RIFF OV THE YEAR: 2014

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A ton of riffs came out in 2014. If you didn’t waste your time listening to riffless electronic dance trash, you might have known that. Many were worthy, but only one to the number of people in the world with subjective opinions can be the best riff(s) of the year. We’re highlighting some of them here in the first ever TovH Riff ov the Year. This could be the most headbangingest post in the history of 2014, so don’t miss it. Or do. Your loss, butthole.

But first – last week’s results. ROTW monopolizer Howard fucking Dean almost won AGAIN, but thankfully my main man Zeke or Isaac or whatever swooped in and saved the day with Judas Priest’s “Painkiller.” Shine on, Zeke, dethroner of tyranny.

In related news, the end of the year is upon us and I still haven’t won one of these. Thanks a lot, guys. You ingrates.

Before we riff out, let’s get this out of the way:

  • No rules next week. Just hit me with a killer riff.
  • It is by design that this is called “Riff ov the Week” and not “This Whole Song Is Good ov the Week.” Please include the time of a specific riff or please die.
  • Send it to toiletovhell@gmail.com.
  • If you have a good idea for a theme, tell me in the comments.
  • I value your existence.

 

Masterlord

I’ve listened to this riff a stupid number of times this year, and it’s still every bit as arousing as when it first romanced my earholes. It is the strong wind beneath my burning wings; the legendary steed beneath my buttz. Noble Beast is Power, and this riff is the ultimate proof.

 

Howard Dean

I’ve already submitted a pair of tasty 2014 riffs during normal RotW competition (from Dead Congregation’s “Serpentskin” and Bolzer’s “Steppes”), but for the sake of parity and fun, I will choose another as my riff of the year. Do you know what awesome bands like Drowned do right? They weave huge, menacing doom riffs into their death metal. Enter “Black Projection,” a whopper of a track tucked into the middle of 2014’s amazing Idola Specus (#5 on HD’s end of the year list). The song barrels forward on blasts and machine gun tremolo before suddenly hitting the brakes. At 2:02, the riff of the year drags its ghoulish, worm-infested self out of the crawlspace. Enjoy.

 

George Lynch

There are untold riffs in Conquering Dystopia’s selftitled record, but this one destroys them all! Although the riff starts at 1:24, I would encourage you to listen to the entire song. The unfortunate part of the riff series is that it is often difficult to put yourself into the mind/mood of the riff submitter and thus fully appreciate their riff. Some riffs do not need a thorough introduction, but, I would suggest listening to the build up for this one. “But GL, I have the attention span of a sk8ter boi and only appreciate trve lolbuttz/derpmetal.” Boo hoo. I do not care.

 

Gorgasm

Can I nominate an entire song? [NO. FUCK. – Masterlord]

 

Janitor Jim

I’m picking a very odd choice for Riff ov the Year. The band Chicago may not be considered metal, but they are pretty damn good. This song has some damn good riffs and even better lyrics. [DIE. – Masterlord]

 

Xan

Relics of Sulphur Salvation is an album that I come back to repeatedly this year. Combining the amazing chainsaw tone with eerie screams from the void, this is truly a phenomenal album. “The Salt in My Hands” is my favorite from the album. The riff hits hard, evoking every ounce of headbang and putrescent filth present in all. From the most pathetic of lifelovers, to the most hardened void walker, this riff devastates all things good and evil.

 

Blackbeard

The Flight of Sleipnir’s V. is an album I haven’t heard anyone harping about this year, that’s why I’m choosing this riff from “Beacon in Black Horizon.” This spacey primordial soup of a riff is a slow-burner, best enjoyed in a smoke-laden haze of your own.

 

Brock Samson

Since I nominated a Triptykon riff for Whiff of the Year, I decided to defend my inclusion of them in my top ten with my Riff of the Year. The slow build at that starts the song is the perfect mood setter to hit you right in the feels, but the best part stars at 0:55.

 

Satan ov Hell

Beautifully melodic, drowned out sometimes, but at just the right times, the main riff from Sargeist’s “In Charnel Dreams”, from the 2014 GRIM TRVE FROSTBITTEN offering Feeding the Crawling Shadows. The power ov Satan Ov Hell compels you!

 

Jack Bauer

I’m giving my riff of the year to the main riff in Primordium’s “Incursion.” As far as I’m concerned, nothing else even comes close to how awesome this monstrous riff is.

 

Johnny Crunch

Around 5:30, you’ll need some socks or a tissue.

