RIFF OV THE WEEK: THE SHIT EDITION

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I did something stupid last week. I drank way too many different kinds of cold medicine at the same time and, clearly not in control of my faculties, gave in to a horrible idea – that we run a nü-metal riff of the week. Then I did something even more stupid. I said that, instead of posting the regular 15, I’d use every riff that was sent to me. This I did partly for fun, and partly for the nookie, but mainly because I didn’t expect to receive many submissions. Turns out I underestimated just how fucking awful all of you really are deep down. Had I known that you were all semi-secretly massive posers and that, consequently, I’d get upwards of 30 submissions, I never would have made such a promise. However, I’m unfortunately a man of my word. So I’ll allow this stupid contest to take a hot shit on my precious Friday.

Last weekBrock Samson and McNulty tied it up with exactly thirteen votes each, so I flipped a coin to determine the winner and it landed upright on its edge. According to Article 13044-1.B.ii of The Manual ov the Riff ov the Week, the win defaults to the dealer in the case of such a freakish coin toss. I’m the dealer. Better luck next time.

Next week:

  • By Link’s command, next week is just a normal Riff ov the Week. No themes, no categories, just killer riffs of your choosing.
  • IMPORTANT: in order to help me avoid the foibles I’m so prone to committing, please send your riffs to TOILETOVHELLRIFF@GMAIL.COM. Include your name, a Youtube link, the time of the riff, and an explanation or something. The first 15 riffs I get will be included.
  • If you have an idea for a theme or category, let me know in the comments or send me an email.
  • Happy Valentines Day, dorks!

 

Masterlord

I can’t.

 

Joe Thrashnkill

“Break Stuff” is the quintessential nü-metal tune. That’s not exactly high praise, but the late 90s/early 2000s were a confusing time for all of us. Regardless, the dummy stupid riffs that carry this song were a revelation to a very young Joe as he learned the guitar. “ONE FINGER! You can play the song with one finger! Hooray!” If you were to pick one element of nu-metal that defined the genre (aside from dickheads wearing stupid clothes), it would have to be the bounce riff. The riff at 2:00 is still the hardest bounce riff ever. Eat me.

 

W.

Ah, the nu metal days, a halcyon era of tough-guy posturing and putting haterz in their places. Perhaps no band mastered the art of vaguely homo-erotic hater/seilencing than Snot. Check out that bouncy, angsty chorus riff at 43 seconds and sing along with me. MY BALLS! YOUR CHIN!

 

Janitor Jim

0:44 to 1:01 is one of my favorite nu-metal riffs.

 

Maik Beninton

Just the intro of this song makes it worth listening to.

 

Blackbeard

While I’m still in a state of disbelief at the theme for this week, I will submit the only nu-metal band worth any fucks, Deftones. I imagine being in middle school and thinking this was a good riff, which is, I guess, the quintessence of nu-metal. There’s really only one riff in the whole song.

 

MoshOff

This might not be considered 100% nu-metal, but I don’t care about your stupid square genre tags, MAN. The verse riff in Helmet’s “I Know” (1:13) proves that a simple 3/4 drop-tuned barre chord progression over a 4/4 drum beat is all it takes to make a memorable, groovy riff.

 

Ron Deuce

I don’t consider the Deftones nu-metal anymore but early on in their career they very much fit that description. “Head Up” was very Nu. So Nu that they even listed the talents of the King of Jumpdafukup, Max Cavalera. Opening riff makes you want to put on a pair of Adidas gym pants and do questionable dance moves.

 

Gurp

Soulfly was easily one of the best nu-metal bands out there, which admittedly isn’t high praise but enough that I listen to them regularly. Back before they drifted into more thrashy territory, Max was the best at putting together simple, groovy riffs with catchy drumbeats and a goofy phrase you could repeat over and over. There’s actually a ton of Soulfly riffs I’d like to submit, but this one at 1:31 gets stuck in my head the most, so I’ll share it with you salty mofos.

 

Kim Jong Un’s Gross Bodily Function(s)

Nu-metal AND Stone Cold Steve Austin? Stop on by your local Planet Fitness parking lot or Hooters, grab some bros, a couple cases of Bud Lite and Manwiches, and enjoy this Deutschenkrapper!

 

Mr. Custodial Arts

The fact that the asshole who uploaded this video couldn’t be bothered to post time-appropriate photos (LOMBARDO DIDN’T PLAY ON THIS YOU FUCKIN’ DINK) solidifies the NU-METAL LOLBUTTZ. But if one feels compelled to put on big pants and bounce around like a cunt, why not make it SLAYER? Really though, don’t listen to this. Don’t fucking listen to anything posted here today… we should all be ashamed of ourselves.

 

Dagon

This was the go-to cover song of every band in high school. Feel the edge at 2:39.

 

Poseur Disposeur

This band many of you may not have heard of, and it might be a stretch to call them “nu metal.” However, they are by far the best rap-rock band from any country at any time. The main riff in this song is simple but kicks unbelievable ass.

 

God

I apologize for nothing. I have never tried to hide my love for certain “poser” groups mainly because I love everyone (except you Fred Durst, you know what you did.). Static-X is one of those bands for when I’m in the mood for some mindless repetitive headbanging, and I would be lying if I said this track hasn’t gotten regular plays on my iPod. Riffage starts from the get go and continues throughout the song.

 

Ted Nü-Djent

The intro riff and the same riff is used in the chorus and is catchy as hell. I played the shit outta SCIENCE when it came out, and funnily enough, it was introduced to me by a mate who listened to nothing but the deathiest of death and the blackest of black metal.

 

Stanley

I’m a Rammstein fan and wanted to catch them on their first tour of the US. Unfortunately they were appearing on the Family Values Tour so I had to put up with a load of other shit. Anyway, I hung around to see Korn and having never really heard them before, this life-loving riff stuck out. It’s pretty catchy and the I love the use of the high hat. The first use of the riff is at the 0:20 and then, if you can stand watching these clowns, again for the chorus at 1:38.

 

Dead Butt Dreaming

I submit POD. The idiot half-brother of Roots era Sepultura. Starts at 1:50. The bass riff. Leads into the quintessential nu-metal spoken word build up into the mosh.

 

Nordling Rites ov Karhu

0:52. I was gonna send another riff, but apparently JoePants [Is that our celeb dating name? — Masterlord] are a meanie, so here’s Sepultura. If you don’t think this song is Nü-Metal, boy are you fooling yorself. Also, it’s a lot better than anything on Roots.

 

Leif Bearikson

This probably isn’t the only Disturbed entry, but Austin 3:16 says it’s the goddamn best.

