Riff ov the Week: Album Openers

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Album-opening riffs really tickle your pickles, don’t they? I got like 40 submissions from you guys this week. Unfortunately, I’m only using the first 15. Is it because I’m a bad man? Or is it because I’m swamped and that’s simply all I have time for? You decide.

Good ol’ W. joked that Deafhaven would win if someone submitted them this week. I assured him that the only thing Deafhaven will win under my stewardship is the award for “Fastest Email Sent to the Trash Bin and Lied About Having Come In Too Late”, which I’m having Link draw up in Microsoft Paint as we speak. Taking that trophy from JJD isn’t easy, but a Deafhaven submission might just do the trick.

Last weekEllipsis just barely edged out Lacertilian in a battle between Black Sabbath and Acid Bath. The people have spoken. Congratulations to the nervous awkward silence.

Capture

Next week:

  • W. has an idea. Here it is in his own words: Look, we all prostrate ourselves to the riff on a regular basis, but sometimes simple riffs just can’t impart the same feeling as a string of notes with the right background noise. Sometimes we need sustain and feedback to build tension. Sometimes we need synths and choral work to bring them feels. Sometimes we need more than just the riff. This next contest is a measure of the best use of atmosphere in a metal song to create a tone.
  • Send your atmosphericisms to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com. Include a Youtube link, the time of the riff, your name, and an explanation for why you picked something so shitty.
  • If you have an idea for a theme, let me know.

 

Masterlord

Hellfire’s Dominion has my favorite opener of all time. A simple riff, but one that so perfectly manages to channel the bleak, medieval spirit over which Desaster had such a mastery. This exact riff should kick off every album ever.

 

Shrimp in a Pizza Box / Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

Shrimp: I Immediately thought of this riff the second I saw the theme. There is also a sped-up version of the riff towards the end of the song, but the one at the start is definitely one of my top 5 riffs of all time.

Formerly: No justification needed, everyone and their mum knows how good an opening riff it is, infact its so good around 3 minutes of the song is built around it (yes I counted). Just a perfect opening to an awesome album.

 

Something Something Richter

There’s a sample of some guy saying something about how humans are all lazy and doomed, etc, and then the riff kicks off at 0:36. To get the full effect, I recommend listening to the entire longwinded sample and letting the riff startle you out of your lazy, doomed, depressive torpor.

 

Zeke… or Isaac; whatever

This riff is sick and it keeps twisting and mutating over the first part of the song. A great beginning for a great album.

 

Howard Dean

This was the hardest week yet for me to come to a decision. I immediately had about 50 ideas in mind. My mind first went to the opening riffs of Crimson by Edge of Sanity, Judeobeast Assassination by Grand Belial’s Key, Destroy the Opposition by Dying Fetus (one of the best meathead/beatdown riffs ever), and Transcendence Into The Peripheral by Disembowelment. All great riffs, all great openers to awesome albums. So what did I go with? How would I top those? AKERCOCKE. The opening riff to Words That Go Unspoken, Deeds That Go Undone, a motherfucker of a headbanger that offers perfect passage into one of the best extreme metal albums ever made. Press play on this beast.

 

Lobster Attack

We’re just puttering along, listening to Richard Christy do his thing, and then BOOM – Oh, hi! Chuck’s back! Time to shred. PS – Death should get all the votes by default, because Death.

 

The Redman

I’ve always considered Adagio being power metal for people who dislike power metal, especially on their monster of an album Archangels In Black. They pick the best parts of various genres and create a melting pot of power metal, melodic death metal, and thrash. Layer it under Christian Palin’s soaring vocals (and the occasional growl) and you have a recipe for a catchy AF progressive power merol album. The Riff starts off at the very beginning and accompanies the song on the outro as well. Enjoy!

 

Nordling Rites ov Karhu

I figured there was gonna be a lot of OSDM or thrash riffs here, so I figured I’d play that game too. This is good and catchy as in memorable.

 

Dagon

One of metal’s most unforgettable melodies perfectly sets the tone for one of metal’s most unforgettable records.

 

Jack Bauer

This is one of my favorite intros of any album ever from one of my favorite albums of this year so far. Melechesh start Enki off with a fucking bang and don’t let up for the rest of the album. THIS is how you do an epic start to an album. I love love love that riff.

