RIFF OV THE WEEK: THE SHIT EDITION

2591
372
Share:

I did something stupid last week. I drank way too many different kinds of cold medicine at the same time and, clearly not in control of my faculties, gave in to a horrible idea – that we run a nü-metal riff of the week. Then I did something even more stupid. I said that, instead of posting the regular 15, I’d use every riff that was sent to me. This I did partly for fun, and partly for the nookie, but mainly because I didn’t expect to receive many submissions. Turns out I underestimated just how fucking awful all of you really are deep down. Had I known that you were all semi-secretly massive posers and that, consequently, I’d get upwards of 30 submissions, I never would have made such a promise. However, I’m unfortunately a man of my word. So I’ll allow this stupid contest to take a hot shit on my precious Friday.

Last weekBrock Samson and McNulty tied it up with exactly thirteen votes each, so I flipped a coin to determine the winner and it landed upright on its edge. According to Article 13044-1.B.ii of The Manual ov the Riff ov the Week, the win defaults to the dealer in the case of such a freakish coin toss. I’m the dealer. Better luck next time.

Next week:

  • By Link’s command, next week is just a normal Riff ov the Week. No themes, no categories, just killer riffs of your choosing.
  • IMPORTANT: in order to help me avoid the foibles I’m so prone to committing, please send your riffs to TOILETOVHELLRIFF@GMAIL.COM. Include your name, a Youtube link, the time of the riff, and an explanation or something. The first 15 riffs I get will be included.
  • If you have an idea for a theme or category, let me know in the comments or send me an email.
  • Happy Valentines Day, dorks!

 

Masterlord

I can’t.

 

Joe Thrashnkill

“Break Stuff” is the quintessential nü-metal tune. That’s not exactly high praise, but the late 90s/early 2000s were a confusing time for all of us. Regardless, the dummy stupid riffs that carry this song were a revelation to a very young Joe as he learned the guitar. “ONE FINGER! You can play the song with one finger! Hooray!” If you were to pick one element of nu-metal that defined the genre (aside from dickheads wearing stupid clothes), it would have to be the bounce riff. The riff at 2:00 is still the hardest bounce riff ever. Eat me.

 

W.

Ah, the nu metal days, a halcyon era of tough-guy posturing and putting haterz in their places. Perhaps no band mastered the art of vaguely homo-erotic hater/seilencing than Snot. Check out that bouncy, angsty chorus riff at 43 seconds and sing along with me. MY BALLS! YOUR CHIN!

 

Janitor Jim

0:44 to 1:01 is one of my favorite nu-metal riffs.

 

Maik Beninton

Just the intro of this song makes it worth listening to.

 

Blackbeard

While I’m still in a state of disbelief at the theme for this week, I will submit the only nu-metal band worth any fucks, Deftones. I imagine being in middle school and thinking this was a good riff, which is, I guess, the quintessence of nu-metal. There’s really only one riff in the whole song.

 

MoshOff

This might not be considered 100% nu-metal, but I don’t care about your stupid square genre tags, MAN. The verse riff in Helmet’s “I Know” (1:13) proves that a simple 3/4 drop-tuned barre chord progression over a 4/4 drum beat is all it takes to make a memorable, groovy riff.

 

Ron Deuce

I don’t consider the Deftones nu-metal anymore but early on in their career they very much fit that description. “Head Up” was very Nu. So Nu that they even listed the talents of the King of Jumpdafukup, Max Cavalera. Opening riff makes you want to put on a pair of Adidas gym pants and do questionable dance moves.

 

Gurp

Soulfly was easily one of the best nu-metal bands out there, which admittedly isn’t high praise but enough that I listen to them regularly. Back before they drifted into more thrashy territory, Max was the best at putting together simple, groovy riffs with catchy drumbeats and a goofy phrase you could repeat over and over. There’s actually a ton of Soulfly riffs I’d like to submit, but this one at 1:31 gets stuck in my head the most, so I’ll share it with you salty mofos.

 

Kim Jong Un’s Gross Bodily Function(s)

Nu-metal AND Stone Cold Steve Austin? Stop on by your local Planet Fitness parking lot or Hooters, grab some bros, a couple cases of Bud Lite and Manwiches, and enjoy this Deutschenkrapper!

 

Mr. Custodial Arts

The fact that the asshole who uploaded this video couldn’t be bothered to post time-appropriate photos (LOMBARDO DIDN’T PLAY ON THIS YOU FUCKIN’ DINK) solidifies the NU-METAL LOLBUTTZ. But if one feels compelled to put on big pants and bounce around like a cunt, why not make it SLAYER? Really though, don’t listen to this. Don’t fucking listen to anything posted here today… we should all be ashamed of ourselves.

 

Dagon

This was the go-to cover song of every band in high school. Feel the edge at 2:39.

 

Poseur Disposeur

This band many of you may not have heard of, and it might be a stretch to call them “nu metal.” However, they are by far the best rap-rock band from any country at any time. The main riff in this song is simple but kicks unbelievable ass.

 

God

I apologize for nothing. I have never tried to hide my love for certain “poser” groups mainly because I love everyone (except you Fred Durst, you know what you did.). Static-X is one of those bands for when I’m in the mood for some mindless repetitive headbanging, and I would be lying if I said this track hasn’t gotten regular plays on my iPod. Riffage starts from the get go and continues throughout the song.

