…Stan. Uh, I mean Satan.
Last week, our weekly riff competition found Ted Nü-djent taking the crown with his pick from Ihsahn’s latest album. I have no idea what the theme of the week was because Masterlord doesn’t care about any of you. Sorry 🙁
Next week, because I’m in charge, we’re only accepting SLAM and BRUTAL DEATH riffs. Send your most ignorant guttural pit riffment to firstname.lastname@example.org. Include your name, a link to the riff, the time of the riff, and an explanation.
This week is an all-out war to determine the finest riff crafted for the glory of the dark lord. Who will prevail? Cast your vote and seal your fate!
If I know anything about The Devil (and I’m pretty sure I do), it’s that he loves nothing more than idle hands and sleazy rock n’ roll. Satanic Royalty offers the latter in spades. Light up a Pall Mall and skip to 0:30.
If you listen to “Stairway to Heaven” backwards, by the time you reach the middle of the song when Robert Plant starts muttering about his sweet Satan (3:22), you’ll find yourself ready to leap off a balcony while yelling, “It’s all for you, Damien,” before impaling yourself on Old Nick’s crown of femurs.
If Masterlord omits my pick for RotW once again, I will conjure a Satan spell to poke him in the ass with his trident. I’M SERIOUS. Time mark: fuck off, listen to this jam and cast your vote. I’m pissed off.
Is one of the Toilets chief writers, Dubs, in fact satan? Ponder this question while you listen to the main riff starting at 0:05
Save me from cowardness! (1:41)
Dark Funeral was my introduction to Satan in music and the experience has stuck with me. Blast from the beginning and hail.
Son Ov Wolf
Ahem, “LaLaLaLaLa, La. LaLaLaLaLa, La.”
On today’s menu: deviled low hanging fruit salad, and mmmmmmm it is delicious. Riff starts at 1:56.
The main riff is the satanest of riffs.
Pure Satanic blasphemy right from zero mark.
This song isn’t entirely about Satan, but it’s certainly a paean to him. Totally scary lines such as “the one with the infernal horns, the one with black wings proudly soars…. In Satan we trust” probably ensure that the song meets this week’s requirements. Anyway, the riff at 2:09 gets me all (hell)fired up.
Goatwhore have always shown there love for the big spooky red man and they’ve always done it well (at least I think so). But at the 1:20 mark you hear Ben Falgoust scream “who needs a god when you’ve got satan” follow by Sammy Duet’s tar filled thrash riff letting you now that his NOLA sludge roots from his Acid Bath days haven’t gone anywhere.
Boss The Ross
I don’t know why we’re doing riffs about Santa, but I’ll play along. The horns weedle through the intro, sucking you into the solid bass line that thumps throughout the song. Magnificent flute flourishes grace your ears throughout this jam, whisking you away to the cold north. And that solo at 1:35! DOES IT RIP OR WHAT? And don’t get me started on the vocal attack Bing and the Andrews Sisters lay on us. Oh, and the chimes at 2:25… HEAVY!
365 Days of Horror
Everyone needs more Cake in their life. Riff at 0:43