RIFF OV THE WEEK: THE 2002 EDITION / SCHUBERT’S BIRTHDAY

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It’s true. Today is Schubert’s (also known as Stockhausen’s cat, king of cats) birthday. He’s outlived his owner for 8 years now. In celebration of his admirable durability, we’re listening to riffs from 2002 – a year that has nothing whatsoever to do with anything. 

Last week, our best pal George Lynch won with a pick that doesn’t even remotely resemble a goddamn riff, when there were three perfectly actual riffs by Deströyer 666 to choose from. Congratulations on defying all logic.

NEXT WEEK:

  • In my marriage vows, I promised my dear wife one thing, and one thing only: that I would “never, ever, in a million years” run a nü metal Riff ov the Week. That being said, and this should be a surprise to no one, I’m a horrible husband and a damned liar. I have been moved by W’s belligerent nagging and the viral expansion of the #GiveThePeopleWhatTheyWant and #NüMetalOrNoMetal hashtags. Plus, after crafting those dank memes, it’s not possible for me to hate myself more than I already do. So… next week, we’re only taking nü metal riffs. Fucking kill me now.
  • Send your *barf* nü metal riffs to toiletovhell@gmail.com. The first 15 are in (and are also the worst fucking humans).

 

Masterlord

Vomitory dragged the corpse of death metal through the 2000’s, and for that we should be grateful. This riff is rudimentary, but so is a cudgel, and those are still pretty good at opening skulls – 3:00.

 

Simon Phoenix

2002. Considered by many to be the year of the dark age of metal. People assume that the likes of Puddle of Mudd and Trapt were the only options for metalheads. Those people would be wrong. Across the Atlantic, Leon Macey crafted an album telling of Roman gladiators, centurions, and ritual bloodshed, backed by epic sprawling riffs bourne of Morbid Angel worship and twisted beyond form. The scary part? This was only the beginning for him and Rayner Cross as they would venture from the Roman Empire to the depths of unconquerable space with subsequent albums. Simon says skip to 1:18 and behold.

 

Stockhausen

Decapitated’s Nihility helped us all remember in 2002 that death metal friggin’ rules. The opening riff of “Mother War” is everything the name implies, and is also Schubert’s favorite riff. Make the right choice.

 

Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

2002 saw the release of many fine albums, so shut up. High On Fire is better than these other flushers here. “Surrounded By Thieves” was a a damn good riff-fest, and at around 3:45, the song starts a particularly jammy riff.

 

McNulty

In 2002 the whiffs definitely overpowered the riffs. It took a big of digging, but I found the winner: the title track from Opeth’s Deliverance. Start at 9:50 and go through to the end.  That chuggy, death metal riff interplaying with the lighter picking. Yeah it’s four minutes, but there’s a lot going on here. Easily the best outro ever recorded.

 

Dagon

2002 was a great year for me. I was 10 years old when I watched Brazil win the World Cup for the fifth time. Ronaldo – one of my all time favorites – was a killer during the whole tournament. Little more than one month later, this GEM dropped. This is one of my favorite albums ever, and it has plenty of good riffs. I am, however, going to pick the low hanging fruit because I want to win, fuck you guys. The main riff in this song will stay in your head for the rest of your life.

 

Tertius Decimus

This band from Ukraine holds very special place in my heart. Started as Pestilence wannabes, they quickly developed their own style, one you will never find anywhere else. Sure, the level of production is “DIY” at best, despite the fact it was all recorded at the studio. Bear in mind – it was a time when the phenomena of 90s in post-USSR space ended (changes in life don’t follow the calendar changes that quickly), so the sound quality is mediocre. However, it’s easy to forget the production quirks, because out-of-the-box thinking plays a pretty crucial role here. Unusual compositional structures paired with widespread use of dissonances and atonal touches to lead melodic lines makes a very clear image of outer space in your head. A couple of different keyboard lines played simultaneously (piano/ambience/tubular bells) goes fluid so you get almost a psychedelic effect. The only “real” thing to keep you from melting away is the solid pulse of bass thumping you in the back.

The band is long gone. In 2008 I was massively contributing to some metal forum which I don’t wanna remember anymore. I wrote a review about Anamorphosis of Dreams with kiloton of splendid epithets. It stayed almost unnoticed for some period, but time went by and 6 months after, some bloke knocked into PM with the message full of thankful words. It was band leader Edouard Miroschnichenko, who was shocked that someone still remembers the band and enjoys what they had created back in the days of their youth. That message made me sad, actually, because it’s depressing to know that talented people receive no recognition and are forced to drag a miserable existence instead of doing what they do best. The last I heard, he was working as a CD-vendor at the market. It was in 2008. Riff starts at 0:25.

