’s your favorite board game? Do you have any gaming traditions in your home? Let me know in the comments below.

(Photos VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, and VIA)

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm

    #7 destroyed me.

  • Sir Tapir The Based

    I’m quite sure some of you poopsters could enjoy Beer and Board Games
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=L2JBUCpQR9A

  • Scrimm

    I want to try some of the Lovecraft board games but I have no one to play with.

    • Dubs

      Those look cool. I’ve read about Arkham Horror quite a bit.

      • Scrimm

        Me too. I love stuff like that, but I only know one other person who would likely be interested around me, and our schedules NEVER match up. I’d end up spending all that money on it and playng it once.

      • We have that. Sooooo complicated and very difficult. We gave up after spending almost an entire day playing it and losing.

        • EsusMoose

          Tried it once, was a 3 hour affair of stumbling our way around enemies that we had no way of killing and closing gates. It was alright, I didn’t feel there was a way to be good besides luck

        • Elder Sign is an alternative that’s a lighter version of Arkham Horror, and it’s also easier (and cheaper). Tons of fiddly bits though.

      • Scrimm

        Oh man I forgot all about this one. That looks awesome.

  • Dominion is my shit. My girlfriend is OBSESSED with that game, but it’s fun as shit, so that’s fine by me. I fucking love board games and card games.

    • Dubs

      I actually played Dominion and King of Tokyo Saturday night, along with a frustrating dice game called Tenzi.

      • King of Tokyo looks pretty fun. I also like Boss Monster and Heroes Wanted quite a bit. I’m really interested in getting Mage Knight but it’s real expensive so I want to make sure I’d like it first.

  • More of a card game guy. Euchre and Crazy Eights is about is far as we ever venture.

    Siqq research, Dubs!

    GL

    • Dubs

      Euchre is great!

      • It is surprising to me how little ppl play. I think it is more of a regional game….

        • Dubs

          it’s definitely a northern game. My folks are from Michigan and got it there.

          • Ahhhh that is your connection. I remember now. I was struggling to remember if I know anyone from the west who had ever heard of it.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Being from that state, I got over saturated by it. I didn’t learn it, just to piss off people at parties.

          • Dubs

            Ha! I only ever play it when I’m visiting my folks.

          • King Shit of Trump Mountain.

            lolzhue

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Is trump a reference to euchre?

          • If you would have learned the game, then you would know!

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Ahhh, being in the dark is comforting.

          • Hear, hear.

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain
  • BLACKBEARD UNFILTERED

    This is a pretty lame assortment of tabletop, with the exceptions of Catan and Carcassone. Sry dubs

    • Dubs

      What do you like?

      • BLACKBEARD UNFILTERED

        We cracked open Shadowrun: Crossfire last night but our collection is pretty boundless. Dungeon Command, Infiltration, twilight imperium, just to name a handful you should check out

        • Dubs

          Noted.

        • Dubs

          You should definitely check out Diplomacy, though. It’s wild.

        • I want Shadowrun pretty badly, but I’m afraid I’d be playing it alone. I’ve been slowing converting my friends into gamers, but sometimes the heavier games don’t land well. Just depends on the group.

    • What’s worse? Board game elitists or metal elitists?

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain
  • Great feature, W. The Dominion and Catan games got me interested.

    We like board games too on my house, but right now we only have Uno (Draw Four and die) and Scrabble. I used Sequestered Keep in a Scrabble game; for Uno, should probably use Type O Negative, maybe?

    • Maik Beninton™

      Uno>>>
      I never really liked board games though. And I don’t have any anymore.

  • I think Pandemic was released as a videogame too, Dubz.

  • Boss the Stoutdrinker Ross

    I cannot upvote this post enough. Well done Dubya, well done.

    Also, everyone should check out the youtube series Beer and Boardgames. Its a group of friends that get together, drink good beer and play board games.

    • Dubs

      Thanks, dude!

    • more beer

      One of the breweries I go to. Has a very extensive collection of board games to play. While you are slamming their delicious beers.

      • Boss the Stoutdrinker Ross

        That sounds like my kind of place.

        • more beer

          I really like this place. They brew some exceptional beers.http://www.arvadabeer.com/

          • Boss the Stoutdrinker Ross

            If I’m ever in Arvada, I’m there.

          • more beer

            It’s only about a 15 minute drive from my place in Denver.

          • Boss the Stoutdrinker Ross

            Solid.

          • more beer

            Next summer there will be a train that will take me there. No driving just drinking is a good thing.

          • Boss the Stoutdrinker Ross

            Hell to the yes. That is excellent

          • more beer

            Fuck yea it is. Plus I have a few friends who live in that neighborhood.

