Riff ov the Week: The 800th Post Extravaganza – Suck It Haters Edition


Hello again. It’s been quite a while since we proclaimed Saturday the Riff Sabbath and started gathering for weekly worship services. I hope that we’ve been able to facilitate a strong and lasting relationship with the almighty riff, the One Source of true fulfillment and happiness. Become one with these riffs on this holy day. Bow your head, then lift it back up, then bow it again, then lift it back up again. Do that over and over really fast.

Last week, I teamed up with Tyree‘s triumphant Scab to dominate the competition for riff of the actual week. As per usual, Joe followed behind in second place. Always the bridesmaid, never not a fucking loser.


Next week:

  • We’re spicing it up a little bit. I will only be accepting gallopy galloping gallop riffs. If you do not know what a gallop is, ask your neighbor. While you’re at it, have him slap all the poser out of you.
  • Send your gallop riff to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com.
  • Include your Disqus handle, a link to the song, the time the riff starts, and an explanation.
  • If you have an idea for a theme, let me know.
  • As always, Schubert be with you.



4:24 of Nocturnal Graves‘ “Aggressive Exterminator” is for when you want to transform into a 2-story tall satan, pull a cross from a random steeple, and use it to baseball-bat innocents into outer space.



This opening riff announces, “Hi, I’m the buttmaster, here to collect my toll.”


Howard Dean

Knock, knock, motherfuckers! I come bearing gifts of riffs and tidings of sulphuric dread! If I could bottle my love for this band and market it as apple cider vinegar, well, I tell you what–you’d want to splash it on your freedom fried potatoes! Katharsis not only write killer black metal riffs, but in the delicate art of the “repeating, building, trance-like black metal riff,” they are the undisputed Kaisers. Exhibit A: “VVytchdance” from 2006’s monumental VVorld VVithout End. If this doesn’t get your cock (or clit) hard and make you headbang uncontrollably, you are a fucking lifelover and your family probably hates you. 4:28.


Hotdog Clifford

Awesome melodeath riff from an awesome melodeath album by an awesome melodeath band. It starts from the very beginning.



0:35 – 1:40. As far as this riff is concerned, it’s one of my favorites that I’ve heard in the past few months. What it lacks in ferocious head vs. brick wall punch, it more than makes up for with the impact right in the feels.


Formerly Known as Oli Sykes

Due to the overworking I’ve had to do for college this week, I’ve been relying on my phone for badass riffing, and this song in particular has been coming up a lot recently. There is really only one riff in the whole song, but that riff is one of Jerry Cantrell’s masterpieces. The new Muse song does have a cool riff (No, its not from Pussy Liquor, Muse did it first), but this was just too badass to not mention.



No other riff makes me more pumped up or ready ready for anything. May not be the heaviest riff out there, but boy is it fun for every occasion. The riff goes repeats throughout the song, but is first and best at 0:35.



Because I am bored and this was one of the songs that got me into black metal again.



I’m in a weird, bad mood, and this week was very Alice in Chains for me. So, I want to share this bass/guitar riff 0:26 and how Jerry Cantrell looks like Carol from TWD and how cool DuVall is.



Not much to say here, I’ll just let the first guitar riff in Coroner’s “Metamorphosis” (0:16) do the talking.



Opening riff just makes me want to head bang till I tear my head off, as it should for you.



This whole album is loaded incredible chilling riffs, but the riff at 9:40 just fucking makes the hair on my arms stand up and makes me want to die in coldness. Goddamn masterpiece!



There has always been an acceptable level of Gorguts worship here, with one problem. For all the drooling over Obscura and Colored Sands (and rightly so), people seem to forget thier first two albums. I think Considered Dead might be THE most underrated death metal album ever. I present to you my favorite riff in the bands entire catalog. 1:42 -2:17.


Dead Butt Dreaming

My riff of the week is something from the best metal band out of Colorado not called Primitive Man. Everyone gets caught up with the album opening punch in the face, but the follow up track has a riff that I blare in my head as I ride my bike through your LARP and punch everyone of you poser power metallers in the fucking throat. Hail whiskey. Hail gasoline. Hail nihilism.