 

Poseur Disposeur

2002 was a very pivotal year for metal. Many of the eventual greats (Mastodon, Agalloch) released their breakthrough albums this year, sowing the seeds that sprouted into the eventual toppling of the then-strong nu metal trend. I choose the riff starting at 2:40 of Soulfly’s “Seek ‘N’ Strike”. This riff encapsulates everything that people despise about simplistic nu metal riffs (and the ridiculous spelling conventions of the time), but Soulfly’s great strength has always been in laying beats for Latin American people to groove to. It is simple, bouncy and a perfect representation of everything post-2002 metal is not.

 

Brock Samson

I honestly don’t know if there is a better opening riff in black metal history than “Tyrants” by Immortal. [Vote for this.Masterlord]

 

Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

A lot of terrible music came out in 2002, cuz nu metal. You know who isn’t nu metal and released a fantastic RIFF MONSTER of a metal album in 2002? An album which went criminally unnoticed by all but those who were already at least somewhat familiar with this artist’s previous legendary band Sleep. That’s right, I’m talking about the man whose sweaty chest I am blessed to call home – Mr. Matt Pike himself. Released in May of 2002 on Relapse Records, Surrounded by Thieves was HoF’s 2nd full length, and it features some of the greatest riffing of Mr. Pikes illustrious career if I do say so myself. The riffing at 2:46 before and after the quick solo is fantastic, the segue into the closing riff at 3:42 is pure riffing-gold. It is physically impossible to not bang your head, tap your toe, or move some part of your body to the rhythm. That’s a scientific fact. Trust me, I’m a nipple. I know these things.

 

Ted Nü-Djent

I got something that I’d like to say. I got it and I wanna share. I’m gonna drink my weight in liquor. And I ain’t gonna care. I wanna get good and plastered, baby. Then I wanna get mean. So feel free to start me, honey. I’m an alcohol-fueled machine.

 

JWG

Submitted for the opening riff (about 0:20) that comes back later, but I could easily have noted the one that takes over at (0:41).

 

Iron Lawnmower

This could also fit into last week’s contest, as they’re an Australian band (don’t know why this video says GER) who have mastered the art of riffage. Especially on this song from their 2002 debut album.

 

Mr. Custodial Arts

Mikey and Ben, doing what they do best… TOGETHER!!! “Pig Latin” starts at 4:07, the tasty little riffamajig is 4:47-5:20. I Emoji gibberish.

 

Janitor Jim

This song is one of my favorite songs from the only good radio rock band Chevelle. They’re consistent, and this song is no exception. It’s from their best album, in my opinion. The riff from 2:22 until 2:40 may be simplistic, but it really helps the song groove its way into my ears. It also makes me want to break stuff.

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 08-02-2015 09:00:00
Poll Results:
Hrmmmmmmmmm...
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  • MoshOff

    Aaaaaaaagh what is it with my riffs not making the cut lately? I sent mine in last Saturday.

    Voted for Stocky, because Vogg.

    • Stockhausen

      I thank you. Schubert thanks you.

    • Howard Dean

      Same. I sent mine at 10:47am last week. 47 minutes after the contest was announced.

      • i’m going to do my part to help the nation. i will not submit a nu-metal riff in hopes that you get more time to prepare and submit a winner.

        • Howard Dean

          I won’t be submitting a nu metal riff, so you don’t have to worry about that. Haha. I’ll live to submit a riff another week.

  • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

    Did someone say nu metal riff of the week? I have so many good possible choices!

  • Howard Dean

    Either I was forgotten, or the riff that I sent 47 minutes after the theme announced last week was too late. Either way, I’m bummed. This was my riff:

    “It is common knowledge that black metal had pretty well pissed down the front of its pants by 2002, but did you know there were a plethora
    of quality black metal albums released that year? Immortal released Sons of Northern Darkness and Agalloch released The Mantle in 2002. And though killer riffs abound on those two albums, I can’t bring myself to submit one of them (that fruit be singing “Get Low”). So
    instead, I’ve dredged up a monster of a headbanger from our friends Deathspell Omega. Snap your neck for Satan. Riff starts at the beginning of the track.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-xXMGSF6y8&feature=youtube_gdata_player

    Also, I still can’t believe Portal won a RotW. That’s like an EDN track winning a solo of the week contest. Holy fuck.