 

MoshOff

Of all the riffs that I haven’t been able to get out of my head this year, the one that starts at 3:25 in Crowbar’s “Walk with Knowledge Wisely” takes the cake for staying with my brain cells the longest. Congrats, Riffmaster Kirk, for another great album.


This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 26-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 28-12-2014 09:00:00
Poll Results:
I choose...
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  • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

    The Anus says “YEASH” to my good pal Gorgasm.

  • Joey Jo-Jo Junior Shabadoo

    That Crowbar riff does it for me

  • “Are those sad tissues or happy tissues?”

    • VVorld Peace

      Mostly guilty tissues.

    • Jöhnny Crünch ™

      Ejaculation tissues

  • Renan Ribeiro

    This Noble Beast song is definitely getting into my exercise rotation. I feel PUMPED BRO

    • GET SWOLE BRAH

      • Renan Ribeiro

        Only my belly is getting SWOLE with this end of the year shit

  • The Incursion >>>>>>>>>>>>

  • Lord Ov Kapsko

    KATAKLYSM AND MESHUGGAH ARE NO MORE ON SPOTIFY!
    Fabio has a sad.

    • VVorld Peace

      I just checked, and I guess I’m not seeing what you’re seeing. Are you a Premium user?

      • Lord Ov Kapsko

        Yup, from polanball.

        • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

          Where are you from? Spotify often blocks certain albums for certain regions for no reason.

          • Lord Ov Kapsko

            Fabio mad as fuck.

          • VVorld Peace

            Sorry, Fabio. It could very well be a regional thing.

          • Lord Ov Kapsko

            Greedy Swedes did a second deluge upon us.

  • KJM

    From 2014, you have about 3 awesome riffs in this song including the start/stop riff at approx 2:46

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1_yUbjfGB0

    • Renan Ribeiro

      All this fuzz… 50 seconds in and I have a tingling sensation on the tip of my penis. What is this KJM?

      • The clap?

        • KJM

          Nah, this ain’t Yes… ^_^

        • Renan Ribeiro

          OH NOES NOT AGAIN

      • KJM

        It’s not only Metal, it’s Rock N Roll!

        • Renan Ribeiro

          Bands with witch or wizard on their names get me every time, man. I’m a sucker for fuzz pedals and a distinct marijuana scent on every riff

          • KJM

            You and me both, pretty much. Love that blues-based rock with about 1,000 times more venom and fuzz.

    • Simon PhoenixKing

      This is some awesome shite, dude.

      • KJM

        Love the fuzzed out Rickenbacker in the beginning.

  • KJM

    And once again I say “Go Team Venture”!!!

    • Brock Samson

      You like me, you really like me

  • KJM

    Amp question: Orange 12W or Randall 25W? I won’t need to solve this problem until March but I’m curious and bored.

    • MoshOff

      Depends on what you’ll be playing through it.

      • KJM

        Mostly Stoner/Doom style for fun eventually. For now it’ll just be a practice amp while I get better. I’m celebrating my 1st year of playing by treating myself.

        • MoshOff

          Orange then for doomy stuff

          • KJM

            That’s what I was thinking as well. I just recently noticed that some favorite bands also use Randall.

    • FeelTheDarkness

      Orange!!!

    • WHYTEBEVRD

      I donno about all this Orange love. Its probably a better made amp than the Randall, but you will get a larger sound out of the Randall, and probably more in the way of distortions.

  • Ol’ Lean Dean does it again. The dude knows what’s up.

    • Howard Dean

      Byah! Thanks, my friend! I could listen to that Drowned riff all day while cooking eggs or digging shallow graves.

  • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

    The main riff of ‘Mountain’ by Baring Teeth has already won of course, but I’ll listen to these. COMMENCE THE JUDGENING:

    NOBLE BEAST: I take it you’re talking about the riff of the verse? You didn’t include a timestamp. Anyway, yes this is a very good riff. Simple, but it’s an important buildup for all the guitar solos and shit. Remind me to get into Power Metal.
    DROWNED: The riff itself is just slightly replaceble. it doesn’t stand well on it’s own, but in the context of the song it works wonderfully, small BYAH for thee.
    CONQUERING DYSTOPIA: This riff falls completely flat. It makes all the buildup before seem meaningless and the riff itself is boring chugging. Listening to the entire song didn’t help because of the shitty songwriting.
    OLD MAN GLOOM: No single riff given so this one doesn’t apply.
    CHICAGO: Same as above.
    VANHELGD: Headbanging riff indeed. The simple but effective drumming also adds a lot to the headbangingness.
    THE FLIGHT OF SLEIPNIR: Not a bad riff persé, but it’s a very run of the mill doom/Post-metal riff. Not much there to speak of. The entire song is just a tad formulaic. The atmosphere on this song is pretty great though, and I appreciated the song more and more during it’s running time, so not all is lost.
    TRIPTYKON: This bit is very atmospheric, but the ‘riff’ is not very special at all. It’s not really a riff. The vocals in this song sound really lazy, which kills the atmosphere a bit. The heavy riff after that is also very lazy, making the feels just not that feely.
    SARGEIST: Just a regular Black Metal riff. The riff being barely audible doesn’t help either. Even in the most lo-fi BM albums have clearly audible riffs.
    PRIMORDIUM: I dig this one: a really monstrous Tech-Death riff that doesn’t ever get boring. It’s catchy as fuck as well. BYAH!!!!
    PRIMORDIAL: A very dramatic riff that fits well in the song .This is how you write long songs. I find the vocals messy though, but I haven’t listened to this band before so maybe I’ll get used to them.
    CROWBAR: I really don’t like the song itself, it doesn’t stick well with me and goes nowhere. But this riff is great and catchy. I wish the entire song was as good as this riff.

    WINNER: Noble Beast. Congratulations Masterlord, Your riff was pretty great to my ears.

    • All hail the great goat!

      • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

        Thank you Masterlord.

    • Stockhausen

      I would chest bump you in appreciation of that Mountain riff, but I’m certain that your goat horns would crush my sternum and all organs within.

      • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

        That would be metal as fuck though.

        • Stockhausen

          Alright, let’s do this.

          • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

            You’re already dead anyway, technically speaking.

          • Stockhausen

            All that’s left to do is join forces to start a band called Corpsegoat and write and album called Ramming the Decayed Chest of the Dead.

          • Would buy regardless of quality/10.

    • Max

      There needs to be riff submissions for Primordius, Primord, Prime Mortem, and Primordist.

  • Howard Dean

    Janitor Jim be trollin.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      You are right about that. My actual riff is as follows.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkdG0hjGzgw

      • I’ll take Chicago over this album.

        • WHYTEBEVRD

          I dont like this opinion

          • Seems few do.

            That’s ok because I feel entitled to it since I actually paid for the album 🙂 (As opposed to the typical internet crying about albums by people who never actually bought them.)

          • Stockhausen

            I bought the album, I love black metal, but it didn’t take hold of my junk the way I expected it to. While I dig the album, I see where you’re coming from. I’d still pick it over Chicago though.

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            I like when black metal rekkids get a firm hold on my junk.

          • Stockhausen

            That’s the best. Thantifaxath still hasn’t let go.

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            Sacred White Noise was Artificial Brain’s favorite metal album of the year – according to their Facebook.

          • Stockhausen

            I saw that! Smart lads, them Artificial Brains.

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            #therealwillsmith

          • Stockhausen

            #gettin’skronkywithit

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            JAG sometime in the near future I’m gonna check out Crimson (I think that’s an album) from Edge of Sanity.

          • Great CD!

          • Edge of Sanity is good.

            Fact: Dan Swanö could make elevator music and it would be the best damned elevator music you’ve ever heard.

          • Scrimm

            WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR???!!??!?!?!?!?

        • KJM

          Early 70s Chicago over this? Absolutely.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            Nope, try again.

          • KJM

            Nah, I got it right. When people call that “Blunt Ass Noise” they’re not kidding.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

          • KJM

            The kitty agrees with me.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            The kitty would never agree

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I love the early 70’s Chicago output.

      • Chicago actually has a street named after the band, in, you guessed it, Chicago.

        https://imherenowwhatchicago.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/img_0987.jpg

      • Did you hear that monstrocity they did, though, with Umphree’s McGee a couple years ago, when the city was looking for a new official song? FLUUUUUUUUUUUUSH!

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpgEGMCbHhg

  • Edward #negrod4eva

    WE WILL ALWAYS TRICK YOU
    WE WILL ALWAYS TRICK YOU
    WE WILL ALWAYS TRICK YOU

  • WHYTEBEVRD

    basically, we all just wanted to post a song we really liked. u so mad, masterpants.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan

      He’s even madder at my pick.

      • VVorld Peace

        Did you vote for yourself again?

        • WHYTEBEVRD

          I feel like I haven’t voted for one of Jack’s riffs in a while. I think this one is worth it.