 

HessianHunter

When this was declared to be week of nu-metal riffs, I got legitimately stoked because the only question on my mind was “which totally bitchin’ Maximum The Hormone track should I submit!?” This band has a neverending well of sick, chunky riffs that got DAT BOUNCE. It’s like no one ever told them nu-metal was supposed to suck. After much consideration and eBay shopping for oversized wallet chains, I’ve chosen the main lick from “Buiikikaesu” (first appearing at 0:08) because it’s mega high-energy, bounces like a motherfucker, and has that delicious turn-of-the-millenium bass slapping to fill out the high end. This band does everything fun about fusion metal and avoids every lame pitfall that a funk/j-pop/nu-metal band should fall into. Maximum The Hormone’s very existence is a sin against God, frankly, but one I adore with every ounce of my being.

 

I’m On Vacation

Before Ivan Moody got all tuff and formed The Six Knuckle Bitch Slap, he was a part of a low-tier, reasonably not-terrible nu-metal outfit known as Motograter. They put out one album over a decade ago, then Ivan quit, and the only remaining member is the guitarist (but he swears a new album is coming out any time now; try to contain your excitement guys!). At any rate, the opening riff of “Down” remains one of the catchiest tidbits of the nu-metal era.

 

Gluteus Maximus Rage

Testeagles – “Agent 99”. From the album Non-Comprehendous, released in 2000, right in the guts of the Nü Metal wave of popularity. We used to jam this puppy at parties aplenty back when I was 21 (#oldguy). These Aussies only released this one album because they were dropped by their label Sony not long after the album… dropped, even though it made it to number 21 on the Australian album chart. Go figure. Anywho, riff starts off the song and returns throughout the track. #STRAYA

 

Ellipsis

Mmm… Nü Metal. This RotW is making me all nostalgic… My mind wanders back to an angsty, awkward, teenage Ellipsis listing to weird music and grumbling about how no one got me… Flash-forward to an angsty, awkward, technically an adult Ellipsis taking a break from listening to weird new music and grumbling about how I don’t get my teenage self… Anyway, riff at 2:28.

 

Tertius Decimus

Is it okay to be too predictable this week? The riff is very simple, starts right from the zero mark.

 

Alan Smithee

When it comes to Nu Metal, the best riffs usually came from Slipknot. Simple and bouncy, but also genuinely fucking heavy, and the best Slipknot riff in my opinion comes from “Disasterpiece”. From around 0:53 to 1:18, it pummels you with one of the most pissed off guitar sounds Nu Metal ever conjured up, whilst still retaining the bounciness of most other Slipknot riffs of the time. Special mention goes out to the first verse riff in “People=Shit”.

 

Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nip

Oh boy… Time to dust off the JNCO’s, put on an over-sized tshirt, and strap on some Hot Topic wrist bands and wallet chain. Oh yeah, don’t forget the backwards baseball cap. Time to relive that disturbed (lulz) era of teenage angst and frosted tips. An era when angels deserved to die almost as much as Fred Durst (just a joke, but his music really is terrible). Hard to believe the Toilet ov Hell, this bastion of supposed “elitist” IMN trolls (of whom I am proud to be a part of, natch) is actually doing a nü metal ROTW. Looking out the window I half expect to see a pig flying by towing a banner that reads “LOLBUTTZ” in big, bold lettering. Alright, let’s do this. My choice would probably have to be “Dig” from Mudvayne. One of a handful of nü metal songs I can still listen too and somewhat enjoy. The bass line makes this song slightly better than the majority of nü metal. Flush all nü metal except SoaD’s Toxicity, a select few Slipknot and Mushroomhead songs, and this track. (For the record, I absolutely love the Deftones but I don’t consider them to be nü metal, so I’m not including them here). Riff starts at the beginning.

 

Further Down the Metal Hole

My 14 year old self declared (to myself, cause no one else cared, of course) this song off the first album to be my favourite Korn song. I still like nu metal and haven’t changed my opinion; this is my favourite Korn and nu metal song in general. Love that groove going on in the main riff, man.

_________

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 15-02-2015 09:00:00
Poll Results:
Whyyyyyyyyyyy...
  • If I ever hear another fucking bounce riff, I’m going to kill someone. Probably myself. Maybe Guy Fieri.

    • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

      HAHAHAHAHAHA I just saw this! Thanks MasterLord, you’ve made my day sir!

    • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

      You love me, you just don’t want to admit it.

      • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

        You two going to see ’50 Shades Of Grey’ this weekend, I take it?

        • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

          No.

  • Tyree

    DIE!

    • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

      Put some clothes on before you catch a cold you imbecile.

    • Mr.Custodial Arts

      I love how you tilted the camera perfectly so we couldn’t see the truck up on blocks-I KNOW IT’S THERE.

      http://www.decibelmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/fenriz_darkthrone_decibel-572×429.jpg

      • Tyree

        Ha, I do live in the woods. The road to my place is actually one lane and becomes a dead end. Not much traffic here.

    • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

      At least put some gloves on those fingers. You can’t blast-n’-grind the drums with frostbittten’ phalanges!!

      • tertius_decimus

        With alcohol in his blood he’ll give no fucks.

        • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

          Ay. This I know to be true.

      • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

        Tell that to Immortal! Or the guy from Wintersorg. Oh, wait…………. too soon?

    • What’s in the goblet bro?

      • Tyree
        • Nice, I was drinking this last night. I savored every drop.

          • Tyree

            Oooooooo! I’ve had that and liked it. I’m not big Pumpkin beer sort of guy but this was certainly nice.

          • It’s a little over 10% as well. I was feeling nice about halfway through the bottle.

          • Tyree

            Well done sir.

          • Stanley

            I had a few Southern Tier beers at a bar in Pensacola a couple of years ago. I don’t remember the type but I know that they were good and strong.

          • B00mhauer

            I know i’m a bit late replying to this, but Pumpking is one of the greatest beers I’ve ever had. SOUTHERN TIER IS ON SOME NEXT-LEVEL SHIT

    • Dagon

      That should be your facebook cover, dude.

    • Edward/Breegrodamus
      • Tyree

        This was the first release I heard from Deathspell Omega.

        • Edward/Breegrodamus

          This was mine, and I was like woah, that’s extreme.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bUle4zMYqE

          • David Vincent’s Spandex Shirt

            Perhaps…too extreme

          • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

            *cue David Vincent’s Spandex*

      • JamesGrimm

        This album is boss.

      • by gord… The Cracked Book of Life (last track) is one of the finest metal compositions ever created!!!

    • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

      *toasts to you with my cup full of Milwaukee’s Best*

    • JamesGrimm

      Brvtal…

  • Let your inner poser out to breathe!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gJ_iNMgIWI

    • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

      Early Soulfly had some great stuff https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhjcf9F11PA

      • Yeah, their newer stuff just leaves me cold. Not really groovy, not really thrashy either.

        • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

          I dig Enslaved, but Savages left me cold.