 

Ted Nü-Djent

The intro riff and the same riff is used in the chorus and is catchy as hell. I played the shit outta SCIENCE when it came out, and funnily enough, it was introduced to me by a mate who listened to nothing but the deathiest of death and the blackest of black metal.

 

Stanley

I’m a Rammstein fan and wanted to catch them on their first tour of the US. Unfortunately they were appearing on the Family Values Tour so I had to put up with a load of other shit. Anyway, I hung around to see Korn and having never really heard them before, this life-loving riff stuck out. It’s pretty catchy and the I love the use of the high hat. The first use of the riff is at the 0:20 and then, if you can stand watching these clowns, again for the chorus at 1:38.

 

Dead Butt Dreaming

I submit POD. The idiot half-brother of Roots era Sepultura. Starts at 1:50. The bass riff. Leads into the quintessential nu-metal spoken word build up into the mosh.

 

Nordling Rites ov Karhu

0:52. I was gonna send another riff, but apparently JoePants [Is that our celeb dating name? — Masterlord] are a meanie, so here’s Sepultura. If you don’t think this song is Nü-Metal, boy are you fooling yorself. Also, it’s a lot better than anything on Roots.

 

Leif Bearikson

This probably isn’t the only Disturbed entry, but Austin 3:16 says it’s the goddamn best.

 

HessianHunter

When this was declared to be week of nu-metal riffs, I got legitimately stoked because the only question on my mind was “which totally bitchin’ Maximum The Hormone track should I submit!?” This band has a neverending well of sick, chunky riffs that got DAT BOUNCE. It’s like no one ever told them nu-metal was supposed to suck. After much consideration and eBay shopping for oversized wallet chains, I’ve chosen the main lick from “Buiikikaesu” (first appearing at 0:08) because it’s mega high-energy, bounces like a motherfucker, and has that delicious turn-of-the-millenium bass slapping to fill out the high end. This band does everything fun about fusion metal and avoids every lame pitfall that a funk/j-pop/nu-metal band should fall into. Maximum The Hormone’s very existence is a sin against God, frankly, but one I adore with every ounce of my being.

 

I’m On Vacation

Before Ivan Moody got all tuff and formed The Six Knuckle Bitch Slap, he was a part of a low-tier, reasonably not-terrible nu-metal outfit known as Motograter. They put out one album over a decade ago, then Ivan quit, and the only remaining member is the guitarist (but he swears a new album is coming out any time now; try to contain your excitement guys!). At any rate, the opening riff of “Down” remains one of the catchiest tidbits of the nu-metal era.

 

Gluteus Maximus Rage

Testeagles – “Agent 99”. From the album Non-Comprehendous, released in 2000, right in the guts of the Nü Metal wave of popularity. We used to jam this puppy at parties aplenty back when I was 21 (#oldguy). These Aussies only released this one album because they were dropped by their label Sony not long after the album… dropped, even though it made it to number 21 on the Australian album chart. Go figure. Anywho, riff starts off the song and returns throughout the track. #STRAYA

 

Ellipsis

Mmm… Nü Metal. This RotW is making me all nostalgic… My mind wanders back to an angsty, awkward, teenage Ellipsis listing to weird music and grumbling about how no one got me… Flash-forward to an angsty, awkward, technically an adult Ellipsis taking a break from listening to weird new music and grumbling about how I don’t get my teenage self… Anyway, riff at 2:28.

 

Tertius Decimus

Is it okay to be too predictable this week? The riff is very simple, starts right from the zero mark.

 

Alan Smithee

When it comes to Nu Metal, the best riffs usually came from Slipknot. Simple and bouncy, but also genuinely fucking heavy, and the best Slipknot riff in my opinion comes from “Disasterpiece”. From around 0:53 to 1:18, it pummels you with one of the most pissed off guitar sounds Nu Metal ever conjured up, whilst still retaining the bounciness of most other Slipknot riffs of the time. Special mention goes out to the first verse riff in “People=Shit”.

 

Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nip

Oh boy… Time to dust off the JNCO’s, put on an over-sized tshirt, and strap on some Hot Topic wrist bands and wallet chain. Oh yeah, don’t forget the backwards baseball cap. Time to relive that disturbed (lulz) era of teenage angst and frosted tips. An era when angels deserved to die almost as much as Fred Durst (just a joke, but his music really is terrible). Hard to believe the Toilet ov Hell, this bastion of supposed “elitist” IMN trolls (of whom I am proud to be a part of, natch) is actually doing a nü metal ROTW. Looking out the window I half expect to see a pig flying by towing a banner that reads “LOLBUTTZ” in big, bold lettering. Alright, let’s do this. My choice would probably have to be “Dig” from Mudvayne. One of a handful of nü metal songs I can still listen too and somewhat enjoy. The bass line makes this song slightly better than the majority of nü metal. Flush all nü metal except SoaD’s Toxicity, a select few Slipknot and Mushroomhead songs, and this track. (For the record, I absolutely love the Deftones but I don’t consider them to be nü metal, so I’m not including them here). Riff starts at the beginning.

 

Further Down the Metal Hole

My 14 year old self declared (to myself, cause no one else cared, of course) this song off the first album to be my favourite Korn song. I still like nu metal and haven’t changed my opinion; this is my favourite Korn and nu metal song in general. Love that groove going on in the main riff, man.

_________

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 15-02-2015 09:00:00
Poll Results:
Whyyyyyyyyyyy...
Did you dig this? Take a second to support Toilet ov Hell on Patreon!