 

Ron Deuce

The opening riff to Acid Bath’s “Paegan Love Song” of off Paegan Terrorism Tactics is so damn good that they keep going back to it repeatedly. By the time they’ve abandoned it, you buried waist deep in the nastiest sludge spewed from a NOLA sewer.

 

Ru!N

This opening riff of …And Justice for All could not be any heavier. Combined with the verse riff that is equal parts earth shattering and catchy, this album opener is at the top of several essential openers from Metallica. Riff starts at :36 in this Live Shit version.

 

Poseur Disposeur

Snakes for the Divine is the ultimate album intro/opening riff in all of metal history. It is the audio equivalent of an ax falling down on a poser’s neck, of a cavalry charge down a blackened hill into a helpless village, of finishing off the last drink of Steel Reserve and then throwing the bottle at a cop car, or really anything even remotely associated with being metal.

 

Huggy Bear OH YEAH

2014’s Echoes and Cinders is tits, 2012’s Into the Dark is titser, 2010’s The Grim Awakening is 42 minutes of pure unfuckwithabilitisiveness. I don’t know if they are known around this here Toilet, but I feel they could never be known and headbanged to enough [It’s actually “headbung”Masterlord].

 

Simon Phoenix

A riff that opens an album, eh? My first instinct was to go with Dark Age by Vader. But that is technically not the first thing you hear on that record. So instead enjoy this skull crushing riff from these underrated Canadian death-thrashers. Simon says bring on the syrup and the sledgehammer.

 

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 12-04-2015 09:00:00
Poll Results:
Whom dost thou chooseth?
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  • Dr. Dubz

    My joke actually referred to Deafheaven winning next week, but you know, potato, tomato.

    • Masterlord would be overjoyed if they won

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      If anyone ever submits a Deafhaven song, they will instantly get my vote. Cuz, jimmie rustling.

  • KJM

    Old man iz old. Blackened.

    • FeelTheDarknesses

      Yes

      • more beer

        I`m seeing Poison Idea in October at California Death fest. I`m really looking forward to that.

        • FeelTheDarknesses

          And I am jealous.

          • more beer

            I`ve been a fan for a long time and it`s my first time seeing them. Plus Immolation is closing out the weekend. It`s been a while since I saw them last. I grew up in Yonkers so it will be good to see old friends also.

    • more beer

      It`s not how old you are it`s how old you act. Plus when you were coming up was the best time for metal I know because I was there.

    • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

      LARS THE DANISH PROPHET WOULD BE PROUD

      BLACKENED IS THE END

      (Disclaimer: that is a great riff and I unabashedly love old Metallica)

      • AJFA is the album that got me into metal and til this day the whole thing holds up over time. Classic album.

        • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

          I’m more of a Kill ’em All/RtL guy, and consider those two much superior to MoP/AJFA. But I still jam MoP/AJFA quite a bit, too.

          • more beer

            I must agree with you there.

          • CONANtheDjentlyFuckingKING

            here’s an interview with the lads from voices that is interesting to those so inclined……………http://louderthanwar.com/voices-london-interview-and-album-review/

          • Louis Quatorze

            “From the Human Forest…” was a good album and “London” had its moments too. But also it had some very cheesy ones. I highly prefere Akercocke over them. Unfortunately David Gray and Matt didn’t continue with The Antichrist Imperium, as far as I know.
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95I3qq2M9Xw
            (240p though) 😀

          • CONANtheDjentlyFuckingKING

            Peter Benjamin does good with the vocals i thought as far as Voices go. We are never going to get an extreme band as good as Akercocke again. It’s a once in a lifetime event.

      • Edward/Breegrodamus™

        People that don’t love old Metallica are posers and or people who just regurgitate things that other people have said. Also, they could just be young.

        • Gluteus_Maximus_Rage

          I’m 35 and have never owned any Metallica album ever. When I was 15 – 25 and drumming in bands, I was just so stained by Lars and him thinking he was so fucking awesome that it ruined the band for me. That, and also the fact that there was ALWAYS something else I’d rather chuck on the stereo than any Metallica album. I heard enough of them when hanging out with friends and always having friends jam the living shit out of Metallica.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            Fair enough.

    • Shrimp ov Bad Opinions

      Eh, I think Battery and Fight fire with fire got better openers.

      • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

        Battery is a classic opener.

    • RuIN?

      Guilty.