  • EsusMoose

    Other great games: Powergrid (best money buying stuff game), Heroes of the Multiverse (coop deck game), Game of Thrones board game (will piss off at least one person playing and reading the rules is an odyssey).

  • Capra Hircus Hubertus

    Motherfucking Carcassonne. Played that game to death with family, great fun and usually doesn’t result in homicide like Risk or Monopoly. Base game without expansions holds up really well.

  • EsusMoose

    Also pandemic is pain, I’ve only gotten to play it 3 or so times but we’ve lost in less than 3 rounds or close to it. Fun and a enjoyable trying to figure out ways to not lose

    • Dubs

      I’ve never played a winning game.

      • EsusMoose

        I’ve been in the vicinity of a winning game but they were at it for an hour and a half plus while my group played an intense game of the Resistance. I’ve thought about buying Pandemic but due to uncertainty of when I could play it I haven’t

        • Resistance is interesting with a large group. It’s amazing how you can actually become more skilled at lying. The first couple of games we played, my wife and I could read each other like a book, but after a few times, we were both able to fool the other into believing their lies.

          • EsusMoose

            Yeah, we ran a game with 10 or so people, 3 resistance people and through an assortment of lies and moves, one group of good guys considered themselves and one resistance member as safe people and the other segment of good guys, the 3rd resistance member and myself as bad. The other segment thought one of the talkers of the other good group was a resistance member and the 3rd resist person was again correctly known. I some how was given like 5 power cards because people trusted me till I got the 5th one

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    My family doesn’t play Risk anymore because it turns into a nightmare. We still play Monopoly though.

    • When our family gets together, 98% of everyone drinks. So if we play anything at all, it must require the least amount of strategy possible. Risk and Monopoly best sound nightmare-ish. lol

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        My immediate family doesn’t drink but my extended family does.

        • Interesting.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            JJD’s extended family drinks
            GL drinks
            GL is JJD’s extended family

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            My dad is sober and so is my mom. Me and my twin sister are only 20 so until April we can’t legally drink. I don’t plan on drinking though.

          • Think of it this way, if you do decide you want to drink, it is a great way to put pounds on. lol… hehe…. hmmm… :/

      • more beer

        In that case you just need to play drinking games.

    • JWEG

      I played Risk once and only once, with some friends-of-a-friend from my first University degree (second Major) who were otherwise D&D nerds but apparently didn’t have the patience to explain that to me instead.

      It didn’t end too badly. Mostly because it didn’t actually end – we just got rather drunk and wound up playing Nintendo instead (I think someone mentioned the Duck Hunt second-player thing, and someone else didn’t believe it, so it had to be proved).

      Side note, this was roughly contemporary:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=md7t4bszbog

  • COAL ROLL

    Acquire sounds right up my alley

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I love the idea behind it as well.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Also, where can I buy Diplomacy and Acquire? What stores sell them?

    • The Nerd Store.

    • Dubs

      You should be able to find a new edition of Acquire in department stores or game stores.

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        Excellent. I’ll check the game store near me for that. I know they have a game called Boss Monster which sounds fun. You play a video game boss and you try to stop the other player who plays the hero.

    • COAL ROLL

      there’s also a link below the blurb to amazon, bruh

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        How did I not notice?

        • COAL ROLL

          OH LOOK THERE IS A Wizards of the Coast version on Prime

  • Capra Hircus Hubertus

    I’ve got Diplomacy, but I haven’t managed to convince my friends or family to try it out. Sounds like a game for me, with my fondness for 4X and Grand Strategy video games.

    • Dubs

      Let me know if you convince someone to play it. I used to have a group that got together regularly to do it. You just have to make sure everyone expects betrayal and pain going in.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      You can play it online too.

  • Maik Beninton™
    • more beer

  • I fucking suck at Catan, dude.

    • Dubs

      Cities and Knights would be even harder, then.

    • Sir Tapir The Based

      *I fucking suck at life, dude
      FTFY

      • You’re not wrong.

        • How goes it Masterlord?? Still studying for your test?

          • Nah but still hiding in the dark.

          • Did you take it then?

          • Yup – I did really well but now I’m second-guessing what I want to do with my life so I just lock the doors and turn off the lights and avoid decisions. How are you?

          • NICE, wasn’t it for your CPA?

            I am dandy! Ready for spring, lol.

          • Same. Maryland Death Fest in May. I digress.

          • Stockhausen

            Up to now, my main strategy in life has been ignoring problems until they go away. I have a feeling I’ll need to reassess my strategies in a couple weeks.

          • COAL ROLL

            I tried that with the IRS a decade ago and I can guarantee anyone that those fucks don’t forget shit

          • They coal roll the shit outta ya? lol

          • COAL ROLL

            bro they poured out all my Natty ice

          • Dubs

            That baby ain’t goin’ away.