          • VVorld Peace

            I think Joe almost picked it.

        • CT-12

          Be nice

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            He’s done that two weeks in a row.

          • CT-12

            Yeah, and what does it matter? To each their own, but that really shouldn’t upset you.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            I’m not upset about it, I just said that it’s a fair assumption.

          • VVorld Peace

            I’m just asking questions.

          • WHYTEBEVRD

            o.O someone voted for mine and it wasn’t me. go figure.

          • CT-12

            Seemed snarky

        • Janitor Jim Dvggan

          No. I voted for Johhny Crunch.

      • Hubert, Goat ov Doom and Void

        That’s because your pick sucks

      • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

        Because no one cares about a shitty band that should’ve quit a long time ago.

        • KJM

          But that’s 99.9% of all bands by your standards.

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            Metaphysical Anus likes some bands.

          • KJM

            Yeah, there is that 0.01%.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            I think you mean 0.1%? Did you see your own comment?

          • KJM

            Edited.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            I fucked up with the zeros as well. It’s 0.1%

          • KJM

            Geez, I thought I had that right the first time.

          • WHYTEBEVRD

            There is actually a long theoretical math equation to figure it out. The solution is some kind of symbol that looks like a butthole.

          • KJM

            Dammit, knew I shouldn’t have skipped Maths class to go smoke that joint…

          • WHYTEBEVRD

            Man, I’m gonna roll a blunt today. Its one of dem days.

          • In real life, he was Mikey from the Life cereal commercials.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            Joe already did that joke.

          • Come on in and join us in our group hug just for you, and share your feels and tenderness, little bear!

            http://media.giphy.com/media/KrHaLUAF1vaZq/giphy.gif

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            Nah.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            How’d you get that percentage? Show me the math (or in your case, the meth).

          • KJM

            Lucky guess. Fairly accurate I’d say.

            And no, you show me the money first, then I show you the stuff.

        • Janitor Jim Dvggan

          I like them quite a bit though I wasn’t being serious by putting them as my riff of the year. My actual riff was from the new Blut Aus Nord album.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            Had it been something from the new Yes album I would’ve known that it’s a joke.

  • I just realized something rather horrible: I bought an album by a band called Noble Beast thinking it was the one mentioned above (and previously) but I’m pretty sure it was by a local band. The album I bought sounds nothing like power metal mastery. I got something akin to the shittiest heavy metal of all time. I need to listen to Noble Beast now. I was listening to the wrong thing the whole time.

    • Hahahahaha holy shit.

    • If you’re playing dragon age inquisition and not listening to Noble Beast during then you’re doing it wrong.

      • Edward #negrod4eva

        I’m thinking about picking that up JB – I’m thinking about it hella hard.

        • Dragon Age or Noble Beast?

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            Dragon Age: Inquisition.

          • Pick it up man, GOTY

          • WHYTEBEVRD

            urrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

          • Scrimm

            I want it bad but completely broke now.

          • It is worth it. Though I still like Origins the best because of nostalgia reasons, I think the plot of Inquisition is more compelling. The game play, though repetitive, allows for a more diverse difference between play-throughs in ways that Origins couldn’t. If I would have one word of advice, don’t spend your first twenty hours in the Hinterlands. It is not a very fun area (though that opinion is subjective). If you do everything, you’ll be over-leveled.

      • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

        Well, then I have played it wrong and will play it wrong.

        • I wouldn’t expect a loofah to play it correctly. It’s cool dude, I know you would rather listen to Britney Spears while slaying dragons.
          <3

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            I’m not going to stand here and be berated by a mollusk.

          • That’s because you’re sitting.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            I was standing when I typed that.

          • Dancing to Britney no doubt.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            But I can’t dance nor do I like Britney

          • While the first part of this statement may be true, everyone here knows you love Britney.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            Yer still a mean mollusk

          • Only kind of mollusk there is. We tend to enjoy picking on arthropods.

      • I don’t listen to music while playing video games with stories I care about. I also already beat DAI. Took me 90 fucking hours.

        • I always listen to music when it’s a game I’ve already beaten, in the case of dragon age I listen to music while battling dragons. I have 86 hours so far and one more story mission left.

          • WHYGHTBEVRD

            There is a PS4 version of it, correct?

          • Pretty sure there is

          • Twas an excellent game. I just started Far Cry 4. It’s pretty good so far but it gives me a headache for some reason. If I get jumped by a fucking crocodile again, I might die of a heart attack.