  • Actiondonkey FKA Ferris Mueler

    Dat HOF riff makes me happy

    • TheRedman(formerly God ov All)

      I need an adult.

      • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

        I am an adult.

    • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes
    • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

      Damnit. I feel violated.

  • Stockhausen

    Mmm. I’m feeling some Dead Congregation.

  • Jointsalot

    When I saw ROTW was going to be alvum openers I instally thought Blackened. Therefore my vote goes to Ru!n

  • That Mortal Decay album is a highly underrated death metal album.

  • Shrimp ov Bad Opinions

    Am I allowed to vote for myself since I would technically vote for someone else too at the same time?

  • Can I somehow vote for Shrimp WITHOUT voting for Oli Sykes?

    • Dr. Dubz

      Just fill in the comments section on your survey form.

      • Can I fax it in? Is the toilet sophisticated enough to deal with FAX TECHNOLOGY?

        • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

          What’s this I hear about you screwing up your TPS reports? Didn’t you get a copy of the memo?

          • Yeaaaaaaah . . . We’re gonna go ahead and move your office down to the basement . . .

          • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

            Excuse me you have my stapler.

          • No . . . but . . . but . . . no . . . (I’m gonna burn this place down.)

          • KJM

            PC Load Letter?

    • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

      No, you must submit to Sykesism through my pawn Shrimp. He did not know he was part of my dastardly plans, but he will now. 😉

      • Unfortunately for Mr. Shrimp, Gojira kind of sucks. I just said that to toy with your emotions. So myah!

        • Shrimp ov Bad Opinions

          I was just preparing my butthurt fanboy internet argument.

        • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

          Well, that does it, you’re getting the worst punishment imaginable for toying with my emotions, absolutely nothing.

          • Not even a rugburn or a charliehorse? Weak.

          • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

            Fine, here’s a picture from my past I had to dig up so you could be punished.
            But its on your masochistic arse Richter.

          • Shrimp ov Bad Opinions

            Whoa there, you almost made me punch my monitor, shit’s expensive.

          • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

            I felt really bad getting it up, as in contemplated suicide. It brings back terrible memories of 2006.
            But Richter wanted punishment, so there you go.

          • *magnificent arse

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            This almost made me obliterate a Procol Harum record with my fist. At least i didnt.

          • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

            I know, too much douche in one picture. Thank god they got better, mostly.

          • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

            Thank god.

  • B00mhauer

    Snakes for the Divine is all the proof you need that the simplest riff can be the heaviest. Just listening to that song gives me a fucking concussion. I wish Matt Pike much health and longevity. We need more of his riffs!

  • Shrimp ov Bad Opinions

    Oh hey someone submitted Metallica, I guess they win. Oh wait a second that High on Fire riff might actually be better. I guess I will listen to these two at the end just to be fair. HOLY SHIT DAT ANCIENT ASCENDANT.

  • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

    Tough week! Everyone brought it hard. Dead Congregation’s “Vomitchrist,” the lead song/riff that kick starts their excellent Purifying Consecrated Ground EP? Yes please. High on Fire, Mortal Decay, and Dissection? Sure, I’ll take some. But Ronny Deuce did it with “Paegan Love Song”–one of my favorite songs off one of my favorite albums from one of my favorite bands. Like he placed a pile of beef jerky, raw oysters, and hundred dollar bills on a platter just for me. Congrats, good sir. I’m OK with Acid Bath winning two weeks in a row.

    • Thank you for the ringing endorsement Mr. Reichsmarschall. I had reservations about submitting that one but I went with my gut. My second choice would’ve been this.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwmOct-0rEc

      • Vladimir Poutine

        Trap Them >>>>>>>>>>>

    • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

      I voted for you. I do love Acid Bath but I felt Akercocke was better.

      • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

        Thanks JJD/Eddie!

  • Maik Beninton

    My pick didn’t make the cut.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6rvJEY1tBY

    • Actiondonkey FKA Ferris Mueler

      Great song, great album. Probably their best.

      • Lacertilian

        I think it was their best album too, it’s pretty much the only one I would consider revisiting.

    • tertius_decimus

      Glad you chose it. Great band, great album.

    • yeeeears without listening this, Maik! :O

    • Save ourselves is my favorite from that album

      • Lacertilian

        I’m partial to Everything You Love, Kevin Talley ripped on that track

    • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

      I regret not seeing them in 2014 before they disbanded.