  • Which one is this? Riff ov the week or whiff ov the week?

    • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

      One and the same in this case.

  • BASEDBEARD

    I instantly regret my entire life

  • Mr.Custodial Arts
  • This is what we have all wrought. None are innocent. I voted Stanley.

    • Tyree

      I voted Suicide.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Same, not a fan of FTL but thatb riff is catchy as hell

    • Max

      If I’d had time, I was considering downloading a whole bunch of famous nu-metal songs into an editing program, finding a similar riff from each, and trying to synthesize them into one giant composited nu-metal riff, and submitting that, to make a smart-ass point about “genericness” or whatever.

  • Väinämöinen

  • Im making a conscious effort to go through all this and pick a winner.

  • Tyree
    • MoshOff

      Also kinda Nazis though 🙁

      • Tyree

        I just like their music man. I don’t know much about that shit.

        • MoshOff

          I get that dude, I just can’t really separate both aspects.

      • Unfortunate for them, if true.

        Stuff like this almost never bothers me because, as long as people aren’t hurting each other, IDGAF about people’s personal opinions.

        • Tyree

          Well put Jay. I feel the exact same way.

        • FeelTheDarkness

          But if they are pushing their propaganda through their music and merch then I have a problem with it.

    • Dagon

      THIS. One of the most memorable riffs I’ve ever heard, really.

      • Tyree

        It’s my favorite riff by them. So incredible!!! And… Very catchy.

  • Zeke… or isaac; whatever

    Helmet are NOT nu metal, and for that they are the obvious winner of this god damn fucking shit of the week

  • Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

    As much as I love the Deftones, I don’t consider them nu metal, so I voted for Baby Pumpkin.

    I’ve heard Maximum the Hormone before, and while I wouldn’t call them “good”, they are weird enough to be more interesting than almost all of the other bands on this list (that includes Slayer. I’m only half joking).

    Oh and in advance, anyone who tells me Deftones were/are/will be Nu Metal can fuck right off.

    • Is this it?

      What is your criteria for nu metal then? I only ask because if it is metal mixed with hip hop Deftones have to be there.

      • Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

        That is certainly not a criteria. If it were then Rage Against the Machine, Orange 9mm, and Candiria would be Nu Metal as well, and none of those bands are.

  • Mr.Custodial Arts

    For the sake of gentlemanly discussion in the TOILET:

    -One of these bands I’ve seen open for FAITH NO MORE-and they sucked. Singer is still alive. 🙁

    -One of these bands I’ve seen open for FISHBONE-and they sucked. Singer is dead. 🙂

    -One of these bands I’ve seen live about 8 times-and can’t wait to see again.

    -One of these bands I’ve seen live about 8 times-and don’t care to see ever again.

    -One of these bands I saw open for another in a 550 capacity club-and the opener SMOKED the headliner. That headliner sounds a LOT different these days…openers sound the same.

    -I
    own 10 of these. Of those 10, I paid for 2. Of those 2, I listen to one
    on a monthly basis…and will be seeing them play in 5 days. My level
    of excitement is of the Jim Duggan variety…but I’m not seeing UNION
    UNDERGROUND, sorry Jim…

    -Finally, one band’s vocalist up there was always very open about his obvious worship of the singer of THIS band-one of my old school favorites:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GquBJ3U0sPk

    • This song by them is the jam

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hYS1iMA6lk

    • Is this it?

      FNM Alive – Fred Durst?
      Dead – Snot?
      8 times and again – SOAD?
      8 times no more – Slipknot?

      • Is this it?

        550 – Korn?
        Concert – Slayer?
        Worship – Disturbed?

    • is this it?

      Can you please give me the answers?

      • Mr.Custodial Arts

        Sure man-sorry I took so long! Ha! Thanks for the interest. So…
        FNM Alive – Fred Durst? CORRECT!
        Dead – Snot? CORRECT!
        8 times and again – SOAD? INCORRECT! (DEFTONES-love those dudes!)
        8 times no more – Slipknot? INCORRECT! (SLAYER-since Jeff died, I just can’t do it…)

  • Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

    Let’s be real. We all know who’s going to win this week.

  • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

    Nü-metal was cool. See, without it I would have never started listening to, let’s say, Gorguts, so be thankful of the Nü. Anyway, back when I was an idiot my favorite Nü metal band was Mudvayne, so Dig gets my vote.

    • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone
    • EsusMoose

      Nu metal from the radio got me into heavier things, so I’m thankful for that. I still have a soft spot for groups I did like, SOAD gets the occasional binge listen, I also love the bass on Mudvayne’s Falling Down

      • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

        See? When it comes to Mudvayne, it’s ALL ABOUT DAT BASS, BOUT DAT BASS!!
        Ugh… OK, I think I need to lay down. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

  • In all seriousness the Deftones, Incubus, Maximum the Hormone, 36 Crazyfists and Slipknot are all good selections. LOL at the rest. Please excuse me while I clear my youtube watch history of this debacle.

  • I love Helmet and would have voted for them. I just don’t feel they fit in in the genre very well. (And not because “nü metal” makes my ass sting like it does a lot of people who obviously were listening to it when it was cool but won’t own their pasts now that it’s not.)

    • Edward/Breegrodamus

      I own up to enjoying a lot of corny music, lol. It’s because my taste in music is excellent so at the end of the day it matters not.

      • I have a Huey Lewis & The News record. No shame.

        • Tyree

          I honestly don’t change the radio station if one of his songs plays. No shame.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WNtmITE5GpU

          • Phil Collins’ solo stuff is pretty “guilty pleasure” for me too.

          • Tyree

            Hahaha, I have mixed feelings on Phil’s material. But, I do enjoy some of his solo shit. I’m a huge Peter Gabriel fan as you may know,

          • Peter Gabriel iz good.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Peter Gabriel I like too. Much.

          • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

            In the Air Tonight>>>Paradise>>>Tarzan soundtrack (come on, probably one of Disney’s best-scored films thanks to Phil!)

          • I heard he’s a really nice person too. Any time a fan cries to him about his or her life he tries to help.

          • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

            I bet he gets angry sometimes…

          • Only at world hunger and stuff like that. He should be canonized as a saint when he passes away.

          • Max

            There ain’t NUTHIN’ wrong with Phil Collins’s solo stuff. The guy knew exactly what he was doing. “Against All Odds” is one of the greatest ballads I ever heard. Even Ice-T is on record as a committed fan.

          • Stanley

            One of my all time “change the radio station now, goddammit” songs is You Can’t Hurry Love followed closely by In The Air Tonight followed closely by Sussudio followed closely by….. Then again, I’ll sit through Huey. Dunno why though. Music is a funny thing.

          • Max

            Music is, indeed, a funny thing. It really, really is.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            I like Phil. Much.