          • I’m more worried about honey badgers lol

          • I shot one with a grenade launcher and it literally went flying so high into the air it disappeared. #PCMasterRace

          • Lol, did u ever add me on steam?

          • No, what’s your steam name?

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I have Jack as a Steam friend. Are there any good sales currently on there?

          • Alan Wake for $2.99, Fallout New Vegas for $2.49, Shovel Knight for $10.04, Kerbal Space Program for $17.99, Shadow of Mordor for $29.99, Brothers for $1.49, Wolfenstein: The New Order for $29.99, Assassin’s Creed IV Black Flag for $23.99 (though this will probably cost less on the final day as it was a popular sale), and Alien: Isolation for $37.49. These are the games that I would recommend that are on sale.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I’m thinking about getting Fallout and Anno 2070. What is your opinion on Anno 2070? I already love the Fallout series so I’ll buy New Vegas.

          • I own it but I’ve yet to play it. From what I’ve read and seen, it appears to be a very good game but it has some problems because of the engine it runs on. Apparently, the DRM in the game is really bad which leads to bad frame rates sometimes. If you can deal with that, you’ll probably find it to be a good game.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            I’m also thinking about buying the Two Worlds series because I loved them on the Xbox 360 but I lost the games last year. What’s your opinion on the Two Worlds series?

          • Can’t say I’ve heard of it.
            EDIT: Based on PCGamingWiki, if you don’t have NVIDIA cards, it will crash on the startup. Refer to the links if you want to find a work around: http://pcgamingwiki.com/wiki/Two_Worlds and http://pcgamingwiki.com/wiki/Two_Worlds_2

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            Thanks for the links. I have an AMD graphics card so this will be useful.

          • Archbauer

          • Sent. That name is amazing.

          • Sweet, I’m at work right now but I’ll accept when I get home

  • I voted for Howard Dean. Drowned had an amazing riff this year. Masterlord came in an incredibly close second.

    • Howard Dean

      Many thanks, Xan ov the Void!

  • M Shadows!

    ( ) ( ) !

  • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

    This was my song of the year
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=b08bYSriII0

    • Scrimm

      Heard all these riffs like 15 years ago

  • I voted for Jack Bauer, hands down!

  • WHYTEBEVRD

    I’m actually a little more excited about my pick for next week’s already =/

    • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

      It’s probably some scrug music.

      • WHYTEBEVRD

        Who said you could use scrug!?

        • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

          You never trademarked it, scrug

          • WHYTEBEVRD

            scrvggish rvbbish bone

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            How does it feel like being a scrug®?

          • WHYGHTBEVRD

            Scruglyfe is hard, yo. People hate your beautiful album collection with a pink/clear yellow Sunbather LP. You gotta have huge arms and shoulders but still have a beer gut, and people always jealous of the beard.

          • No we don’t want no scrugs, scrugs don’t get no love from me, hanging out the side of their best friend’s ride, trying to holla at meeeeeee.

  • Scrimm

    Jack Bauer gets the nod this time. Fuck Lacerated Enemy though, at least until the get better distro. They are incredibly slow.

  • God

    No joke, but vanhelgd appeared in my iTunes library a few months ago and I have no memory of ever purchasing it. But damn is it good.

    • JWG

      It’s like the U2 trickery, only with better results.

      • WHYGHTBEVRD

        way better results.

  • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

    Masterlord complains no one includes a specific time, didn’t include one himself.

    • Jöhnny Crünch ™

      I noticed that. He should be disqualified, seeing as of this moment he has me beat by 2 votes.

      • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

        I’ll have you know I voted for you.

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          He also doesn’t like Venom.

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan

            Who can hate Venom? I enjoy their music quite a bit and I cannot wait for the new album. I don’t just enjoy shitty music, I also enjoy some really good music.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            Flush!

        • Jöhnny Crünch ™

          Why thank you kind sir

  • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

    I just came by to tell all of you how much I love you (a lot). And that I love that Primordial riff even more.

    • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

      I love you too, sis.

      • WHYTEBEVRD

        Both of you are alright.

        • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

          I’d rate you 3.2/5 crusty anuses.

          • WHYTEBEVRD

            that’s not so bad.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            It’s quite good, seeing as most people are 0/5 crusty anuses.

          • WHYGHTBEVRD

            I’ll do you one better. You can have 4/5 picards for not giving a fuck.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            I see you found a better picture.