    And nu metal RotW? Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.

    • MoshOff

      THE 1% DOESN’T WANT OUR RIFFS, BYAH. Same thing happened to me, man.

      • Howard Dean

        I guess not, my friend. Now I’m trying to figure out what the best time is to submit riffs. If I wait more than two hours, the contest is full. If I submit within the first hour, it’s too early.

        Oh well. At least we get a shitpile of Chevelle and Soulfly this week. Do people actually listen to some of this stuff before they submit it?

        • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

          I submitted Chevwlle this week. Does that mean I’m a bad person?

          • Howard Dean

            No, not at all. It just means that isn’t a very good riff.

        • my guess: no. i think people see a band they like and pick it, regardless.

        • more beer

          Only Eddie Trunk Jr.

    • Edward/Breegrodamus

      DEAN ’16. THE DEAN DREAM MACHINE. CABOT CHEDDAR CHEESE.

      • Howard Dean

        RIFF SNUBBED AGAIN!

        I’M GOING TO TAKE MY CABOT CHEESE AND GO HOME.

        GET OFF MY (WHITE HOUSE) LAWN!

    • EVERYBODY VOTE “OTHER” AND CHOSE HOWARD DEAN

      • Edward/Breegrodamus

        TOILET OV 9/11 CONSPIRACY

        • the deans caused 911………….

          • Howard Dean

            Paula Deen causes heart disease! It’s like two sticks o’ butter, y’all!

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Oh, HD. I already announced this to practically everyone on the FB but I ordered the Pissgrave 2014 Demo on cassette to get it digitized. When I do, I’m gonna email you a copy.

          • Send me a copy with alternative cover art plz. A nice puppy or something would do just fine.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Joe you can put whatever cover art you’d like if you use iTunes!

            Don’t sleep on this suggestion –

            http://amazinganimalphotos.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/cute-and-adorable-cat-photo.jpg

          • Howard Dean

            Byah! Nice. I’ve been trying to get The Ajna Offensive to release it on CD/vinyl, seeing as they release material from some other Graceless Recordings bands.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Really? Did you send them an email or something? That is frickin’ awesome.

          • Howard Dean

            I wrote it to them on Facebook. They posted about some Graceless stuff on CD/vinyl they are releasing, so I shilled hard for the Pissgrave demo. I don’t know if it’ll ever happen.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            I contacted a Belgian distro via his blog to ask him if he had the tape available and what it would cost me to buy it and have it shipped to me. He responded (really quickly) to let me know it was 5 euros for the tape and 4.50 for shipping. That comes out to $11.05 in U.S. dollars. JAG said he would be happy to digitize it as he is set up for that sort of thing, so when I get the tape I need to spend a bit more cash to mail it to the JAG. Then we’re in. Kind of a lot of work for a seven song cassette in which I have repeatedly heard three songs, lol

          • Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

            I’ll be wanting a copy too pls thank you.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Oh definitely SP.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            THE RIFFS THE LIBTARD SHILLS DON’T WANT YOU TO HEAR

            PLAY ALL THREE VIDEOS SIMULTANEOUSLY FULL VOLUME THIRD VIDEO ON REPEAT

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1ENxToLsc4

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQjHLzIbdRQ

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-yfP_BFsqI

      • Howard Dean

        The world needs more.enterprising, entrepreneurial minds like JJM’s. I shall name him to my cabinet! Secretary Minister of Great Ideas!

  • MoshOff

    Question: is “best Nu Riff” really “worst Riff ever”? ‘Cause I’d be OK with that.

  • Shit. Should have sent in something from In Their Darkened Shrines.
    Consider 2:13 my unofficial entry.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVO-0ytEUoo

  • MoshOff

    “2002 will be remembered for many things. Doom ‘supergroup’ Krux’s debut album is not one of those things, but it should be. It is chock full of amazingly catchy doom riffs, of which the one that opens ‘Omfala’ is my personal favorite.”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXcVYKRR63g

    • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

      I could have voted for this. Love this album

  • Stockhausen

    That Phantasmagory stuff is legit. Vote for Tertius.

  • Based Tapir

    Diz be between Opeth and Decapitated for me.

    • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

      The only real choice is Chevelle.

      • Based Tapir
        • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

          They’re so good though! They’re the radio rock version of Tool!

          • MoshOff

            So like, silence?

          • Based Tapir

            They’re good (refresh for image)

          • I love them but no they are not the radio rock version of tool. I hate when people say this. The two sound nothing alike.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Funny, I was actually thinking about that comparison last night cause homey from ToH:FB was like check this band out, and I was like cool, I will, and I did and they reminded me of Chevelle, and he was like ouch that hurts, and I was like huh? I like Chevelle.

          • Which band was it?

          • Edward/Breegrodamus
          • wholly shiite, my cousin gave me “Vertical Mass Graves” from this band on Easter 2014… #coincidenceorconspiracy

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            ILLUMINATI OBAMA CONSPIRACY

          • Is Tool not the radio rock version of Tool?

          • Howard Dean

            Seriously. I thought Tool was radio rock already?

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Oh yeah Tool has gotten radio play for years, from their song “Sober” back in the day which still gets play to songs from their album 10,000 Days.

          • KJM

            That’s what I get for not scrolling down before I open my gob.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Bah, I do that all the time. No biggy

          • Riiiiiiiiiiiiight. And King 810 is the rock radio version of Necrophagist.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            WEEDLE WEEDLE STAB WOUND

          • Howard Dean

            SOLO SOLO ARPEGGIOS WEEDILY DEEDILY SOLO STAAAAAAAAB WOOOOOOUUUND

          • KJM

            Ha!

          • more beer

            No they are the rock radio version of every gangster rapper ever.

          • All while this guy blows them out of the water when it comes to showing what Flint is actually like.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gKIs6TUpq6g&list=PLE798F5D84733DDBA

          • KJM

            But Tool is already the radio rock version of themselves(said as a fan).

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            I don’t think that point will win Based Tapir over

      • Chevelle rips, and your song #trills and #rockets
        you have redeemed a small portion of your shitty music points today, good sir

        • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

          Yay!

  • BAXXX BXAXXBXAXX

    Stockhausen automajically wins.

  • Dillinger!

  • I submitted this as quickly as I could but did it not make the cut so I’m just gonna drop this here. Opening riff.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73MUJt4WDpM&spfreload=10

  • Edward/Breegrodamus

    I wanted to vote for the Dillinger Escape Plan but settled on Immortal.

  • Hubert, Goat ov/of SATAN!!!!!

    Schubert? That name name reminds me of someone. I can’t get my finger on who. Does he have any Goat relatives?

    I’m voting for Soulfly to prepare for the Nü-metal of next week. 3 is one of Soulfly’s weaker albums, next to Primitive *barf*, but that riff is a good riff.

  • 0 votes for Stargazer last week. zero.
    (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

    • M Shadbros!

    • BAXXX BXAXXBXAXX

      yayyyy i can use one of my fav memes

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      I’ll be zero this week, but I knew that when I submitted.

  • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

    I can’t watch anything before Stockhausen. So hapoy birthday Schubert. May you outlibe all of these Nü- and ouldskuul-posers.

    • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

      Pouseur Dipouseur won’t show either

      • You’re not missing anything there.

        • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

          But, he’s the most voted atm

      • Stanley

        If you’ve heard one Soulfly riff, you’ve heard them all. Sorry PD.

  • How can we forget Winds’ first CD coming out in 2002?!

    https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLAE83F2A91465D154

  • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

    Went for Tertius Decimus, because: long-ass rant. Great riff and I too, Bear in mind. Always Bear in mind.

  • “I honestly don’t know if there is a better opening riff in black metal history”
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkyhjlfJkxo

    • Scrimm

      We must disagree on this one.

      • cast your vote, tall man!

        • Scrimm

          For opening black metal riff? That’s hard, several some to mind. Is it to open an album or just a song?

          • Lol I actually don’t know the rules! Song.

          • Scrimm

            Wow, that’s a lot of riffs to remember. The ones that jump out at me are:
            Emperor – I Am The Black Wizards
            Darkthrone – Transylvanian Hunger
            Naglfar – The Brimstone Gate(Diabolical Version)
            Damn this is making my head hurt. I guess I’d go with Emperor

    • Stanley

      Dunno how you feel about these guys but this opening riff slays.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kFqGBgje7k&spfreload=10

  • Jefrey Waylon Mann

    Well, I guess a Nu Wiff of the week is mandatory now.
    No Limp Bizkit though.

