Riff ov the Week — Postponed

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Don’t tell Joe.

Masterlord is currently studying to become a corporate shill, and thus ran out of time to compile Riff ov the Week. He truly sucks and is sorry.

The riffs you sent this week will still be used in our Demo/EP edition one week from today. If you haven’t submitted one, feel free to do so. I’ll include all of them as repayment for the shirkage of my duties this week.

But hey, just because I didn’t put all your riffs in a nice tidy list doesn’t mean we can’t still have a contest. Post your riffs in the comments below. The riff with the most votes at the end of the weekend wins, and (assuming you’re not one of those Aussies or Finns or Brazilians or Venezuelans or whatever) I’ll send you a prize in the form of a home-made card. I’ll really fucking do it.

If you win and you’re not from the U S of A, I’ll scan the card and email it to you, and can print it out in whatever weirdo country you reside.

Forgive me father.

  • Vote for Jeb

    Wow, I wish the fourth editor was still around. He would have never let this happen.

    • MoshOff

      JJD?

      • JJD Misses Witch Ripper

        I wish.

    • Chef Slurpy’s Toilet Noodles

      Pingu?

    • …was it a bizarre gardening accident?

      • Lacertilian

        Freak yachting incident

    • Óðinn

      Acclaimed Metal vocalist George Clarke?

  • Dagon

    Burn this fucker down

    Riot

    Jk

  • i am hungover but i rly want a handmade Mastercard

    riff at 2:19

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9IJLostR0k

  • MoshOff

    I just listened to the new Black Breath and I feel like anything I do for the rest of the day will just end up feeling not as HOLY SHIT, you know?

    While I digest the new album, my riff is the opener from “Home of the Grave”.

    BREAK YOUR NECK, I COMMAND IT

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g74LSUiVyf8

    • I was thinking of posting this. That opening riff crushes so fucking hard.

      How is the new Black Breath? The only song I heard sounded like they dropped the hardcore influence in favor of straight-up black/death.

      • MoshOff

        I wouldn’t say dropped, but definitely toned it back a bit in favor of slower riffs. But they crush, OH DO THEY CRUSH.

        • Well, I’ll definitely have to jam that soon, always need more dick crushing.

    • Hubert

      New album is a really bloody heavy.

  • ChuggaChuggaDeedleyDoo

    Vote Trump 2016

  • KJM, Doom Hunter General

    Welp,okay then. Here’s Dopethrone with ‘Reverb Deep’. Vincent Houde, Riffmaster, gives it to you slow at about 2:47.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WvHPqEjnnVM

    • SheWölf

      I read that as “Reverb Derp”, heheheh…

      • KJM, Doom Hunter General

        Awesome.

  • KJM, Doom Hunter General

    And here’s a bonus track with Vincent doing his best Tom Waits impression.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ecb9f-cgMM4

    • Stockhausen

      Ooh nice. It’s like a mix between Buzz Fledderjohn and Clap Hands.

      • KJM, Doom Hunter General

        And if you read the description, this is just something he wrote when he was drunk and he forgot about it until he found the thumb drive it was on.

  • Zeke

    Don’t do it masterpants!!

  • Hubert

    Hey I’m not from America but I’d like to get a card anyway, I’ll pay shipping with food.

    Send to:
    Bijenkorf at Coolsingel 105, Rotterdam, Netherlands. Tell the guy there that it’s for Hubert, He’ll understand.
    Riff: (Opening riff) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IgG0-n1Bsm4

    Hubert

  • EsusMoose

    igrabbedthelowhangingfruitigrabbedthelowhangingfruitigrabbedthelowhangingfruitigrabbedthelowhangingfruitigrabbedthelowhangingfruitigrabbedthelowhangingfruit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aO3hjExZWXA

  • 365chaosriddendays

    Vote not for me, killer riff are killer riff:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYilWnqC2O8

  • Boss the Ross

    Melvins- War on Wisdom. The whole song is badass but the particualr riff i picked was at 00:34

    https://youtu.be/R6ggvDpEvvc

  • SheWölf

    I was going to post a riff, but I got distracted…

  • EsusMoose

    Unrelated therefore related: East of the Wall’s Ressentiment is fucked up on spotify all tracks were moved back one.

  • Stockhausen

    Riffs for days. If a insane robot clown strung out on coke and motor oil wrote riffs.
    https://sdmpdx.bandcamp.com/album/body-shame-body-shame-sdm-025

    • EsusMoose

      riffs for 3 minutes and 22*
      ftfy

    • Hubert

      Okay this is amazing.