          • WHYGHTBEVRD

            dis homeless ukranian man fits the build pretty well. so does the whyght. Though, I suppose my beard will be more grey than white down the road.

      • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

        Good to be loved and love back, one sister to another.

    • Jöhnny Crünch ™

      Thank you.

  • Warheart

    From this list, Primordial has my vote.

    But personally, my favorite riff of this year is the main one of this song, though it’s not metal, I think it’s pretty effective and it’s amazing that in 2014 it’s still possible to come out with something so damn simple and so fucking killer at the same time.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDA-lzxcFyQ

  • Max

    “In related news, the end of the year is upon us and I still haven’t won one of these. Thanks a lot, guys.”

    Uh…hang on. What about when you and I tied and you decided to award it to yerself? You’re welcome.

    • Scrimm

      Ooooh snap.

    • Edward #negrod4eva

      Oh shit Max don’t play.

    • Gluteus_Maximus_Rage

      Well played sir…
      (I hope this gif works!)

      • Gluteus_Maximus_Rage

        Nope. Lemme try again…

        • Gluteus_Maximus_Rage

          [url=https://imgflip.com/gif/frob0][img]https://i.imgflip.com/frob0.gif[/img][/url]

          • Gluteus_Maximus_Rage

            I think I got it now…just have to remember this when I finally straighten up…

          • Max

            Is that Sam, of Kochie vs. Sam fame? If so, it worked on me.

          • Gluteus_Maximus_Rage

            TEAM SAMANTHA ARMYTAGE 4 LYFE

          • Lacertilian

            I thought she looked familiar.
            Although, Channel 7 is banned at my house and please don’t mention Kochie ever again in this place of sanctity.

          • Max

            It doesn’t get much more un-metal than him, I must say. My lips are sealed.

          • Lacertilian

            He is slime, devoid of any redeemable human trait.

          • Max

            Indeed. Although I suppose at least he’s not Derryn Hinch, bellowing “Shame, shame, shame; that’s life – I’m Derryn Hinch” at the mighty Pungent Stench.

          • Lacertilian

            I’d prefer Hinch, although Steve Vizard’s Hunch was pretty spot on from Fast Forward.

          • dang… boner time!

    • A shameless abuse of power just isn’t as gratifying as a clean win, Max.

  • old_man_doom

    Moar leik: Conquering Dystopia — Destroyer of False Diagonal-Ass Riffs.

    You have my vote, GL. Jeff and Keef have my undying devotion.

  • JWG

    Glad I scrolled through every one before making a commitment.

    ‘Where Greater Men Have Fallen’ got my vote for having a great riff in a great tune in my definite AOTY. Period.

    • Jöhnny Crünch ™

      Thank you

  • WHYGHTBEVRD

    I hate how you can’t use doritos as a nacho dip chip because it gets dorito stuff all in the dip 🙁

    • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

      Ok?

      • WHYGHTBEVRD

        fuck you

        • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

          You couldn’t afford it, honey

          • WHYGHTBEVRD

            get in the fucking trunk

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            I do not trust your driving skills, so I won’t. I’ll use a bus

          • WHYGHTBEVRD
          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus
          • WHYGHTBEVRD

            yeah yeah yeah.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            Circle is love, Circle is life.
            https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DjmOSYL5crk

          • WHYGHTBEVRD

            i never said it wasn’t good, even when you’ve posted it before

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            I’ve never said you said that it isn’t good

          • WHYGHTBEVRD
          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            Y u do dis? This is fucking horrible

          • WHYGHTBEVRD

            I’m going back to hating you now

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            I had no idea that you were one of the dragonfuckers.

          • WHYGHTBEVRD

            I’m probably the worst. They keep peddling this Noble Beast/No Falsetto garbage.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            Damn. I thought you were a cool guy.

          • WHYGHTBEVRD

            You not thinking I’m not a cool guy makes me a cool guy.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            Nah.

          • WHYGHTBEVRD
          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus
          • WHYGHTBEVRD

            whoaaaaaaaaaaaa am I supposed to like this? because i do.

            one of my fav powrz ever
            http://youtu.be/kMOXaSOBPR4

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            I was hoping you’d like it 🙂

          • WHYGHTBEVRD

            i rly do, is the rest of their stuff in this vein?

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            The album that song is from is pretty good, my favourite of theirs. They got two other albums. Too bad they quit.

          • WHYGHTBEVRD

            Did they? That’s a shame.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            Their drummer is currently working in a excellent afrobeat band. They’re Finnish, btw

          • WHYGHTBEVRD

            finnish + afrobeat = smh

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            Their vocalist and partial percussionist is of guinean origin. They got on my top 10 list this year.