    • plot twist: riff and whiff are the same contest next week

      • BAXXX BXAXXBXAXX

        plot twist: Jimmy runs all the disqus profiles on the XOIXEX

        • Jefrey Waylon Mann

          Plot twist: new kvlt name: XXXXXX XX XXXX

        • i cannot confirm nor deny this, as i am still too drunk to research what it means

          • Scrimm

            Still being drunk when you wake up on Saturday>>>>>>>

          • I’m working on getting tossed like a cheap Caesar salad. but I have to make yet another run for that and other shit later. Still working on my trusty 12 pack for strength to go grocery shopping at the dollar store!

          • Scrimm

            I’m probably done drinking for the weekend cause money but I got better anyways.

    • That’s just low hanging fruit. I went left field, but they’re sorta well known. *rubs hands together and releases a maniacal Gary Busey-esque laugh*

      Oh, how you will suffer when you watch it. Oh, HOW YOU WILL SUFFER!

      • Lacertilian

        The entire genre is low hanging fruit though.

        • I went for something so goddamn horrible, it’s beyond compare. and it’s well known, but none of the top 10 stuff that people most likely submitted.

  • Low hanging fruit but still a great riff. The intro march of the fire ants. http://youtu.be/irlyZH04PvI

    • Leif Bearikson

      You get my vote.

    • Dagon

      I tried putting the solo for this song on the last solo ov the week so I had to put something different this time. This is still awesome.

    • Lacertilian

      I was certain that someone else would submit this.

      • Ted Nü-Djent ™

        They may not have submitted in time. Also, you have a new follower on Bandcamp

        • Lacertilian

          I have only just started that account on there, I’m usually poor too which sucks, need to add Bandcamp to my growing list of expenses.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            I’m always poor and Bandcamp is making me poorer. The name your own price is a goldmine though. but I still try to sling them some cash.

          • Lacertilian

            You’re a better man than I

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            At least $1.00, so I’m not much better

          • JWG

            I aim for $1 per tune when I’ve got money to spare. But it is far less than that when I’m not so flush.

            I found one recently where I got a refund on my fiver because the artist never signed in to collect, so counting his other stuff was free I paid nothing.

            He’s in another local band who I support more generously though, so I felt justified in not pursuing another way to get him the 5…

    • I myself am partial to Crusher Destroyer.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=latazoi7XEY

  • The nü-metal submissions thus far have been terrible.

    • You might have to take over next week because I’m done with life. Also, will you give my eulogy? Make sure you talk about The Toilet without explaining what it is.

    • In this case, that’s a good thing?

    • more beer

      Did you expect anything less than that?

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      You know, I’ve never won a ROTW and I think that if I were to win next week, my feelings would be mixed at best.

    • Open your heart to the love.

    • Jointsalot

      Could be cause they are nü-metal

    • Further Down the Metal Hole

      That’s cause I haven’t sent mine in, yet!

  • IronLawnmower

    Guys…VOMITOR

    • Scrimm

      no

  • DDubya.

    Janitor Jim, your time has come. Don’t let glory slip through your fingers.

  • Akercocke ov Steele

    Your riffs are nonexistent! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oX4KTg3W3Bc

  • Joey Jo-Jo Junior Shabadoo

    3 inches of blood riff for me thanks. Battlecry under a wintersun and Advance and Vanquish are filled with godly riffs

    • JWG

      Thanks for being the other one.

      I swore once that I would always vote 3IOB when it appears in ROTW. And I stand by that even if it means voting for myself.

  • On a whole other side note, trying to find who does the song at the 22:13 mark, but can’t get a response from the DJ, who for some reason always forgets to put up her playlists. *knocks back these beers Leaving Las Vegas style trying not to put my head through the wall on this one*

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAK-fan7tjw&index=6&list=FL-LZE8Vu9GPbO_DxGlCX2kw

    • Stanley
      • OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!!! I FUCKING LOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU!

        • Stabbathley

          Does this mean that I win a “Get out of the gulag free” card?

      • How the hell did you find it, though? I spent hours trying to find out who did this one.
        I’m 1/3 drunk and heading out in a sec, but this is definitely going in my mp3 player for the journey! All my usual sarcasm aside, thank you! It made my day!

        • Stanley

          Ahh, shucks. I just held my phone up to the PC while it was playing and Shazam did the rest. That’s a banging tune, mind you.