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 22-03-2015 09:00:00
Poll Results:
Don't fuck this up, Doug.
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  • Tyree

    Vemod >>>>>>

  • Tyree

    Fucking Katharsis! YES! Mr. Dean, you never disappoint me.

    • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

      I’ve found that the answer to most of important queries in life is “Katharsis.” Other acceptable answers include “fuck off,” “deez nut,” and “not guilty, you’re honor.”

      • Tyree

        Fuck yes man! Great pick, I’m trying to look for Katharsis on vinyl actually.

        • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

          I have all their stuff on CD, so I’m not sure how the vinyl market is for them. Is it pretty tough (i.e. expensive)? I think the split MLP with Antaeus that was released a few years ago is pretty rare, but I don’t know about the rest.

          We need a new fucking Katharsis album. It’s been six years since Fourth Reich. Fuck.

          • Tyree

            Very expensive. I just payed for the Power from Hell (The True Metal) album on vinyl this week for 15 dollars with shipping for 15 dollars.

          • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

            Was it from Europe? Shipping costs from France and Germany are fucking brutal. I cringe every time I purchase from Europe. I can’t even imagine the shipping for vinyl. However, the recent decline of the Euro and the rise of the dollar has really lightened the load a bit. It’s nice to shop again with a strong dollar. ‘America.

          • Tyree


          • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

            Yep. That’all do it. Oil rich socialist motherfuckers.

          • Tyree

            Norway sucks. I hate black fucking metal.

          • The Beargod

            Try shipping ti Finland from Europr now… I couldn’t afford to buy two albums a month… decline of Euro has seriously done bad things to most European labels too, and moat stuff I buy is therefore now expensive as hell.

          • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

            Damn, that sucks. From an American point of view, it’s a serious improvement. I bought something from Invictus Productions (Ireland) last week, and when I got to the shipping it said “5 euro ($5.80)” or something like that. I was like “byaaaaaahhhhhhhh! America: fuck yeah!!”

    • Hubert, Goat ov ……Satan

      inb4 Howard Dean wins again.

    • Dagon

      I think they’re one of Thantifaxath’s biggest influences. I think I’m the only one.

      • Tyree

        Hmmm. This gives me a reason to revisit Thantifaxath. I really did not like them at first.

        • Dagon

          I liked it last year, but haven’t revisited in a while.

          • Tyree

            I know a lot of skronky fucks like it here. It never clicked for me though.

          • Dagon

            I’m not a skronky one me self but I skronk out on ocasion

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Fuck skronk. Hell, fuck metal.

  • Brouroboris

    Don’t fuck this up, Doug.

  • Alice In Chains is the Way, the Truth, and the Power.

    • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

      I was pleasantly surprised to see all the riff love for AiC from the Toilet. Jerry Cantrell is a riff demon. AiC are one of my all-time favorite bands. Byah.

      • Tyree

        It’s crazy. My dad was the person that got me into their music way back. My dad is awesome.

      • Zeke… or isaac; whatever

        While it might not be kult, Dirt is Nightside Eclipse-level dark.

        • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

          Agreed. And I think the S/T record is even darker. That record wipes the floor of most black and death metal records when it comes to sheer, tangible darkness.

          • Zeke

            Right you are as always, Mr. Dean. It’s truly a shame you weren’t elected.

      • Dagon

        Yo Dean can you hook me up with some bands who riff like Grand Belial’s Key?

        • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

          That’s a hard rec, because not many bands sound like GBK. Arghoslent and House of Atreus are more obvious ones (though they are death metal bands), but for black metal bands with similar riffing, I would check out some of the older Greek bands (Necromantia and Rotting Christ are choice), and some stuff from Absurd is similar. It’s tough. Not a lot of bands can successfully replicate that sound–distinxt heavy metal style riffs in a black metal context.

          EDIT: I would also recommend the death metal bands Sacriphyx and Ares Kingdom. Their riffing has a similar feel to it.