          • WHYGHTBEVRD

            i almost voted for your OMG sub out of pure indignation.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            Gorgasm hasn’t been in here for a while. I miss him.

          • WHYGHTBEVRD
          • Scrimm

            too good.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            Magyar Posse has three albums, dingus.

          • Scrimm

            Wtf are you babbling about. I said it was good they quit. A comment that belonged somewhere else accidentally got typed here.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            Admit your mistakes Scrimm

          • Scrimm

            I just did. Admit your entire social life consists of checking your disqus profile to see if anyone replied to your inanity. I edited my mistake literally like 2 seconds after I hit post. I was talking to someone about the band frightmare on another page. They have two albums.

          • WHYGHTBEVRD

            you were talking about Demons & Wizards hving 2 albums

          • Scrimm

            No I wasn’t I don’t know shit about that band beyond hearing their first albums years ago. I was talking on horror blog about horror related bands. Just had the wrong page up when I walked back in the room.

          • WHYGHTBEVRD

            Whoa bro, just cuz lil scrug here is wantin to incite something, I was just guessing? D&W has 2 albums. Fucking nvm

          • Scrimm

            Seriously? What the fuck about my answer was rude. I just said no I wasn’t and answered you. Jesus.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            Oh. I thought that you we’re talking about Demons & Wizards back there and made a mistake. My bad. You don’t have to be dick, though. Merry christmas and happy new year.

          • Scrimm

            So you can CONSTANTLY say negative shit about everything everyone else here posts but when someone says it to you they are being a dick?You wonder why I act like that to you there’s your answer.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            Do I insult them personally? Most of the things I say are not meant to be taken seriously.

          • Scrimm

            And me saying too good was insulting you personally? Or meant to be taken serious? The only thing personal I’ve ever said about you was calling you out for laughing at others getting mad over comments when you have done that several times as well. Thank you.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            I was talking about you that comment on my social life, not the “too good” comment. I’m sorry I didn’t make it clear.

          • Scrimm

            Well that was an obvious riff dude, because you caught my mistake incredibly fast cause I realized it literally the second I posted it.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            My page wasn’t refreshed after the comment was made, so I didn’t see the edit.

          • Scrimm

            Makes sense but it was still funny on this end cause you literally replied like 5 seconds after I hit post and was editing.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            I was scrolling through my open pages and noticed a reply at the moment.

          • Scrimm

            I believe you man. C’mon you had to know that was not in seriousness cause what was I doing while I said all you do is watch you disqus account? Looking at mine.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            I guess my head doesn’t work when it’s late. Damn insomnia

          • Scrimm

            I take equal responsibility for a misunderstanding.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            Let’s hug

          • Scrimm

            Deal.

          • WHYGHTBEVRD

            man, what the fuck guys

          • Scrimm

            Pay no heed good man it’s not the first time we’ve clashed probably won’t be the last. I seriously don’t see how my answer to you’re earlier comment was rude or anything.

          • WHYGHTBEVRD

            like we breed conflict in here.

          • Scrimm

            No we don’t. Since day one this place has been great about that. But people but heads occasionally even in the best of environments.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            Let’s just all calm down now and kiss each other on the cheeks.

          • Scrimm
          • WHYGHTBEVRD

            I’m open minded as all get-out. Juts because I have to call @metaphysicalanus:disqus a poser, doesn’t mean anything to anyone else.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            You’re a bigger poser tho

          • Scrimm

            First album is much better

          • Nordling Rites Ov Krampus

            I like you better naow.

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

          • WHYGHTBEVRD

            i forgot how good this was

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            Spoiler alert: it’s not good

          • WHYGHTBEVRD

            i will urinate on your funeral pyre

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            You’ll have to urinate on my ashes. I’d like that

          • WHYGHTBEVRD

            I will give you a little reprieve

            http://youtu.be/meAkc359DiE

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            This is bad.

          • WHYGHTBEVRD

            *digs a shallow pit*

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            *starts masturbating vigorously*

          • WHYGHTBEVRD

            heres a good finish
            http://youtu.be/E7pJ97Xgn8s

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            Dis good

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            That was fucking horrible. I said it again. Whatcha gonna do, scrug?