    • pretty sure robots need motor oil to live

      • Stockhausen

        WAY TO SUCK THE FUN OUT OF EVERYTHING

  • dr.derelict
    • Lacertilian

      Fuck, I’ve still gotta buy this bloody thing.

  • more beer

    This whole dehttps://youtu.be/gBDeuuV8J1omo kicks ass. But the riff at 13:55 rules.

    • more beer

      This whole demo rules. But the riff at 13:55 slays.

      • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

        Truth

  • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

    https://youtu.be/rIF0d4PLsjY

    This song is the entire EP, so i win

  • KJM, Doom Hunter General

    I can’t wait to browse Lambgoat the day after the 2016 election. The wailing and gnashing of teeth will be priceless.

    • Chef Slurpy’s Toilet Noodles

      I’m just waiting for Trump to get rejected for the GOP nomination. The internet will break from the butthurt and lamentations!

      • KJM, Doom Hunter General

        Fortunately we only have about 5 months to wait for that one.

        • Chef Slurpy’s Toilet Noodles

          The butthurt will be legendary!

    • JWEG

      I’m more focused on the 2015 election, natch. Maybe they can too. It’s fairly clear an Old White Guy will be our PM after October 19.

      The young one is just a spoiler, and the lady has no hope.

      • KJM, Doom Hunter General

        This time around I’m actually rooting for the old white guy(i.e. Bernie Sanders).

        • JWEG

          One can only hope (unless one is a Republican I suppose). Business as usual in North America could be unbelievably upended in a positive way by a double-whammy of social-democrat authority in the highest offices of the most-and-third-most populous nations in North America.

          …Especially since Mulcair being PM would be a direct result of his party taking a plurality of House seats, and not either vice versa or that situation you have where they might not even match up.

          • KJM, Doom Hunter General

            It would also be a great help if the Democrats managed to get the Congress back as well.

          • more beer

            What would help is if we got rid of all of these traitorous politicians and started from scratch with all new ones.

          • KJM, Doom Hunter General

            I’m cool with my rep though. He votes the way I want him to. He’s even personally helped my family out so he’s a keeper.

          • more beer

            So one out of how many? Even though he has done those things I am willing to bet his personal interests come first.

        • Chef Slurpy’s Toilet Noodles

          Fuck ’em all, I could care less who wins. Sanders does seem the most sane of the bunch, which isn’t saying much.

      • Óðinn
  • Chef Slurpy’s Toilet Noodles
  • Edward/Breegrodamus™
    • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

      A man after mine own heart

      #knightsedward

      • Edward/Breegrodamus™

        Thou is so good. I’m kind of a latecomer to them (see: a poser) but I jam their shit so often lately. Undeniable riffs. Riffs for years.

        • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

          Massive catalogue too. Incredible live if you ever get the chance. They played on the floor in the middle of the crowd

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            They are playing a live show soon, local to Primitive Man (maybe Texas? not sure where Ethan Lee McCarthy is from exactly) and it’s Primitive Man, Thou, The Body, and two other bands.

            HOLY FUCK

            I’ve seen The Body live twice this year and would again.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            Jeebus

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            Praise the sweet babe for that lineup

          • Vladimir Poutine

            Primitive Man is from Denver.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            All ToH cats from Denver should attend that show, good lawd.

          • more beer

            I see Primitive Man pretty much every time they play.

          • KJM, Doom Hunter General

            Lera Lynn(AKA sad club singer from TD season 2) is playing Boston in November. I might go.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            That could be interesting, or at least a nice novelty.

          • KJM, Doom Hunter General

            You could sorta pretend you’re in an episode of Trve Detective. I’m sure she’ll play at least 3-4 songs from the soundtrack.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            Drop acid before to really get that True Detective Twin Peaks I’m in an episode of TV feel, lol

          • Chef Slurpy’s Toilet Noodles

            We need a doom or black metal version of this:

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xcxEU_XiA0

          • more beer

            I just looked at their facebook page the only up coming show I saw in Denver is 10/24 at High Dive. With Yob and Black Cobra. That I will definitely go to.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            Refresh for image:

          • more beer

            I only looked at the show dates and this wasn`t listed. I saw them on the Forth of July at the Glob. it was a killer set. Guess that is going to be a very busy week for me. 2 Primitive Man shows and King Diamond. This venue is really close to my house also.Thanks for the heads up.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            It could actually be a Vermin Womb show now that I think about it, which would be equally insane.