  • David Vincent’s Spandex Tapir

    Checked the order update, my copies of Deliverance and Udu Wudu that I ordered back in January are estimated to arrive February 30-March 6. I voted Deliverance but the anxious wait continues.

  • Scrimm

    Vomitory!! My god 2002 sucked.

  • DDubya.

    Also, I should probably apologize for next week’s category. I didn’t think he’d ever actually go through with it. I did it for the lolz.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      I think you mean you did it for the nookie.

      (I hate myself)

      • COME ON!

      • Scrimm

        Fuck dude I heard that “song” out somewhere and my brain started replacing every use of the word nookie with lolbuttz. Made it slightly more entertaining.

        • CyberneticOrganism

          How the hell do we not have TOH shirts yet with LOLBUTTZ in huge Impact font on the back?

          • Scrimm

            They are long overdue.

          • DDubya.

            I’d like one all-over print, please.

          • Jefrey Waylon Mann

            Is there TOH shirts I never saw them.

          • Not yet. That’s one of the many, many things I’m way behind on doing.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            I still need to reach out to that artist I interviewed awhile back for her rates, I think she could make a particularly badass shirt for us.

          • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

            You should take a look at Maahy Abdul Muhsin. He’s done Kuolemanlaakso’s covers and some other art, just for the sake of seeing. He’s fricken great.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            I’d like to finally see you do that, then have 365DOH critique them a new arsehole on Shirt Stains

          • Do I have to pay royalties to @Stockhausen:disqus for the use of LOLBUTTZ?

          • Edward/Breegrodamus

            Does he have a signed legal contract, copyright, or digital proof of his idea?

          • No, but he HAS been banned from a couple of metal blogs for using it.

          • Jefrey Waylon Mann

            Blogs like the circle pit?

          • DDubya.

            I don’t think that was the real lolbuttz. I think that was a certain clown in disguise.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Fair dinkum?

          • Dagon

            We need TOH KIMONOS for Kimono Thursdays.

          • DDubya.

            Cosigned.

          • Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

            Bleeeegh.

    • Poseur Diposeur

      figures i would have submitted a nu metal riff for the 2002 category

    • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

      Next you’ll probably have a power metal whiff! POSER!
      (plz do, so we can all hate on Rhapsody and Manowar)

      • DDubya.

        Ding ding ding. We have next week’s category.

    • Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

      You do realize you’re responsible for him most likely going on a killing spree and slaughtering everyone in his city now right?

      • DDubya.

        What, with his suck-kwon-do?

        • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

          With the shining might of his “Glorious” locks

        • Lacertilian

          Martial arts can be dangerous in the wrong hands

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Be careful what you wish for. As the saying goes

  • CyberneticOrganism
  • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

    Nordling, my fine Finnish homie!! You had to get my vote. Twas fate. The Bear God knows his riffage.

    • Dagon

      I knew this album would be heavily featured. There are many riffs between Pike’s nipples.

    • KJM

      So, should I vote for his submission of it rather than yours?? O_o

      • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

        Yes.

        • KJM

          Okey dokey. It was either that or Opeth.

  • Dagon

    No one loves me. I can’t even insert gifs on my phone and my motherfucking keyboard is going haywire once again. My life is crumbling apart dudes.

  • KJM

    Umm, why is “surrounded by thieves” listed twice by two different people? : (

    • FeelTheDarkness

      Because High On Fire are awesome?

      • KJM

        If I could vote for both I would.

    • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

      I think it’s great that a guy in Finland and some douche in Texas chose the same HoF song entirely by coincidence. It made my day haha.

      • KJM

        The power of Matt Pike compels you both.

  • JvRv

    Lady JR got a big promotion today for gifting me the most Metal drinking chalice of all time.

    Your Cat has a great Birthday Day. Now to judge these Riffs!

  • God ov All

    I probably missed the deadline. but I sent mine in. (also sent two emails because oops i forgot to put my name with the first one.)

  • In other news, Mel Brooks is working on Spaceballs 2. To all the naysayers:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZoCmeXgE9U

    • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

      Worst Mel Brooks movie ever (it has to be/will be). I will only watch it thrice anymore… today.