          • WHYGHTBEVRD

            quit using my word, mollusk

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            I’ll use it when I want to use it, you scruggy scrug

          • This! Now get over my knee, you BG hating tart!

            http://stashpit.com/upload/big/2014/06/03/538e5000c9b19.gif

          • WHYGHTBEVRD

            “go get me a switch”

          • FeelTheDarkness

            Paging Adrian Peterson

          • Nordling Rites Ov Anus

            *oils himself* I’m a slippery devil *runs far away*

          • WHYGHTBEVRD
          • Curses! I’ll get you, Gadget!

          • Edward #negrod4eva

            na na, what’s that fuss?

    • KJM

      It’s not so bad unless you have a different kind of chip later on.

    • Put some Sriracha on ’em.

  • Jöhnny Crünch ™

    “Please include the time of a specific riff or please die”

    The @Masterlord should heed his own advice.

  • BTW, the “Intercessor: Another Rock N Roll Nightmare” DVD I ordered arrived, and I’ll try getting it on Youtube for you guys (trust me, I doubt it’s still in print in the first place, and the studios are most likely gone) and my humble review of it. So far, it’s even more low budget than the original and Thor’s looking, well, chunkier, but not too bad off. For those who don’t remember the original, look no further than The Toilet’s review: http://www.toiletovhell.com/horror-movies-and-heavy-metal-rock-n-roll-nightmare/

  • And, I have to wonder about an old urban legend. My friend who got me into death metal back in high school pulled up a point that RiotAct666 used to say “Flushes these posers down the toilet ov hell”. Is there any correlation between the name of this site and that?

    • Gluteus_Maximus_Rage

      That is exactly where the name of the site came from.
      #praiseRA666

  • KJM

    “The Taking Of Deborah Logan” was predictable but good, worth seeing once.

    • Scrimm

      I started that on Netflix but I got distracted and never went back to it. Now I will make it a point to do so.

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    All your picks suck, fuck you.

    • Scrimm

      The list is kind of underwhelming.

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    2014–a year for experimental integration of u.n censorship(political correctness)–and heavy metal power guitar—-

    as music (“energized enthusiasm”)—the failure of the integration is typified by “z2” by devin townsend—shredder wizardry drowned in castration–forced jim henson –govt funded propaganda—and slavery

    as jews began to realize—just cuz something is “pc” or is harmonious with comedy central–

    that does not necessarily mean that it is “pro jewish”

    —-

    anyone with more than half a brain can tell that the seth rogan/korean war media psyop—is staged—-and it would be natural for an average jew on the internet to want to stand up for their “cousin’—in any debates on the subject

    but rogan is being fooled—-into serving the pro u.n. war effort—to invade korea–unprovoked—-

    in 20 years —when the commies start going after jews—for being “religious” and non agenda 21 compliant—–then maybe jewish people will realize—-that the msm set up an elaborate trap on them

    wake up jews—–serve love—not war
    —–
    here is a song –of cooperation—between free america==and the true jews—

    a song by the most cutting edge jewish dreamer—-released before the pc censorship attack on the msm====

    beyond the “agenda 21” —into cosmic freedom—and space—-ecstasy
    —-
    both at the same time—full vol
    http://youtu.be/SmvG2GZ3S7o

    http://youtu.be/I9Z0KIhzydk

    • KJM

      +1 for Jane’s

  • J.R.

    Masterlord stole my pick. Good Man.
    Finally bought that, A Sense of Gravity, David Maxim Micic, Falls of Rauros, and some Steak Number Eight and I have Hakken in the mail

    yeee

    • that song “Smile” off Bilo 3.0 is amazing. <3 Aleksandra Djelmas <3

  • And amongst the saddest moments of the year, let’s remember Robin Wiliams.

    O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;

    Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills,

    For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding,

    For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;

    Here Captain! dear father!

    This arm beneath your head!

    It is some dream that on the deck,

    You’ve fallen cold and dead.

    Saddest moment of the year for me. And of course a song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-D2k5jkLlKQ

  • FeelTheDarkness

    My whiff of 2014 isn’t music. It’s a movie.
    That movie would be A Million Ways To Die in The West.
    After how funny Ted was, this was a major letdown.
    I hope Ted 2 doesn’t suck but probably will.

  • Sadistikexekution

    ** flushes toilet **

    • Howard Dean

      Sadistik Exekution: amazing band, mediocre troll.

      • Sadistikexekution

        Thank you for pointing that out.

        • Howard Dean

          You’re very welcome.

          • Sadistikexekution

            I also want to apologize in advance for future mediocre trolling from my side.

          • Howard Dean

            That is very mature and responsible of you.