          • more beer

            I think that might be what it is. Either way his bands make music I like. I was just talking to my buddy this venue is going to get torn down next year for a massive highway improvements. Another good venue ruined in the name of progress.

          • Vladimir Poutine

            They’re playing the Hi Dive here in Denver with Yob at the end of October. I’m planning to be there.

          • more beer

            From what Mr. Edward just posted before they are playing the Glob on 10/17. I really like that little DIY space. Cheap shows and you can bring your own beer.

          • more beer

            Mr Poutin is correct. I ran into him outside his non band job 2 weeks ago.

          • Chef Slurpy’s Toilet Noodles

            Which is probably something totally awesome, manly and metal, like butcher, blacksmith, or a jerky maker.

          • more beer

            He works in a dispensary.

          • Chef Slurpy’s Toilet Noodles

            As in a place that dispenses ass beatings and justice?

          • more beer

            It is Denver it is a place that distributes fine marijuana products.

          • Chef Slurpy’s Toilet Noodles
    • Winner winner.
      Glacier dinner.

  • THE FUCK?!

  • BYAH!!!! come back, Howard Dean (riff start at 1:11)
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YiaKB6JNkrU

  • Scrimm

    The whole song, but especially partial to the chorus riff. 0:54 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ST2KEldWzqE

  • JamesGrimm
  • JWEG

    Can’t riff, but hey look what I just saw on the social meeja:
    https://twitter.com/MetalBlade/status/647843233347829760

  • Old Man Doom
  • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS
    • Mvthvr Shvbvbv 8

      BITCH U GUESST IT

      • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

        You was right

        • Dagon

          SHOOSH
          Y’ALL COULDN’T HEAR ME ???ww

        • Mvthvr Shvbvbv 8

          FUCKEMFUCKEMFUCKEM

    • Chef Slurpy’s Toilet Noodles

      I got two days off instead of just one since they have to train the grill girl on my station before the trainer goes back to his regular store. I know I’m gonna wake up thinking I have to get ready for work, though.

  • Mvthvr Shvbvbv 8

    RIFF OF THE WEEK AS DECIDED UNANIMOUSLY BY ME:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nM__lPTWThU

    • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

      Painkiller>>>>>>>>>

    • tigeraid

      Auto-upvoting.

    • Judas Priest>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

  • Max
  • Waynecro

    You know, I’m usually really stickler for deadlines; however, this week, shit was hectic, so I didn’t have a chance to submit my riff. In fact, I didn’t even have a chance to think about my submission until just now. Anyway, this delay sort of works out for me. If nothing else, I share in your fail and shame, Masterlord.

  • Waynecro

    Here’s my submission (the riff goes from the very beginning until about 0.25):

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jk9VUV6pB80

    This song is off MMXV Demo, so assume it meets this week’s criteria (I have no idea whether the band intends to put this song on a full-length album in the future). I actually heard this demo because someone posted it somewhere on this website. That intro riff has been stuck in my head for weeks.

  • Óðinn

    ~~~

  • Óðinn

    ~~~

    • KJM, Doom Hunter General

      Featured comment!

    • EsusMoose

      This is amazing

      • Óðinn

        Thanks EsusMoose.

  • Óðinn
  • KJM, Doom Hunter General

    Oh noes, now we have Juan Croucier’s Ratt Experience Featuring Juan Croucier! http://www.blabbermouth.net/news/video-the-other-voice-of-ratt-debuts-new-band-ratts-juan-croucier-in-michigan/

  • KJM, Doom Hunter General
  • Chef Slurpy’s Toilet Noodles

    Riff starts at 3:30. It’s the singer from Fairyland’s latest band.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAHdDfR0QAg&list=PLzQwbBuh5P3lprksgM31osWO0rkEOTjzN&index=7

  • Chef Slurpy’s Toilet Noodles

    Digging through my vault of old CDs, I bumped into this bad boy (Hamka’s my obvious submission, btw). This is industrial and drum n bass’ answer to doom metal. Slow, nightmarish, oppressive part starts at 24:51, riff (if you wanna call it that) starts at 26:04.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWw9DzhCJ3U

  • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

    Remember how awesome this Asphyx album was? Now you remember. Death metal done right.

    https://youtu.be/r70ZMcGkf0A

  • BobLoblaw