    • KJM

      ‘History Of The World Pt 1’ is the last great Brooks movie for me.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      I hope he stays true to the original and calls it The search For More Money

    • FeelTheDarkness

      That’s if he can get Rick Moranis. Moranis got tired of Hollywood and retired in 1997.
      He only does the occasional voiceover.
      Brooks also said he wants the original cast which will be a little difficult due to John Candy and Joan Rivers being dead and all.
      I read it this morning and thought, no use telling people if you can’t get that accomplished.

    • Nordling Writes ov Karhu

      I do actually hope he goes on to make it.

  • Tyree

    Fuck, I need to listen to more Vomitory. So many great riffs. That Vomitor songs slays hard though.

  • Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

    Nu Metal RotW? Good thing I have a extra large stash of napalm cause I’m going to fucking burn everything in sight.

  • An announcement from the Masterlord:
    Next week we will include EVERY entry. It will be a celebration of poserdom.

  • Warheart

    WE ARE THE FUCKING TYRANTS !!!!

  • Stanley

    Hmmm. The big question is go with something that I know or something that I’m hearing for the first time? I’m a huge Immortal fan (obviously) so that’s an obvious pick and there are so many great riffs on that album. Tyrants was a strange choice IMO. Jimmy’s pick is great. I’ve spent hours trying to master that riff, but it throws me off every time with the odd time signature at the end and that extra note snuck in. So in hindsight, that pisses me off. I’m going with the Master(riffpicking)lord. I’ve never heard these guys before but that riff caught me hook, line and sinker.

    • Warheart

      I agree, Tyrants, amazing riff without a doubt, but is kind of an odd pick, I’d go with the main riff of One by One. regarding Deliverance, I’d choose the opening riff of Master’s Apprentice.

      • Stanley

        One by One! Or any riff from Demonium. Holy fuck!

  • Lacertilian

    Stockhausen gets my vote.
    Nihility is always a winner, I would have submitted from the riff from 1:58 http://youtu.be/_2ct64YcEec?t=1m58s

    Close behind are Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple & Nordling Writes ov Karhu.

  • Stanley

    Light Of Day, Day Of Darkness just popped up on shuffle. That’ll be an an hour until the next song comes on then.

  • BTW, Chris Holmes (you know, the guy who blames black people and Blackie Lawless for his solo shit and his car not selling) has one he just released that is breakdown worthy.

    http://www.blabbermouth.net/news/former-w-a-s-p-guitarist-chris-holmes-releases-let-it-roar-video/

    • CyberneticOrganism

      H O L Y F U C K

    • Mr.Custodial Arts

      I want my candy to be COTTON, my drinks COLD, my popcorn FRESH, and my guitar heroes TOOTHLESS.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Meh, it’s no They All Lie & Cheat that’s for sure

    • Further Down the Metal Hole

      Upvote for video breakdown. The world needs it.

  • Lacertilian

    Anyone see this week’s It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia?
    Frank deals with stress by flushing things down the toilet, mostly articles of clothing. First his shoes, then his shirt.
    I really need to learn how to create .gifs. It was a perfect endorsement for this site.

  • Vomitory is so good.

  • Mr.Custodial Arts

    -Rippin’ choices…gotta love this place. What to choose? VOMITORY or VOMITOR? A question all men must ask themselves at some point.

    -TERTIUS DECIMUS’ description is so personal and heartfelt his selection deserves my vote…which it didn’t get. But I wouldn’t vote for PUTIN either, so it evens out.

    -OPETH?! I cringed…then I listened…OH YEAH, I REMEMBER THAT RIFF. Tasty!…still fuckin’ nerd shit though. AKERFELDT’s record collection is more interesting than his fuckin’ music…says the guy who saw STUCK MOJO…TWICE. *glass house shatters, poser flesh cut to ribbons* Fuck that big frilly O, regardless. You don’t make friends with salad, and you don’t get laid with OPETH.

    -IMMORTAL…I don’t even notice how fucking ridiculous they look until someone points it out to me. I’m glad for that. AWESOME fucking riff.

    -I think a couple of peeps posted their picks a week early. Substitute with HOWARD DEAN and MOSHOFF.

    -Matt Pike and Josh Homme…I love them…like Rob Halford TURBO kind of love…like ISIS loves choppin’ off heads-speaking of which, thought for sure somebody woulda picked something-ANYTHING-off of THIS beast…LOW HANGING FRUIT INFUCKINGDEED.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHtpU4aABPI

    • FeelTheDarkness

      Fuck I forgot about that album!!!!

  • KJM