          • Dagon

            Thanks a lot, Dean. I’ve been looking for bands like this but I always come up short. I like Rotting Christ and I think I’ll have to revisit their discography to try and find the GBK in them.

          • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

            I’d try the earlier stuff for Rotting Christ–circa Thy Mighty Contract.

      • old_man_doom

        I’ll second that Byah! Cantrell is one of my biggest influences as far as riffing is concerned. His solo stuff from the time before the recent reunion wit AiC is fucking heavy too — like darker than most of the AiC stuff.

  • I’m torn, which Alice In Chains do I pick?

  • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

    Vegglampe wins. Kvelertak are awesome.
    Also Link, nice choice, but mines better. 😉

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Kvelertak råk

      • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

        True dat. I wanted that Mastodon, Gojira and Kvelertak tour to come to the UK so bad. That would have been sick.

        • LobsterAttack

          T’was a very good tour. Only possible improvement would have been for Gojira to co-headline with Mastodon rather than just being an opener.

          • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

            They’re both playing Leedsfest on Tallica day (EDIT: In a tent too, so even better), but 1) Leedsfest is usually full of arseholes and 2) Mastodon clash with my beloved Bring Me, and because I’m young and fucking retarded (I like BMTH, who could have guessed that) I can’t decide who I’d see.

          • LobsterAttack

            Mastodon. Whatever one’s opinion of their more recent material, they put on a great show.

          • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

            I liked The Hunter and Once More a great deal (I’m a sucker for GOOD radio rock OK), but I liked Sempiternal about the same as the mighty Mastodon’s last 2 albums, and despite BMTH’s standing here on the toilet (by that I mean they get an instant flush from most people), I think There Is A Hell is a fucking masterpiece.
            If I go, I guess it’ll depend on who I’m with, If I’m with people who like Mastodon more, I’ll see Mastodon, if I’m with people who like BMTH more, I’ll see BMTH, If I’m with people who like them equally, we’ll all be confused and saddened and hope that they are spaced out enough so we can watch enough of both.

          • LobsterAttack

            Sounds like a good plan to me. Either way you’ll have a good time.

    • No prob. I just shared it because I listened that song a lot this week.

  • Chicken Tender Gulag O Love

    Dean got my vote this time. First time I’ve heard Katharsis and loving it!
    Dip deep of the Dean and his wisdom!


    • Tyree

      Yes! So good man. Enjoy it.

    • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

      Brilliant Comrade Kim Jong-un, you will be most pleased with your exploration of Katharsis, who are quite possibly the best “traditional” style black metal band in existence. Anything in their discography is worthy of a listen, though Fourth Reich and VVorld VVithout End are definitely their best stuff. Their earlier albums 666 and Kruzifixxion are also very good, but much more raw and primitive.

      • Chicken Tender Gulag O Love

        I will certainly check those out, Brilliant Onion Bacon Dip Ruler comrade!

      • Chicken Tender Gulag O Love

        Loving World Without End so far! Kinda old school, but VERY atmospheric. And those screams are eerie as all fuck.

        • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

          Glad you are enjoying it! The vocals are indeed eerie–some of the better vocals in black metal.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    I gotta start submitting a RotW so I can lose to everyone else.

    • Tyree

      I love losing.

    • I lose every time I try, great for my self esteem.

    • Scrimm

      Seriously it’s a lot of fun.

    • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

      Even if you do lose, its a great place to either find something new or rediscover things you haven’t listened to in a while.
      I pretty much just submit for shits and giggles, with a name like mine, I know I won’t ever win.

      • Stanley

        I love getting worked up when I lose because obviously my riffs are always superior to everyone else’s. I just don’t get it. You would think taste in music is subjective or something.

      • LobsterAttack

        Touche. Riff ov the Week seems to be as good or better than my Bandcamp feed as far as finding new bands goes.

        • Lacertilian

          It might be better because of the chance of finding an old defunct band you haven’t heard of, who won’t be releasing new music on bandcamp.

