Riff ov the Week: The Grim and Frostbitten Edition

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Put on some wool socks, because we have a shitload of cold-ass riffs for you today and wool socks will help your feet stay warm during the cold riffs.

Last week, everyone’s favorite detective McNulty scored the win with his Immolation pick. Nice, dude. You win one free foot rub from me on the condition that you show up at my house with take-out. And there better be eggrolls and egg-drop soup. None of that “pick one” nonsense. Fuck. Oh, and no fortune cookies. They stress me out.

Lastly:

  • If you want in on next week’s Riff ov the Week, send an email to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com. Include your name, a link to the riff, the time of the riff, and an explanation. If you’re reading this, you’re invited.
  • If you have an idea for a theme, do let me know.
  • Let’s kick some… ice.

 

Masterlord

Here’s a riff written by a man who literally died in a fucking blizzard. It doesn’t get any colder than this, people. All hail Valfar. All hail Windir. (Start this sucker at the beginning).

 

Maik Beninton

Because it’s getting hotter here I suggest a burning riff ov the week. 2:25.

 

Vegglampe

You wanted cold? You got it! Riff at 4:09 is as cold as the Norwegian fells (vidder) on a mid-winter night.

 

Gorak

RIFFS SO COLD IT FEEL LIKE ETERNAL ICE PRISON!

 

Old Man Doom

5:05 to end. One of my favorite riffs from my favorite Enslaved album. It brings the mournfulness and the grimness in equal measure. So many feels. This my winter theme song.

 

Based Potoo

Finland is a shitty country, but at least we got some good Black Metal. Riff comes after 0:20.

 

Mother Shabubu

You can just picture Gaahl dragging a fresh sacrifice up a frozen mountainside to some Satanic altar he constructed out of human bones. Doesn’t get more grvm and frvstbvttvn than that.

 

Ted Nü-Djent

Black metal hey? I don’t know. The riff at about 1 minute 43 seconds is pretty sweet . It goes for about a minute and is pretty cold.

 

Brock Samson

I missed Nightbringer‘s new album last year which probably would have made it to my year end list. The tremolo riff that starts at 4:40 is catchy and creepy at the same time. It brings the dark and cold (hey Colorado gets chilly too).

 

Ron Deuce

If Rick James were alive, he’d say the main riff of this song is cold as ice. If Shaq wanted to heal you using Icy Hot, this would be the theme song.

 

KJU

As usual, there’s several riffs on this one, all filled to the icy brim with grimmediness and solertude. Music for drinking Icees and contemplating the death of the sun.

 

Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

Since this last week’s ROTW was pathetic, I’m submitting a riff myself for this week’s edition. When it comes to cold and icy riffs that conjure images of freezing winter snow and blizzards, there’s one band in particular which comes to my mind: Switzerland’s Paysage d’Hiver. Sole member Wintherr crafts simplistic yet hypnotic black metal dirges that transport the listener straight to a cold & frozen mountain peak during a snowstorm with gale-force winds swirling the white powder snow all around. The first song off of the self-titled demo is called “Welt Aus Eis,” which means “World of Ice” in English. It’s a very long track, as is the norm with Paysage d’Hiver. The riff is basically the entire song, so listen from 0:00 to the end and vote for your favorite Nipple. [Fun fact: Wintherr is also the mad genius behind Darkspace. — Masterlord]

 

Tigeraid

I was going to play your game, you rogue. I had a Dissection tune picked out, but it was cliche. I refuse to bow to your Black Metal peer pressure! Instead I counter with epic wintery frosty power-tinged thrash from my fellow Canadians 3 Inches of Blood. That galloping riff starting at 1:00!

 

Waynecro

The riff at 0:25 makes me want to slap on some corpse paint and stab a snowman with an icicle. It makes me want to put rocks in snowballs and throw them at some fucking lifelovers. It makes me want to run around in knee-high snow, striking menacing black-metal poses until my socks get too wet. Sorry, I live in Southern California and have very little firsthand experience with actual ice and snow. Anyway, that riff feels pretty grim and icy to me. Besides, the band spells nocturnal with a k. Chilling!

 

Link

Winter + Winter = Cold. Like a blizzard, this is a riff that starts with the song and continues to evolve until your body becomes frozen solid.

 

Lacertilian

After spending all Winter this year listening to chilly riffs, I had to think back to June/July to try and pick the iciest offering. Emperor, Setherial, Hæthen and Lord Belial came to mind immediately… I needed something colder, something icier. [Motherfucker. Voted. — Masterlord]

 

Boss the Ross

Trudging through the snow, alone in a cold dark forest, you realize you’ve left your fur next to the hearth of your cottage. The wind picks up and bites deeper into your shivering arms as you continue your path. Having almost forgotten why you left your fire, the emotions, or lack there of, start to course back through your body, only making you colder. A grimness is seeping into you, starting with your toes which you can no longer feel, creeping it’s way higher and higher. Soon you have no feeling in your legs, you are not even sure if you are still walking. You try and move your arms, which have ceased their shivering, but fail. They are frozen to your sides. You fall. You collapse into the snow. The wind is howling all around you. Your heartbeat slows, you feel nothing. You have been, Frozen by Icewinds.

 

Stanley

This is the song that Valfar had on is iPod when he wandered off into the forest only to be found three days later, frozen stiff. Well, it would have been, if it had be penned before his premature demise. The whole tune is frigid to the core but check out the riff at 2:05. It’ll wither your willy.

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This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 15-11-2015 09:00:00
Poll Results:
Who's the coldest of them all?
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