          • Lord Ov Kapsko

            MJF can only play grindcore now.

          • Tyree

            Bad joke, but I laughed.

        • Paris Hilton

          Do you like Huey Lewis & The News?

          • I think I like it because it was always on the radio when I was a kid. It’s just a familiar place for me when I hear it (even though I never bought any of his albums then because I had my head too far up the ass of hard rock and heavy metal.)

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            His speech made that movie

        • VVayne Brady

          I actually still like a lot of Mudvayne’s stuff, as I said before.

          • Tyree

            Their drummer is pretty fucking solid.

          • VVayne Brady

            It’s their bassist that does it for me. Their guitarist is total lolbuttz.

          • Tyree

            He is in Hell Yeah I think now?

          • VVayne Brady

            Nah, I think only the singer and guitarist were. Hellyeah is awful.

          • Tyree

            Sorry, I meant the guitarist. AWFUL BAND, YES!

          • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

            Even he (Greg Tribbett, former MudVayne guitarist) left HellYeah a while ago. Now Vinnie & Co. are just a four-piece including bassist Kyle Sanders, brother of Mastodon’s Troy Sanders.

          • Tyree

            REALLY!?! HAHAHAHAHA!!!

          • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

            Indeed. Kyle must have a difficult time maintaining a tan, what with living in his brother shadow and all. BAH-DUM-TISSS!!! Heeyy-Ohh!!

          • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

            Then you should vote for me!!

          • VVayne Brady

            I did, based Nipple.

          • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

            YAAAY!!

        • FeelTheDarkness

          Sports!!!

          • Yep. That’s the one I have. Original pressing/mint.

          • Tyree

            That’s a good party album, even to this day. It’s just a silly fun time.

        • Virgil the Ghost Poet

          Heart of RnR is my 6 year old boys favorite song.

    • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

      I admit I purchased a fair amount nü metal when I was a young teenage nipple. I bought every Korn album from Follow the Leader through Untouchables. I also bought the first and second Linkin Park albums, SoaD’s ‘Toxicity’ (still like that one actually), one Mudvayne album (can’t remember the name, the one with the tornado-storm-thingy on the cover and the song “Happy?”), Mushroomhead’s first two albums, and of course Slipknot’s first and second albums. I ended up giving most of these albums away after a friend burned me a copy of Cannibal Corpse’s ‘Live Cannibalism’. It was a revelation to my young ears. I dove headfirst into the world of underground/extreme metal and never looked back.

    • Pagliacci is Kvlt O)))

      This. Helmet would normally be an automatic vote from me, but they were never nu-metal.

      • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

        Yep! I had the ‘Betty’ CD back in ’95, and while it was simplistic in alot of ways, it was never nu metal in any way.

    • Stanley

      Ha. I admit all my past misdemeanors. My first record was Boney M – Night Flight to Venus! Helmet were boarderline Nu for me. I own Betty and Aftertaste. They have some good songs but it’s hard to sit through a whole record. Pure off Aftertaste is superb.

  • Whiff ov the week came a day early?? All I see are whiffs wTf

  • KJM

    I liked Korn and SOAD back then, but that’s about it.

    • Tyree

      I think I actually bought the very first Korn album.

      • KJM

        It’s the only one I have.

        • Tyree

          I think it’s in one of the many cd cases I have. Hahaha.

          • VVayne Brady

            I don’t know that I ever bought any Korn cds, but I had a friend who was really into them so I ended up with a bunch of CDRs

          • Tyree

            I’m not proud of the purchase.

  • EsusMoose

    Maximum the Hormone>this shit-stains-on-the-toilet-metal stuff. I vote pumpkin baby!

  • Paris Hilton

    Voted Break Stuff cuz it is a true early 2000s gem! No fucks given

    • Paris gets it! Yall frontin’

    • Nine Inch Males

      That was a legitimately entertaining video, if only for the cameos.

      • Hahaha, I don’t think Pauley Shore was even relevant anymore when this came out.

  • HessianHunter

    Other sikk Maximum The Hormone riffs that were in the running for my pick. BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP YOUR NU-METAL OVERLORDS

    (0:43)
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7yGQneO9R0

    (0.25)
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hz-npAZD_hQ

    (1:53)
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YV6IJLoBv4

  • Bözlinger

    Gluteus Maximus Rage….I owe you dinner for your choice

  • Between The Buried & Smee

    I’d have to go with this here:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaXx2ocDo18

    • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

      LOOOOOOVVEE this song!!! Dammit, I hate lumping the Deftones in with the rest of nü metal. Yea, some tracks from this record have bounce riffs and one even has Chino half-assedly “rapping” but I STILL HATE CALLING THEM NU METAL!!!

  • </3

  • VVayne Brady

    Don’t worry, bros. I’ll still think you’re kvlt and evil if you admit you liked nu metal for a while. We were all dumb teenagers at some point.

    • Everybody here running from their pasts.

    • I was spat forth from the birthing canal a fully grown man in a Celtic Frost shirt.

      • VVayne Brady

        Liar. Lady Steeldragon told me you were wigger dancing all over the place last night.

        • Damn her forked tongue!

          • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

            And she said you were in a nu metal band, always slunched over the geetar and jumping and bouncing around at the same time.

        • Scrimm

          MCHAMMERPANTSMMXV

    • FeelTheDarkness

      I didn’t. It’s because I am old

      • VVayne Brady

        Hmm. I suppose I should have stated “under-30” bros.

      • Stanley

        I’m with you, Mr Feel. Sometimes being old has its perks.

        • Lacertilian

          Surely the influx of hair metal in the 80’s would be the equivalent of the shitstorm of nu-metal in the 90’s?
          Or are you older still?

          • Stanley

            To be honest, I got really lucky. I have 2 older brothers that are into metal and so for as long as I can remember I’ve been exposed to good stuff. I remember when my brother brought Ride The Lightening, Walls of Jericho, Riders of Doom, Eternal Devastation, To Mega Therion and all the other great mid 80s thrash home. There were some definite fucks up though (mostly on my part) like Theatre of Pain, Soldiers Under Command, etc. Also during college I got into the Indie thing with the Stones Roses and Ride but I still like that. The mid nineties were definitely a baron period for me. I’m really happy that the metal scene is now as strong as it’s ever been.

          • Lacertilian

            Unrelated: How did things pan out with the roof? Did you get more quotes?

          • Stanley

            I’ll be getting more quotes. On my to do list for Monday when they (roof people) are back in work.

          • Gluteus_Maximus_Rage

            So I’m guessing, fellow Australian, that you won’t be voting for Testeagles? lol

          • Lacertilian
    • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

      I grew up during the first (and hopefully last, but sadly I don’t think that’s the case) wave of it back in high school, and it flew completely over my head. I was very much in an industrial, goth rock and metal mode all through high school. So nope, it’s never been on my list of likes.