  • MINE DIDN’T MAKE IT, YOU SUCK MASTERLORD I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW
    I CAN’T CONTROL MY EMOTIONS RIGHT NOW
    THIS IS MY EMOTIONS

  • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

    Thanks Shrimp, now I can vote for myself without feeling guilty. 😉
    Seriously, Lobster wins, because Chuck Schuldiner.

    • I feel like voting Lobster because not only DEATH, but because it’s pretty rad to open with a drum solo. But Death is also low hanging fruit. Like already on the ground.

      • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

        Well, that too, but surely the fact that its Death should bring it through. It does for me at least.

    • Vladimir Poutine

      Tip of the hat to you both! Though that High on Fire riff is seriously tasty.

  • TheRedman(formerly God ov All)

    Damn that high on fire riff is fantastic

  • Hmm. Think I might have to vote Huggy Bear. Not familiar with Ancient Ascendant, but that riff is no BS. Plus, correct use of the technical term “titser”.

  • IS TOH BECOMING VENEZUELA OR WHAT?!

    FIRST, MY PICK DIDN’T GET CHOOSED.—THEN, THE AUTORITHIES MADE ME DO A PAINT OF WHICH I DIDN’T GET INFORMED.— CHÁVEZ DID 11/04–THE SANTERÍA MYSTICISM IS A COVER SO THE POOR PEOPLE DIDN’T SEE THE TRUTH

    WHAT’S HAPPENING HERE?! YOU WILL SEE, IN A FEW WEEKS THE GOVERMENT WILL REGULATE RIFFS—-THEY WILL SAY: “TWO RIFFS PER PEOPLE—.

    CHÁVEZ=11-04—MADURO IS JUST A PUPPET

    BEWARE OF TOILET OV VENEZVELA

    PLAY THIS 500 % VOLUME TO UNVEIL THE TRUTH

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pd7iCFfjkZQ

    • Shrimp ov Bad Opinions

      Two riffs per people? Does that mean every song will be as boring as Rammstein’s?

      • FIRST THEY REGULATE THE HYGIENE PRODUCTS–THEN THEY GO FOR THE FOOD–THEN THEY GO FOR THE DOLLARS–

        THE GOVERMENT=CHÁVEZ/MADURO CONTROLS THE MEDIA, THE PEOPLE, THE ECONOMY—SPREAD THE TRUTH

        GENITAL-GRINDOR

        11/04

        SHOTS AND VIOLENCE–THEN THE PEACE WHEN YOU UNLOCK THE THIRD EYE

    • Formerly Known As Oli Sykes

      -coreboy does not approve of Links treatment.

    • Is this a 2nd or 3rd world problem? We need to get to the bottom of this ASAP!

      • OPEN YOUR EYES, YOU GOT THE TRUTH INSIDE THE COLLAGE OF THE COVER ART—THE CHÁVEZ FAMILY MADE IT–BEWARE OF THE SWORD YOU CANNOT SEE–11/04 WILL BE REMEMBERED–

        I MUST GO–I’M BEING PERSECUTED

    • tertius_decimus

      Come to TOU. At least, it is heck of a fun to live here.

    • KJM

      Bootleg riffz? Black market riffz?

      • CONANtheDjentlyFuckingKING

        apologies for abusing our friendship to drop one of my freshly minted memes.

      • It’s the only way!

        • KJM

          You’ll have to wander into the worst part of town until some shady character says “Psst! Hey kid! U wanna buy a riff?”

          • Pssst, kid… You got this combo of three riffs at the price of one!

    • Guacamole Jim

      You are my fucking favourite ever.

    • Poseur Diposeur

      One of my favorite things about knowing Vzlanos is hearing the wild political rumors that circulate about their government.

  • Edward/Breegrodamus™

    I might have a hard time not voting for my RotW boy Ron Deuce as I have the past two weeks, but I’m leaning towards tossing in a vote for my boy the Bear God. I really just wanna listen to that new Hoss-de-Nage again from cover to cover.

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      Ok, Masterlord’s pick is pretty sweet.

      • Shrimp ov Bad Opinions

        Masterlord’s picks are always pretty damn good but never win worthy. We should rename him to MasterMediocre.

        • Edward/Breegrodamus™

          Oh shit. Shots fired.

        • Edward/Breegrodamus™

          I’m playing your pick now. This is pretty cool. I am admittedly a Gojira super n00b.