          • LobsterAttack

            True. Nostalgia versus newness.

    • Chicken Tender Gulag O Love
    • Join us.

  • Hubert, Goat ov ……Satan

    NOCTURNAL GRAVES: This riff is passable, if a bit generic. Very generic, actually. Same counts for the rest of the song. Not feeling the Satan with this one.
    ARSIS: I thought the sound quality was because of Youtube, so I checked the song out on Spotify. Turns out the guitars really do sound like a sweaty sock. Riff isn’t anything to shake willys to either.
    KATHARSIS: WOAHW. This is damn good stuff. The riff is good on itself, but the buildup beforehand and the drums make it amazing.
    CALLENISH CIRCLE: The riff itself is alright, however, it could have been written by any other heavy metal or Melodeath band on Earth.
    WOODS OF DESOLATION: Surprised by this one. Does hit me in at least 4 feels. Great buildup, and a good guitar sound, doesn’t get boring either. One negative I have is that the vocals don’t mix well with the song.
    ALICE IN CHAINS: Oh, this one is good. It twists itself around nicely and stays interesting.
    KVELERTAK: This one I dig, Kvelertak is guaranteed headbanging.
    BURZUM: Are you talking about the opening riff? If so, it’s good. The two guitar lines work really well together.
    ALICE IN CHAINS 2.0: Oh, this one good as well. Though not as good as the other one.
    CORONER: This is nothing special at all. Not much to say here.
    SQUASH BOWELS: This is alright to a point, but it lacks any kind of depth.
    VEMOD: This riff is a good riff. Chilling indeed.
    GORGUTS: I’ve never listened to Gorguts’ OSDM albums. It sounds like OSDM. Nothing I really dig.
    SPEEDWOLF: The riff is passable. The bass drum sound is not.

    Howard Dean wins, who could have guessed.

    • The Beargod

      Yeah dat Brrrrzoom was das ensimmäinen riff.

    • I agree with your assessments. I do wish the Woods of Desolation song’s vocals were a bit louder. Thus is the penance when listening to atmospheric/ambient/whateverthefuck black metal.

    • DeadButtDreaming

      Issue with the bass drum?

      Yea, go the fuck back to band class. You forgot your Opeth hoodie on the back of your chair.

      • Call the Slambulance


        • DeadButtDreaming

          In a major way!

      • Pleasing the goat is all but impossible. Also helps if you offer him an empty can with your riff…

    • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

      Many thanks, Mister Goat. I agree, the buildup to the riff in VVytchdance is phenomenal. And the drumming really drives it home. Byah!

  • Maik Beninton

    Anyone who asks what a gallop is will get ballslapped.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      *readies steel balls*

  • Spear

    Only Arsis is real.

  • Scrimm

    Posted this in the FB group last night but damn I’m loving this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-NVoO2xGF4

  • Poseur Diposeur

    Kvelertak wins this week

  • tertius_decimus

    Nocturnal Graves — this is quite intense, evil stuff! Mentioned by Masterlord thrash riff @ 4:24 is unfuckwithable. Dig it, big time!

    Arsis — I was into Arsis since their inception but after “We Are The Nightmare” this band ceased to exist for me. Flush.

    Katharsis — cool riff, literally. I can almost feel the coldness while listening to that raw, RAW, RAWWWWRR… It gets too repetitive, though.

    Callenish Circle — never could think someone still remembers that awesome band. Callenish Circle had everything to gain AAA-status in metal world but somehow they have remained unnoticed. Bummer. Great songwriting, catchy melodies, headbang-able riffs… In my view, they deserve attention more than cheesy Tomato Tomahto thing which ran out of ideas in 2008.

    Woods Of Desolation — just not my cup of tea.

    Alice In Chains — not my cup of tea, again.

    Kvelertak — overrated, boring band, to be honest. Listen to first two albums of The Datsuns, you’ll get much more energy and drive.

    Burzum — it’s an explicit word.

    Alice In Chains — not my cup of tea, again.

    Coroner — good.