      • VVayne Brady

        That’s not really my point, though. I think it’s silly when people pretend that they don’t like any bands considered crappy.

        • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

          **NIPPLE TIRADE WARNING**
          One band the Nip loves but most of the Toilet seems to hate/dislike/shit upon: Pantera. I grew up and still reside in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area. This band is metal gospel to me. The hometown heroes, so-to-speak. All my metal head friends have a love for this band. Maybe it’s a Texas thing, idk, but I goddamn love Pantera.
          – I don’t care that they were a glam metal band for 3 obscure mediocre albums before ditching the spandex and finding their true sound as the Cowboys from Hell.
          – They did not rip off Exhorder like many like to claim.
          – Other than being slightly disappointed at first, I don’t really care that Vinnie became a joke after Dime’s murder (RIP). He pounded some sick grooves back in the day. And though I don’t enjoy HellYeah’s music at all, I can’t blame the guy for just wanting to party and have a good time. For fuck’s sake, the man witnessed his little brother get SHOT AND KILLED right in front of him. WTF would you do to cope with something like that?
          – I don’t care that Phil went off the deep end of addiction for a while and was a complete asshole while strung out on heroin, he managed to kick the habit and redeem himself IMO by doing more to promote the underground extreme metal scene than any blog or magazine out there and always genuinely thanked the fans first and foremost.
          – To the people who claim Dime sucked at playing guitar because (insert various troll opinions here), I just have to ask: Really? REALLY?? Skip to the 3:00 minute mark of the attached video and then kindly SHUT THE FUCK UP.
          – I’ve been listening to extreme metal for close to 15 years now, yet few bands will get me as excited as when I hear “Slaughtered” or “Mouth for War”.
          -Stop blaming them for the rise of FFDP or “tough-guy metal”. You don’t blame Iron Maiden for Dragonforce, nor do you blame Suffocation for Emmure. Get over it.
          – In conclusion, listen to Pantera. Do it now. Jam that shit to 11. Learn some RESPECT. Then pick up what’s left of your candy-ass and WALK ON HOME, BOY!! Yea, I said it. Come at me.
          ~~CHF 2015~~
          ,,/-(>_<)-,,/

          http://youtu.be/aDACorIaxNw

          • VVayne Brady

            You know Joe, Leif, and I will all back you on Pantera. And the Masterlord.

          • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

            One of the many reasons why I love you guise.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            And the Nuge

          • Zeke… or isaac; whatever

            And Zeke!

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            AND I WILL SLAY YOU ALL!!!!! WITH YOUR OWN FUCKING SWORDS!!!!!!! Just kidding. I still like Korn, I’m an unapologetic Manson fan, and I like some Pantera.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            I think I love you. Well said mate

          • Lacertilian

            I’m considering copy/pasting that post for future run-ins with anti-Pantera types.
            The middle section in Slaughtered will forever be etched into my mind.
            SLAUGHTER THE PIG

          • Gluteus_Maximus_Rage

            Holy shit. Awesome and agree 100%.
            *HIGH FIVE*

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            I can respect that. And I used to like Pantera, like I used to like Nu-metal. Dime was a good guitarist, but by the end of his career, like Jeff Hanneman, either lost much of his greatness or merely his songwriting ability. His riffs were, to me, bad and/or boring.

            While I never jam CFH anymore, I remember liking it, yet after it, they became – what seems to me – a Nu-metal band if one of those had learned to play their instruments well.

    • Guacamole Jim

      I’m pretty sure I’ve let slip my childhood love for at least three of the above albums…

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      I just qualified for the dumb teenager part as I was about 18 or 19 when Nu Metal hit big

    • Lacertilian

      REPTILIAN REMINISCING:
      I was in year 8 in high school in 1998 when alot of this stuff was getting big in Australia, already done with Metallica and just getting into Slayer (from listening to MIDI files of the riffs from Angel Of Death & South Of Heaven). Friends who had previously listened to hip-hop and pop-punk started saying they liked metal too, showing me Korn (instant dislike that was never rectified) and Limp Bizkit (I was intrigued).

      That year I bought Diabolus In Musica and sat around on my own gazing into the imagery in the booklet while listening on the discman, along with Reign In Blood and South Of Heaven. Even as a 14 year-old, the darkness of Slayer riffs in comparison with nu-metal was stark.

      No matter how hard I tried, you simply could not escape the barrage though. I somehow scraped through with only physical copies of SOAD’s Toxicity and Soulfly’s Primitive.

      TL; DR – NOBODY WAS SAFE AND NO-ONE SURVIVED UNSCATHED.

      • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

        Toxicity is the only album from that era that I still listen to occasionally, it’s stood the test of time fairly well. Wish they would have stuck with that sound instead of trying to make “nü prog” a thing with Mesmerize/Hypnotize. And Serj’s solo output sounded awful to me, especially live (Ozzfest 2008). His voice was so off during that performance that it was almost painful to listen to. I actually kinda felt bad for him, like “Dude, please stop trying to hit the higher notes. It ain’t happening tonight. Just play Empty Walls already and call it a night.” Great show after that, Ozzy wasn’t terribly off key and Metallica (only time I’ve seen them live and they were actually pretty fantastic) ended up having an unannounced special guest: King Fucking Diamond. It was great.

        • Lacertilian

          Which Mercyful Fate tracks did they play?

          • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

            The ones Metallica did on Garage Inc. – Satan’s Fall, Curse of the Pharaohs, A Corpse Without Soul, Into the Coven, and Evil.

  • FeelTheDarkness

    I voted for none of it

    • EsusMoose

      Only way to win is to not play

    • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

      Vote for me, ya monkey! *cracks the whip*

  • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

    Mother of The Flying Spaghetti Monster, this is even worse than I ever thought it would be (PS, as you can tell, I went for the absolute worst pick possible. Not sure how many here did that, or honestly picked their best ones, Anywho)!!!

    http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g42/EnragedSephiroth/nu_metal_maker_psx.jpg

  • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

    Nü-metal is so brutal that the MasterLord slays himself for it.

  • Ted Nu Djent go my vote, I love that incubus song.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Why thank you sir

  • TomWarriorsBeanie

    I think we all lose this week.

    • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

      No one’s even bothered checking out my pick, as far as I can tell. I dunno if that’s a good thing or not in this case.

  • I’m surprised no one submitted linkin park

    • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

      Ew.

      • Exactly. Ew is the theme for this week lol.

    • Scrimm

      I’m glad for that at least.

    • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

      I’m amazed no one submitted King 810! I was about to, but I figured someone already went ahead and did that.

      • They aren’t good enough to be nu metal.

        • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

          I like some of their stuff oddly enough, but after hearing Jon Conner, their whole “we’re from Flint, we’re so hardass, uuuuuuuuurgh!” schtick is beyond laughable. Their new CD’s only sold 3000 copies after that huge push from Roadrunner and the tour with Korn and Slipknot, so I’ll put my money down that they’re gonna get dropped very soon.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZQz4FQLjmw&list=PLcS_SLwfkxAdZnp_87F2IlO4uyA0_QJr-

          • KJM

            Their true test will be trying to headline a tour of their own. If the kids don’t show, they’re done.

          • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

            Good luck getting to that point. They’re already barred from Canada, which is a big blow. They’re probably going to go back to doing local shows for the meatheads in Flint.

          • KJM

            If they don’t even try to tour by the end of the year, they’re done.

        • Lacertilian

          I’ve never heard them and now never will, with such a devastating appraisal.

  • Guacamole Jim

    Bands here I actually like: Mudvayne. Snot. POD. This is gonna be tough…

    MY BALLS
    YOUR CHIN
    MY BALLS
    I WANNA PUT EM ON YOUR CHIN

    congrats to W.!

    • Man, that’s not “vaguely homoerotic”. That is overtly, intensely homoerotic.

      • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple
        • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

          Another part, and never thought of it before, that I love about this page is the lack of homophobia. Reading MS and MI (which I still do on occasion), you’d swear the ghost of Fred Phelps was running the comments page. MI has commented on the whole thing, but that just made it even worse.

          • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

            One of my best friends is my cousin who, several years ago, came out as a lesbian to her (our) very conservative southern Baptist family down here in Texas. While it wasn’t exactly a surprise to us that knew her, it was still very courageous of her to do so. The family didn’t disown her or anything, but their attitude changed around her and she no longer felt welcome at reunions or family gatherings. Lots of Bible quotes and Jesus talk, if ya know what I mean. She eventually moved to Austin and actually got married recently (not sure if they went out of state or what, this being Texas and all). I’m really happy for her and glad she’s found someone that makes her happy. I don’t have much tolerance for ignorant anti-gay/homophobic attitudes, because that girl is one of the most courageous, wise, and caring individuals on the planet and I’m proud to call her family.

          • KJM

            Confirmed!!

      • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

        I think there’s something a little more than just bromance going on with Snot. Still probably involves lots of Bud Lite, Four Loko, greasing up, watching UFC videos, and talking about women like they’re imaginary figures straight out of Heavy Metal.

  • Rho Stone

    obligatory display of nu metal talent https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MI-_jWAmlE

  • Dagon

    I vote Hessian this week.

  • Scrimm

    I neither pushed play on any of these videos nor submitted any myself. What is wrong with you guys?

    • Stanley

      I only did it as an experiment. My findings were that Nu Metal really does suck and I just wasted half an hour. But you probably already knew that. Come to think of it, I already knew that. Jesus H Christ!

      • Scrimm

        You won’t forget that again.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      I own my past including my nu metal phase, which really only lasted about 6 months and consisted of about 2 or 3 bands

      • Scrimm

        Never really happened for me. I was already pretty deep into death metal. Closest I came was probably the second Machine Head album

    • Virgil the Ghost Poet

      Helmet rules!

  • An all Manowar riff of the week should be penance for doing this riff of the week.

    • “I’m covered in shit. Better wash myself off with vomit”

      • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

        “Now my mouth tastes like vomit. Better drink my own piss.”

      • Scrimm

        Maybe we should do an all Maiden ROTW. Something to really help us forget this.

        • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

          Eh, both are too obvious and everyone and their mom knows their discography left and right. One with nothing but Vicious Rumors or Raven riffs might work.

          • Scrimm

            Not even close to the level of cleansing needed

          • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

            Nyeah! Fine, we’ll make it nothing but King 810 riffs just to compound the suffering!

        • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

          Happy birthday, BTW!!!!! Getting your birthday cake up and ready!

          http://www.ijreview.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/cheese-factory.jpg

          • Scrimm

            Looks tasty!

          • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

            Despite what the UN says, it’s not made of people!

  • RustyShackleford

    I am so happy that W mentioned Snot. FUCK THE RECORD FUCK THE PEOPLE! YEP.

  • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

    Anybody remember Psychostick?

    http://youtu.be/O-jOEAufDQ4

    • RustyShackleford

      I think they just released a new album?

      • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

        Whoa. Didn’t know they were still around.

  • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

    And all this bromance soundtrack music can only mean one thing………..

    http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Og2qF2iRNp8/U7am8h7CEWI/AAAAAAAAAhs/xk0WLtDlxFE/s1600/impossibletoreplace.gif

    Bdubs and hot wings!!!! *tucks in everyone’s bibs*
    I saw a dating show a while back (I forget the name of it) and an indeed wise man on there put it perfectly, “If I can’t find true love, I still got fried chicken!”.

  • Hotdog Clifford

    Disturbed used to be my favorite band only a year ago (I am currently 16). Now my favorite band is Cattle Decapitation.

    • Haha that’s quite the progression.

      • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

        Yep, that’s like comparing apples and hand grenades!

        • Lacertilian

          If Disturbed are apples then I shall never eat one of those gleaming balls of poison again.

        • Stanley

          Most Esteemed Leader, you’re making me laugh today.

          • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

            My pleasure!

    • Stanley

      0-60 in 31,536,000 seconds. Well played, young man.

      • Lacertilian

        There’s really not much left to get to now, lotsa bands would have to be missed in that progression eh.

        • Stanley

          Whatever happened to foreplay?

  • Leif Bearikson

    I can’t believe there was a DIFFERENT Stone Cold themed entry. It was my ace in the hole, dammit!

    • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

      There’s another one?! There truly is no God!

  • Further Down the Metal Hole

    No votes makes me a sad panda! I’ll be honest though, I voted for something different myself, Disasterpeces is excellent. Hard for me to decide, I like so much nu metal.

  • Brock Samson

    Alight McNulty, I think it is time for a dance off to determine the winner

  • I’M ON VACATION!

    I just woke up and came straight here to witness the chaos unfolding. It’s beautiful.

  • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

    Oh, almost forgot (and wish I did), these nu metal crayon eaters are
    back with a whole new steaming pile of dookie sure to peel the
    weatherproofing off your porch with it’s douchey stench.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9tBzyCsy8w#t=30

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0rsAQHwURo

    • Väinämöinen

      I saw that this week and had already forgotten about it.

  • Stanley

    Just back from a 21 mile run and my legs are cooked. I was thinking to myself on the last mile that what a really need now is to listen to 28 Nu Metal riffs. I listened to the Death Karma album a few times on the run so I’m not sure if my ears are ready to be poisoned by the filth posted here.

    • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

      Eh, do like I do and just stick around for the comments. This is bound to be the most entertaining thread on here since the other day with the Necroboner/countless Dickbutt gifs thread.

      • Stanley

        What riff are we supposed to be listening out for in your pick? You don’t expect us to listen to the whole thing, right?

        • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

          None. I picked it for the absurdity and hilarity. You can listen and laugh your ass off at how bad it is, and the giant Stone Cold walking around doing whatever it is he’s supposed to be doing.

          • KJM

            Climbing ropes, flipping off the audience, drinking beer, and handing out stunners. As an ‘Attitude Era’ watcher, I heard that theme a lot.

      • KJM

        I don’t think any thread will top that.

        • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

          Maybe, but this one is a heavyweight contender!

          • Lacertilian

            LOLDICKBUTTZ wins….Flawless victory

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      21 miles? That’s almost 34km. You sir are a fucking beast. Unless you forgot to put a decimal point and you actually went for a 2.1 mile run.

      • KJM

        I’m lucky if I can ride my bike that much, and I’ve only done that a handful of times.

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          I treadmill about 10.5km per hour for 20 minutes which is about 3.5km. So it would take me about 3hrs to run 34. Fuck. That.

      • Stanley

        I’m just getting close to the LA Marathon (March 15th) so the long mile days are getting long now. I really enjoy it but the rest of Saturdays are right off. On the plus side I don’t feel guilty about crashing on the couch and listening to music, watching TV, drinking beer, eating ice cream, etc.

    • tertius_decimus

      Sport is life! What’s the right breathing technique for such a long run?

      • Stanley

        Not stopping works for me. 🙂

  • Stanley

    So far I’ve listed to Joe, W and JJD and although there are definitely 3 different youtube videos posted, they all seem to be linking me to the SAME riff! WTF.

  • VVayne Brady

    Oh yah, happy birthday to @Ron_Deuce:disqus and @joshuathackston:disqus!

    • Edward/Breegrodamus

      … and a happy Valentine’s Day to you VVayne Brady.

      • VVayne Brady

        It’s been a good one. I got some vidya game time in this morning (which rarely happens nowadays), and wifey and I are going to go to one of those pottery painting places here in a bit.

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          Sounds truly awful (the second part)

          • VVayne Brady

            Eh, I’ll make a mug with flames or something.

          • Lacertilian

            in the shape of a skull, right?
            RIGHT?!?!

          • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

            Or maybe a TOILET??
            ^_^

    • Thanks bro, been celebrating since last night and I’m enjoying myself. Lots of grind and beer.

      • Tyree

        That sounds like the perfect way to celebrate. Cheers mate!

    • Scrimm

      Thanks again. In and out all day. Beer time soon.

      • Lacertilian

        Congrats on another sidereal orbit Scrimm and also to
        @Ron_Deuce:disqus

  • Stanley

    Alright, I’ve been through them all and it’s a toss up between MoshOff, Blackbeard and Masterlord. They are the only picks that have anything remotely interesting going on. It’s quite amazing to listen to this much Nu Metal in one sitting. It really emphasizes how vapid the whole genre is/was. MoshOff takes the win!

  • Warheart

    My Own Summer it’s a good choice, but I would have chosen this.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgIb0ItyeiA

  • JWG

    I have a feeling that this week might be the first week in which the Whiffs are almost unanimously better than the Riffs. Unless you were all working overtime to offset the terribleness of all this.

    That said, I’m immediately torn between Dagon – as the only “nu metal” band I’m not completely embarrassed to admit once enjoying [because Deftones doesn’t even count, other guys] – and HH, because being Japanese is an immediate excuse for musical weirdness.

  • JWG

    The only Canadian band with a distinctly “nu metal” phase I can think of that wasn’t named Kittie:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5g52QMQJxY

    Bonus lolbuttz: they’re actually a Christian rock band that waited until the end of the album to go full derp:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LcQkWx05xJA
    Terrible.

    • Warheart

      Don’t forget Annihilator.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3TvhMbFDhJs

      • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

        That CAN’T be Annihilator!!!! No fucking way!

        • Warheart

          It was shocking back in the day, still is, but not totally unexpected, since it wasn’t the first attempt of Waters to fully get into more modern or mainstream tendencies.

          • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

            No no NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *cries in the corner after learning this*. Even as much Anvil sucks, they at least never tried doing that.

      • JWG

        I bet I could add a few more embarrassments if I had been thinking of Canadian *metal* bands that went ‘nu’ for a spell.

        To be fair, more of them just go “core”. Some repent.

        Cryptopsy for instance. Only another album will prove that though…

    • Apples have Cores not Metal

      Slaves on Dope and Three Days Grace

  • BASEDBEARD

    I’m still severely disappointed in everyone here, including myself, except @tyreegearhart:disqus and @disqus_4E0xQtrX2p:disqus

    • BASEDBEARD

      I also hope that Masterpants wins this and then, because ancient writ, is forced to change the color of his helm to the Frost Tipped Helm of the Poser King

    • VVayne Brady

      Let it be, Blackbeard. I certainly don’t think less of you.

      • BASEDBEARD

        I will write 3 articles as penance. 2 will be finished tonight.

    • Väinämöinen

      What aboot McNutly and me?

      • BASEDBEARD

        You, whom I have always hated, i will forever be disappointed in. McNutty gets a pass because sexy.

        • KJM

          ^_^

        • Väinämöinen

          Ja nytkö sen vasta näen, en ole ihmeellisempi kuin sinä
          Sinä jota olen aina vihannut, halveksinut ja pelännyt
          Me vierekkäisiin narunnokkiin ripustetut ressukat
          Ja sätkittyämme aikamme meidät kuoppaan heitetään
          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FvmtGQ9s24

          • BASEDBEARD

            you can make up words at me all you want, anus

    • KJM

      I assure you that, except for a few of the bigger bands, the Nu is not strong with me at all. After all, I was already 30 in 1997.

      • BASEDBEARD

        *passes bowl*

    • Lacertilian

      I did no wrongs today sir.
      I arrived hungover and was greeted with the only option, Hara Kiri – Seppuku.
      (Which was also a cheat code in Age Of Empires, if I remember correctly)

  • john

    Sooo…. I’ve always hated all aspects of Nu Metal. Then I click upon my beloved Riff ov the Week, only to be told that System of a Down is Nu Metal? Have I been living a lie?

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      I agree, not nu metal. Neither is Helmet or Sepultura for that matter.

      • VVayne Brady

        I definitely wouldn’t call Helmet nu metal, nor early Sepultura. Later Sepultura, yah.

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          But Nu Metal is predominately bass and Paulo Jr<<<<<<<<<<<<

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Had that song included rapped vocals, or been played by another band, no one would have questioned it’s nu-metalness.

  • Sacritastic

    Nothing is more metal than disembowel yourself before being decapitated.

    • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

      Or tearing your own skeleton out.

  • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

    I’m coming back from Impaled Nazarene gig. It’s 1.24 and shitfaced as a duck. I’ve seen Magic Mike AND 50 Shades of Gray.

    I still love you all and probably wouldn’t be here without this odd little community of ours.

    Thanks.

    Nordling Rites ov Whatever.

    • Väinämöinen

      I am disappoint. Why did you watch 50 Shades of Twilight Fanfic?

      • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

        I haf a date.

        • Väinämöinen

          You’re gonna become a kinky couple.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Possibly. Very.

          • Väinämöinen

            Nordling Rites ov BDSM

          • Virgil the Ghost Poet

            Hahahaha.

          • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

            And she’s gonna use the anal beads on you.

        • BASEDBEARD

          Hope you guys had a good night. I’m here ordering pizza, watching Comedy Bang! Bang! up in the mountains tending my buddy’s cats. So my old lady and I get to do nothing tonight. I got some in this morning tho.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            I think I would classify this night as: “very good”.

          • BASEDBEARD

            That means you enjoyed 50 Shades of Grey

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            Not that good a night.

        • Virgil the Ghost Poet

          How’d it go? Hope you had fun.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            It went pretty well.

      • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

        So what’s your verdict on 50 Shades? I’m definitely not expecting the next ‘Flight’ out of that one, but curious.

        • Väinämöinen

          Haven’t read the book nor have I seen the movie. I’ve heard that it’s poorly written. If I want to read something perverted, I’d rather go with De Sade.

          • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

            Yeah, I read 2 chapters and gave it right back to the library. It’s a stinker.

  • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

    There’s actual competition between HessianHunter and Ted Nü-Djent.
    Ted’ll probably win. ‘Cause I still jam that riff.

    • Väinämöinen

      Harakiri wins. It’s the best choice out of all.

  • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone

    NO VOTES SO FAR?!?!?! Fine, see if I ever submit a deliberately horrible and hilariously awful nu metal video for you! Daggummit, I’m gonna drink my beers and chew my Japanese peanuts REALLY hard! NYEAH!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8JZpX3nAwtw

  • JamesGrimm

    The majority of these songs are good.

    • Lacertilian

      No.

      • JamesGrimm

        Mudvayne songs are solid, Stingray is the only good song off that album, best song by Motograter, MTH are very, very good, got the life is a nice tune, Science trumps most of the music people on this forum listen too, Deftones and Snot were solid and are still relevant.

        • Lacertilian

          • BASEDBEARD

            is dat your leezard?

          • Lacertilian

            Mine are the same genus, slightly different species. That one is most likely a Pogona vitticeps (Central Bearded Dragon) whereas my 3 are Pogona barbata (Eastern BD).
            I’ll post a photo of mine one day but my camera isn’t super good (<–excuses of a bad photographer).

          • Lacertilian

            Ok, I found one for now… @James_Jimmy_McNulty:disqus @blackbeard_s_ghost:disqus
            Chan is at the front, Bill is the youngest in the middle and Jackie is hiding in the rock cave looking pissed off, it was first thing in the morning, can’t blame her really.

          • if this is your lizard, you go from >>>>>>>>>>>> to >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

      • BASEDBEARD

        well, it is ROTW. See the conundrum we’ve started?!

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Incorrect. GTFO

  • JamesGrimm
    • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

      I totally forgot about Adema. Didn’t Jonathan Davis’s little brother sing for them at some point? Ah who cares, it’s all awful.

  • Kim Jong Un’s Turkish Snowcone
    • JamesGrimm

      lold

    • CyberneticOrganism

      ha ha ha nizice

  • Mother Shabubu III

    I really want an instrumental edition of Mudvayne’s LD.50. I think Chad Gray’s vocals pigeonholed that album into the nu metal category. It’s much more of a prog metal Bungle kind of record.

    • Ellipsis

      The prog element to their sound was what got me interested in them and the angsty stuff probably hold them back, IMO.

      This was the only decent instrumental I could find on YT.

      It does feel different without the vocals, more angular than aggro, if that makes sense.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z704rxchxq8

      • Mother Shabubu III

        Wow, thanks for finding this. It sounds so good, yet weird since I’m so used to the vocals. It’s like if Pantera decided to write something in the vein of “Discipline” by Kings Crimson.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    This is a dark day for the toilet. I hate you all.

    • Tyree

      Eat your fucking heart!

    • Lacertilian

      The porcelain deity has closed the lid and now the bowl is shrouded in darkness.
      We must make sacrifices to appease the almighty in order to lift this cursed eclipse.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        Bless the flusher and his TP.
        Bless the flushing and swirling of the void.
        May his wiping cleanse the world.

  • JvRv

    This is a dark day

    but i actually really liked all of these riffs. flush me if you must

  • i’m not voting.
    old Mudvayne m/ !!!

  • Some more

    Orgy – Stitches
    Mushroomhead – Solitaire Unravelling
    Slipknot – Purity
    Mudvayne – Not Falling
    Spineshank – Smothered
    Damageplan – Blink of an eye
    Fear Factory – Replica
    Biohazard – Sellout
    Ektomorf – Set me Free
    Rage Against The Machine – Guerilla Radio
    Slayer – Stain of Mind
    Soil – Halo
    Marilyn Manson – Tainted Love
    Edgewater – Engage
    Staind – Mudshovel
    KoRn – Adidas
    Limp Bizkit – Counterfeit
    Linkin Park – By Myself
    System of a Down – Violent Pornography
    Coal Chamber – Fiend
    Hed Pe – Bartender
    Nickelback – How you remind me
    Breaking Benjamin – Diary of Jane
    Deftones – Engine Number 9
    Nothingface – Ether
    Incubus – Wish you were here
    Drowning Pool – Bodies
    Disturbed – Stupify
    Creed – Bullets
    Dope – Everything Sucks
    Rob Zombie – Dragula
    Rammstein – Ich Will
    Machine Head – Now I lay thee down
    Metallica – St Anger (If this was by any other band it would have been called a classic)

    • thanks bae

    • SOAD NOT NU METAL!

      You should be ashamed having System Of A Down alongside that other crap you posted.

      • Man, I don’t know if you grew up in that era but SOAD was pretty fucking nu metal.
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vBGOrI6yBk

        • JWG

          Would jam SOAD anyway. I think there’s a lot of “I don’t like nu metal, but I do like that, so it can’t be nu metal” logic (or lack thereof) going on up in this entire comment page. Not just right there.

          I’m guilty of it myself. Deftones aren’t nu metal, and one song here or there is just an exception to the rule.

  • Evan Clutson

    Mudvayne’s bass player is the biggest waste of musical talent in metal IMO

  • Maik Beninton