          • Stockhausen

            That’s what they keep telling me.

          • Stockhausen

            I am that dog, and being a responsible adult is that Godzilla toy.

          • more beer

            Alcohol is a key ingredient in this type of problem solving.

          • Stockhausen

            If beer isn’t the answer, it’s not a valid question.

          • more beer

            Agreed!

          • Good man.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            “Obscurity ’til death…”

            -Masterlord

      • Everyone needs to listen to more Bathory.

        • Dubs

          upvoted

        • more beer

          It should be mandatory!

  • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

    Great post, cool games and music.

    Non related note: I used to dominate on this bad boy.

    • more beer

      Me too. I had one of those taken from me at school on a pretty regular basis.

      • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

        Haha right? You could run back kick offs all the way every time right? I remember going to Montgomery Wards in the mall before xmas when this bad boy came out. They had a display with one on a chain. I would wait in line behind other kids to get a chance to play it, haha. How bout the 2nd version with passing? THE BEST! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/97bce3da16b60ab356f6fb23084b3b3d0cc4b0ac0781c045355eeb907a7a8d99.jpg

        • more beer

          Yea if you weren’t running a kickoff back every time, you had some serious coordination issues. I had one of the second ones too. This takes me back to like the 6th grade.

          • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

            big time man….

          • more beer

            This was high tech back then.

          • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

            State of the art. The Coleco versions were good too. I played a lot of baseball, basketball and football on those too, great memories. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/901515e74a05b49926bbdf6489835a501ec5a3cb1bf391cc5755b2c60d2f092f.jpg

          • more beer

            I forgot about the other ones had those too. Much simpler times back then. Without a doubt great memories. Even if I had to fight with my teachers to get them back on numerous occasions. Because for some reason they frowned upon us having these toys in class.

          • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

            Right? Me and my step bro shared an attic bedroom. We would pass the thing back and forth in the dark for hour If you missed the kickoff run back EVER you rarely caught back up. Yea in school they were verboten haha! I can still hear the noises it made as you played.

          • more beer

            Me my brother played each other constantly. even though we each had our own. But you know sibling rivalry.

          • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

            for sure!

  • Dagon

    I’ve heard good things about Carcassonne, never played it though. I wish there was a trap house board game for people who live extreme lifestyles like myself.

  • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

    Carcassonne>>>>>>
    …Or so I hear, I mean, I’ve obviously played a board game in my life. No sir, I’m not a nerd.

    • Dubs

      I don’t think playing board games makes you a nerd. I think not having friends and discussing extreme metal online does.

      • *nerd rage rustles in the distance*

        • Dubs

          I’m pretty sure my blanket statement includes me.

      • I just don’t like playing with other people.
        /cranks Devourment
        //eats Doritos

      • Anyone that is passionate about something is a nerd.

      • more beer

        So I guess I am lucky I have actual metal friends that I discuss extreme music with in real life.

        • Dubs

          I’m a nerd awash in a sea of normies.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Normie scum!

          • more beer

            That’s okay I would still drink beer with you.

        • It must be nice to live in an area with a metal scene.

          • I don’t know if I should cry or hug you.

            > ;_;)>

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Y not both

          • You returned presence in most welcomed, Link.

            GL

          • more beer

            Location,location, location! I moved here for a few reasons but the scene was one of them. It is much better then where I was. But there was scene there too.

          • Lucky bastard. One day, I’ll make the big move.

          • more beer

            Being single and not having kids. Always makes picking up and going somewhere else much easier. You unfortunately are in a college town. That if I would have to guess, has a huge bro population. That never translates into a strong metal scene. It is also never to soon to start looking into places, and things like housing costs and job market. The bottom line is, you have to do the things in life that are going to make you happy. Life is way too short to be some place you aren’t happy.

          • You pretty much hit the nail on head.

          • more beer

            I’ve been doing this living thing for a while now. It has been a lot of trial and error. A lot of error. But at least I’m not a total idiot and I learn from my mistakes.

          • COAL ROLL

            You should move to Poughkeepsie, I hear they have ALL KINDS of bands come to the venue near where you’ll live

          • more beer

            No one should ever move there. The Chance doesn’t get really good bands like they used to. I grew up in Yonkers I have most certainly been there. I also know for sure I wouldn’t want to live there.

          • COAL ROLL

            I never said anything about “good” kekkekkek

          • more beer

            Just saying I wouldn’t tell my worst enemy to move there.

          • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

            I’ve heard that…

          • more beer

            You’re not too far away. Take a ride there some time. Or wait until there is a good show at the Chance. You will see what I am talking about.

          • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

            I think I almost headed there once but ended up not going…

          • more beer

            When I still lived there they used to get good shows there. But te last few times I have looked. The good shows are few and far between.

          • COAL ROLL

            my cousin is the GM here….he says there is more metal on scene than he’s ever seen in his life – http://standardsteel.com/

          • Stockhausen

            Dude, move to Boston. My only experience there is a tour date we had, and the show sold out. No one knew who we were, everyone just goes to metal shows all the time (like Dave from Revocation, who was at the show). It also helped that the bands we played with were great.

      • RJA

        I think both scenarios work here.

      • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

        Nah, p sure you’re the one who’s got it all wrong.

      • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

        confirmed (me).

    • Sir Tapir The Based

      Mutta Afrikan Tähti….

  • I used to think I was good at Stratego until I started playing online with strangers.

    .
    .
    .

    Now I don’t play Stratego anymore.

    • Dubs

      Haven’t played Stratego in a long time.

      • Here’s the best way to play.

        1. Play a 10-year-old.
        2. Put your flag in the front row.
        3. Crush the 10-year-old.
        4. Watch his/her dreams die in his/her eyes when he/she realizes where your flag was all this time . . .
        5. Bask in the schadenfreude.

        • more beer

          That is pretty mean. I approve.

  • BLACKBEARD UNFILTERED

    Basically we should all be playing MYFAROG

  • I wonder if the sound track to Mexican Train should have been Top 40 Reggaeton hits.

    GL

    http://www.tactic.net/site/pictures/Products/02588_1.jpg

  • Stockhausen

    When facing down the last days of humanity with Outbreak, thank you for not choosing Humanity’s Last Breath. That band sucks. You could have chosen Last Days Of Humanity, but lol.

    Also, 221b Baker Street is an awesome game. You play as Sherlock Holmes and solve mysteries and junk.

    • Why u drag Humanity’s Last Breath into this? :(:( Their tone crushes souls.

      • Stockhausen

        I cannot abide the djent.

  • Leif Bearikson

    Gotta try out that King of Tokyo. Also, Kongh is hella underrated.

  • JWEG
  • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

    The kaiju one sounds like it might be fun. The others don’t really sound like my cup of tea except for maybe the domino one, but Chickenfoot is my preferred domino hustle. Chess is probably my favorite board game. And if you haven’t played Cards Against Humanity you’re missing out. Get the expanded edition of you can.

  • Waynecro

    Fun article, W. Thanks! Mexican Train was one of the last games my granny could play before the dementia got too serious. She could still win when she was knitting with imaginary thread and talking to imaginary people. Good times.

  • I remember seeing King of Tokyo at the old tabletop store I used to go to in Florida. Looked like a fun game, to be sure. And Pandemic sounds interesting too. I don’t know too many people into board games. but I did have a lot of fun playing Betrayal at House on the Hill a couple of times.

    • Dubs

      I’ll have to look that up. My wife doesn’t like vidya, so board games give us something to play together and with other folks.

      • The premise of the game is kinda to roll every cheesy pulp horror cliche ever into exploring an archetypical haunted house. You move around and add random room tiles until you trigger a random cooperative or competitive scenario that changes the game around.

        • Dubs

          That sounds rad.

          • It’s pretty good. It’s cooperative up to a point, and then one player usually turns on the rest. There’s like 50 or so different scenarios, but in my experience, it’s really hard for the traitor to win.

    • CT-12

      Dude, Pandemic is damn near fucking impossible to beat. Still fun though, but prepare for rage.

      • Will do.

      • This. If you have a high win rate in Pandemic, you have probably been playing it wrong (seriously, there are a couple of rules that make it easier if you screw them up). That game is brutal!

    • EsusMoose

      I like Betrayal a lot, as long as people kinda expect slightly to really unbalanced gameplay it’s great.

  • One of my favorites – not a board game, but a card game:

  • Cettlers of Satan >>>>>>>>>>>>>>

  • BobLoblaw

    Oh Gnome You Dont is pretty damn fun with 4 people. Lots of dicking over the competition.

    • Dubs

      And that’s the rub.

  • Super Nintendo Chalmers

    Pandemic can ruin relationships if your fucking idiot friend doesn’t do what everyone suggests he do on his turn. I’ve seen discussion on what the right strategy is almost come to blows.

  • Lacertilian

    Cluedo is my bread and butter.
    Played a bit of Risk as a kid, going to check some of these out.

  • Eliza

    This post really isn’t for me. Not only do I not have friends, but I also hate games. Oh, well.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Nightmare board game with a guy who yells at you from a VHS tape or GTFO.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcWL8rqPpMw