        • A pox on thee and thine own.
          Also “Mediocrelord” would’ve been better.

          • Shrimp ov Bad Opinions

            I did think of that actually, but it wouldn’t have been as mediocre of a name.

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      Just pushed play on Something Something Richter’s track, that’s one heck of an opening riff there got damn.

  • Black moms give the best hugs!

    • If we’ve been to your city we’ve been to your mall!

      • Guacamole Jim

        I’m getting really serious flashbacks here to that time you posted that video and I was horrified.

  • I’m out! have a happy weekend! 🙂

    btw, my vote goes to LobsterAttack!

  • I’m surprised no one submitted Dying Fetus – Praise the Lord ( opium of the masses) or Cannibal Corpse – Hammer smashed face. I would have gone with this. That first riff http://youtu.be/y_ixgO00kbc

    • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

      I actually thought about Praise the Lord Opium of the Massea (I mentioned it in my blurb, saying it is one of the best beatdown/meathead riffs ever).

      • Dying Fetus has a lot of those.

        • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

          Indeed. I enjoy Dying Fetus quite a bit. They get a lot of shit from people, but they do what they do very well–groove-infused, slammy death metal with just enough techy to give it flavor.

  • Voted Zeke because his riff is better than mine and Mortal Decay are from NJ.

  • Maik Beninton

    Voted Shrimp/Oli.

  • Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

    Nordlings got it right. Though the opening to Only Ashes Remain is far better.

    Dead Congregation “Only Ashes Remain”: http://youtu.be/oEDoGsRKGsI

    • Thought for sure I’d have you with Desaster.

      • Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

        You almost did. But I like Dead Congregation slightly more. Menacing fucking riffs there.

    • Lacertilian

      so crushing

  • OldMetalHead

    Always been fond of this opening riff:
    https://youtu.be/nM__lPTWThU

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Agreed but I don’t think that this would qualify seeing as the song starts with drums

      • OldMetalHead

        Admittedly the drums are the best part. I like the opening guitar riff too though.

  • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

    Howard Dean wins. Akercocke rules.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Where did your submission end up?

      • Eddie Trunk Jr., Floor Tech

        I don’t know. I guess I was too late.

  • BLOODBEARDE

    I donno who half these people submitting are

    • TheRedman(formerly God ov All)

      I used to be a former deity.

      • BLOODBEARDE

        Is there a Mrs Methodman?

        • TheRedman(formerly God ov All)

          We actually recently got my wife’s last name changed finally. Mrs The Red Man doesn’t frequent this site unfortunately.

    • Maik Beninton

      Who is Ru!N?

    • EsusMoose

      I had that feeling but I think it’s good more people willing to throw submissions in beyond the editors, writers and the usual. I should probably consult the list

      • BLOODBEARDE

        Well I always vote with a bias

        • EsusMoose

          I try to listen to everything, but it’s then quite subjective. Adagio got mine because I love that album with a passion

    • I am Richter. My arms hurt. (Vote for a noob. Help us feel better about ourselves in general and our rectal health specifically.)

  • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

    Simon Phoenix never gets enough RotW love. He always submits a nice thrashy headbanger. He’s just a little 3 kvlt 5 the Terlet. Funny how thrash was once the biggest sound in metal and now it’s the most overlooked and flippantly disregarded. Hey people! Listen to thrash and shoot motherfuckers with phazer guns!

    • BLOODBEARDE

      I never overlook moats. Tactical error

      • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

        Fixed. Cell phone typing sucks.

        • BLOODBEARDE

          Better the first way

          • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

            Seriously, beware of moats. One second you’re attacking a palisade wall with a mace, the next you are at the bottom of a man-made water trench, drowning and cursing h2o.

    • Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

      It doesn’t bother me that much, as usually everyone submits such kickass riffs every week. They are simply blind to the greatness of the palm muted riff and i intend to fix that.

      Also I don’t fuck with moats either. Motherfuckers tend to get really grimy, pour some oil, and light that shit on fire. Not fun to trudge through.

  • Tyree

    Dagon for the win.

  • JWG

    If I had submitted something it would have been that opener from Enki, too. It’s the only album on my current playlist that’s not atmospheric black metal. And for good reason. It rips from start to finish.

    … okay, maybe not that second-to-last track, but by that point in being indiscriminately pummeled for 40 minutes you kind of need a breather.