    Squash Bowels — oh yeah, if you got problems with splenius capitis muscle, Squash Bowels makes pefrect soundtrack to headbang-training. Start to make an exercise right now!

    Vemod — yawn.

    Gorguts — this album came before Gorguts became one of a kind band. It’s good but early death metal knows better stuff.

    Speedwolf — good.

    Bottom line: I heartily want to choose Callenish Circle, but since this chart is all about sole riff or riff sequence, my vote goes to Masterlord. If Hotdog Clifford chose the track in the video below, I’d vote for his submission.


    • Tyree

      Fuck off.


    I vote for W because, aside from the AiC riffs (which I grew up listening to), Arsis is the definition of being able to make a blistering riff catchy. Xan gets a second place for the WoD riff, but I never think of them as a “riff” band, just a great one.

  • Dagon

    I voted for Tyree.

  • NefariousDude

    Arsis ftw

  • Stockhausen

    Embrace cold death, embrace Tyree, hail Schubert.

  • Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

    There are way too many good riffs here (fucking Nocturnal Graves), but I had to give the vote to Herr Dean. Holy fuck that riff is gargantuan.

    • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

      Thank you, Mr. Phoenix!

  • Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

    Also I think The Erosion of Sanity is the better of the early Gorguts albums. There is a perfect balance between riffing and atmosphere on it that I feel Considered Dead didn’t have. It also does a good job of subtly hinting at the chaos to come later.

  • JWG

    That’s an obscene picture up there. I can see an exposed nipple.

    Though given the ‘shop I guess I should be glad you refrained from adding more to be extra cat-like.

  • Fuckin’ A, Howard Dean. Are you bribing these motherfuckers? I suspect collusion. No one can win this many RotW’s.

    • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

      Howard is love, Howard is life.

    • Scrimm

      It is suspect.

    • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

      W is the vote rigger (All Gore is still seriously pissed!); the Howard just knows how to reach a motherfucker’s inner self and heart with the power of the riff.

  • Is it me or is it inordinately angsty in here today?

    Anyway, voted Gorguts. Because I feel that to do otherwise would invite the kneesmashing wrath of some government black ops team of kneesmashers.

    • Scrimm

      Good choice.

  • Stanley

    Just back from a great bike ride. Its 75 degrees here in Sonoma. Now it’s Riff time.

  • Lacertilian

    @joshuathackston:disqus this week

  • LobsterAttack

    Should not have voted. Too many tasty (read: putrid) riffs this week to stand behind any one decision.

    • Lacertilian

      Just vote and proceed to wave your claw furiously at the aggressors.

  • Stanley

    I’m feeling generous today. Dead Butt Dreaming, you have my vote.


      Stanley, I’m disappointed. DBD insults myself and the other power metallers, and then you give him the vote? Tsk tsk.

      • Stanley

        What insults do you speak of?

        • DARKBEARD

          he said he was gonna ride through my LARP and punch me in my poser face! 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁


          • Stanley

            Ah, I see. I thought that there may have been some history that I wasn’t privy to. I don’t beleive that you are a member of the FB group, so I don’t know if that is a picture of you or if that is some generic larper. Either way, poseur beating and larper punching aside, the riff riffs. Hard.

  • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

    Love me some classic AIC, and Nocturnal Graves FTW, but the Dean has pulled it off once again and snagged this nip’s vote. You bastard (<3 U).

    • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

      Byah! Many thanks! Glad you enjoyed the riff!

  • J.R.

    Man I was going so hard for Xan, but then Vegglampe came in way stronger than expected. Totally blown away.

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    the burzum album cover is not “obscene”—that is the wrong word—-for art–and a great vision—
    its funny that some people are so brainwashed by pc tv control—–that the first word they use for a classic painting—is “obscene”—-cuz their reality is so blind–and dependant on what the tv tells them

    naked=obscene——>media control tactic—>slave philosophy—–

    (all 3 at once—full vol)



  • If anyone sees a bespectacled Corgi, tell him to come here: I’ve got a hug for dat Squash Bowels love.