    • Simon “Djentcrusher” Phoenix

      Yeah if it wasn’t for DC and Deasater, Enki would’ve gotten my vote. That album is in my top five list for the year already cause it tears faces apart.

  • Poseur Diposeur

    Owned. I knew that was a good choice

  • JamesGrimm

    The fact that Gojira or Acid Bath arnt at the top of the list shows the raging nerdom in this forum.

  • The God Emperor of Mankind

    I voted for Dean cuz Akercocke.

    • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

      Byah! Many thanks. Akercocke!!!

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™
  • Lacertilian

    So tough this week, many of these choices were unexpected but definitely welcome.
    Masterlord, the Clack Attack, both the deities of Fish & Bear, Jack, of course Blackened, the Disposer of Posers and the Huggy Bear all brought it to my ears.
    I would choose ex-crustacean combo deal because that riff is great but I don’t think it’s the best opener to an album here.
    I’m going with Archbauer, just pipped the Fish & Bear.

  • Ellipsis

    Hey, I won… Anyway, my submission for this week was…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iz6y6VUT7HA

  • Stanley

    It’s been a wonderful Saturday. All you handsome flushers are probably all dressed up to the nines and are out fine dining with your super hot dates, following it up with a little smoochie smoochie. Me? Well I’m settling down with a fine IPA, the Giants are on the TV, I’ve got my headphones on and I’m ready for some riffs. Decision to follow.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      It’s Sunday and I’m about to mow my mums lawn

      • Stanley

        I just did a bit of weeding. It’s quite therapeutic. I can see why others see it as a chore though.

        • Lacertilian

          8hrs a day doing endless gardens for minimal wage tends to make me despise it and curse the fuckwits who brought the overseas plants here in the first place.

    • Stanley

      Congratulations guys. You dug deep and submitted some good stuff. It started strong with the Masterlord and as I worked my way down the list the riffs just got better and better (although there was a minor blip with the overplayed Metallica). Standouts are Howie D, Poseur D and Huggy B, but when push came to shove, Jackie B took it. Melechesh reigns supreme. I’ve had this album in my Amazon cart for a while but now I think I’m gonna have to pull the trigger.

      • Stanley

        I love the surprise of clicking the vote button and then seeing who’s on top. Looks like a landslide for Poseur D. Well done, sir.

      • Ellipsis

        JB got my vote as well. Haven’t heard Melechesh before, will now correct that…

  • Dr. Dubz

    Guys, I think the Tapir has been acting unbecoming towards Schubert.

    http://i.imgur.com/NgavSGK.jpg

  • KimJongUn’s Crunchy Chest Hair

    Yet again, Jack gets my vote and 9999999 buckets of tendies, with Best Korean People’s Sauce.

    • KJM
      • Sir Tapir the Based

      • KimJongUn’s Crunchy Chest Hair

        I keep thinking that’s one of the toads from Bucky O’Hare.

        • KJM

          I always thought it was Ed Bighead from Rocko’s Modern Life.

    • KJM

      Made from actual Best Koreans?

      • KimJongUn’s Crunchy Chest Hair

        No, you sicko UN worker/spy/enemy of Bestest Korea! People never die in Best Korea!

        • KJM

          TENDIE SAUCE IS PEOPLE!!!!

          • KimJongUn’s Crunchy Chest Hair
          • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

            Haha, what the fuck? Is this for real?

          • KimJongUn’s Oily Sexy Butt

            Yep.

          • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

            Wow. That’s awesome. One of the funniest things I’ve seen in awhile.

          • KimJongUn’s Oily Sexy Butt

            Oh, there’s one where they tell NK school kids that they can take down the American army if they learn how to use a protractor.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujtp-70zQME

          • Reichsmarschall Dean von Steel

            Holy fuck. These are too good. Hahahahaha.

          • KimJongUn’s Oily Sexy Butt

            Look ’em up on Youtube. It’s a comedy gold mine!

          • Ellipsis

            Yummy…

  • P4T4R

    Dagon’s pick was fucking righteous.

  • Anthony

    Damn, I should have submitted Destroy Erase Improve by Meshuggah.

  • KimJongUn’s Oily Sexy Butt

    PS, definitely loving the Ancient Ascendent song! 10/10 tendies, and extra sauce for all the groovy Weedly Deedlies!